Spouse abuse
Posted By: concerned on 2005-10-04
In Reply to:
I was wondering if anyone could tell me if there is a way to find out if someone has a previous record of spousal abuse.
My husband hit me and I cant afford a lawyer but make too much money for Legal Aid. I want to do this on my own. I just need to know if there is a way to find out this information from a different state. Are these files open to the public? Or does a lawyer have to request these things?
Thanks so much for your help!.
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spouse abuse
Yes, I have talked to the police, but he was married before and living in NC and I believe he may have a record there. He is a real slick one. He put scratches all over himself to try and make it look like I hit him. I have never had anyone do this before and he is a sick individual. I am sure he has had prior incidences.
We were only married for 6 months. I refuse to let anyone hit me, no matter how much I love them.
Thanks for your concern.
It's one thing if there's infidelity, substance abuse, physical abuse,
neglect of the family, verbal/emotional abuse, gambling, criminal activity, drug dealing, or other addictions. However, temporarily being a bonehead isn't a crime against the marriage.
Spouse's job???
What does everyone's husband/wife do for a living? Who makes more money? I know I am being nosy, just curious though.
I work fulltime
Husband is starting an online travel company (which I will definitely let you all know when it is ready so you can book some vacations!!!!) He has been working probably 12 total hours a day with that (day and night). He quit a very high profile job so he could do something from home to be with the kiddies more.
I obviously am making more money as of right now, but hopefully will be able to retire once his business soars!!!!
What spouse???? sm
I am IT and I am raising 2 kids alone on what I make. It would be nice to have a spouse to help with the expenses and to be able to afford some of the luxuries of life, but that's not in the cards for me, at least not for the foreseeable future. :-(
Spouse's job
My hubby definitely makes more than me. He is also self-employed tri-axle truck on road construction. works anywhere from 5 to 6 days a week, 8-10 hours a day.
I work a full time, part time plus 3 accounts of my own, 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week and I earn in 2 weeks equals a little more than days pay for him. I'm thinking about joining him iin that business. 
Is there truly a way to get your spouse to....sm
really help out around the house? I am young, lower 30s, and my husband is too. He is on disability due to a mental health issue that is totally controlled with medication. The problem is he does not help out around the house without me begging or getting mad and then it is just the basics. We are supposed to go to counseling tomorrow, but I feel it is not going to help. Another issue is he is not clean like he used to be. He does not make an effort in his appearance, does not get cleaned up hardly ever, etc. This has impacted my feelings for him a lot and I hate that it has. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in a place where I don't want to be. When we had first gotten together I could not imagine my life without him. I thought about him all day, couldn't wait to be around him, etc. Now, it is the same 'ole, same 'ole. We have only been married 5 years. We do have a small child and that is the main reason I think I am staying. I have told him time and time again that this is pushing me away, but still nothing changes. I bust my butt every day trying to work and even pick up. I do all of the laundry, do all of the bills, do all of the cooking and most of the cleaning. After all of this, our house is still a disaster area. I am tired. But I want that love back - just unsure if I can ever get it back again. Any advice?
Spouse's job???
My spouse is a QA tech at a meat packing plant. He hates it, too. Has to work in a freezer. We think we got it bad.
maybe have your spouse or
someone else read you the questions to make sure you understand them. another MT would be great since he/she would know if you're getting the gist of the question.
The written part's always been the easy part for me. It's the transcription I fret about, often making things wrong that I had right. It's hard, but I'm learning not to second guess myself so much and am doing much better. What's funny is I always make 98% or better with my current company - been there 10 years. Just nerves I guess.
You've never been upset with your spouse
and didn't have anyone around to vent to in real life? Besides, it's said that marriage without conflict likely involves a lack of deep or meaningful communication. Research has also proven that couples without conflict are more likely to divorce because there's no passion or growth.
If it's something you wouldn't do with your spouse
x
Yes, but being with a spouse who does those things
doesn't justify the other spouse's emotional infidelity.
If you have a spouse who is an employee have
extra $$ taken out of his/her check for your taxes. I am not an IC, but my company is in a state that has no state taxes and so they do not pay my state taxes. The first year I paid a penalty (about $60) for not having enough taxes taken out, so I just figured out what they would be, divided them per the number of paychecks and had that much extra taken out. We've always gotten a heft federal return, but usually paid at least half of that in state taxes. This is the first full year that we've had extra taken from DH check and I'm anxious to see how it all works out.
If I expect perfection from my spouse, that must mean
I am perfect myself. I don't know of anyone who is perfect. I am not so judgmental of people that I expect them to never have bad days and never express frustration, or else the relationship is over. I'm sure there have been plenty of days in the past 20 years that we've known each other when I've annoyed him to no end. Sometimes intentionally.... LOL
One gift per wedding per spouse.
You do not have to buy a gift for this and that and the other. ONE GIFT. No more. Oh, and you have a full year from the official date of the wedding to get them something.
Shoot, I cut my brother off after his third wedding (to three different women). I'm not buying him any more wedding presents ever. LOL Especially, now that he's on his third divorce.
Refer to the Spouse Equity Act
You are entitled to coverage for 18 months...some of these responses just floor me!
Health insurance for me and spouse..how much? sm
I would like to get a general idea of how much I will have to fork out for health insurance for me and my spouse. I've always been an IC and am looking to switch to employee status for benefits. How much in general do you pay?
If you wouldn't do/say it in front of your spouse, it's wrong.
Just my opinion.
Every time I transcribe someone who has lost their spouse...(Sm)
or other family member and is having a hard time getting through it, my heart just sinks and I feel so bad for them. It is amazing the empathy we can feel for people we don't know. This pt is having a hard time today because it is the one-year anniversary of her father's and sister's death. How very sad.
Some abuse QA
This is certainly not everyone's case (in fact, it is a very, very small percentage) but we have MTs who send stuff to QA rather than research. Some of the blanks I get are plain medical terminology 101. Some can be found by typing a single word in Google and finding the appropriate reference.
It is unfortunate that the lazy MTs have made it bad for all MTs. QA penalties have had to be instituted because of this abuse.
Another point I would like to make, you say you are sending work to QA for correct patient name spelling - we do not have a census and are working at home like you, so we do not have access to patient's names. If the physician does not spell the name and it does not come up on the report, do not send it to QA. I'm sure your company has a policy for dealing with names - when they are not given, not spelled properly, etc. Find out what that is and follow the procedure. That should eliminate unnecessary blanks to QA.
QA abuse
In ANY business you are going to find the rare but ever-annoying case of incompetence. It's easier in this line of work because of the remoteness and anonymity that comes along with it. This mind-set is eventually exposed for what it is. Then the rest of us go on and do our professional best. :)
I didn't have the same abuse, but have a lot
of the same feelings. I was sexually abused at 8 months - though didn't learn this until I was almost an adult. I was reading my chart at the doctor's office, because he was always an hour behind and I found it it there. I had been abused when I was 5 and 6 and I remembered that but has suppressed it for the most part. I started therapy and was seeing a therapist, but had to see a psychologist once so they could sign off on reports for insurance to pay. The psychologist said I was making it all up, that it didn't really happen and that I was just attention seeking.
I tried therapy again and I was getting to the point of finding out who abused me when I was so young - I knew who it was at 5 and 6, but not before, and I felt it was my father and I just couldn't deal with it, was having severe panic attacks so I quit therapy. I'm overweight, have poor self-esteem, I'm very judgmental, distrustful, and just overwhelmed. I don't use my trauma as an excuse, but I'm not happy and I want to be happy and I think when that happens most of the other issues will resolve. I don't drink or do drugs though, but I guess food is my escape.
My ULD was suspended for abuse too.....
I was so surprised but at least I know I am not the only Transcriptionist in the US to have this happen to. Lisa, I e-mailed you.
What, do you think?? I abuse my dogs, LOL
Like the post below, my dogs know when the collar is on/off, turned on/off. They are very smart. And, I do know the difference between just barking or something approaching. My dogs are very much loved and very well taken care of. I don't think you know the correct use of a shock collar at all.
Who said you abuse your dogs? Why be
x
abuse comes in many forms
This truly is abuse. You may not have visable body scars but mental abuse is just as bad if not worse as physical abuse. I'm not sure there is help for your husband but you need to get out of this relationship for your own sanity. A tiger never changes his stripes. I had been in relationship that had the same elements. I worked all day and would teach a class at night and we were to dress in a professional manner and I would be accused of having an affair. (Huh, like you have the time and energy.) I had the courage to get out and have now married a man who respects me and treats me as an equal partner. Is that not what a true marriage is, a partnership. If you do not have family to help check with you local Women's Help Center possible that could be a start. I wish you the best and hope you have the strength to more forward and leave him in the dust.
Sexual Abuse
You don't even want to go there. It is not in your scope of practice as a Transcriptionist sitting in a room somewhere to determine sexual abuse.
For you to go over a physician's head and report it because "you" suspect it is a good way to get yourself at least fired, in essence you are saying the physician did not practice according to the law.
Not about child abuse, but...
...a pretty funny story. A friend was working with her horse when he tossed his head, smacked her in the face and broke her nose. By the time her hubby got her to the ER she had a huge shiner, a huge nose and was swollen and black & blue on one side of her face, plus had wrenched her shoulder.
Various hospital personnel began asking her how it had happened. About every 10 minutes somebody else came in to put her through the whole horse story again, and this went on for a couple of hours. Then a cop showed up and asked her the same stuff and also spoke with her husband, and then it dawned on her that this whole time they had been trying to shake her story. They thought her HUSBAND had belted her!
And about a week later she got a visit from a social worker just to make sure she was 'okay.' Far from being upset about this (although it was annoying to have people bothering her constantly in the ER) they both thought this was pretty hilarious. And they figured that their tax dollars were not being wasted and their county agencies were doing what they should be doing.
Sexual abuse
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I can tell you that I wish someone had made a report. This was back in the 70's when it wasn't widespread knowledge, wasn't talked about. I honestly think that my mother was relieved he wasn't bothering her. Everytime I was taken to the doctor as a teenager (which wasn't very often) my mother would go in the room with me. The doctor sometimes would tell her she could wait in the lobby, and there was always a nurse in the room. I never got to ask questions that were burning in my teenage brain, I never got any help. I think my mother was afraid I would say something. This was after she found out about it and acted like it wasn't happening. He started when I was 13 and stopped when I was 18 when I threatened to cut his you know whats off.
I know in the performance of our jobs that we can't say anything about the things we learn. But hopefully the doctor stood up for this young person and did the right thing. I wish mine would have.
I don't believe in child abuse
or drug abuse, but I don't refuse to type reports involving child abuse victims and drug overdoses.
This seems a little out there to me. Don't get the logic.
Child abuse reports
I too have typed the child abuse reports and I go through an array of feelings. I just cannot believe what some people can do to other human beings -- much less an innocent child. I know that after I type those reports, those kids will be forever damaged at the hands of someone they love and trusted. Sad stuff.
dog abuse in China story
Listen . . . .what is your real posting name anyway?
My priorities are not your concern. It is a well known fact that people who abuse animals easily go on to violent behavior against people. If clubbing innocent dogs to death doesn't bother you, it should. There are much better ways to deal with a rabies problem than that. Perhaps instead of ranting about my priorities, maybe you could put your energy toward helping create a solution for the abuse of innocent childern or one of the other million problems going on in the world. What ARE YOU doing to help make the world a better place?
These same people abuse ambulances too!
I typed a note on some woman who called the ambulance because she stubbed her toe! Geez, hope nobody in her town was having a heart attack at that time...
I would do it just to save my hands from further abuse! nm
nm
Reporting sexual abuse?
If we are transcribing a report that we believe to be a sexual abuse case, are we required to report it if the physician does not? Is this a breech of confidentiality and a violation of HIPAA?
reporting sexual abuse
This is hard to talk about. Two weeks ago my daughter woke me up to tell me her friend "had" to talk to me. I was asleep, not very happy with 17-year-old drama. Long/short the girl's father had been sleeping with her "until she turned 16". At that point apparently she told him she would tell if she did not get her own bedroom....she then went on to say the reason she "had" to tell someone is that the night before she heard him through her wall now with her 14-year-old sister. There were two other little girls in that house - the mom had apparently moved 60 miles away and gave this monster custody while she found herself or whatever. When the girl started telling me the rest of the story, I was stunned. I am so visual that as she spoke my skin began to crawl - I wanted to beg her to stop with the chilling details, but I knew she needed someone to tell and I was it. I felt like a victim myself. It was the creepiest story ever. She went on to spill details that made me 100% sure she was telling the truth (like....he got really, really angry when he found out my sister had started her period) that type of thing. By the time she finished her gut-wrenching story, my own daughter looked at me and said...mom...you are just staring....Ended up calling a Sexual Assault Hotline. Next morning I was driving home and there were 7 police units in front of this creep's house. The mom came and picked up all the girls, thank God.
I think what happened to the MT who read this sexual abuse case is the same thing that happened to me -- somehow in even reading or hearing about it -- you become somewhat of a victim yourself -- a victim of just how sicko the * of the world can get. Thanks for letting me vent. The friend of my daughter stays in touch and says she is much happier. I am going to watch in the courts and make sure that this sicko does not get off lightly -- let em just try that...not on MY watch.
I hate the ones where child abuse is suspected or
the injury could have been avoided entirely if the parents hadn't been so stupid, like a young child without a carseat in an MVA. I used to hate the death summaries at my old job, especially on young people.
I did child abuse reports for 2+ years then quit.
I did a report on one kid, just learning to walk, who had the little feet stomped on by mom's significant other. That was the beginning of the end for me with that job. Of course mom kept significant other and lost the kid.
I had to get up and walk away and go back to it.
I honestly do not know HOW you got through your report.
I don't watch fear factor. They abuse animals. I also have better
stuff to do with my time then watch someone eat pig intestines.
cover with thiamine and (s/l) serafellon for alcohol abuse
Got no help on word board. Running out of time.
Thanks in advance
Child sexual abuse cases - used to do them sometimes where I used to work - sm
now do a lot of Trauma ER, it used to bother me a lot, but not anymore unless its kids. Guess I am getting used to all the gunshot and knife wounds in the city nearby, that is sad in itself.
Their control obviously isn't putting fear in those that abuse the information though. nm
nm
Must have been hard to do that....in the past I have done a lot of child sexual abuse reports - sm
and they were no picnic. After my mom died, it also seemed I got a lot of congestive heart failure patients (what she had), and now since Jen's diagnosis of Wilms, I did 2 letters last weekend on two other kids with Wilms at the same clinic we attend.....what freaked me out was the Stage II child had a 3 place recurrence at the completion of his chemo, while a Stage IV child was just fine.....Jen is Stage I....and then at her ultrasound this week the doc was extremely thorough (more thorough than the last one, same doc too) and it made me a bit uneasy as he did stuff this time that he did not do last time. But he said all was well, said they get faked out a lot by shadows where the removed kidney used to be that looks like recurrence so they have to be extra careful and rule out that possibility. But the child abuse ones, when I used to get them, were definitely depressing, can only do so much of them.
Sweety, this is abuse. Get thee to a counselor, the dude is sucking you dry.
The twit I just divorced got to the point that if HIS annoying me didn't work, he'd pick a fight, put the kid in the middle and then laugh as I tried to save the kid from that kind of abuse.
Ditch the B---d. And get into counseling.
Is anyone watching Hell's Kitchen? If you think MT is hard, watch this show. The abuse of the
wannabe chefs is second only to MT abuse by the nationals. Really, to work in a kitchen in a restaurant seems the hardest job ever pressure-wise. I say this after watching "The Restaurant" and "Hell's Kitchen" reality TV. I wonder what the pay is to subject yourself to this agony and pressure.
Its not the animal lovers fault about abortion and abuse of innocent children, it's the fault...
of our government to allow such a law. The innocent dogs being killed over the so-called rabies roundup vs. shortage of "beef" have no government to help protect their rights to live so the humans have to step in and protect their rights and the humans should protect the human's rights as well to live, but when a government passes laws, etc., you can only fault the government; afterall, they have the final decision.
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