Sounds like a great marriage you have there...
Posted By: T on 2008-05-28
In Reply to: I did that very thing - sm - penny pincher
Wow.
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This sounds similar to my 2nd marriage.
I understand very much what you're going through, except for the part about having a child together with your current husband. I'm into 8-1/2 years of my second marriage, and my son from first marriage was 13 when we got married. However, his biological dad is a huge deadbeat who abandoned our son and left the state--no contact or part of his life whatsoever. So, my son longed for a father figure. This husband was no great shakes as a husband or father, but he was certainly better than the real dad. He makes a living and provides us with a house. I wanted to leave him many times for some of the same reason you claim, as well as others, but things are starting to get better. My son is now 21. What would hold me back the most is how HARD and MISERABLE it is out there to make a living as a single mother. So, I would encourage you to weigh this against the marriage ending, because at times it seemed to just be trading one misery for a different kind of misery. Although I had peace of mind in some ways when single, to try and survive and support yourself and your children, to be their mom AND dad, comes with its own set of troubles and sorrows and stresses, not just for you but for your children. My son now understands that his stepdad wasn't all he could've been, but this is what we have and what guarantee would the alternative been? There's no guarantee you'll find another husband, much less one who will be a wonderful, caring stepfather to what would then be two stepchildren. I don't mean to be pessimistic, just realistic. As I said, things are getting better.
Unforttunately marriage problems tend to follow you into the next marriage...sm
seems like marriage is more about being the right person than marrying the right person.
Sounds like he will do great then. Again, best wishes for great success!
x
Wow! Sounds great. Thanks so much. (nm)
Sounds great, but...
I am in the middle of remodeling my home although we're at a standstill right now. It's an older home that needs a lot of work. I wonder if it would be too much to ask a housekeeper to come in and attempt to clean with all this going on? I'm in a mess and need help desparately. I live with my mother-in-law to be, my finacee, and one child. I am pretty much the sole provider and take care of most of the housekeeping chores. Needless to say, it's quite overwhelming! I wonder if a housekeeper could help us out? I feel sure he/she would take a load off what I have to do.
Sounds Great!
Especially on a hot summer day. You wouldn't want to send some up to WI, would you? lol
Sounds great, thanks!
Sounds great
Sounds great - Compose a letter for me!
All right! Sounds like a great GIG!
That is great, but sounds like you have
your own accts, not the nationals. I care absolutely nothing anymore about working my behind off. I find mine as easy as pie, no printing nor delivering and it suits me. I think you are lucky but I doubt the majority on here do their own accts nor make what you do. I was just giving an example when they were talking about the low pay of VRing. I think some are so afraid of probably what is inevitable, that is why the vents against. I live in a community surrounded by hospital and many medical offices. I would never want to straight type again, even at the price you say you made. Mine is so simple now and simple is what I enjoy in my golden years.
Sounds great but there is no work!
Well, I tried posting but it disappeared. Will just say I show up to work but there isn't any (have several accounts). So the bonus which is what I consider my "sick leave" - is not attainable. So much for working for MQ. And now I hear of more accounts they are losing. But they never tell the MTs. 
The above sounds like a great idea for you
Good luck. Hopefully the friends invited are there because they'd be alone otherwise. Maybe water down the booze hehe.
This year Christmas Day and Christmas Eve are me and my roomie (plus the ankle-biters). Quiet day, small dinner (i.e., turkey roast instead of turkey, just a couple of veggies, rolls (pre-made yikes), and dressing (cornbread, and she's anti-cornbread - sheesh!!!, but tough luck, I'm cooking LOL).
I'm having Christmas with one son and the grandkids the Thurs. before Christmas (he's a roughneck so will be working, plus trying to fit in 2 more sets of us grandparents), one son is in FL (just moved there, I can't afford to visit yet), one is overseas in the warzone. I just lost my dad last year, and lost mother in '91, so a quiet Christmas with my friend/roomie, watching FUNNY movies (and some football!!) is the order of the day.
Sounds great. Can you explain?
My autocorrect has plain text checked and it is grayed out so I cannot change it to format. You must have done this shortcut in formatted text right?
Great idea! Sounds like fun!
I hope moderator will consider it!!!
Sounds great - thanks a bunch! nm
xx
Congratulations! It sounds like a great job.
:)
Haha! That sounds great....
I need to have something to strap my butt in on those days where I get too distracted. :)
I will check that out...thanks.
That sounds so great- where I work
the chairs are unbelievable- they are horrible. They will special order a better chair for you if you need it but it takes like 3 months, and it is always the same kind of chair from the same place and if it doesn't work for you, oh well. The seat pan doesn't adjust, and it needs to. They pay 1200 bucks for these chairs, when they could get a dozen better ones for the same price.
Wouldn't you think a hospital of all places would understand the importance of ergonomics for their employees?? :rolleyes
Interestingly the conference rooms have wonderful chairs and I usually snag one at night and just put it back when I leave.
It sounds **great** ... Good luck! sm
They'll probably already have all the reference materials you need! My hospital did. I don't think it will take you a long time to get comfortable there. It sounds like a terrific gig!
After we donate (I just did) how do we "pull from the bag"? Sounds fun AND for a great cause!
nm
I agree -- go for it. After all, 9 cpl is not all that great for IC work, and it sounds like you nm
x
We just want to see what you are living, talking about. It sounds great sm
the actual abode isn't as important as the ambience. I am so envious. Obviously, from the pix below of the vacation rental, people buy up the luxury places and rent them out for big bucks.
Sounds great. Hope you love it! (nm)
(nm)
First, congrats on your new job - sounds great -see inside
One thing I would suggest is the electronic version of Stedman's Orthopedic word book and the Neurology word book. There are others too. Sure beats looking through a paper copy and more professional as it looks as if you are working on the computer instead of stopping and looking in a book. This saves me time also. Again I am sure you will do great! Best wishes!
Sounds great. You gonna pay the bills for
nm
Get Momma's recipe while you're at it. Sounds great! nm
Sounds great! I may make that tomorrow night.
nm
Sounds like a great idea, would flush their "profits" - sm
right down the drain, and may cause them to raise their prices to the same level--the only down side I see is that if they turn in "superior product" and are equal to or better than what is produced in the U.S. then the argument that the offshore work sucks would go bye-bye, and offshore would continue to get our potential work, possibly more of it IF they keep the price down at their end. The other thing is actually getting on of those offshore companies to pay that kind of money; for it they will get mucho production, probably 500-800 lines an hour churned out, which would be difficult to do IF the work is in bad shape. I love the idea but not sure it would help U.S. MTs in the long run (presuming you are trying to do that).
sounds like a great career move...30 years ago!
I'm glad they screened you well and did not notice you had already paid your dues, so to speak (and I'm not talking about AAMT dues). :)
with such great documentation, it sounds to me like you should be able to call the labor board
or at least unemployment...it is something you really should consider. there are civil service jobs, if you do not want to work at home, and you can get help finding a job that way.
this is what is needed when going to the labor board so they get a clear-cut look at what is happening in this business.
just because it saves a buck, should not mean employees should be able to be treated like dirt...
you have been pushed out of your job, sounds like, and that at least qualifies for unemployment.
believe me, any other job you find out there will be almost the same, but you could collect some money while you look for something with the same pay, am I correct?
SE or not, too, you have lost YOUR LIVELIHOOD. what do people think, like okay you have no way to make a living now...
Sounds like a great way to use the skills you already have, but you have a real career with a future
x
This sounds like my kind of relationship! No great expectations and you can relax
I always have a fear of disappointing people. It has caused me to isolate myself...
Sounds like Spheris and Precycse. A great excuse not to raise your pay based on QA.
MQ can hire more QA to justify not paying MTs more. Nice. All the people who have been working on MQ accounts for years are now subject to QA to lower their pay in some cases. What a scam MQ runs.
Yep, he's smart! A tent sounds great! My youngest just got her's 2 months ago, and my poor hus
Well, suffice it to say, he just shuddered...and got a tent...
Sounds like Rodney King after he wreaked havoc and caused a great race riot.
Quit calling people FOOLS and then asking if we can't get along.
You betcha! Sounds great! Though I would prefer warm champagne to warm milk, OK??
I'll be waiting...just honk twice! I'll put Dr. Mumble Mouth on hold, and dash away before he's done chewing and swallowing...
marriage
I am not the most knowledgeable Bible student, but it is my understanding that it says that it is better to marry than to burn, not that it is good for ALL to marry. Could you please direct me to the passage that says this? My understanding of this is that because the human sex drive is very strong, many people would not be able to devote their entire lives to studying the Bible, versus marrying and raising a family, and that a marriage is the only appropriate relationship where two should become one flesh (not that it is the only time that it happens, and in fact if one has relations with a prostitute, or a one night stand, or even "serial monogamous" relations, then the two do in fact become one flesh).
marriage
Thank you. That would be most helpful. Just learning.
Actually, this is his second marriage to a man.nm
x
bad marriage
I agree with the 40-something single supervisor who started this threat. It can be lonely being single, but it can ALSO be lonely being in a bad marriage; maybe even MORE lonely than being alone. I'm worried about the MT she was talking to when the abuse happened. I will pray that the MT will call the police and/or her local women's shelter...but I understand her fear...God be with her.
Maybe that was YOUR marriage, but not mine.
We don't need the fake stuff when we've got the real thing.
The reason why I think marriage..
is important, and it IS definitely relevent, is because it does make a difference. When somebody dates, is engaged, is educated, gets married, and THEN has children they overwhelmingly do better in society than single unmarried women. Not that there are not exceptions, of course there are, but being single sets you up right from the start to be disadvantaged financially and in numerous other ways.
It also sets a bad example for your children who grow up thinking this is okay behavior, which then perpetuates the practice of having children out-of-wedlock. Children need 2 parents. The role of a man and father has been so marginalized since the 1960s/1970s, but it is truly an important part of the upbringing of a child. I really believe that with all my heart.
probably a very one-sided marriage...sad...nm
@
marriage crisis
I appreciate all of your replies on this issue. I was a single mom before I even started seeing my husband, so I know first hand the hardships and the sacrifices that come with that role. I will contact a marriage counselor to try and salvage this. I am not leaving just yet as I will have to save up some money and get my pay up a bit before I can leave (if this happens).
I know this will, in some way, affect my daughter, but I think it would be better leaving now than staying for another 10 for her sake and being miserable. I can guarantee that if we do split, she will be of the utmost importance. Just because we have split, does not mean we cannot get along and be there for her.
As for the husband knowing how I feel? He knows because I brought it up before, about us separating for a while and he said to give him the papers and he will sign them, which told me he could really care less if I left. Then he made the remark about the grass is not always greener on the other side (meaning finding another man to make me happy). I told him finding another man was not my goal, I just wasn't happy with him.
My main issue is we do things alone so often (he with his friends, me with the kids) that losing his family makes me more sad than losing him. Isn't that pathetic? I LOVE my in-laws.
I am going to stop babbling now. I just want to say thank you to all of you for your advice and frankness concerning this issue. It really did help me.
this saved my marriage
check out flylady.net - there is a lot of information there, so be patient and read through it...it will give you a different perspective on housework and make it easier on you, even if he does not pitch in. i had to learn to stop nagging my husband about the housework and just do it because i was grateful for my home and wanted to see the floor every now and again :-)one great thing is that, by biting my tongue about the housework, he slowly came around to helping because he was grateful that i was keeping the house nice for him.
also, getting rid of the clutter one step at a time will also help your husband's mental state - too much chaos is confusing for him. i have a mental illness - manic-depression - and having my house in order by following simple step-by-step routines that are written down so i don't have to think about them - just follow the list - has calmed me down considerably and left time for me to care for myself like i should. you will be helping both of you by slowly, step-by-step getting the house together. getting this will help your dear baby by leaving the floor and other areas clear for him to crawl around and do what babies do :-) without all the confusion of clutter.
flylady.net made me more loveable by cutting my tiredness and crankiness (because you clean in small steps that do not exhaust you). It also helped my mood, giving me the self-esteem that comes from tending and blessing my home (and, therefore, my husband) by keeping the clutter at a low liveable hum instead of a screaming mess.
one more thing - try to remember daily why you fell in love with your in the first place. trust me, he is still in there (i was). it was through the committment of my husband to stick by me and tell me all the time that he loved me and wanted to help me that i finally began to love myself again. sure, i still have my days, but they are fewer and farther between, and don't feel so heavy with his help around the house (minus my nagging) :-)
i also want to say that Jesus turned my changed my life - literally gave me a new life and turned me in a totally different direction than my life was taking - took me out of my self-destructive ways because He showed His love to me. i am praying for you. you are hurting right now, and so is your husband. i pray that your hearts will be healed and your love will come back. remember that you created a covenant before God and your families to stick it out through sickness and health and your husband made a covenant to stick it out through messy house or clean :-) blessings.
This job was able to get me out of a long, horrible marriage and I thank my
zz
His first legal marriage was to a woman. It has only sm
just become legal in Britain for same sex marriages, and he and David married the first day it was legal. He has had many partners, but only one other legal marriage.
5-year marriage falling apart
I need some very serious advice. I have been thinking of leaving my husband for the last year and it is only getting worse. I am so unhappy and don't see it getting any better. He is a great father (we have a 4-year-old), but he has a very limited relationship with my 11-year-old. His real father lives states away and has just recently decided to be somewhat a part of his life. It breaks my heart when my son tries with my husband and he gives a half-hearted attempt or barely acknowledes my son and then pays all this attention to my daughter. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I basically do everything by myself with the kids, he dislikes my family (I'm not very fond either, but hey, they are my family) so I usually attend family functions on my own w/ the kids.
I think we should at least try marriage counseling and take it from there. I am only giving this another 6-12 months though. I deserve a husband who accepts me for me and helps me clean because he realizes I need help, not becuase he can't stand the mess anymore. My son deserves a loving, caring step-dad who will take him fishing or practice baseball with him. Am I making the right choice? When do you know it is the right time to move on? I am so scared. The biggest factor will be raising 2 kids on my own. I am making squat right now.
I need some advice. Mom's not home and I am ready to cry my eyes out.
SEEK MARRIAGE COUNSELING NOW!
You need to be telling this to a marriage counselor. If your husband won't go with you, go without him. It will give you the insight needed to make this tough decision.
save your marriage but be smart
I do notice you started back pedalling and saying "oh it's not really so bad and he is my best friend" Once you started getting some responses to get out of the marriage.
I am glad you can see that your husband and marriage has some really positive traits but please it won't help you to minimize the areas where you are having trouble just because you are under fire.
I don't agree that you should just up and leave your husband. He does sound like he might have some very serious issues and possibly you as well for putting up with this treatment but I dont' judge because each relationship can have some problems. The key is recognize and try to solve not to fight.
Tell me -- how can you miniimze the fact your husband is living it up so to speak -- going out with friends whenever he wants WITHOUT you. While you stay home like menial labor taking care of kids.
A marriage is partnership where each individual needs to be able to pursue their own interests but the thoughts, feelings and well being of their partner has to come into play as well. A marriage cannot survive when only one partners needs are being met and the other's are ignored. It just depends how long you are willing to put up with it or how long before he crosses another line (into an affair maybe when he is out alone). This is dangerous territory and you need to stop minimizing the situation and realize you marriage might be in grave danger.
What is sounds like is your husband wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants a great social life without you and kids tagging along -- reliving his single days possibly -- working out when he wants, going out to lunch or dinner.
There is nothing wrong with him pursing his individual interest and friendships --- we don't become bound at the hip when we become married -- we need to have our own sense of self. But the problem here is he DOES have a sense of self and readily pursues his own interestes but does ALLOW you to do the same. This is not partnership -- but it is control and oppression.
While you still may get along well, have great sex etc this is not a healthy realtionship for either of you and your children will see that you constantly defer your dreams and desires and wants at your husbands wishes whilst he does whatever he wants. Is this a lesson you want to teach them? That woman should be kept in the home and be basically a maid, a cook, a childcare provider and at-home worker but does not deserve respect and dignity from husband and to be treated equally?
You can turn this around. I am not suggesting you just bail. Do as you suggested. Stand up to your husband. Don't argue. Simply state (don't ask) that you will be going out -- if he refuses to watch the children then DO hire the sitter. When you are both more calm let him know that you understand his desire to pursue his own interests and friendships and your support that -- but you deserve the same right. Also you both need to balance those things with family time -- which should come first.
Consider martial counseling but don't just leave. See if he will agree. You and your husband need to see why he is so passive/aggressive towards you and why you are willing to put up with that. If you are religious seek Christian couseling and prayer from a pastor to help save your marriage.
However, if he refuses to change, refuses counseling you may come to a crossroad where you might have to consider if you can live under these conditions.
You should be afraid my dear. I am divorced had a similar husband. I would be very frightened your hubby might be having an affair or might consider one. He has you under his thumb... he comes and goes as he pleases and there are no repercussions. He does not respect your rights or see you as an equal patner. What does he do with his "buddys" -- go to the bars? Are there late nights? Business trips?
I am truly not trying to be mean but you need to open your eyes to the possibility where this might be going... and please do NOT say it won't happen to me because ALL women who have had a husband cheat think that.
Also get yourself an education if you don't have one - work on a degree. I know you work as an MT but can you support a house and 3 children on that?? If you marriage does end... what will you do to make a living? Start thinking of taking some online courses or one night at community college. Get another skill if you don't make enough as an MT.
Please just consider advice from someone who has been there. I am a single Mom with 2 boys. Was married over 10 years. Been there and now struggling to make ends meat as a single parent. Wish someone had advised me the same.
By all means work on your marriage but be prepared. Get educated. Save some of you own money in a bank account don't keep everything in his name.... It's hard to fight denial but you need to watch our for your kids and your future while trying to fight for the marriage.
Come on over to the west coast too where interracial marriage
It is very small minded to think that crossing races to marry is wrong. Again, we are all people, no matter what color we are. For example, I would rather my daughter marry a black man who treated her with respect, love, kindness, being an equal than married to a white man who treated her like trash. Note that I said EXAMPLE, the race could vary of course.
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