Thank you everyone. (sm)
Posted By: Starting over. on 2006-01-29
In Reply to: Bawling my eyes out. - Starting over.
Wow, this is alot to absorb, but I needed to put myself out there in the hopes that it will give me courage. I should clarify that he verbally abuses me every day, but the physical abuse had stopped after my last baby was born. He is very insecure and some things have been changing in our lives recently. He feels out of control and I know that makes him nuts. He actually hit me in the face with a coat two weeks ago. The zipper caught me under my eye and ripped it all up. I told him it was God's work that the zipper hit my face. Just to remind him, you know? He normally just yells and calls names. With the children, he spanks and yells. He was raised in an abusive home and so was I, but I have worked very hard for the past year to grow and change inside. Now that I have, I feel ready to move forward. He is 28 and I am 32. I have been told by my family that he will grow up and grow out of this, but his dad didn't and his mom is a total disaster. His whole family is crazy and that scares me. I've seen what they do to people and I don't want to bring that kind of madness down on my babies. I'm just chicken. I mean, I know I am smart enough to do all this myself, but it's that "abyss" that one of you mentioned. I don't want to make a mistake somehow. I've checked in to some apartments in a nearby town. I've also checked out the resources in that town for single moms, etc. I know my biggest problem is fear. Fear can make us do stupid things. Please just keep up the support. You are really making a difference for me. 
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