Unless it was an arranged marriage, yes, she gets the "blame" for the husband she chose to mar

• 5-year marriage falling apart - newbie
  • Please seek the advice of a counselor, not your mom. - been there, done that
  • SEEK MARRIAGE COUNSELING NOW! - BEEN THERE DONE THAT
  • My take on it - sm
  • put on your track shoes, baby! :) - Alice
  • marriage crisis - newbie
  • My advice... - M
    • Reclaim your life - CMT-me
  • Please, go get counseling before you give up --- - mtgal
  • Does husband know how unhappy you are? SM - No Kname
  • This sounds similar to my 2nd marriage. - please see message
    • Good point. If she left then she is taking the - sm
      • Who says she HAS to find another man? - M
        • Okay, I have to say something. - Patsy Ann
          • Right on Patsy! (nm) - Rita
          • And mom isn't doing such a hot job of picking husbands, either. THAT should be addressed. nm - K
            • In her defense, there are far too many men out there that really should come with warning labels. nm - M
              • Yup, just like transcription companies, right? - QA
                • Not you, M, but rather K above you! nm - QA
                  • Unless it was an arranged marriage, yes, she gets the "blame" for the husband she chose to mar - K
                    • this is my first husband. - newbie
                    • HoooRah! - Patsy Ann is nodding
                      • She's asking for advice, not someone to assign blame... - M
                        • thank you! - newbie
                          • Hunny, I'm not judging... - Patsy Ann
  • I am so sorry. I feel so badly for you and your son, - Me2LongAgo
  • Been there, done that. - Anon
    • Me too. Been there, done that, got the divorce. - Much happier single.
  • counseling is a must. - Sarah
  • I'm not in the position to offer advice - just because

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I always wanted to work in the healthcare field, but did not necissarily want to be a nurse or doctor.  I can handle the blood and guts....that really doesn't bother me one bit.  It's the vomit that I can't take.  Have a major problem with it.  So, in being a transcriptionist, I get to work in the medical field and learn a lot.  I get to type a lot...which I love to do.  I get to work from home, which is great because I have a son and I can be here when he gets home from school.  I am a fairly shy/introverted person, so this job works wonderful for me because I can do it from my home and do not have to deal with people face-to-face every day.  I put in many years of working retail, customer service, and waitressing.  Then, I finally decided to go to school for this.  I have been happy ever since.

I was working as a paramedic and knew if I worked at home as an MT I could still take calls. My training was medical, from my paramedic courses. Ended up working in house first though, and at various places such as the Coroner's office. I also worked as a medical assistant and did transcription on the side. I ended up getting a small account of my own and when my daughter was born, I decided to go for completely home-based work. Ended up actually owning my own MTSO and making very good money. It was the best thing in the world to be home with my kids but after watching the field very closely, I've decided to go back to school. I've got one year left in a Bachelor's of Nursing program. I'm in school full time but since I only have to run my company to get a salary, I'm managing it. My plans are to go on to a Master's so I can be an advanced practice nurse. Looking back -- I still would have done it this way. I actually enrolled in nursing school 20 years ago but dropped out due to health reasons. I'm mostly glad I was home with my kids and had the opportunity to make a bunch of money to sock away so I had choices...like school now.

When I trained 13 yrs ago.  I looked at them both.  I ordered the first packet of AHP and I didn't like the way it was presented and sent them back because I could get my money back within a certain time.  I really liked the HPI-SUM program syllabus.  I liked it particularly because it seemed like more work and was harder.  I knew that this job could not possibly as simple it was presented with AHP and I was right.

I never have worked in house for anyone. I have been at home for 12+ years and I do quite well with accuracy, speed and scope of knowledge.  Of course, there are still a lot of things I don't know and I'll learn a lot of them over time, I hope.  Which brings me to the last point, that being no program is really going to prepare you for this job and even with training, there is no guarantee you'll ever be able to make a living at it.  AAMT (or whatever they call themselves today) stated that something like $26K was the average yearly wage for an MT.  Given that many of us do ohhh so much better than that, there have to be plenty who don't come near that figure.  HPI-SUM stated in their packet that 60% of the people who complete their course will not be successful MTs and I have heard that figure about other courses too. Success for me means making a full time income for full time work at around the $25K a year mark (though I do better, that was my goal then).  I personally know 5 other MTs who don't make $12K a year for full time work, that is not success when every one of them has been an MT for 5+ years.

However...there is no reason you are not part of that 40% who WILL succeed!  I was.

Do you have any better idea?

They offered a job.  They are not producing the goods.  They don't return phone calls and they don't have any policy manuals for employees or contractors.

There is no other way to ask the question.  They brought us to this place through their misrepresentation of facts.  The fact is they offered work.  So why shouldn't they be looked at for unethical work practices?  I was looking for a job, they offered one.  It's not my responsibility now to go look for another job.  They need to reply as to why there is no work.

what please is the difference in ability to connect between:

802.11 a/g/n (cannot remember if it was wireless)

802.11 a/b/g wireless

802.11 b/g wireless

..................

Re speed, I saw somewhere the a/g/n is 5 times faster, true?  or is the speed in the gHz or in the hard drive rpm...????

I would really really appreciate some input, and thanks.

We don't need the fake stuff when we've got the real thing.

is important, and it IS definitely relevent, is because it does make a difference.  When somebody  dates, is engaged, is educated, gets married, and THEN has children they overwhelmingly do better in society than single unmarried women.  Not that there are not exceptions, of course there are, but being single sets you up right from the start to be disadvantaged financially and in numerous other ways.

It also sets a bad example for your children who grow up thinking this is okay behavior, which then perpetuates the practice of having children out-of-wedlock.   Children need 2 parents.  The role of a man and father has been so marginalized since the  1960s/1970s, but it is truly an  important part of the upbringing of a child. I really believe that with all my  heart.

I do notice you started back pedalling and saying "oh it's not really so bad and he is my best friend" Once you started getting some responses to get out of the marriage. 

I am glad you can see that your husband and marriage has some really positive traits but please it won't help you to minimize the areas where you are having trouble just because you are under fire.

I don't agree  that you should just up and leave your husband. He does sound like he might have some very serious issues and possibly you as well for putting up with this treatment but I dont' judge because each relationship can have some problems.  The key is recognize and try to solve not to fight.

 Tell me -- how can you miniimze the fact your husband is living it up so to speak -- going out with friends whenever he wants WITHOUT you.  While you stay home like menial labor taking care of kids. 

A marriage is  partnership where each individual needs to be able to pursue their own interests but the thoughts, feelings and well being of their partner has to come into play as well.  A marriage cannot survive when only one partners needs are being met and the other's are ignored. It just depends how long you are willing to put up with it or how long before he crosses another line (into an affair maybe when he is out alone). This is dangerous territory and you need to stop minimizing the situation and realize you marriage might be in grave danger.

What is sounds like is your husband wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants a great social life without you and kids tagging along -- reliving his single days possibly -- working out when he wants, going out to lunch or dinner.

There is nothing wrong with him pursing his individual interest and friendships --- we don't become bound at the hip when we become married -- we need to have our own sense of self. But the problem here is he DOES have a sense of self and readily pursues his own interestes but does ALLOW you to do the same. This is not partnership -- but it is control and oppression. 

While you still may get along well, have great sex etc this is not a healthy realtionship for either of you and your children will see that you constantly defer your dreams and desires and wants at your husbands wishes whilst he does whatever he wants.  Is this a lesson you want to teach them?  That woman should be kept in the home and be basically a maid, a cook, a childcare provider and at-home worker but does not deserve respect and dignity from husband and to be treated equally?

You can turn this around.  I am not suggesting you just bail.  Do as you suggested.  Stand up to your husband. Don't argue. Simply state (don't ask) that you will be going out -- if he refuses to watch the children then DO hire the sitter.  When you are both more calm let him know that you understand his desire to pursue his own interests and friendships and your support that -- but you deserve the same right.  Also you both need to balance those things with family time -- which should come first.

Consider martial counseling but don't just leave. See if he will agree. You and your husband need to see why he is so passive/aggressive towards you and why you are willing to put up with that. If you are religious seek Christian couseling and prayer from a pastor to help save your marriage.

However, if he refuses to change, refuses counseling you may come to a crossroad where you might have to consider if you can live under these conditions.

You should be afraid my dear.  I am divorced had a similar husband. I would be very frightened your hubby might be having an affair or might consider one.  He has you under his thumb... he comes and goes as he pleases and there are no repercussions. He does not respect your rights or see you as an equal patner. What does he do with his "buddys" -- go to the bars? Are there late nights? Business trips?

I am truly not trying to be mean but you need to open your eyes to the possibility where this might be going... and please do NOT say it won't happen to me because ALL women who have had a husband cheat think that. 

Also get yourself an education if you don't have one - work on a degree. I know you work as an MT but can you support a house and 3 children on that??  If you marriage does end... what will you do to make a living? Start thinking of taking some online courses or one night at community college.  Get another skill if you don't make enough as an MT.

Please just consider advice from someone who has been there. I am a single Mom with 2 boys. Was married over 10 years.  Been there and now struggling to make ends meat as a single parent. Wish someone had advised me the same. 

By all means work on your marriage but be prepared. Get educated. Save some of you own money in a bank account don't keep everything in his name.... It's hard to fight denial but you need to watch our for your kids and your future while trying to fight for the marriage.

When it comes to something like that, that I usually take care of but for whatever reason I can't, I will tell my husband exactly what to do, but when he comes back - to use your case as a "for instance" - I will ask him, "Did the doctor look at his foot?" 

Him: "No."

Me: "Did you ask the doctor to look at his foot?"

Him: "No."

Me:  "I told you to have the doctor look at his foot!"

Him: (shrug)

etc., etc., etc.

Your husband may not be like that - I sure hope he isn't. And yes, they should have checked his vitals and checked his foot without being asked. But sometimes you have to be assertive with people. And while my husband attained the rank of major in the Air Force and had no trouble ordering people around, there are times when he should be assertive but isn't. And he is not intimidated by doctors - he started his AF career as an x-ray tech (that's how we met). I dunno....(Rad MT wanders off, mumbling....)

for myself?  Geez, the service was bad-mouthing ME to the client as the reason the TAT was not being met.  And the MTs were given contact numbers for the client accounts we worked on.  The service expected the MTs to contact the client with problem issues like faulty tapes and inaudible dictation.  They also allowed the clients to contact the MTs directly.  The supervisor didn't want to deal with the clients unless they were happy. 

I simply did what I had to do.  And for your information, a company CANNOT withhold payment for a service unless that service was not performed.  I performed my service, I typed my lines, and I expected to get paid for the work I did.  I took them to court and the MTSO LOST!  Business is business.  The judge actually told the service that they may not like that I took the account from them, but they still had to pay for the lines I typed when I was contracted with them.  End of story.

I'm not losing any sleep.  I don't think what I did was unethical.  What the service did was unethical.  Trying to throw me to the wolves.  What I did was just good business sense.

Good lord.  Why is it when someone does not want to do something with their spouse it is "assumed" another woman and/or man involved? If he just started working and is probably working hard, long shifts etc, maybe he just wants a day to himself to sleep, lounge do whatever.  Call and talk to him and tell him how you feel.  Maybe he is the cautious type (I know my husband is), but maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you he just wanted to sleep/lounge/have a day for himself.  

I am sure he misses you and the kids, but I am sure he is also tired. 

You also said in your post you trust him 110%.  Then trust him.  Let him know how you feel, but respect him and don't go see him.  Yes, you are an adult and no you do not need his permission, but you are his other half, you need to respect him (and vice versa).

Good luck and don't pay attention to the negative posts.