the right angle on the situation
Posted By: Janine on 2007-04-04
In Reply to: Someone should call AAMT out on its association with (sm) - Typingperson
Now this IS an angle -- who IS responsible should something happen? But betcha they've got plenty of coverage whoever it is.
The fact that we are losing our jobs to this is just a small piece of the pie of millions of Americans losing their jobs to offshoring. Ten to one, most of the people you tell about this going on will tell you, "Oh! But my doctor would NEVER do that!" And they ask their doc, and he says, "No! I send my work to an American service." Does it stay in America???? What if any policies are in place to find out and ensure that it does? Every physician I've asked about this is surprised that any company would offshore their dictation. All they do is complain about how full of mistakes it is and how disgusted they are with the return.
This is one of the medical community's dirtly little secrets. It needs a thorough investigation by a concerned reporter to blow the lid off of it on a show like 60 minutes. But who owns the networks, folks? Who owns the media? Those with the power, those with the money, those who are profitting by offshoring. You think they have no financial investment in all this? Think again. It's not in their best interest to expose this.
Now a remark was posted some days ago which I thought was great and it was to the effect that (as far as I know, and I may be wrong), when America offshores, the American people lose out on social security, etc. that American workers would be paying. Now THIS seems to be something that might wake people up. THIS aspect of offshoring would impact everyone and might get people to listen. But I don't have the facts here, so I may be all wrong. It just got my interest up.
The fight needs to be against offshoring in general and keeping jobs in America and protecting the American worker and the American economy. I think that is where we will get the largest group of people on our side.
And we need to change the public's perception of us as just clerk typists who do "medical stuff." If it takes more education, we get it. If it takes certification, we get it. We do all in our power to eliminate the mental picture of a typist at the kitchen table in pjs with toddlers at his/her feet and elevate it to a professional behind a desk with the education and professional work ethic who makes a needed contribution to the medical industry at large. They don't feel they need us. People think anyone can do this job, that we're just a bunch of stay at home moms, etc. who for whatever reason don't want to leave the house to work. We have to prove them wrong and show them we are as much a professional as anyone else who works from home be they accountant, dentist, or even physician. Then we have to convince them to pay us as professionals because we're worth it, and we HAVE to be worth it. If somehow, some day offshoring ends, we HAVE to be ready to pick up the pieces and demand what we are worth. Why should we give away our services, be grateful to a company for "letting us work at home." We are saving THEM money by working at home. It is THEY who should be grateful to us and compensate us accordingly. But again, our work has to be of such a quality that we are worth what we demand. Medical transcription is a profession, not a hobby.
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right angle on the situation
Very well said. (clap) (clap)
look at it from another angle
Part of the reason so much work is being outsourced is because there are not enough high-quality MTs in this country. We have a lot of MTs, I know, but I firmly believe, as an educator of an MT program, that many of them do not come out of school work-ready. It is my hope that by the apprenticeship program becoming a reality, that we will boost the skill level of our new graduates and thereby making ourselves more marketable. Off-shoring is here to stay, unfortunately, simply because of the cost, but I think there are enough hospitals and institutions out there who demand higher quality than what off-shoring can give, and the MTs in this country simply have to rise above and prove that we are better/more educated; that we are WORTH it.
I understand your point, I really do, but I am looking at it from another angle of better education and skills for our US MTs.
The A-angle keys are very natural feeling (sm)
virtually takes seconds to get used to. I've tried lots of the ergo keyboards and haven't liked any of them. I have zero patience for "getting used to" something and zero time, too! This keyboard is not at all like the ergonomic ones, more like a regular keyboard with a little angle to the keys, so if you are wanting an ergonomic keyboard, this really isn't it.
hth!
Make sure chair is at right height so you dont have to angle
l
Mine are on a beanbag wrist rest. Need wrists at 90-degree angle
s
It will. I was in the same situation.
Mom was a total bipolar psycho - one day she loved being my friend and the next day she "didn't want to talk right now". I haven't seen or spoken to her in 20+ years and the kids drifted apart shortly thereafter. Good riddance.
sad situation
 I know what you're feeling. We have a similar situation in our community. My daughter is friends with the older sister and I graduated with the mom, so she and I went to visit the day after. I know what you mean about flowers and food. I am planning to go visit again in a few days and take some soup that she can just put in the freezer and heat up anytime. I also bought some cards that I am going to send over the next few months just to let the family know we are thinking of them. It's a very sad situation. Hope this helps.
Everyone and their situation are different. sm
I had to do that, and it hurt, still does at times, but it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Basically, I had to do it to save myself from her constant criticism and bitter remarks. I know how you feel. Just try it and see how it goes, thats all you can do. If something hurts you that badly, get away from it.
You and I are in the same situation.
My goal is a minimum of $100 per day now. (My old goal was $50 per day with kids home most of the time.) I spend a lot of wasted time looking up patient and physician information, and I'd like to be more focused, too! I tried job searching but I don't have time to do these huge long tests on top of working with the kids still home for summer. There are some days when I just cruise through and do 200 lines without an Expander on an easy account. I'm getting better, so I'm not going to dog myself over it. I look back to what I was producing only six months ago, and I've improved a lot. The Word Expander helps a lot. I just wish I could get better and make more money in less time. LOL Ah, the elusive dream....
My situation
In my opinion, it is all about how much money you need or want to make. Obviously, working only part-time will bring in much less than money than full-time.
In my personal experience, having done this for 7 years, you most definitely can achieve your goal of becoming a productive and excellent transcriptionist. I have averaged only about 1.5 to 2.5 hours a day for the last 7 years and am satisfied with that. I work on multiple accounts and can type on an average of 300 lines per hour. There is no limit to what you can make! The more you type - the more money you will make - BOTTOM LINE!
I am in the same situation.
Just got a letter about the insurance and quota. I don't think they grasp the concept of no work, no quota.
OK....here's my take on the situation....
It sounds like you're fresh out of school...right? I think 87 lines an hour is not too bad for only three days of work!! This will take some time! You will never become your best because you will get better every single day that you do it!! In other words, in five years, you will STILL be learning and getting better!! Stop beating yourself up! And more importantly, don't give up!!! This is not a job that just anyone off the street can do!! This is a "learn as you go" job! Keep at it!! You WILL improve every day. Good luck and let us know how it's going from time to time!!
Nearly the same situation here
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I am in almost the exact same situation that you are in, minus the new account. I am fortunate to be on a great account, but my 10-year-old son does feel sad that I work so much. My work hours are nearly all during his time off (i.e., after school and on weekends). It is definitely hard to balance time with him and work. It doesn't help that my husband works a lot as well. Oh, and we also have no family in the area .
As far as advice goes, I guess the only advice I can give is to be patient with him, although you probably already are. When I take work breaks, I try and make the time extra special. And if he needs me while I am working, I try and respond immediately without an unhurried tone, which really helps. If you act relaxed, they also tend to feel relaxed. I know it's hard when you are stressed, but try and it may help. I also emphasize how the "extra money" from mommy's job allows us to take vacations and buy little extras here and there. He understands the concept of extra cash.
I guess the best points to remember are: Be patient, act relaxed, spend quality time together during your breaks, and maybe allow 10-15 minutes before bed to read a story (if you don't already). Hope this helps a little. 
I also have RBS. :-) My situation is the same every day. SM
I am sent 150 minutes of dictation on a list. This is in my Lanier queue and my only challenge is to see how fast I can do it. My goal is 30 dictated minutes per hour.
I use Timestamp.com and keep up with my time every day. I type till I don't feel like it, then I go somewhere else.
I use Shortcuts for Windows and my own version of macros.
I feel that I'm as successful as I can be. If there are other shortcuts to be taken, I've not found them.
same situation here..
My brother did the same thing after my folks died. I finally figured it out ---- we really love each other, but just don't have a lot in common or have big conversations -- so he invited other people to converse and act as kind of a "comfort buffer" for him.
What would you do in this situation?
I work for a small MTSO, (this is my second job) always have had plenty of work until the last month or so, have been told it was just "slow" - have a friend who works for another small MTSO in the same state - yesterday she told me that the company I work for has hired them to do some of their work, which I guess explains why we are slow all the time. More than likely they did this to meet turn around because they were always asking for extra help and now never do, yet I wonder if they are trying to get rid of the higher paid transcriptionists, any suggestions? Don't know if I should just stay and do what work is there or look for something that has work when I need it, feel betrayed because the company said it was slow and now I know different. Like I said it is my second job so not totally dependent on the work being there.
I am truly sorry for your situation....sm
I had nothing when I dumped my ex - no $$ and really not a pot to p*** in.....but I weighed out the pros and cons and my very own sanity won out. My sanity was more important than possibly ending up homeless (which I did not end up being). When I left I remember saying *I cannot wait to be divorced from you one year longer than we are married* - I'm away from him now TWO years longer than we were married and am SO happy I made the decision back in '91 to save myself (and my daughter) and become my/our own Hero.
Best of luck to you...I sure know it is NOT easy.....
They never get it, no one does until your in situation. sm
You have got that right. Like I mentioned in previous posts, I have quit even arguing with my sibling, and have accepted it. They will have to answer for it one day, not me. And the, "I have to work" drives me up the freaking wall -- like I don't. Even my extended family do no realize I have a real job, they will never get it.
I had the very same situation and this is how I
Stop the invites. Get on with your own life. One of the posters suggested getting her alone and talking to her. Forget it. She's either too busy or only around at holidays - she's using you because she has no where else to go. Once you cut her off, maybe she will think twice about being too busy! - Good luck. This worked for me. Now I'm too busy and much happier without the "family-users" who abuse their blood relationship and turn them into guild issues. Too many people think just because their family they can get away with this stuff and consume you with guilt. I suffered for many years because of family-related guilt issues. I'm much happier now since I put my foot down -
what would you do in this situation?
I have a younger sister who is ONLY in touch when she wants to be invited to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner at my house, to brag about something, or to ask a favor. The rest of the year she tells me she is *too busy* to be in touch more when I ask her why she does not stay in touch the rest of the year. I would like to stay in touch and even have her and her husband over for gatherings, but I really feel as if this is all one sided and wonder if I should continue to try. Any helpful advice would be much appreciated. 
We are in the same situation in VA.
It makes me so mad because that is all the schools teach. SOL....that's all we hear about. The schools push it because that's how they get more money! I don't think it is good for the kids. They may know who invented the cotton gin but they are missing out on learning something special from that "special teacher". Remember those "special teachers" in school who taught you something that wasn't in the textbook!
First of all, I'm so sorry for your situation and wish you the best....sm
Any pt report is open reading for anyone in an office or MT pool situation. Your report could have gone to any one of them. She was wrong to tell you ANYTHING and should be in trouble for that, not what she didn't tell you. I have transcribed reports on close friends, neighbors, even relatives, and I NEVER tell anyone anything. I even try not to let people know who my clients are so they won't know I might see something they don't want me to see. I transcribed a report on a close friend of 20 years who had a potentially fatal disease. I kept quiet about it, and it was a year until she told anyone. That is just part of the business. A good MT knows to keep her mouth shut or risk loosing her job and who knows what else. Again, I am so sorry, and you will be in my prayers.
I have been in this situation
much much better bringing the MT back in-house, but keeping them at home.
tax situation
I am going to be starting a new job as an IC. I have always been an employee or a statutory employee. What are the benefits as far as my taxes? What kind of deductions can I claim now that I could not claim as an employee? I would appreciate any thoughts on this - I know you cannot be accountants for me - just would like an idea... TIA.
Well, the way I see your situation is
you can a) either work and make what you need or b) you can babysit. I think that is what you are saying. Seems reasonable to me- just quit working and take care of the girls. Sounds like a coworker of mine- she is going down the drain working at 1 place, not making any money, offered an evening position with another place- does not want to take because she keeps her granddaughters then- makes good sense to me-
I'm sorry about your job situation
I had something similar happen to me a few days ago. The insurance company that I've been doing transcription work for over 7 years emailed me and told me they were going with a service. I really counted on that money. I do have another MT job so I'm not in the same position as you, but it stinks to be out of a job just like that when you least expect it. Good luck.
EXACTLY my same situation to a T (sm)
I'm going back to finish a nursing degree because I have to force myself to transcribe and I'm tired of working 7 days a week, till 11 every night to make $2000 a month.
I took a week off but I'm so ready to do something else!
Same situation...
I wondered how many were really in the same situation as me...looks like quite a few. I work for three companies--one that is supposed to be full time, one that is about 1/2 time, and one that has always been very part time. Where I used to be limited only by how many hours I wanted to put in, I am lucky to get 5 of 6 hours of work out of all three now. I know it isn't their fault, but I get worried.
Same situation
I had been away from MT for quite a few years myself. I learned in a quick hurry I needed to get more computer literate and to get a word expander. Not all word Expanders work well with different platforms so make sure you check what is compatible with what you will be using before investing in one. I did not want to tie up $3000 in a two-year course online so I went to nearby community college with an MT program and just took a couple of the specific classes related to file management, transcription editing, and advanced word processing.
There is an unpaid internship program you can apply for. It is called AIM. I believe it lasts about 90 days, and you get continual feedback from QA.
Good luck with your reentry.
I was just in the same situation
Make sure that your laptop is compatible with XP before you do anything. My laptop came with Vista and is less than a year old. I finally found a job, but the company required XP. It turns out that my laptop was assembled for Vista, and in order to install XP I had to make my own installation adding special drivers for my laptop. Even if I did this, the video and sound drivers may not work. Video and sound are really important! I am reasonably computer literate, but this installation was a bit over my head, and it may not have worked. The company I bought the laptop from told me that they may not be able to support me after I did this. Great! I figured that it would cost me about $100-200 for XP and $100-200 to pay someone to do the installation. For that kind of money, it is possible to buy a decent second hand with XP on it. I ended up buying an off-lease computer from Tiger electronics that has a one-year waranty. It cost about the same amount of money, but it was faster and at least I got something for my money.
That whole situation just.....
sounds too shady really! I couldn't work for someone who "forgets" to pay me. I would tell them I don't "forget" to do the work and I don't expect to forget to get paid or else I will have to find someone else to work for. That is ridiculously irresponsible of her!
Ok, i have a situation...sm
I am moving to the BOONDOCKS at the end of the month, I find out just now that High speed is NOT available in the area....they only have accelerated dial up. How many of you are still on dial up and do this job? I was on dial up YEARS ago and it worked out fine, but not sure how this is going to work, the platform i use now is iType and even with cable, the downloading of the voice files are slow.
Any suggestions? I sure cannot afford Satellite.
Sorry about your situation
I can hardly take it anymore either. I usually get stuck with an account that i just can't seem to get decent lines and I am more exhausted when I am done. It makes me feel so worthless.
Some have it pretty good in this business and are really suited for it ... not so hot for a lot of us though.
Hang in there. Maybe something good will come of it somehow. : )
I am in a similar situation.
I, along with several other employees, have filed a claim in magistrate court. The company, which was a corporation, has now closed its offices, and are denying that they owe us our last paycheck. We are going to court to fight it, but I am not sure what we will be able to do. The labor board told us that since it was a corporation, and since it is now closed, that they cannot help us.
Tough situation
I really think that what she is doing is wrong and like you said dishones and not loyal to your company. I would definitely bring it to your managers attention.
Why stay in a bad situation?
Sounds like YOU don't have work maybe. But as my own boss, if the company using my services, paying me on production, does'nt have work and thinks I am just going to sit there staring at a blank screen making no money, they are sadly mistaken. I would be out of that situation faster than you could click a mouse. I am in charge of my future, my paycheck, my family's welfare. Why would I give some lousy company control over all of that, if they had no work for me and especially, no money for me.
I am so sorry for your friend and this situation sm
They should try to get a referral to a child psychiatrist (not just a psychologist) immediately. They are the ones equipped to deal with these kinds of serious issues.
I hope they can handle this extremely difficult situation. It truly sounds like Tater is mentally ill.
She is in this situation by her own choice.
puh-leeze
Here's how I'd handle the situation...
First off I'd tell my mom that he's a pig and what he has done.
Secondly I'd never be around him without a recording device turned on in my pocket so that way you can record his comments, and if he touches you or flirts then get a recording of your asking him to not touch or look at you that way and his response. Then play the recording for your mom and other relatives.
While it may be true your mother may go into denial you need to stand up for yourself. My mom was a fool and protected my father when she was told about his untoward advances towards women for years.... and then something happened that made her realize that she had been a fool for years and that he was the one with the problem.
A little more on the particulars of my situation
My son is five-years-old and is in Kindergarten. He receives speech services 4 x per week (2 individual, 2 group)for speech/language delay. He just finished having his fourth evaluation done. This time, it was a developmental evaluation and not just a standard academic assessment that the school does.
We took him to have this done. Our insurance covered this and it was not paid for by the school. We found out that he is classified as having lack of social opportunity and borderline intellectual functioning - part of this as explained to me by the Dr. that conducted the evaluation is low IQ.
In the future, approximately 2-2.5 years from now, he will be reevaluated. It is also possible that he has Pervasive Developmental Disorder but due to his age the Dr. was not able to give us a precise answer on this but it will be entertained in the future.
I myself, have Cerebral Palsy and have gone through the same school system that my is going through right now. His particular situation really makes me angry due to the fact that we now have an evaluation that says he needs more social opportunity and reinstitution of his basic special education services (SEIT) to help him to succeed.
Of course, the school classifies giving him social opportunity as taking him to FAMILY READING NIGHT 1 x per month. I myself feel that this is not enough and that he needs regular social interaction on an outside of school basis to branch out more, which is more than 1 x per month, weekly if possible.
As far as his special education reinstating goes, the CSE chairperson and his teacher don't feel that it is necessary even though they have an evaluation(dated 11/7) that is in there face showing them Dr. recommendations that say it is.
At this point, I am totally frustrated with all that is happening with Joshua, as I don't feel that they are giving him the opportunity to excel and if anything are holding him back by not giving him the services he deserves.
In my honest opinion, I do my best to keep him together but he has spent much of the year thus far frustrated and in tears making comments such as the kids don't like me or my teacher doesn't like me.
That is why I am thinking about homeschooling my son.
Tricky situation for both here.
For you, it's understandably a cautious situation giving them unfettered access.
For them, it's a matter of protecting the information you are in charge of. If your computer visits certain websites, cookies are installed on your system, viruses can be obtained, and a whole host of unwanted information be stolen by others hacking into your system or attached to files you are returning. That information has very specific, strict guidelines for protecting.
Since you are not working on a system that they have provided, they are trying to protect their interest (the security, privacy, and confidentiality of federally regulated PHI).
I had a similar situation at one job.
I was hired with a college degree to do customer service. They hired a guy without a degree to be a representative. I gave my notice because he was sexually harassing me, and they were only paying me $1,300 a month to raise my family of four on with no child support, welfare or social security. They gave me a nice raise of $500 a month plus bonuses, but they promoted him to be manager of another store. Shortly after I finally quit them, he got fired big time and they had to hush-hush everything. He was harassing other female employees, had his drug dealer show up at the store demanding money, and even got his wages garnished for child support on his girlfriend even though he was married to someone else. But hey, ethical and qualified women weren't even given a chance at the job. I've always wondered why I could never get ahead in the business world. I don't know if it's my gender or because I'm too nice and do the right thing.
I think it's a bunch of ****. Sorry your in that situation! nm
/
Distraught, I would use this situation
to perhaps consider some other options. Can you explore some of your other interests and talents to see if they could translate into another career path?
It has been difficult in the last few years to see how the profession has deteriorated, but I think it's important to take a cue from the docs. If they're watching the bottom line, MTs have to do the same thing. If they're willing to invest the time and money to learn new technology and try alternatives, MTs should as well.
It's hard to remain objective when you care about the work and invest so much of yourself, but try not to take this personally. The suggestions to stay in touch with your ortho are good ones while you make your own career transition. Good luck--you'll be fine.
In a VERY similar situation...
I am actually going apartment hunting soon and telling my husband I am leaving. I am going to tell him we can do counseling, but that is up to him. Right now, I cannot live with him, whether we work it out or not. I really don't think we will be able to work it out because in my heart I really don't love him, I care about him, but don't love him.
We have a 3-year-old daughter and she is the highlight of both our days. I am not truly concerned about this affecting her because he will be very close by and will be able to take her whenever he wants. I know he will be good about that.
I cannot tell you to go one way or another, but with my situation, I am truly unhappy and have been for quite some time. The issues we have today are issues we had when we married. They aren't getting resolved and are not going to go away. I am 29 and have my whole life ahead of me. I'd rather spend that time with somebody who will respect me, listen to me, and make me feel safe and secure. Whenever I am upset and could use a hug, my husband looks at me like a dog. At least a dog will lick my face to make me feel better.
Give yourself a period of time to see how things go. If they are not better by then, you need to move on for you and your child.
I wish you well. You deserve better.
I went through a similar situation.
I had worked for this one particular doc for 6 years. I was very dependable, work was always returned on time. I never missed a day. I vacationed when he did. Then one day I went to pick up my tape and his wife called me in her office to give me my check. As she was writing out the check, she told me that "tomorrow we are going to start something new". He was going to be trying some new digital dictation system. I had no clue whatsoever that was coming. I learnt the hard way, keep business as business. I had developed a relationship with the office staff, the doc and his wife, which made the fall even harder. I will never do that again. Now with my other clients, I make sure it is on a business level only.
Sorry for your experience.
Similar situation
I know what you mean. I have the same problem with arthritic fingers. I have so many keyboards trying to find the right one. I am still looking. Years ago Compaq made light touch keyboards, now they are all made the same as other keyboards.. One job, we didn't have assigned desks and everybody would look for those keyboards at work. I saw one at office max but you have to buy the computer with it. Also, thinking of purchasing the flexible keyboard like another poster suggested. You might want to try mini keyboards with flat keys. I use a laptop for that reason. The keys are easier but the laptop is uncomfortable in other ways. Today is an extremely painful day, and the fingers still hurt to type even this small paragraph, so sometimes it just doesn't matter about the keyboard. Another suggestion is to invest in voice recognition software, then just re-dictate the reports to save your fingers. I have that also for painful days, otherwise an Expander is just as fast.
regards,
me
How would you handle this situation?
I picked up some extra IC work back in May, and since that time have covered for the owner by editing for her while she was on vacation for a week, and then taken extra work as the MT with whom I share dictation from this doc was on vacation for a week, then sick for a week just after return, the next Friday had a family emergency, etc. This was supposed to be part-time work, and has turned out to be more than I would expect for part-time . . . to the point where when this doc was going on vacation, I was trying to hold out and not say anything about it being too much, thinking that I'd be caught up and fine to take on the work when he returned, but wound up "breaking" with one day left to go, and told the woman it was too much, and she asked if I could just hang in there with her as she was testing another MT, and would reduce the amount she gave me if this girl worked out.
Well, the doc returned from vacation and I did not get any of his work for about a week, and then the next week (this past week), I was given slightly more work than in the weeks prior to his vacation, although I had already told her it was too much, and it was still the same girl working the account with me. At the end of the week it seemed that she had hired another girl, but did not reduce my work, just switched from girl 1 to girl 2.
Sorry so long, but here's the BIGGER problem . . . in the early part of the week, the owner e-mailed with an attached voice file, requesting that I download the voice file and listen to a blank she was trying to fill-in. I listened (over and over) could not find her sentence, so responded with what I was hearing in and around that area. She then gave me another location and said that she had two counters on her program and did not know which one my program used, could I listen at xxxx location, so I did, gave her the fill-in, but was a little bewildered as to why she would request my assistance in that way as SHE IS NOT PAYING ME FOR THIS KIND OF HELP.
Here we go again, yesterday she sends an e-mail with some voice files attached and some sentences with blanks, and she is requesting the same thing, that I listen and fill-in the blanks. I am just not sure what to do here. Early on, a couple of weeks after she returned from her vacation, she asked me if I could "proofread" the other girls files for that day as an appointment she had was "screwing her up". I e-mailed back that, due to my heavy workload, I would not be able to EDIT work for her. (The girl's work requires editing, not proofreading, which I quickly found out while covering the owner's vacation.) I thought that I had let her know then that I do not work for free, in a nice way.
I would like to keep the work, but only what I am being paid for, so . . . How would you handle this situation? 
UPDATE on our situation....sm
Thank you for all of your posts. I sat my husband in front of the PC and had him read them and it helped him realize that this isn't just a fad. He sat his daughter down last night and told her that she must eat at least 2 witnessed meals a day and not go to the bathroom immediately to spend a long time, and that he's making an appointment with the pediatrician and will have her weighed weekly at the pediatrician's office. She understands that if she loses any more weight that she will be required to have counseling and that she will lose internet and TV privileges until she demonstrates that she is taking care of herself (he came up with this restriction without my even suggesting it). At first she accused him of not loving her and wrecking her diet, but after storming downstairs and sulking for 2 hours she came upstairs and told us that she was going to abide by the rules. I hope she realizes that we're serious about this. He did ask her if she wanted counseling and she said no, but at least she knows that he offered to have her go to counseling regardless. Someone asked if her mom is in the picture. Her mother is deceased. Hopefully all of this will work - but if she bucks at all she'll see that we're serious that we're not going to let her destroy herself without our intervention.
It really depends on the situation, IMO
In my case, YES I had a second baby shower. My first was in 1993. In 1995 I started trying for baby #2 and during that 2 year interval I had developed severe endometriosis. I was *infertile*. Well, 9-1/2 years and a gazillion fertility treatments later I was finally PG.....with twins. My friends and family had gone through all the ups and downs with me (2 miscarriages along the way) and were so thrilled they INSISTED on a baby shower. I think they would have even if I hadn't gone through a "I'm never going to have another baby" period about 7 years in and got rid of all my baby stuff.
Of course anyone has the option of not going to a second or THIRD baby shower for someone. I certainly didn't EXPECT anyone to come to mine -- but I was so happy that they did come share in my joy (gift or no gift....didn't matter to me).
I really think it depends on the situation
If there is more than one sibling I think they should split responsibilities (financial, caretaking, etc.) equally. But of course, in this mobile society some people don't live near their parents so the visiting part on a regular basis is impossible.
If someone is an only child this could be a huge responsibility!
I really feel sorry for middle-aged people in today's society because they seem to have everything thrown at them at once. Even though they've been working, raising a family, and doing everything they've been expected to do for 20+ years, at a time in their lives when they should in theory be enjoying themselves many of them get stuck babysitting their grandchildren (which I think is ridiculous and taking advantage) and/or taking on the responsibility of caring for elderly parents. They're stuck in the middle of two generations and seem to have little opportunity to enjoy themselves before they too are elderly and unable to do so.
I don't think there's an answer but it does suck regardless.
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