Ummm, this is self-deprecating humor (as in OF COURSE your Mom thinks
Posted By: you're great.) on 2009-04-27
In Reply to: Did you have to add 'Mom' to your 'Thanks'. Why do you do this? Ridicule? n, - sa
It staggers the imagination that anyone would construe this as ridicule.
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Ummm....ummm....nope, I'd best not touch that one. nm
x
Okay, now, how about some humor?
The flooding was so bad in Washington that New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin called the president and said, 'You're on your own pal.' --Jay Leno
Today Warren Buffett announced he's giving away his multi-billion dollar fortune to charity rather than leaving it to his kids. He said he doesn't believe someone's son should inherit his father's position in society. Today President Bush had him put under surveillance. --Jay Leno
President Bush will not concede that global warming may have something to do with this crazy weather though he has been conducting all official business wearing floaties. --Jimmy Kimmel
Bad times on the East Coast as much of Washington, D.C. is flooded. Several government agencies had to close down including the Justice Department, the IRS and the National Zoo. FEMA headquarters floated away. --Jimmy Kimmel
The Census Bureau revealed today that Las Vegas is about to pass Washington, D.C. in population. The big difference between Las Vegas and D.C., of course, is that in Las Vegas people gamble with their own money. --Jay Leno
Rush Limbaugh was detained at Palm Beach International Airport today for alleged possession of prescription drugs that didn't have his name on them. The news reports said he had prescriptions with two different doctors' names on them. One of the drugs was Viagra. Actually, the reason that he flies with Viagra is because if helps to prevent the person sitting in front of him from reclining his seat too far back. --Jimmy Kimmel
Heavy rains caused so much flooding in Washington, D.C. today that they had to close down the National Archives where they keep the Constitution. They had to close it down. Luckily the Bush administration isn't using the Constitution anymore. --Jay Leno
They also had flooding at the Internal Revenue Service and had to close that down. They said some records may have been lost. Good. --Jay Leno
He hasn't been affected by the rain. He's been able to get around just fine on the presidential boogie board, Cowabunga One. --Jimmy Kimmel
A 140 year-old tree on the White House grounds fell over. The minute the tree fell over President Bush wasted no time in blaming it on the New York Times. --Jay Leno
Do you know this story? Today President Bush criticized the New York Times for revealing a government program to spy on people's bank accounts. President Bush defended it. Bush said, 'If you want to figure out what bad people are doing, follow the money.' He's right. That's how we got Tom DeLay. --Jay Leno
a little BC humor
Since we've finished the presidential campaign, I figured some political humor might be in store. In a government class in a Sante Fe high school, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural-born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural-born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by asking...
"What makes a natural-born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"
let me tell you what my son thinks -
My son voted for McCain - his reasoning? "Well, it don't matter, we are gonna be in a war whoever gets it". Exact words...
When I asked him why he voted McCain, he said he did not know, that's just who he chose when he had to mark something.
When I asked him about issues, again, he did not know.
When we talked about the economy and everything that has been going on in the last months, he did not know anything about it. Said they were not allowed any newspapers or TV and so they did not know what was going on in the world.
Of course, he is in basic training, but those boys should be allowed to have information also so that they can make an informed decision. How many of those 18 year olds really know what they just voted for? Obviously not many if my son's respones to me are the norm.
And you know what, my son wants to come out and he thinks the military is going to pay for his college. Did you happen to see the link I posted below about McCain voting against the extra funding for the GI bill? My son did not have a chance to find that out before he voted...
I don't know who thinks they are the
highly educated on this board, you or gourdpainter. You 2 have a lot in common! You really do need a breath of fresh air, honey. They sure didn't teach you about respect in that (now get ready) college...
Thank you! And anyone who still thinks he's
a Muslim is an uninformed idi*t. I wish people would at least educate themselves before voting....
Me thinks you are right......... sm
Might want to hit the farm and ranch store and stock up on seeds for planting come spring. And hang on to those newspapers.......just in case! LOL
I think we all know how well he thinks
showed us this at his big fiasco on the Rick Warren special, which was the only time during the entire campaign he was caught without his teleprompter. He stuttered and stammered half of his time away instead of answering the questions. And now, his so-called press conferences are prearranged. He knows who he is going to call on when he steps on stage and I feel sure he has given the reporters the questions they are allowed to ask. He is one sly, smooth-talking devil alright, and you betcha, he thinks about what he is going to say carefully before he says it!
So now you know what God thinks...wow...
To use your God to promote prejudice...Christian? Christian means to follow Christ..and Christ NEVER presumed to know what the Father God was thinking. Get away from me!!!
No - he just THINKS he is on TV
He's only that great in his own mind.
Actually most of the posts in support of TS are just TS using different monikers. Read some of them, you will see the pattern...
Ummm...yes you did....
You said take it to the conservative board. And I do not see what in the post was bashing. It was stating an opinion, which anyone, no matter what their political affiliation is, still has the right to do on this board or any other to my knowledge. If you perceive the truth as bashing, that is your prerogative. And the truth IS, liberals continue to defend Clinton even though he was and is a morally corrupt individual who broke the law of the United States while a sitting President. He did it, that is the truth, there is no way around that. Yet your party continues to say it was about sex. I will try this one more time...perjury is perjury no matter what it is ABOUT. It is a felony. He broke the law and his oath of office. Never apologized for either. And took his last hours in office an opportunity to pardon all the crony crooks he could. And yet you continue to defend him as a great man. Pardon me if that seriously undermines the credibility of your party. That is NOT bashing. That is the TRUTH.
ummm
The way I read that is these units would be activated in case of natural or manmade diaster, not out on the streets everyday. Good greif.
Ummm, so maybe they can
Then the guilty can be punished, and the innocent prisoners who are not terrorists (or at least weren't when they were initially locked up) can be set free.
Kinda a no brainer, dontcha think?
Ummm....
source of the info and the fact that you "don't know anybody who would think it's right" yada yada yada, chances are you and the author are jumping to conclusions that are most likely a tad over-stated. It might be helpful to keep in mind that the "government" is not some block of concrete buildings or master computer somewhere. They are flesh and blood just like the rest of us and are not likely to be party to placing "control" of the heath care of themselves, their parents and their own children in the thoes of such a scheme. Sorry. Jury's still out on this.
Ummm....
source of the info and the fact that you "don't know anybody who would think it's right" yada yada yada, chances are you and the author are jumping to conclusions that are most likely a tad over-stated. It might be helpful to keep in mind that the "government" is not some block of concrete buildings or master computer somewhere. They are flesh and blood just like the rest of us and are not likely to be party to placing "control" of the heath care of themselves, their parents and their own children in the thoes of such a scheme. Sorry. Jury's still out on this.
Ummm...no....
Get over yourself. If you have something intelligent to say, I'm all ears, but until that time.....
Ummm....(sm)
So you don't think waterboarding is illegal -- even though it goes directly against at least 4 existing treaties? If we aren't going to be held accountable by treaties that WE agree to, what's the point of being in them?
This is actually where I do disagree with Obama. He doesn't want to make this into a partisan thing and is seemingly not too interested in prosecutions. My opinion is that its not partisan to enforce existing laws. As far as I'm concerned the whole bunch from the Shrub gang need to be prosecuted. Maybe we can just extradite them to Spain. That would work for me.
Ummm....(sm)
Doesn't this belong on the gab board? What's wrong....don't want to talk about your heros, Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld going down for torture?
Ummm....(sm)
I think I would go with conventional interrogation techniques...you know....the ones that actually worked on KSM before the waterboarding.
Ummm....(sm)
"what right does the government have to take MY money and give to an organization like ACORN to pass out to democratic candidates for their campaigns"
Well, that was straight out of O'Reilly's mouth. LOL. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's just about exactly what he said last night.
So you think that there is a direct funnel that takes our tax dollars and just hands them over to Acorn? Here's a news flash --- as the ladies noted last night on Billo's show, they are a nonprofit organization and have to apply and compete for grants and loans just like everyone else.
As for whether they are completely on the up and up, I have no idea, but I don't think I'll base that judgment on the commentary of a right-wing show host.
Ummm....(sm)
Exactly how is it that Fox's ratings prove that O'Reilly is not far right? LOL.. Ratings have absolutely nothing to do with the discussion.
However, since you mentioned Obama and fulfilling his promises, it may not turn out like you think. For the most part people who voted for him are pretty happy with how he's handling the economy and foreign affairs. However, there are a few things that have gotten to a lot of dems. For example, he hasn't gotten rid of "don't ask don't tell" yet. He hasn't fulfilled promises he made to the LGBT community. He's carrying on seemingly with "indefinite detention." He ran on a platform that promised these things would be fixed. Granted, he hasn't been there long and can still come around on these things. However, if he doesn't my guess is that the country will go even farther to the left than they did this time. Now that is what you should be worried about, not Fox ratings.
And just as a side note, if he gets healthcare reform through, it will be decades before a pub sets foot in the White House.
ummm.
Now who's making assumptions? You don't know what he paid for either. Secondly, I am fully aware of what is going on in this country. Spending, printing money, spending, printing money, etc., etc. Get over Bush He is gone. Obama has in four shorts months spent more money than the 43 presidents who preceded him COMBINED. So yeah, I worry about the cost of his date. Because it's just plain wrong. You want logic - you don't spend taxpayer money on a DATE in this failing economy. Logic would be to lead by example, not telling other people to sacrifice and then do something so excessive. Furthermore, who said I voted for Bush? You? Shows what you know. Next time don't vote in Obama and maybe free enterprise in this country will survive so we will all have jobs.
Ummm....(sm)
Obama has writtent 2 books ---- the first, "Dreams From My Father," was published in 1995. The second, "The Audacity of Hope," was published in 2006. --- Both before the election.
Ummm....actually it does...(sm)
The Declaration of Independence is not and was not a legal document. It simply stated the intent of the US to separate from Great Britian and why. It did not define any rules or regulations to be imposed in this nation.
Explain the Treaty of Tripoli that says "As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Musselmen; and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries."
Another note: Not everyone in this country is in the business of impressing your god and therefore has no need of any kind of "blessing" from your god. What if I were a pagan and told you that the sun god was going to scorch the US unless everyone prayed to him/her. Would you do it? That's what you expect everyone else to do to impress your god. Why? Because YOU don't want to be in the mix when your supposed wrath of god experience comes. I would put that in the category of trying to make others do something they don't agree with just to save your behind. Don't even bother with the "but we want to save you too" speech. Believe me, we don't want or need saving.
Ummm...no....(sm)
Your main point was what you initially stated, and that was that there was no mention in the MSM about this incident. Unfortunately for you, I can undoubtedly come up with even more proof of MSM coverage if you'd like, but that would only serve to embarass you further.
As far as Obama not saying much about it, I think that was a good choice. At the time he was only a couple days out from his speech in Cairo. --- That would be the speech where he is seeking to calm tensions between our religous nuts and their religious nuts. Yeah....that would have been just a perfect time to bring that up. How about using your brain for a change instead of just spitting out the right wing talking points.
Ummm....(sm)
I do believe I've more than proven I can take the heat on this board....LOL, even from the loons like you who just lurk around waiting for me to post something so you can jump on it, which is rather funny and pathetic all at the same time, as well as from the paranoid lunatics like Patty.
BTW, you can now take "paranoid lunatic" out of the insinuation box and put in the statement box......just so you don't get confused.
Ummm....(sm)
A gag order was issued:
http://www2.arkansasonline.com/news/2009/jun/08/gag-order-issed-shooting-case/
The whole point of the gag order (which the prosecutors asked for, btw) is so they can come up with a jury that has not been overexposed to the case. I guess Fixed Noise wants to ensure that everyone hears about this so we can have a really hard time prosecuting this guy. Way to go Fox! 
A little Friday Humor
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, What are all those clocks?
St. Peter answered,Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on
your clock will move.
Oh, said the man, whose clock is that?
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.
Incredible, said the man. And whose clock is that one?
St. Peter responded, That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life.
Where's Bush's clock? asked the man.
Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
Some humor for my liberal
http://folksongsofthefarrightwing.cf.huffingtonpost.com/
I must have missed the humor in this.
And you must have missed that on a daily basis, the far left have developed a gang mentality where all the usual rules have been thrown aside. You aren't debating here, you realize? I could go on, but I won't. There is no point.
Would someone please explain the humor in this?
Is this an example of conservative humor (since the conservative talk show below wants to be the first to air it)? Apparently (but not surprisingly), Michele Malkin is a huge fan and wants this song recorded. I agree with his First Amendment rights and think he should be allowed to record it, regardless of how obscene the lyrics are. I can't post the lyrics here because of the profanity, but they can be found at http://www.blackfive.net/main/2006/06/hadji_girl.html
Sorry, but I don't get the *joke*. 
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060704/D8IKSGI80.html
Jul 3, 9:44 PM (ET)
RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) - A Marine who wrote and performed a song about killing members of an Iraqi family has temporarily shelved the tune, a record producer said Monday.
Cpl. Joshua Belile planned to record Hadji Girl with Hits Music Studios, and the conservative talk program The Mike Church Show planned to be the first to air it, said Jimm Mosher, co-owner of the North Carolina studio. But the 23-year-old Iraq veteran nixed the plans late last week, he said.
We got a call from him and he just said he couldn't do the recording at this time, Mosher said. I was led to believe that he had it from high command that he wasn't to record the song.
Neither Belile nor the Marines returned phone messages Monday evening.
Hadji Girl surfaced in a four-minute video on the Internet. In the clip, Belile sings about a Marine who falls in love with an Iraqi woman and then encounters hostility from her family. Relatives kill the woman, prompting the Marine to gun down the family members.
An anonymous person posted the recording on the Web site YouTube, but it has since been removed.
Belile has said his song was intended as a joke.
He did not violate military law, Marine officials said last week. Belile's commanders will handle the matter administratively, which can include informal counseling about his actions.
Belile, assigned to North Carolina's Marine Corps Air Station New River, has said he believes the Marine Corps handled his case fairly.
Mosher said Belile still plans to record the song. Belile has said he will leave the military when his five-year enlistment ends in October 2007.
We're wanting to record and produce it, Mosher said. I think it tells a great story.
A little humor for Wednesday
President Bush was out, riding his bicycle, hit a rock, flew off his bicycle, over a bridge and landed in a lake where three little boys were fishing.
They rushed to save him, and the president was so grateful, he told them they could have anything they wanted in return for saving his life.
The first little boy wanted a trip to Disney World. The president said: No problem. Consider it done. I'll fly you there myself on Air Force One.
The second little boy asked for a new pair of Nike Air Jordans. The president said: No problem. I'll even see to it that Michael Jordan personally autographs them for you.
The third little boy asked for a really fast wheelchair with a big screen TV in front of it and surround sound stereo. The president said: Well, okay, but, son, you don't need a wheelchair.
The little boy said: I don't now, but I will as soon as my dad finds out I saved your butt.
A little humor for the Liberals sm
 He falls off bikes, gets black eyes from pretzels, and nearly flattens his staff with a tractor -- Dubya's middle name should be Clouseau. Wonder if he went to strongarm Caterpillar over their recent acknowledgement of global warming.
The White House announced its visit to a Caterpillar factory in East Peoria, Illinois, yesterday, where President George W. Bush advanced his case for expanding free trade negotiations. But it didn't detail the President's clumsy driving of a giant D-10 tractor that sent the White House press corps and presidential staff scrambling, which was reported at a Newsweek blog.
At The Gaggle, Newsweek reporter Holly Bailey writes that the president clambered into the driver's seat of Caterpillar's giant D10 tractor. I would suggest moving back...I'm about to crank this sucker up, she reports him saying.
But as White House staff started to move the press corps back, the situation became more chaotic. Bailey writes that the tractor lurched forward and White House staff too were forced to scramble for safety. Get out of the way! a news photographer yelled. I think he might run us over!
Bush chuckled about the incident, and referenced driving the tractor during his speech, saying I'm impressed by a culture of excellence and accomplishment that is the spirit of Caterpillar. I also appreciate the chance to drive a D10. If you've never driven a D10 -- (laughter) -- it's a cool experience. (Laughter), according to the White House website.
Bailey looked less fondly upon Bush's test drive of the D-10. Yeah, almost as much fun as seeing your life flash before your eyes, she wrote in response to the president's remark about his cool experience.
yep - black humor
Actually, I thought it was hilarious when he said it.......but I'm a pretty easy going, laid back person. I saw the comedy in it.
we will need our sense of humor
and some solar panels for this next chapter.
for sweetpea: I like your humor .....
...sucking on those sour grapes. It boiled down to this.
Go, Obama.
Get a sense of humor. n/m
x
Political humor
Subject: Will Obama get Osama, or will Osama get Obama?
After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama is still
alive', Barrack Hussein Obama has now been telling everyone he will
capture Osama Bin Laden when elected.
So, Osama himself decided to send Barrack Hussein Obama a letter in
his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Obama opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded
message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Obama was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Howard Dean.
Dean and the DNC and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it
to Joe Biden.
Joe Biden could not solve so it was sent to the FBI and the CIA.
Eventually they asked John McCain and his Staff to look at it.
And within minutes McCain's Staff e-mailed Obama with this reply:
'Tell Obama he's holding the message upside down'.
GET A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!! nm
Love this humor....
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_win_causes_obsessive
some political humor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzlIm_T8xjM&feature=channel
Political humor
YOU MIGHT BE AN OBOT IF…
You’ve never paid any attention to politics until Obama ran for President, and now you’ve become a political expert by reading Huffington Post and/or Daily Kos.
You feel tingles running up or down your legs when That One is orating.
You get called a Cheetoh a lot but you don’t know why.
You believe there are only about 200 PUMAs in the country.
You weep with joy while repeating the mantra “YES WE CAN!”
You think Hillary Clinton tried to “steal” the Democratic nomination.
You fly into a rage when anyone suggests Obama is unqualified for the presidency.
You’ve used the word “racist” more than any other word in the last year.
You’ve developed a keen interest in Hawaiian body surfing.
For the first time in your life, you are proud of your country, but only because it elected a black president.
You believe that with Obama as president, this is a New Age when all wars will end, everyone will be provided for, and you don’t have to worry about paying your mortgage anymore!
You think Obama is a Great Man because of his magnificent accomplishments … like getting elected, and uh, uh, uh…
You think all Hillary Clinton supporters are middle-aged lesbians (not that there’s anything… yada yada yada… )
You get a lump in your throat when you hear the words “President Obama.”
You get a lump in your pants when you see Michelle Obama.
You think Bill Ayers was a non-issue, and was done wrong by the evil media.
You plan to name your children Barack and Baracka.
You believe that saying his middle name is racist.
You think the political platform of “change” is original to Obama.
You believe PUMAs are Republicans pretending to be disaffected Democrats, kind of like Joe Lieberman.
Political humor
YOU MIGHT BE AN OBOT IF…
You’ve never paid any attention to politics until Obama ran for President, and now you’ve become a political expert by reading Huffington Post and/or Daily Kos.
You feel tingles running up or down your legs when That One is orating.
You get called a Cheetoh a lot but you don’t know why.
You believe there are only about 200 PUMAs in the country.
You weep with joy while repeating the mantra “YES WE CAN!”
You think Hillary Clinton tried to “steal” the Democratic nomination.
You fly into a rage when anyone suggests Obama is unqualified for the presidency.
You’ve used the word “racist” more than any other word in the last year.
You’ve developed a keen interest in Hawaiian body surfing.
For the first time in your life, you are proud of your country, but only because it elected a black president.
You believe that with Obama as president, this is a New Age when all wars will end, everyone will be provided for, and you don’t have to worry about paying your mortgage anymore!
You think Obama is a Great Man because of his magnificent accomplishments … like getting elected, and uh, uh, uh…
You think all Hillary Clinton supporters are middle-aged lesbians (not that there’s anything… yada yada yada… )
You get a lump in your throat when you hear the words “President Obama.”
You get a lump in your pants when you see Michelle Obama.
You think Bill Ayers was a non-issue, and was done wrong by the evil media.
You plan to name your children Barack and Baracka.
You believe that saying his middle name is racist.
You think the political platform of “change” is original to Obama.
You believe PUMAs are Republicans pretending to be disaffected Democrats, kind of like Joe Lieberman.
Political humor
YOU MIGHT BE AN OBOT IF…
You’ve never paid any attention to politics until Obama ran for President, and now you’ve become a political expert by reading Huffington Post and/or Daily Kos.
You feel tingles running up or down your legs when That One is orating.
You get called a Cheetoh a lot but you don’t know why.
You believe there are only about 200 PUMAs in the country.
You weep with joy while repeating the mantra “YES WE CAN!”
You think Hillary Clinton tried to “steal” the Democratic nomination.
You fly into a rage when anyone suggests Obama is unqualified for the presidency.
You’ve used the word “racist” more than any other word in the last year.
You’ve developed a keen interest in Hawaiian body surfing.
For the first time in your life, you are proud of your country, but only because it elected a black president.
You believe that with Obama as president, this is a New Age when all wars will end, everyone will be provided for, and you don’t have to worry about paying your mortgage anymore!
You think Obama is a Great Man because of his magnificent accomplishments … like getting elected, and uh, uh, uh…
You think all Hillary Clinton supporters are middle-aged lesbians (not that there’s anything… yada yada yada… )
You get a lump in your throat when you hear the words “President Obama.”
You get a lump in your pants when you see Michelle Obama.
You think Bill Ayers was a non-issue, and was done wrong by the evil media.
You plan to name your children Barack and Baracka.
You believe that saying his middle name is racist.
You think the political platform of “change” is original to Obama.
You believe PUMAs are Republicans pretending to be disaffected Democrats, kind of like Joe Lieberman.
Now THIS is humor at its finest.
It's just plain ordinary, dull and, well, stupid.
More political humor...(sm)
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=215336&title=President-Goofus-and-President-Gallant---Peer-Pressers
Political humor
This made me laugh. Hope it does others too. We all need some humor in our day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWTCIpT1j7U&feature=related
Political humor
On July 8, 1947, almost exactly 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object with five aliens aboard crashed into a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies.
However, what you may not know is that the month of March 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
Albert Gore
Hillary Rodham Clinton
John F. Kerry
William Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles Shummer
Barbara Boxer
Oh come on, you cannot let humor back up
in your system. It has to come out.
Political humor
I don't think this is specif to either party. It's just funny as anything. I had tears watching this I laughed so hard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0O0wl_UaU8
Oh and I really DON'T care what he thinks. sm
I mean none of us really should, liberal or conservative. I don't know about you, but as I hit the middle ages of my life, I have way more to worry about than what some overpaid actor thinks about anything. It just isn't real h igh on my list of things I care about. Now that I am back in school, and really struggling to find a career that will last me the rest of my life, I have even less time for things like this.
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