Question for parents about kids and the internet...sm

Which parental control program do you use?  What do you like/dislike about it?  Our 11-year-old is wanting to have privileges to be on the PC without our direct supervision and I told her that she can't do this until I put a monitoring system in place.  Thank you.

• Question for parents about kids and the internet...sm - Georgia mom
  • Norton Internet Security has a parental control - Internet & Teens
    • We used CyberPatrol.... - Been there

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I am wondering if it's ME or if it's my kids' friends that's the problem.  I just can't stand barely any of them.  We have little sailors running around cussing, compulsive liars, thieves, two-faced "unfriends", blackmailers, anger management problems, slobs, and perverts running around here.  And the violent and graphically disgusting games these kids try to play.  Is this everywhere?  Or am I just overly sensitive?  Parents can't choose their kids' friends because the kids'll rebel against the control, right?  I just feel like I can't have anyone over here because I'm constantly correcting them and cleaning up after them.  They don't listen worth a darn anyway.  I certainly don't want my kids to go to their houses if these kids behave this badly here.

I tried going into details, but this post got so long.  I don't think it's our neighborhood either because we have to drive for playdates with some of these kids.  What, do we just attract the people with issues?  I try to tell myself that these are just kids or perhaps their home life isn't in line with the same value system as we have.  I try to be tolerant because some of these kids have had problems in their lives.  However, having problems is no excuse for bad behavior.  I'm no perfect prude and neither are my kids.  We've had our share of problems.  I also know I can't "shelter" my kids from the outisde world.  But geez, it's just ridiculous.  Whatever happened to the days when parents were parents and kids behaved?  Children should not be cussing, stealing and telling horrific stories of murder and incest.

To give you an example, one of these little punks even told the whole neighborhood that my husband and I were druggies and dealers.  We found out about it when our elderly neighbor came over and told us.  We've always been totally against drugs, not even experimenting with them when we were teens.  Plus, we both have to go through yearly drug screening tests at work, too.  What is with the world today?

For instance, do they do chores that are age appropriate, do their own homework, get themselves up in the morning and ready for the day if they're older than say age 10?  Here's how it works in our house:

6-year-old:  Responsible for cleaning her room, feeding her fish and bunny rabbit and her bathroom each week.  Puts dirty clothes into the hamper and puts up clean clothes except those that have to be hung, which we do since she's not tall enough.  Likes to mop the kitchen floor so we let her do that.  Does her own homework after I make sure she remembers the directions.

15-year-old:  Has to clean her own room and bathroom - alternates the bathroom cleaning with the 6-year-old since they share a bathroom.   If she cooks anything that's not a meal for everyone she has to clean up after herself.    She's now learning to do laundry - my DH always took care of that for her in the past or her mom did, but  I've forced the issue that she can do her own laundry now that she's 15.   Also has to do her own homework without help from us.  For instance, while doing English she commonly asks for the meaning of a word.  I tell her to go to webster.com and look it up or grab the dictionary - which is how we learned as kids.   Also her dad (and bio-mom) used to help do her homework by looking up stuff and writing the answers which she'd re-write but that stopped while we were dating as I got him to realize that he wasn't helping her by doing this and she needed to do her own school work and not whine to get him to help.  She is also required to get herself up and out the door for school in the morning, on time, and knows that if she oversleeps and misses the bus because she's goofing off then she gets no PC or TV privileges for the day.  It only took her 1 time of missing the bus  to learn to get up on time. 

What about your household? 

Does your child's school work well with you on educating them or don't like having to give your child extra attention? 

My 1st grader is having problems staying focused in class with her 24 peers in the room and being asked to stay on task for an hour at a time.  At home she does just fine when things are broken down into 15-20 minute intervals.   The 2 teachers she has don't want to spend extra time with her or eliminate distractions so I've now officially requested an IEP meeting to force this with them.  She had no problems at the same school last year in kindergarten because her teacher had worked with other kids like her in the past and was able to teach her on her level using the techniques recommended.  

We met with her 2 teachers yesterday and they actually had the audacity to suggest that we work extensively with her at home on the areas she's struggling in.  I'm not home schooling this kid just because they don't want to help her stay focused when my taxpayer money is being paid to support the schools and federal laws require they meet her needs.

Interestingly when I had a prior foster child that had ADD this very same school and teachers were very accommodating and worked very well with me on meeting her needs.  Not sure why her current teachers don't want to but we're going to have to work on that.

What about you and your child?  Did you have to go to the extremes of getting an IEP and forcing them to do what they're required to do or did you get immediate cooperation?   I'm not going to put my child on ADD/ADHD medication just because they don't want to deal with it. 

especially since a lot of times the teenager ends up wrecking it because they don't care.  Those I've seen that have taken better care of their vehicles and drove them properly were those that had some investment in a good used vehicle.  They had to work to pay for the gas and insurance at minimum.  That's what I did when I was a teenager and the only reason I got a car then was because I had an after school job and it was easier for my parents to help me get a vehicle than drive me back and forth. 

My kids are 14, 16 and 19.  The 19 year old comes home on the weekends from school with his laundry and laptop.  I figure at his age, he has seen more than I want to know about and what happens at school stays at school.

My daughter is 16 and chats constantly and has a my space account.  She doesn't do much surfing, just chatting and I know most of her friends personally and if I ask who she's talking to, she tells me.

My son is 14 and has little or no interest in the computer except for the occasional game, but likes to look at ebay for 4-wheelers, scooters and cars he will never own until he gets a good job. 

We used to have to limit the time for the 2 oldest ones when my son still lived at home fulltime because it sometimes came to blows. 

We have a 15-year-old that is limited to 1 hour on the internet when school is not in session, and we have parental controls that allow us to see everything she has done while she was on line.

What about your household?

call her by her first name.  The little neighbor girl next door from the time she could speak called her Aggie (my mom's first name), and they were great buddies until the day my mom pased away. 

I don't think there really is much in a name, but more in the respect you are given and the way you are treated.   Personally, I kind of cringe inside when someone calls me Ms. Anything or God forbid, "maam" (makes me feel like Methuselah!) ... I'm always just plain Merrie.  :-)

But, as someone pointed out, to each his own.  If you want to be addressed a certain way, you have that right, and people should respect that.  I'm glad you corrected the child ... hope it "sticks."    

that they are covering up for the person who did it (maybe the brother).

both deceased, but I have "disowned" all my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews.  I grew up believing I was the black sheep of the family and maybe I am, but their lives are so screwed up and I never heard from them unless they needed something and there was lots of bitterness and anger about various events - mainly my parent's death.  The only way I was able to deal with the issues was to disown them.  I was not interested in making things better because they aren't willing to make an effort and I just don't have time for that. 

My oldest sister hated my mom and was very ugly to her.  My mom did so much for her. All I heard was what a lowsy mother she was.  Well, my sister's daughter had a baby and gave it away, did drugs big time, drinking big time, has lived with several guys.  Her son is gay and can't hold a job, has had so many wrecks he has lost his license twice that I know of.  They just keep buying him vehicles very time he wrecks one.  He can barely make a move without having to ask mommy, is a druggie/drinker/liar.  Only my sister can't see all of this.   We all make mistakes and I don't claim to be a perfect parent, but.....

summer camp AND it wasn't cheap for them either.  Three kids going to camp 5 days a week (Thursdays were skate day), compare that to what that would cost today.  My brother, sister, and I were at camp from 8 AM to around 5 or so and yeah we were beat when we got home, but my folks made sure we weren't "latchkey" kids or running the neighborhood getting into who knows what kind of trouble.  My folks spent quality time with us, too, in the evenings, on weekends, holidays, and vacation, but they BOTH had to work to support us.  So, for the person who has unjustly persecuted CampMom, please try to be more considerate. 

P.S. I should also add that my siblings and I have some of the best memories of summer camp.  Did I say that I'm 42 years old?

My son came to me today to tell me he is quitting football.  A sport he has played since he was in the 3rd grade.  He is now a junior in high school.   He is an awesome offensive linesman - scholarship bound this year with academics with it.  He has a 4.0 GPA, takes AP courses and could have a scholarship coming his way.

Regardless of all of that, I am just heartbroken to see this young talented man just walk away from the game he once loved.  I have been crying all morning.  

He tells me, "it just is not fun anymore. "   He does not want to play.  He wants to concentrate on his academics.  

This is halfway through his camp, and games start next week.  He started on the varsity team as a Freshman.

I am so upset, but I won't let him see it.  I do not want him to play a sport to please me or anyone else, but himself.  I have to hold all of this in and it is killing me.      This is his decision, and I have talked to him over the past few days about, trying to not let him know how disappointed I would be if he quit.  Well, today, he went to camp and told his coaches he is not playing, handed his equipment in, and so forth.

Any advice from any of you parents out there for me as to how to handle it from a loving mother point of view!  I hide in the bathroom and cry so he doesn't see me.   For the simple reason, if he sees me crying, he will continue to play just for me.  I really don't want that.  He needs to play for himself.

Needless to say, the coach called this morning after he handed in his equipment to talk to him.  I am sure there are more calls to come.  His teammates will be over this afternoon after camp, I am sure of it.  How do I handle this - better yet, how do I help him handle this? 

P.S.  If he feels like he is letting his teammates down, he will give in and play just for them or for me -