Parents with ADD/ADHD kids....sm
Posted By: Mom on 2006-09-28
In Reply to:
Does your child's school work well with you on educating them or don't like having to give your child extra attention?
My 1st grader is having problems staying focused in class with her 24 peers in the room and being asked to stay on task for an hour at a time. At home she does just fine when things are broken down into 15-20 minute intervals. The 2 teachers she has don't want to spend extra time with her or eliminate distractions so I've now officially requested an IEP meeting to force this with them. She had no problems at the same school last year in kindergarten because her teacher had worked with other kids like her in the past and was able to teach her on her level using the techniques recommended.
We met with her 2 teachers yesterday and they actually had the audacity to suggest that we work extensively with her at home on the areas she's struggling in. I'm not home schooling this kid just because they don't want to help her stay focused when my taxpayer money is being paid to support the schools and federal laws require they meet her needs.
Interestingly when I had a prior foster child that had ADD this very same school and teachers were very accommodating and worked very well with me on meeting her needs. Not sure why her current teachers don't want to but we're going to have to work on that.
What about you and your child? Did you have to go to the extremes of getting an IEP and forcing them to do what they're required to do or did you get immediate cooperation? I'm not going to put my child on ADD/ADHD medication just because they don't want to deal with it.
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For parents, what do you think of your kids' friends?
I am wondering if it's ME or if it's my kids' friends that's the problem. I just can't stand barely any of them. We have little sailors running around cussing, compulsive liars, thieves, two-faced "unfriends", blackmailers, anger management problems, slobs, and perverts running around here. And the violent and graphically disgusting games these kids try to play. Is this everywhere? Or am I just overly sensitive? Parents can't choose their kids' friends because the kids'll rebel against the control, right? I just feel like I can't have anyone over here because I'm constantly correcting them and cleaning up after them. They don't listen worth a darn anyway. I certainly don't want my kids to go to their houses if these kids behave this badly here.
I tried going into details, but this post got so long. I don't think it's our neighborhood either because we have to drive for playdates with some of these kids. What, do we just attract the people with issues? I try to tell myself that these are just kids or perhaps their home life isn't in line with the same value system as we have. I try to be tolerant because some of these kids have had problems in their lives. However, having problems is no excuse for bad behavior. I'm no perfect prude and neither are my kids. We've had our share of problems. I also know I can't "shelter" my kids from the outisde world. But geez, it's just ridiculous. Whatever happened to the days when parents were parents and kids behaved? Children should not be cussing, stealing and telling horrific stories of murder and incest.
To give you an example, one of these little punks even told the whole neighborhood that my husband and I were druggies and dealers. We found out about it when our elderly neighbor came over and told us. We've always been totally against drugs, not even experimenting with them when we were teens. Plus, we both have to go through yearly drug screening tests at work, too. What is with the world today?
Parents: Are your kids spoiled? sm
For instance, do they do chores that are age appropriate, do their own homework, get themselves up in the morning and ready for the day if they're older than say age 10? Here's how it works in our house:
6-year-old: Responsible for cleaning her room, feeding her fish and bunny rabbit and her bathroom each week. Puts dirty clothes into the hamper and puts up clean clothes except those that have to be hung, which we do since she's not tall enough. Likes to mop the kitchen floor so we let her do that. Does her own homework after I make sure she remembers the directions.
15-year-old: Has to clean her own room and bathroom - alternates the bathroom cleaning with the 6-year-old since they share a bathroom. If she cooks anything that's not a meal for everyone she has to clean up after herself. She's now learning to do laundry - my DH always took care of that for her in the past or her mom did, but I've forced the issue that she can do her own laundry now that she's 15. Also has to do her own homework without help from us. For instance, while doing English she commonly asks for the meaning of a word. I tell her to go to webster.com and look it up or grab the dictionary - which is how we learned as kids. Also her dad (and bio-mom) used to help do her homework by looking up stuff and writing the answers which she'd re-write but that stopped while we were dating as I got him to realize that he wasn't helping her by doing this and she needed to do her own school work and not whine to get him to help. She is also required to get herself up and out the door for school in the morning, on time, and knows that if she oversleeps and misses the bus because she's goofing off then she gets no PC or TV privileges for the day. It only took her 1 time of missing the bus to learn to get up on time.
What about your household?
Question for parents about kids and the internet...sm
Which parental control program do you use? What do you like/dislike about it? Our 11-year-old is wanting to have privileges to be on the PC without our direct supervision and I told her that she can't do this until I put a monitoring system in place. Thank you.
Parents - do you have your kids save money? sm
Our children have savings accounts and know that 33% of any money they earn from doing extra chores, babysitting, given as gifts, has to go into their savings account. Do you have your children save money and if so, what are the rules at your house for this?
do you know how many kids come in the ER on an overdose and the parents say "Not my child?" nm
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I can't stand it when parents spoil their kids with brand new cars....sm
especially since a lot of times the teenager ends up wrecking it because they don't care. Those I've seen that have taken better care of their vehicles and drove them properly were those that had some investment in a good used vehicle. They had to work to pay for the gas and insurance at minimum. That's what I did when I was a teenager and the only reason I got a car then was because I had an after school job and it was easier for my parents to help me get a vehicle than drive me back and forth.
Parents of College Students..Any of your kids going on Spring Break?
Ugh! I have a son going with a group of friends to Mexico for thier first "spring break." They are all good kids, but I've seen the late-night Girls Gone Wild videos... They better be good. 
I am well aware of that - just angry that parents teach their kids to cheat! nm
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Not all of us are parents. Not everyone had caring parents. nm,
nm
ADHD/IEP
Our son had a tough time in kindergarten that they labeled as behavior problems, not true, the teacher told me he did well in cleaning the classroom, but horrible time doing his tasks, well that should have turned the light on. Luckily, I have a special needs teacher who is my sister and a speech pathologist who is my sister also. They set up a meeting that we went to for my children with the teachers, got an IEP and got him all of the resource room and extra help he needed. He is on Adderall now, in college and still procrastinates, but is a good kid and not into any trouble. Our other son was reading in the 5th grade at a 2nd grade level and the other town we moved to thought that was okay, so another IEP, the school had to hire a tutor that came to our house during the summer and he was receiving resource room help here also. Some of these teachers cannot be bothered with ADHD because, they don't want to take the time or they think they don't have the "budget" for it. My sister told the head of special needs she did not want to hear the words "no money in the budget" again, because she knows the laws. Get the IEP and they have to by law work with your child. I even was told by a teacher "you don't want to get an IEP or services", it is a waste of time, how wrong that person was. Fight for everything for your child. Americans with Disabilities Act will inform you and if necessary will get you a liaison person to go to these meetings with you. My sons were tested in the school system and also outside and the schools had to pay. Good luck, but get your IEP it is your right as a parent.
ADD/ADHD
I transcribe for two psych's that do 90% ADD/ADHD consults for schools, etc. There are a lot of "natural" supplements and other recommendations that can be used and made before the trial of a stimulant medication is used. Especially at that early age. I also have two nephews that went to one of my docs and both have been on medication and it made the difference between D's and fighting about getting things done to B to A's with getting the work done with no struggle. One went off when he went to high scholl the other is still on in the eighth grade. But again testing is the only way to go before doing anything and pick a specialist in that area. Good luck, again my docs try the natural supplement, LOTS, LOTS of exercise especially across the middle, book called Brain Gym, calcium/magnesium to help sleep, etc. But again get testing you will feel better knowing that what you are treating. If your child had diabetes or thyroid problems you wouldn't feel bad about changing diet and exercise and taking some medication if necessary -- true in this case also. Good luck. Find a good psychologist/psychiatrist. Patti
ADHD
It is just absolutely amazing how many people do not understand ADD/ADHD and how it affects your work. Our son was told in Kindergarten he had a behavior problem, had him tested and he certainly had ADHD. The concentration on school work was the most difficult. You need to get your hubby a book about ADD/ADHD and have him read it. I went to a seminar about this, by a doctor, last name is Holloway I believe. I learned so much to help my son. He could not concentrate, was depressed, had no friends. After medication trials (the other person is right, meds take 3-4 weeks to show any benefit), he has gone from a D student in college to getting A's and B's, studying criminal justice. I helped my son as much as possible, never yelled at him. He would start many projects and finish few. You do need support from your husband. Give your meds another three weeks. The expense of gas is probably why your husband is not supportive. But, if you cannot do the commuting, then find another job working at home. Get into a routine and schedule and stick to it. I bet you will do just fine. You just need encouragment. Yelling and cursing at you will not help. Do find a book on line or at a store for your husband to read though about ADD/ADHD, maybe it will sink in and help you too. Good luck.
ADHD is real! sm
I cannot believe as a teacher and an MT that you think ADHD is bull. I happen to have 2 children who have ADHD. When they were both in kindergarten and could not sit still for even 5 minutes at a time, I told myself, "They're just 5." However, each year, it was the same thing. My children happen to have been seen by at least 6 different physicians, facilities, specialists, psychiatrists, pychologists (as I tried everything to not put them on medicine). They all kept telling me the same thing. Now, I have 2 straight-A students who can stay in their seats and pay attention and get their work done. Yes, I believe it is WAY overdiagnosed; however, I do not believe it is bull. When my daughter was 9 years old, if she did not have her meds for a day, she would need anywhere from 20 to 30 reminders per day to get back to work and pay attention. JMO. No flames intended!
ADHD diagnosis
When our son was having trouble in school, we brought him to an expert in the field of ADHD, and after hours of testing he made the diagnosis, and, then after that got an IEP at the school. Every state is different in their different programs, but they all have to provide help for children with special needs. Our son was at a college at another state, they had his IEP and went there for two years, came back home and is at another local college and they told him he never should have had a full load of classes and he is given extra time for testing, etc. The school system should have a special needs department, like they do here in my state and you can contact them about extra help for autism, learning disabilities, etc. It makes a big difference in getting the kids all the help they need to succeed and not fail in any of the schools. Also, I believe the Americans with Disabilities web site can help also.
My son is also ADHD, but we brought him home
in third grade and he is now in 10th. He is no longer medicated. He was in therapy for 2 years because he was bullied, had horrendous teachers, and had low self-esteem because of various school issues. He came home 3 days after starting K saying his teacher yelled at the kids. I should have taken him out then, but didn't think I could do it. I fought the system for so long and continue to fight it today as I help other parents advocate for their children, but at least now my son isn't caught in the middle.
Lots of parents bring their kids home for the high school years, at least for a year. There is no law that says they can't go back for whatever reasons. I know lots of parents who have homeschooled K-11th grade and then their kids want to go to high school for their senior year. If your son is failing and miserable why send him to school.
Anyone have ADHD/ADD and do medical transcription?
If so, how do you keep focused? I have a really hard time with this. Are you being treated? If so, what has worked or not worked for you? TIA
ADHD is bull. Just maybe try to spend some time
working with her (not pushing her but just introducing new things). I am sick to death of the ADD/ADHD diagnosis of kids. I do not believe in it. Some kids DO have a little harder time adjusting to school and again there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just talk to them every day, help them in any way you can but most importantly be there for them no matter what. It will all work itself out but DO NOT stress yourself out over what some teacher says. Most of the time they are wrong and can be proven wrong. I am a teacher, although I teach adults/teenagers in college and really..... I truly believe elementary teachers try to make it easier on themselves rather than try to work with a child that needs it.
Although I'm sure there are legitimate cases of ADHD and autism out there,
I find it hard to believe that all the kids who are pigeon-holed into either category actually do suffer from either condition. They seem to have become a catch-all excuse for "my kid doesn't pay attention," or "my kid doesn't behave the way I'd like him/her to".
Our society has come up with so many lame excuses for so many things, and tends to need a "name" or a "title" for everything.
Maybe this child is just one who matures later than others, maybe she needs to have someone sit down with her and take the time to help her focus better instead of immediately labeling her with the condition du'jour.
Definitely real. Anyone who believes it isn't can borrow my ADHD kid for a while.
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you're wrong, I type for an MD w/ADHD...nm
MT doc to the rescue; ma'am, i think you have ADHD or hypersensitivity. sm
maybe we should prescribe you some meds for that. it will make you perform better on your job and help you greatly. now, i need you to follow up with me weekly so we can draw some labs and keep a check of your status to make sure we don't need to adjust your meds any. that will be $250 for today's consult. yep, and $75 for your RX. oh yeah, and when you come back weekly, expect to pay another $100 per visit plus lab fees. sorry, having a boring, working night. had to spice something up, lol.
There are at least three objective tests now to show ADHD objectively...sm
PET scans, TOVA, quantitative EEG's and the UK just came up with a new one that has to do with the eye following a red light. So much for your bull theory. Maybe you should get out the chair once in a while.
I'm in nursing school and doing a paper on ADHD...here's what I found...what an eyeopener...
Peter Jensen, who is head of psychiatry at Columbia: At least half the children who fit the criteria for ADHD are not diagnosed. Half of the kids diagnosed are not treated (parents get too much flak for "drugging their kids"). ADHD is in 3-5% of population, found in some third world countries too though their survival skills are different from ours so testing doesn't always translate into another culture. Taking sugar and food additives out of diet (i.e. Feingold diet) only makes a difference for 3 months- then no difference (placebo effect). Interestingly, if ADHD is not treated, those kids have a much higher risk of accidents, drug and other substance abuse, drop out of school, and being arrested for a felony. Oh and one more note for all the folks who say it's from being overstimulated...we don't have a TV in our house and my boy still has ADHD - it's genetic. Plus after an appropriate evaluation by a pediatrician who specializes in ADHD, a social worker and an audiologist, he has been treated with medication and behavior modification since second grade. In the challenge program in every subject possible now (middle school) including Algebra II. Reads at post college level.
Bottom line is 4 years old is too early to make a diagnosis. Keep her home another year and let her develop at her own rate, but keep an eye on how she is able to compensate at school later. As I said, ADHD is a genetic disease and it could be possible for her to have it. It could also be possible that you tend to be negative towards whatever your ex says, so don't let that sink your daughter's ship...
A good place to get reasonable, objective info regarding ADHD is CHADD
just keep it in mind for the future. www.chad.org. Also there are some informative videos at coolnurse.com. About 10 videos regarding ADHD. you will have do a search on the site but it's worth it. If it's in her father's family it could be possible that she has it, and if so, you needed to get educated about it and be her advocate. School systems respond very well to confident, well prepared parents who come in to meet for a plan that allows for reasonable accomodations. I've been doing it for years.
Do little kids like caramel? My big kids won't even eat it! We make the basic Baker's chocolat
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I never said you shouldn't have kids! Feeling guilty? I asked WHY you had kids.
You clearly stated in your post that you ship the kids off to camp all day, and they're TIRED AT NIGHT!! You know exactly what you said. You said it as a PERK - AS IN GREAT! They're gone all day, it wears them out, and so I shovel dinner in their mouths and off to bed! You can try to paint it any way you want, but YOU SAID IT. Again, I only hope your kids never hear you speak that way or write that way. Shame on you. Why have kids at all? Just another parent who has them, gets rid of them for day AND night, BRAGS ABOUT IT, and then calls ME wicked! Give me a break! Camp is fine - its WHAT YOU SAID AND YOU KNOW IT. Your own words showed your heart. Period.
Kids are demanding and so is MT work. My question is how CAN you do this with kids, rather than how
When you have two young kids, 11 months apart, (like I stated they are now 4 and 5) and have been doing this since they were born with no help from their father and no family around, YES, the kids get neglected. Part time might work but living on one salary, part time, is not an option. How can you possible tell me that anyone with two young kids can stay at home and work a full-time, 8-hour shift, and still give their kids the attention they NEED. I dont care how good you are at multitasking and how great your organizational skills are. It is a very difficult thing to do. And I am offended by your post making it sound as if it is easy to do.
I do agree that it can depend on how well your kids behave and how well they are able to play on their own. But my kids were not able to play well on their own. They needed constant attention.
So please take the time to realize that there are people out there in different situations than your own.
Reading our posts should help you to understand that everyone has a different situation. I believe everyone should have the right to shares their experiences as it might benefit the original poster in her questions and concerns.
I dont think anyone should be bashed for taking the time out to write about their experiences. I dont usually come on here to argue but you really ticked me off with your post. And try reading the post correctly. I said next time around I would have put them in day care. What I DID do with them was set them up to an activity like art or put on a movie for them. Geez.
Stayed "because of the kids?" I say "leave because of the kids"
You're in no position to buy right now. Keep saving, keep paying down your bills, and for heaven's sake get rid of that dead weight of a BF you're living with. You can do better.
So, should I return the $75 (x2 kids) in music cards I got the kids for x-mas...sm
My son has been telling me about free music sites and I was very leary. How do they skirt the law Radguy?
I don't have kids, but my Mom was from the "old school," and still had everyone, kids inclu
call her by her first name. The little neighbor girl next door from the time she could speak called her Aggie (my mom's first name), and they were great buddies until the day my mom pased away.
I don't think there really is much in a name, but more in the respect you are given and the way you are treated. Personally, I kind of cringe inside when someone calls me Ms. Anything or God forbid, "maam" (makes me feel like Methuselah!) ... I'm always just plain Merrie. :-)
But, as someone pointed out, to each his own. If you want to be addressed a certain way, you have that right, and people should respect that. I'm glad you corrected the child ... hope it "sticks." 
Please do not simply give up, kids or no kids!
Talk with a professional. This can be worked through if he really puts forth the effort and you participate. The right counseling can truly make your marriage even better than it was before, if BOTH parties are willing to be honest. Give it a try. Nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain!
My parents use it
I can't help you with the pre-exisiting conditions question, but my parents use AARP for all of their insurance needs. They saved a lot of money when they switched and have been very happy with them.
I don't think that her parents did it, but I do think..sm
that they are covering up for the person who did it (maybe the brother).
To the poster that said the parents just let them go to
party and drink was sad.
My parents "spared the rod" and I'm now (sm)
a self-sufficient, responsible, mature adult, furthering my education, handling my responsibilities, and not calling home begging my parents for money. So just because some parents "spare the rod" doesn't mean their kids are going to turn out to be spoiled little bloodsuckers the rest of their lives. There are other ways to discipline kids without spanking. Yes, some kids need a good spanking once in a while, IMHO, but there are other forms of discipline that are equally as effective. Just my opinion.
Up to the parents, but they dont do it
Hey, I feel like this, the parents have the only ones who have a right to spank or otherwise discipline kids
I don't have issues with my parents are they are
both deceased, but I have "disowned" all my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. I grew up believing I was the black sheep of the family and maybe I am, but their lives are so screwed up and I never heard from them unless they needed something and there was lots of bitterness and anger about various events - mainly my parent's death. The only way I was able to deal with the issues was to disown them. I was not interested in making things better because they aren't willing to make an effort and I just don't have time for that.
My oldest sister hated my mom and was very ugly to her. My mom did so much for her. All I heard was what a lowsy mother she was. Well, my sister's daughter had a baby and gave it away, did drugs big time, drinking big time, has lived with several guys. Her son is gay and can't hold a job, has had so many wrecks he has lost his license twice that I know of. They just keep buying him vehicles very time he wrecks one. He can barely make a move without having to ask mommy, is a druggie/drinker/liar. Only my sister can't see all of this. We all make mistakes and I don't claim to be a perfect parent, but.....
My parents are retired and
do very well on their savings. It's called preparation. People make their own choices. If you don't PREPARE and do not take RESPONSIBILITY, you will eventually be in such a sad situation. It's not anyone's fault but their own for making poor decisions or failing to make better ones.
Morally, yes - I think other aid should become available to the "mom and pop" situation you are talking about but not reporting and paying taxes on income? No. That is wrong, period.
My boys were taught to pay taxes on their incomes from various jobs. They paid taxes and they paid tithes on it, no matter what it was.
It's called DOING THE RIGHT THING...which seems to be a forgotten concept among the older ones and a brand-spanking new concept among the young ones.
Tax evasion, dear, is ANYONE who fails to report appropriately. They may spend the bulk of money going after big bucks tax evaders but the crime is still the same. It is dishonest and it cheats every loyal, law-abiding citizen.
It doesn't matter if the job is easy or or not (i.e., your reference to house cleaning not being easy). THat has nothing to do with whether a person deserves to report/pay taxes on their income or not.
I am a few miles away from there. SIL parents
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Parents just had them done at $5000 an eye. nm
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I never did think the parents did it. I'm glad they got him (nm)
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I think the parents should be held
responsible. I'm sure the rules are less strict for older kids (he is 16). But it seems a waste of time for the teachers if he is going to only show up part of the every week. He seems to think it is funny that he has really, really bad grades. Seems he is just wasting a spot at school and the teacher's time.
what a brave son (and parents)
How old was he when he did that? He earned every penny it sounds like. You couldn't pay me enough to get that close to snakes (shudder). 
My parents did it about 26 years ago - $20K then -sm
that was a 25,000 gallon, cement with plaster in-ground pool with heater, 2 blowers and skimmers, a swimout (a seat in the deep end), steps in shallow end, ladder in deep end with diving board, with a large cement patio area around the whole pool. Pool still in great shape though it does need to be replastered now (can see cement where it has worn thin). My dad just sold the house so its the new owner's issue now.
Take a look at who their parents are. Where's the blame now? nm
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If not my kid, then the parents need to step up
and take care of their own child. If I need to work, do not babysit period. I took care of my children when they were little and they can take care of theirs. No time to spare when working.
My parents both worked and over the summer they LET us go to
summer camp AND it wasn't cheap for them either. Three kids going to camp 5 days a week (Thursdays were skate day), compare that to what that would cost today. My brother, sister, and I were at camp from 8 AM to around 5 or so and yeah we were beat when we got home, but my folks made sure we weren't "latchkey" kids or running the neighborhood getting into who knows what kind of trouble. My folks spent quality time with us, too, in the evenings, on weekends, holidays, and vacation, but they BOTH had to work to support us. So, for the person who has unjustly persecuted CampMom, please try to be more considerate.
P.S. I should also add that my siblings and I have some of the best memories of summer camp. Did I say that I'm 42 years old?
To all you parents of student athletes - sm
My son came to me today to tell me he is quitting football. A sport he has played since he was in the 3rd grade. He is now a junior in high school. He is an awesome offensive linesman - scholarship bound this year with academics with it. He has a 4.0 GPA, takes AP courses and could have a scholarship coming his way.
Regardless of all of that, I am just heartbroken to see this young talented man just walk away from the game he once loved. I have been crying all morning.
He tells me, "it just is not fun anymore. " He does not want to play. He wants to concentrate on his academics.
This is halfway through his camp, and games start next week. He started on the varsity team as a Freshman.
I am so upset, but I won't let him see it. I do not want him to play a sport to please me or anyone else, but himself. I have to hold all of this in and it is killing me. This is his decision, and I have talked to him over the past few days about, trying to not let him know how disappointed I would be if he quit. Well, today, he went to camp and told his coaches he is not playing, handed his equipment in, and so forth.
Any advice from any of you parents out there for me as to how to handle it from a loving mother point of view! I hide in the bathroom and cry so he doesn't see me. For the simple reason, if he sees me crying, he will continue to play just for me. I really don't want that. He needs to play for himself.
Needless to say, the coach called this morning after he handed in his equipment to talk to him. I am sure there are more calls to come. His teammates will be over this afternoon after camp, I am sure of it. How do I handle this - better yet, how do I help him handle this?
P.S. If he feels like he is letting his teammates down, he will give in and play just for them or for me -
To all you parents of student athletes - sm
This has happened to my daughter this year as well. Her reason was that her coach was a jerk and it wasn't fun anymore. She was a great fastpitch pitcher and he tried to change her mechanics and messed her all up. She didn't want to disrespect him by "telling on him" but it finally came out. When she was pitching it just wasn't her. She was not having any fun any more.
I would suggest finding out "why it is not fun any more." Then if it turns out to be the coaches, find another team he can play on. That is what we did. HTH!
Hope
I do have a neighbor whose parents live
in Houma. She went down there to help them get their things in order. I think she had to bring a generator. I have not talked to her as of yet. I will see her tomorrow and let you know.
Go get to know the family and the boy, introduce yourself to the parents.
That way you can get a feeling on the situation.
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