You are asking for trouble. Your marriage must come first as the foundation for a strong family. nm

• Do you come first in your husband's life? - questions
  • Kids come first for both of us, then each other, I don't think I'd want a man who - was at my beck and call - sm
    • Same here... kids come first, then each other. sm - editor
      • same here too - nm - wife and mother
    • You are asking for trouble. Your marriage must come first as the foundation for a strong family. nm - Disagree
      • We all are entitled to our own opinion of course and our way of doing things - nm - 9 years married + 2 kids
  • Parents and children? How 'bout fishing, sports, his job, etc. nm - Divorced and happy :-)
  • not me. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm on the list...sm - no. 11
  • Yes, I do come first, thankfully. I have a good man with his priorities straight! sm - Soulmates
  • No, I sure don't come first in his life. - It's obvious he thinks more of his brothers tha
    • I could have wrote your post in the past about my ex.. - D
      • Nope..the almighty bottle came first with my EX - MQ'r
  • I think I do now, but it used to his father - sm - gmg
  • Absolutely. Our relationship is first priority. sm - omt
    • no I'm not first, he tells me so too - karen

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Yeap, I confess. I sent my husband out on his dingy, and he dropped anchor because he is sick of me not paying all the bills and giving him thousands each month.

 I confess.... I wanted the clear dictators that they send overseas while we struggle with the worst ones.

 I confess... I am tired of getting paid half of what I was making interning in college with 4 times or more the cost. I do not get raises ever; I get pay cuts while spending more and more money on technology to ease the doctors' dictation process.

 I confess.... I am sick and tired of seeing so many of my own medical reports look like swiss cheese. No wonder I flat lined during surgery when the overseas Transcriptionist typed the wrong medication, and my anesthesiologist overdid it...

 I confess..... I want my own accounts back instead of working for services that pay me 1/4 of what they charge the client....

 I did it. I am now trying to locate tankers on the other side of the world for additional help or loaning me their anchors. Please donate to the "Adopt an Anchor, Save Our Jobs Foundation." Who knows, the next anchor dropped could provide you with a job!

We don't need the fake stuff when we've got the real thing.

is important, and it IS definitely relevent, is because it does make a difference.  When somebody  dates, is engaged, is educated, gets married, and THEN has children they overwhelmingly do better in society than single unmarried women.  Not that there are not exceptions, of course there are, but being single sets you up right from the start to be disadvantaged financially and in numerous other ways.

It also sets a bad example for your children who grow up thinking this is okay behavior, which then perpetuates the practice of having children out-of-wedlock.   Children need 2 parents.  The role of a man and father has been so marginalized since the  1960s/1970s, but it is truly an  important part of the upbringing of a child. I really believe that with all my  heart.

He sounds like the type that knows better than to come to your house and violate a protection order, but you never, ever know and it's still early yet. Keep your doors locked.

My ex was "pre-protection order"  (i.e. many years back) and he got through the basement window and was sitting at my kitchen table in the pitch dark. I can still hear him sneer, "Did you have fun with your boyfriend?"

I was grocery shopping and my mother was watching the kids. I got lucky because he really didn't want to kill me, just control me.

He finally gave up on me when I found and eventually  married  a great guy that doesn't expect me to fold towels in high heels and "poofy hair".

Sad part of that story is that he also disowned his own kids. But, after 15 years, the kids have realized that it was neither my fault or theirs. Their "father" lives with me. Their "donor dad" is living 5 miles away, a recluse, and drinking himself to death.

I send him a case of vodka on his birthday every year. Just kidding! 

you can move it with you.  If you move to a place where it isn't available, you're out of the contract easily.  My son actually moved to a place where when they tried to set the satellite they found that the neighbor's trees were an obstruction and you're obviously not going to ask a new neighbor to cut down or even into trees, so they let him off the hook, no problem.  The phone company should not be a problem as long as you're moving, again you can just move it with you, unless you're moving a long distance and then you'll just cancel this one and get another wherever you move to.

I do think you need to keep this in perspective with your kids.  They are losing their daddy (almost like he died to them) whether they feel good about it right now or not.  It really couldn't hurt for all of you to get into counseling.  Eventually it will be a problem for your kids when they "miss daddy" and they "forget" (and they will since they are of young age) how bad things were when you were together.  Of course, this is JMO and others might see things differently. 

You can do it, we'll all pulling for you and saying prayers for you and your children.

I do notice you started back pedalling and saying "oh it's not really so bad and he is my best friend" Once you started getting some responses to get out of the marriage. 

I am glad you can see that your husband and marriage has some really positive traits but please it won't help you to minimize the areas where you are having trouble just because you are under fire.

I don't agree  that you should just up and leave your husband. He does sound like he might have some very serious issues and possibly you as well for putting up with this treatment but I dont' judge because each relationship can have some problems.  The key is recognize and try to solve not to fight.

 Tell me -- how can you miniimze the fact your husband is living it up so to speak -- going out with friends whenever he wants WITHOUT you.  While you stay home like menial labor taking care of kids. 

A marriage is  partnership where each individual needs to be able to pursue their own interests but the thoughts, feelings and well being of their partner has to come into play as well.  A marriage cannot survive when only one partners needs are being met and the other's are ignored. It just depends how long you are willing to put up with it or how long before he crosses another line (into an affair maybe when he is out alone). This is dangerous territory and you need to stop minimizing the situation and realize you marriage might be in grave danger.

What is sounds like is your husband wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants a great social life without you and kids tagging along -- reliving his single days possibly -- working out when he wants, going out to lunch or dinner.

There is nothing wrong with him pursing his individual interest and friendships --- we don't become bound at the hip when we become married -- we need to have our own sense of self. But the problem here is he DOES have a sense of self and readily pursues his own interestes but does ALLOW you to do the same. This is not partnership -- but it is control and oppression. 

While you still may get along well, have great sex etc this is not a healthy realtionship for either of you and your children will see that you constantly defer your dreams and desires and wants at your husbands wishes whilst he does whatever he wants.  Is this a lesson you want to teach them?  That woman should be kept in the home and be basically a maid, a cook, a childcare provider and at-home worker but does not deserve respect and dignity from husband and to be treated equally?

You can turn this around.  I am not suggesting you just bail.  Do as you suggested.  Stand up to your husband. Don't argue. Simply state (don't ask) that you will be going out -- if he refuses to watch the children then DO hire the sitter.  When you are both more calm let him know that you understand his desire to pursue his own interests and friendships and your support that -- but you deserve the same right.  Also you both need to balance those things with family time -- which should come first.

Consider martial counseling but don't just leave. See if he will agree. You and your husband need to see why he is so passive/aggressive towards you and why you are willing to put up with that. If you are religious seek Christian couseling and prayer from a pastor to help save your marriage.

However, if he refuses to change, refuses counseling you may come to a crossroad where you might have to consider if you can live under these conditions.

You should be afraid my dear.  I am divorced had a similar husband. I would be very frightened your hubby might be having an affair or might consider one.  He has you under his thumb... he comes and goes as he pleases and there are no repercussions. He does not respect your rights or see you as an equal patner. What does he do with his "buddys" -- go to the bars? Are there late nights? Business trips?

I am truly not trying to be mean but you need to open your eyes to the possibility where this might be going... and please do NOT say it won't happen to me because ALL women who have had a husband cheat think that. 

Also get yourself an education if you don't have one - work on a degree. I know you work as an MT but can you support a house and 3 children on that??  If you marriage does end... what will you do to make a living? Start thinking of taking some online courses or one night at community college.  Get another skill if you don't make enough as an MT.

Please just consider advice from someone who has been there. I am a single Mom with 2 boys. Was married over 10 years.  Been there and now struggling to make ends meat as a single parent. Wish someone had advised me the same. 

By all means work on your marriage but be prepared. Get educated. Save some of you own money in a bank account don't keep everything in his name.... It's hard to fight denial but you need to watch our for your kids and your future while trying to fight for the marriage.

Good lord.  Why is it when someone does not want to do something with their spouse it is "assumed" another woman and/or man involved? If he just started working and is probably working hard, long shifts etc, maybe he just wants a day to himself to sleep, lounge do whatever.  Call and talk to him and tell him how you feel.  Maybe he is the cautious type (I know my husband is), but maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you he just wanted to sleep/lounge/have a day for himself.  

I am sure he misses you and the kids, but I am sure he is also tired. 

You also said in your post you trust him 110%.  Then trust him.  Let him know how you feel, but respect him and don't go see him.  Yes, you are an adult and no you do not need his permission, but you are his other half, you need to respect him (and vice versa).

Good luck and don't pay attention to the negative posts.