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I love my children and willingly give up a lot for them- however

Posted By: sm on 2006-07-13
In Reply to: question for all - discussions are welcome

I do not expect them to "do the same" for me in my old age. First of all, it is not the same. I get a great deal of fulfillment and satisfaction from raising my children. The only really hard work is in the first six weeks and then they are so darn adorable you can't throw them out the window anyway. I have never thought of raising my children as a burden - in fact, after 6 years of infertility, two miscarriages and two ectopic pregancies, I am grateful each and every day that I have two children. Now if you feel the same way about your parents - you are grateful to still have them, it's not a burden it's a joy to care for them - by all means you may choose to spend your time caring for them. Parents have had time to plan for their elder years and think of what arrangements may be satisfactory to them. I might add that no one in America loses all their money and ends up out on the street, starving for rice. But I think the attitude towards elder care is changing. I think many people are now willing to put their parents in the nursing home though there is still much angst amongst the Boomers for their "cruelty." A lot of "how could you after all your mother did for you"- that sounds suspiciously like a guilt inducer not a fair assessment of the situation. I owe my children nothing. Everything I have done/will do for them is done freely out of love. Therefore my children owe me nothing.


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She is responding to you and you are eating her alive.  Why would she put herself out there to be treated like this if she didnt mean it. 


I am really astonished at how people can act on here.  Would you treat people like this in person?  If you do, I cant imagine you having very many friends. 


Remember we are all "HUMAN." 


 


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Yep that's it, 4000. Love, love love the zoom
But I feel like a dork typing...every time I try to type But it is coming out as Nut!
Both of my children, now 23 and 24,
bought their own cars and neither of them had a new car. I don't think it hurt them, either. They both were proud of the fact that they did buy their own cars and I was proud of them, too.
Wow that's a lot! We have 4 children and
we probably will not spend that much on all 4 of them. Glad you can afford it.
May you and your children have the
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I have 5 children and have had many a
I agree, something for myself would have been neat. My absolute favorite thing was when someone brought me something special, like something they made or had made for my baby. Those are really the things I remember when thinking back on my showers, and the things I still have today.
32/F, three children
x
And what did your children get?
x
I definitely think having children has something

Does she have other children who can help
relieve some of the care? Does her insurance pay for ANY nursing care? I know what you mean. We were all on shifts as well. Is there a GOOD home she could go to? Even one that isn't a nursing home per se, but adult foster care? My grandmother lived in one. It was very nice and had less than 10 residents and people with various types of needs lived there. My aunts and uncles decided to do this (it was self pay) because they figured if she lived with any one child, that the responsibility probably wouldn't end up being shared by all, and this way they were all responsible for her even though she lived separately from them. Is there a hospice/nursing agency that can offer free or cheap respite care? How about through their church? Even if they could get an evening or a few hours away together, that's a start. They need to preserve their marriage too.
think of your own children if you have any....sm
Would you want them to have to care for you?  All I want for my children is to be happy.  I would never want to put that burden on them and, believe me, it is a burden regardless of how you feel about your parents.  Caring for an ILL elderly parent can be a nightmare.  Caring for an elderly parent is totally different.  I've had to do both and, BTW, so did my parents.  My mother, when in her 50's, now 92, made me promise to never try to have her live with me.  I have done the same with my children.  I do everything I can to help her including bringing her to my home to care for her when she is ill or has had recovery from surgeries.  I don't think the "Waltons" is a realistic plan in this day and age.  If you want to destroy your marriage and stress your children, move your parents into your home. 
If you have children under a certain age...
...you can be excused for years from jury duty by submitting a copy of their birth certificates to the court.

Currently, I'm a single parent with 2 kids in elementary school. I have been excused from jury duty twice now; once when I lived in PA and both kids were just babies and again recently excused from serving or being called to serve here in NY for a few more years by submitting a copy of the birth certificate.

The courts will not force a primary caregiver with minor child(ren) to serve as long as you provide them a copy of the birth certificate.

I would think this also applies to anyone who is a sole caregiver of a chronically ill or elderly family member, but you would have to call your courthouse to find out for sure.
We are not children and by that I mean...

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A simple google search will give you your answer...I'd give you the answer,
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Tell him you'll give him your macros if he'll give you his Lexus, his ski cabin, and (nm)
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children and nitwits
You still don't get it. No matter how old they get, they are still your children but I no longer have the right to make their decisions for them. If your comprehension was good enough, you would have known that as they left my home and started their own lives, I had no further voice in what they did, but until that day, I did have a voice in what they did as far as consequences of bad decisions is concerned. If I am paying for the roof over your head and the food on the table, I do have a say. And being 18 does not make you an adult, nor does 30 or 80. When your child can make good sound decisions about their life and how their decisions impact on others, then you've done a good job. Your silly little cartoon characters in your messagee show that you do not have a command of the English language and I am done with this discussion because it is too complicated for you to understand. I think you probably had your nose and ears pierced too many times and too deeply.
Not everyone is here to "love" your children. SM

I dont expect day care to "love" my children.  Geez.  I expect them to care for them and watch them when I cannot be there. 


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It is a great thing to be a part of.  They treat you like family.  I do understand that not all day cares are the same.  I went on a lot of tours of local day cares and I picked this one because I could pick up on the vibe that this was not your oridinary day care.  They are just such great people.  I can honestly say that I love them all.  I love the friends that my kids made and I have grown to love their families and also the teachers.  They are all truly a wonderful bunch. 


So I don't care for my children because I
choose to work my job. Because I choose to be done with work at 5 and not have to work all night as my children play at my feet. Your absolutely right! That makes me a horrible mother. I mean wanting to give them the social graces, the ability to interact with other children and spend the evening with them without my computer in their face--what a bad mommy I am!
I was trying to be nice. Even to children like you

I was only asking an honest question.


I didn't realize there were children posting on this board.


My son is only 15, but he is fortunate enough to have parents that want to help him so that he will not end up being an eternal bitter child, such as those whose parents obviously haven't bothered to realize that there was a possibilty of their child becoming a total waste of time.


And speaking of wasting time, I'm doing just that. And you should be going upstairs to check on your parents.


I believe it is important for children too..
That does still does not mean that since you made a mistake in your life that you are not entitled to the same rights as everyone else. Could've, should've, would've. We can point fingers and tell people what they should have done, but the fact is, they have rights like everyone else. Of course you tend to do better financially when you do things in the right order. Life does not always work like you want it to though. I myself got pregnant while on BC with a man I had been with for 4 years. I had my son before I got married. We got married when he was less than a month old. He was our only witness. We have since had another child. I have never been on assistance, but I am lucky enough that we have been able to work out our problems and keep our marriage intact. If I could do it all over again, I would have waited, of course. We have struggled quite a bit by having kids so young. Life just doesn't always work out how you want it to though. I want my daughter to get married first and then have children, as do all mothers. Those are things I will teach her too.
Sorry, that should be heard Jen did not want children yet. nm
x
my children are minorities
my children are interracial, black father, white mother.  however, they dont know the first thing about Kwanza.  They are raised to believe that Christmas is about the birth of Christ. 
For children, it's best to let them decide.
It can be healing or traumatic. I do think I'd have her go to the funeral home once, set it up so she only has to be there a short time, help her understand it's time to say goodbye and let go (whether close or not). I've been through a Catholic funeral and don't think I'd force a child to be there. It's good that neither you or DH are forcing one way or the other. Talk with your daughter and help her decide what's really best. Just don't let her hide from the fact that she needs to say goodbye to grandma, close or not.
26 with 2 small children.
.
GOD BLESS YOU with 5 children!!! *S*...nm
x
I am 49, two children (ages 26 and 20). nm
x
I have 5 children, two of which have been babies...
It is not always easy, but you do what you want to do. You will make it work if you try and find out what works best for you. Don't put your baby in daycare just to make it easier on yourself. You can work around the baby!
I smile, say "I don't have children, thanks." nm

I don't think anyone said violence against children was okay...
h
WHERE DOES YOU CHILDREN GO TO COLLEGE sm

Maybe our children go to the same college.   


 


I will start


One daughter goes to Sacred Heart University in Connecticut.  The other daughter will be going to UMass at Amerst in the fall.  


Can I Trade Children - LOL
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second time. I had 2 children, he had none.
Very good marriage, We have 2 other children now.
I think most people who can't have children
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Children with disabilities
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Actually, many in our area have children
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I believe it is, since they are watching your children & (sm)
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My children are grown and now
I am still working at home.  Get to be grandma now.  Don't forget $3 for a gallon of gas also.
I homeschool my children and I get so very

tired of the "S" word.  I think most people feel like we keep them locked in the house all day, doing school for 8 hours a day.  They are community sports teams, the kids in the neighborhood, homeschool activities, park days, church, etc.   There are some families who isolate themselves, but the majority do not.   My kids are extremely social and on weekends we have a line at the door wanting them to come out and play.   I told DH we needed to put up a sign on the door that they aren't here so kids will stop knocking.    Not only are my kids very social, but they are as comfortable with someone 65 as they are with their own peers.  My oldest DS has kids 5 to 6 years younger wanting him to come play because he plays so well with them and they look up to him. 


Kids don't have much time to socialize in the public school setting and the socialization isn't always positive. 


Another consideration with children....
I mostly agree with you. I think one has to also consider one's own working habits along with the child's personality. Some kids just require more attention than others and I think they suffer if they don't get it, and one can't work and actively mother at the same time. In my case, I get focused and react irritably when drawn off task; it's okay now when I can post a sign up that I'm busy and on deadline, but it wasn't fair to them when they were small, and so they were in daycare at least part of the time as second shift was not an option for me. Also, my youngest was much more independent than my oldest and needed less one-on-one interaction (so long as he had those tinkertoys around!).

It's such an individual choice; I don't think anyone can say daycare is always better or at home is always better. I think as long as people take everyone's needs into consideration (including mommy's needs, which too often get shortchanged!) and act on that, then everyone will benefit.
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