No, you didn't betray him! That's his illness speaking. Second, does he or did he ever drink?
Posted By: Been There, Too. on 2005-07-14
In Reply to: Please help with "discussion" with boyfriend (argument) - Ms. Emotion
Some folks with drinking problems obviously are also alcoholics, but they don't have to fit the classic "drunk" stereotype. My husband "cycles" as well, probably from bipolar, which is manic depressive - the happy ups and the mean ugly lows. Men tend to self-medicate with alcohol. Also, when an alcoholic is in an abstinent period, which can even often be self decided, no pressure. The drinker just lays off for a while - that mean cycle is a "dry" alcoholic. The original problems remain - the alcohol isn't there to give them their conceived happy "buzz", so they are mean and nasty as they could be as drunks, yet sober. The only way to defeat depression in anyone is by confronting it head-on and NOT letting up. Otherwise, you're then "enabling" their sickness to continue, etc. Sounds more complicated than it is, but its not! You're doing everything right - get help from everywhere, tell everyone you have to, shine light on his behavior, and HOPEFULLY he will be convicted to get help. Otherwise, I agree with the others - pack your bags and move on. It will NEVER get better. It will get worse over time, but you'll get more numb to it... No way to live! I confronted it with my DH - fought viciously for his life, really, and he's a changed healthy man about 10 years down the road. People CAN change, and seek help, and get well, but they have to be confronted with it. Denial is our worst enemy. Good luck to you. I hope this helps.
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No, you didn't betray him.
Tell him to get his head out of his nether regions. I totally agree with the other poster, though. If you think it's bad now, just wait until you've A.been together longer B.gotten married or C.had children with this man. (God forbid!) Things only get worse. All of the little mind games and blame. All of the imagined slights. Then they justify your alleged betrayals as excuses to "get even" with you by infidelity, alcohol abuse, lying, hiding things, gambling, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, then the physical abuse starts in. And what if he does commit suicide? More importantly, what if the depression and/or mental illness is passed on to one of your children? And your kid commits suicide? I'm not slamming people with mental illness, but it's a long, hard road to love somebody with mental and emotional issues. Suicide leaves a lasting scar on your life. You don't see the signs until it's too late, though. One day, you're going to look back and ask yourself why you put up with his stuff for so long.
Yep, when I drink green tea instead of eating junk foods, or if I drink it while I'm exercising,
nm
POLL: Drink of choice. What is it that you drink the most daily?
 
Yes, a gay love story about men who also marry women and have children and betray them. HOW sm
is that a GOOD THING???????????????? Good grief! Oh, bad bad prejudiced society MADE them get married and have families to hide their true love for each other. BALONEY. If you want to be gay, then be gay. Just don't give me all this angst. Not when children are involved. I saw the movie. Phooey.
Very sad - but obviously an illness.
Nobody would be drinking at that hour of the day for *fun*. I hope instead of throwing the fines at her they make her go for professional help.
Don't know what your illness is, but
wish you could see some of the doctors I work for. My brother and his wife are both doctors and they are both increcible caring. My uncle goes to Africa every year (on his on dime) to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Maybe you just need to vent but I don't think it is fair to generalize all.
chronic illness
God bless you. I have systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) and I still work full time, I have a friend diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and she still works full time..Hang in there, honey..You can live with a chronic illness..I have lived with my SLE for 36 years and my friend with multiple sclerosis for 10 years..
Illness/pregnancy
These are supposed to be treated the same - 12 weeks leave - my mother-in-law got sick last year and when she could not go back to work by the date that the hospital specified (she's a nurse) they terminated her from her job - and she had worked at this place for 20 years. I would seek legal advice on this subject before telling anyone at work.
kids and illness
I have ttwokids - 22 and 15, my oldest was born with epilepsy and took them 2 years to find out I was not crazy that something was wrong - he would just fall into a come sleep - no convulsion. Now my 15 year old has an episode - his first and when I rush him to the hospital it takes them 3 hours to be convined he was not on drugs - I know they are doing their job, but not all kids are druggies. i tried to give them a family history and they did not listen until 3 hours later when they got the blood tests back - then they did what they should haev done all along and found out his blood pressure was extremly low, and he probably has a mild hert condition to go alond with his respiratory problems he has had from birth. (heart problems run on both sides, and I have a strong family history of epilepsy too.) Why do all doctors feel that when a kid comes in he must have done something - thank goodness the wait did not cause my son more problems.
Depression is an illness. (sm)
Believe it or not, I understand your feelings about just doing your job day after day and not being appreciated. I think most of us can relate to it; I know when I clean the house or do the laundry, nobody seems to notice, but let me get behind, and boy, howdy all of a sudden I get some attention.
But depression is an ILLNESS, not just a lack of get up and go!!! And a person who suffers from it is hard enough on themselves emotionally without having to hear from people who don't understand it how lazy they are and how undeserving of any support they are.
You need to work on some compassion, and if you can't say anything nice, why say anything at all? If you're feeling underappreciated, for heaven's sake DO something about it. Post on the board that you need some sympathy and you'll get it. We're all in the same boat, really!
An illness? More like a character flaw.
We all have choices to make, and the choices we make define our character. She chooses to drink herself into a stupor and drive a car. She could just as easily choose not to do so. It's all the apologists for drunks, the "it's-an-illness-we-must-not-judge-them" brigade that keep sending the dangerous drunks back out on the road. If someone chooses to drink and drive then kills someone, they have chosen to commit murder and should face the same consequences as any murderer.
Sounds like you are the one with mental illness
NM
If he is on disability for a mental illness, why do you even listen to him? He is nuts. Maybe if h
x
OK. Now if your husband is bringing you down by his mental illness and not paying rent
(is husband able to work? how deep is this mental illness? did he have money to pay rent and spent it elsewhere?) then maybe you should think about leaving him rather than placing your kids in any kind of foster care. That has to be traumatic but then so does living on the street. Speaking of placing your children in foster care while you get yourself OK in the head, what is your problem at this point. You see, if there is a lot of arguing and a dysfunctional family living on the streets, then foster care to permanent placement may be better for them. I just don't quite understand how you got into this mess and if these are mental health issues on both your part and your husband's I would look into placing the children. BTW, how old are they?
So all things considered if you don't have any issues other than depression because of a lack of a place to live and your husband's mental health, I would go to a family member or church and BEG for help sorting your life out. If there is more than that going on, including maybe substance abuse along with permanent mental health issues that will keep you from caring for your children, yes I would seek placement for them. And I would seek PERMANENT placement rather than foster care which I would think would be more traumatic for your children.
Both. Choice A "can" put you there, but so can a major illness, accident, fire, etc.
with this economy it is harder and harder to work your way out of poverty no matter what the reason for being there is.
After divorce, child chronic illness, involuntary job change, parents illnesses and death, was force
I frequently regret it, the changes it has made to my life, but when life hands you horror, at least there is this "final solution" to your financial situation. I must admit, I sleep better, and I can finally hold my head up, and I no longer feel hopeless. Find the attorney you can work with,get your free consultation and DO WHAT HE TELLS YOU TO DO. If you have doubts, see a 2nd and a 3rd attorney, till you're comfortable with the person you choose.
I drink because of this job.
I don't drink it as much as I used to...sm
I stopped drinking one a day just because the cost was prohibitive (it adds up at $2 a can). It's almost worth it, though. I swear, within about 10 minutes of drinking one I can tell a difference--not just energy-wise, either. I feel a lot sharper and can focus better, too. I have switched to drinking coffee just because of the economic reasons, but it's really doesn't have the same effect for me.
If you end up trying it and are concerned about calories, the sugar-free has 10 calories as opposed to 110 in the regular kind. I can tell only a very slight difference in taste. A Flintstone is a Flintstone, right? :)
I drink.
I drink and then I gorge on cheese. Actually, no. That's wrong. I drink WHILE gorging on cheese. Cheap wine and cheap cheese gives me the giggles and then I watch a movie while in my retarded stupor, usually Napoleon Dynamite. Then I pass out and "poof" it's a new day. And then I'm really constipated so then I gorge on chocolate...chocolate Ex-Lax.
I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin. 
I don't drink ...sm
but if I did it would be in moderation or very little. Unfortunately, millions of folks can't seem to do anything in moderation, which creates problems for everyone.
THC oil has to be 80% pure and I doubt too many folks are going to be able to produce it in their back yard. Just as few people brew their own beer, wine, hard liquors. Just as most smokers don't grow and roll their own cigarettes.
I expect the government may eventually legalize marijuana to some degree - if for nothing more than the tremendous tax revenue it will bring in. We will still have crime associated with it, just as we have crime associated with tobacco and alcohol - bootlegging, hijacking of cargo, etc.
Poppy and coca leaves are also natural. Should we grow our own heroin and cocaine? When the medicinal properties of these drugs were "discovered" they were hailed as medical breakthroughs. Used to treat pain, depression, hysteria, anda host of ills, cocaine was thought to be a cure for heroin addiction.
But you won't be growing the purer forms of THC oil in your backyard - just like poppy and coca is regulated and only grown in certain places by certain government approved licenses, so will marijuana. I believe India is the world's largest producer of poppy for medical cocaine. And there will always be those black market sources for people who want to use the drugs for other than curative or medical reasons - just as there is now.
Would people support government controlled THC for cancer treatment? or are they more interested in being "free" to get high and have it socially and legally sanctioned? I would support the former but not the latter.
yes of course I do, I eat, drink, take breaks
40k a year now.  Work your shifts guys.
No, but a tall drink...
might be in order. On second thot - make it five! Ur gonna need 'em.
One drink a day it too much. I hope he has some
decent life insurance.
There isn't a disease that causes someone to take that first drink, first
cigarette, or first hit of whatever. I also think a lot of times "disease" is an excuse and not a real issue. I come from a very long line of alcoholics on both sides of my family. As as result I feel I have a predisposition to becoming an alcoholic, so I choose not to drink. Alcoholism may be a disease in some people, but it is curable. HIV/AIDS is a disease too that is 100% preventable. I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and want to blame everyone else.
I agree. One drink a day is too much because it just
opens the door for addiction. I'm a teetotaler living with an alcoholic, so I know that one drink is too many.
FUN POLL: How many of you have a drink
I admit to having a glass of wine mixed with white soda from time to time. LOL. I'm such a boozer. Can't handle anything stronger! With all these ESL's and mushies tonight, I deserve it.
FUN POLL: How many of you have a drink
While my computer is booting up, I get my drink..can't function without it! (sad huh?). Sometimes, I might have one before lunch, and one with lunch. Usually I stop and have nothing until after supper. Then, of course, I need one before bed. The funniest part, and you may think it's gross....I love an Oreo or two with my drink at night! 
I think you'd drive me to drink, too,
if I lived with you!! Amen!  Nasty, much?
used to drink 16-18 cups a day,
but bladder "accidents" and health concerns caused me to cut down; also developed some scary heart-racing episodes. Now i average 2 cups a day and drink maybe 2 of hot tea in afternoon, and more water.
All you need is a little umbrella drink!
x
I'll drink to that!
Like you, I started MT at a time that mentoring was the norm. I don't think I would have made it without the support and faith of my teachers. It's unbelievable to me how downright mean and impatient some people in this profession become, but I've witnessed the same thing in the nursing profession (there we call it "eating one's young").
Newbies in any field need nurturing and encouragement, and I can't figure out why it's so darn challenging for some of us to give it to them!
I have often said....I drink my fair share, but....
CLEAN YOUR OWN PEEEEEEEEE !!!! UN-F'ING REAL!!!
I really wish I could make myself drink more water..
but as a hazard of being a southern girl, I drink tea all day like it's going out of style 
A drink versus Prozac
Don't worry about it. A drink (in moderation) every now and then, in my opinion, is better than being hooked on Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, etc. I know several women who do not drink, never drank but can not do without their "happy pill". I have a glass of wine or beer after a hard day while cooking dinner which probably happens less than once a month.
I drink only unsweetened tea or water...
nm
some families drink to deal with each other
There is a lot going on underneath the scenes, a lot of hurt feelings not dealt with, a lot of hostility, past differences not completely resolved. All together in one house, the roof would fly off with all the pent up tension. Alcohol smooths it out.
smile and nod, or offer him a drink and tell him
nm
Me too after 20+ years, I drink lots
and lots of coffee.
I wouldn't dare...1 drink and
nm
I knew an MT who did more than drink while typing!!! nm
x
I don't drink at all ever - hate the taste...nm
.
I get a pikc-me-up drink from Starbucks or
My favorite pick-me-upper from Starbucks is of course, their frappachino's (my favorite is mint mocha chip) or an ice-cold coolatta or flavored iced-coffee from Dunkin's. 
I drink 2, maybe 3 cups a day and before noon.
No he doesn't drink anymore
but I have noticed when he goes to the bathroom (we only have one and for some reason they always have to come in and take a pee when you're in there!) that his urine smells very concentrated. I noticed this awhile back and urged him to start drinking more water. He has cut out almost all caffeine (he used to drink Pepsi like an addict) and has upped his intake of water and gatorade. He doesn't take a multivitamin (although I've tried to get him too!)
We do have a clinic here in town that only charges $65 to see the doctor, but unfortunately we are going paycheck to paycheck right now. Hopefully next week we will have some extra and can take him in. I just didn't know if there was anything we could try. I try taking the comforter off of him when he starts sweating but he pulls it back on, and I even put the fan on his side. It doesn't happen every night, but more often than not it does.
I thought maybe it was because he dreams a lot and he was getting his heart rate up, kind of like dogs do when they dream. Not implying that my DH is a dog of course! LOL
Nothing was missing. She did not take a purse. She only had her ID (to drink) in her pocket.
Everything else was in the hotel room. If she drowned she would have become shark or crab food.
I get Monster drink from the corner store...
These really work for me--ingredients below
Carbonated water, sucrose, glucose, citric acid, taurine, natural flavors, sodium citrate, l-carnitine, panax ginseng root extract, ascorbic acid, caffeine, sodium chloride, niacinamide, riboflavin, guarana seed extract, inositol, glucuronalactone, pyridoxine hydrochloride, cyanobalmin.
I would agree with the walking. And drink lots of
water.
I actually lost 20 lbs. after I started to work at home. No pastries, donuts, pies and candy in the break room anymore. :) And I've had time to walk and I drink water instead of tons of coffee with cream and sugar. Of course I still have my one cup in the morning so I won't yell at the kids. :)
Truth is, as an MT, I can't afford pastries or gourmet coffee. The water comes out of the faucet and the exercise membership, i.e. walking the dog around the neighborhood is free!
Worked for me. Give it a month. You'll not only lose the 10 lbs., you'll really feel great.
I drink hot cider frequently and it doesn't keep me
awake. Apple juice is a stimulant, but stimulates the other end.
I drink only noncaloric or low calorie beverages.
I drink water daily but it's either partially frozen or with a lemon or lime slice in it. Teas, black, green, herbal, flavored but no added sugar. Coffees, even flavored, with low fat milk or cream, no added sugar. Sometimes I'll drink juice but only the 100% juice without sugar or corn syrup, lots of cranberry blends. You can mix up drinks using a splash of juice (or wine!) in soda or tonic water. Once you retrain your taste buds to nonsweetened, it'll taste a lot better and you won't be able to drink the sweetened stuff.
Can't take a Bible into the country and women can't drink
x
I love them, but can only drink them super cold.
I put them in the freezer before I drink them. It makes a huge difference in the taste.
I used to drink coke too. I think I kind of replaced it with these though, lol.
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