I just left after 16 years of marriage. Hardest decision I've ever made, but something that I ha

My husband doesn't want to work.  Never has and probably never will and it took me 16 years to figure out that nothing was ever going to change.  He has been in and out of college over the years with a number of different majors and when he is on the verge of actually finishing something, he up and quits, because I believe he doesn't want to actually go out and get a job.  He loves the going to school part, the studying, etc., but the actual finishing and putting his education to work, that's too overwhelming.

For years I made excuses for him, supported him, and actually believed that as he got older he would mature and finally find his way.  He's 42 now and runs off every day with one of his unemployed friends to play frisbee golf or go hiking or water skiing or fishing while I'm sitting at home at my desk typing until my nose bleeds!

I was one of those women afraid of being by myself.  I recently had a major depressive snap where I cried nonstop for three weeks.  I found a great doctor who became a great friend and she helped me find the right medicine to get my head clear and then she helped me realize that I don't have to be afraid of anything.  I was already supporting myself and my kids without anyone elses' help.  What was so frightening about leaving my husband behind?

So quietly I made my plans to leave.  I let my husband know that I was going to move back home to the area where all my family still lives when school let out this summer.  He didn't believe me because I had said it all before.  So I just made sure he knew I was thinking about it again.  Then May came along and miracously a job opened up at the hospital in the small community I wanted to move back to.  This hospital never has openings because they virtually have no employee turnover whatsoever.  Everyone's been there at least 5 or more years.  I took it as a sign and made my move.  Within two days of submitting my resume, I had an interview set up.  Without even waiting to see if I had the job, I packed up my kids and our stuff and told my husband "I'm going.  I love you, but if you want to be with me you need to get a job and actually be my partner not one of my kids."  And I left.

I got the job, thankfully.  I've been here a month and I know without a doubt that it was the best thing I've done in a long time for me and my kids.  My teenage son had built up a lot of resentment towards his father and their was a lot of anger and tension between the two of them before we moved.  Now, my son is happier than I've seen him in years.  He's more social, made a lot of friends, and even has a girlfriend now.  My daughter misses her dad, but she has always been remarkably wise for her young age and is very open about saying how calm everything is up here.

So there's my story.  I would never encourage anyone to divorce or leave their husband, and I haven't actually taken the step to file for divorce yet myself.  But sometimes separation is liberating and therapeutic.  It has been for me.  I can't remember the last time I felt so peaceful.

• Poll: Who is unhappily married - thinkingofleaving
  • I dumped my ex 20 years ago, but got lucky 13 years ago - Been there
  • interesting - texan
  • I am ...sm - mommaK
    • have/had the same story - here's what I did - MommaV
    • oops..."hurry UP and wait" NM - mommaK
  • married since 03 and pregnant now sm - Sorta newlywed
    • I dodged a bullet with someone like this.. - anon
  • second time. I had 2 children, he had none. - anon
  • I just left after 16 years of marriage. Hardest decision I've ever made, but something that I ha - to do... SM
    • Don't leave us in suspenders! What's the DH doing without you? - Good for you!
      • He calls me daily whining that he doesn't have any money. Then calls me names when I - refuse to send him SM
    • There are worse things in life than being alone. - pillar of strength
    • awsome story - good for you ! nm - thinkingofleaving
  • Unforttunately marriage problems tend to follow you into the next marriage...sm - anon
    • who is doing this twice? *lol*...sm - huh? *lol*
      • most do, though. - nm
        • yes, I agree.....usually The Needy!....nm - huh? *lol*
  • I left 16 years ago and am ecstatic still..sm - Need to feel complete without a man...sm
    • I agree, self sufficient women definitely do not need a man! nm - sm
      • it wasn't luck, my friend.......sm - Need to feel complete without a man...sm
  • Unhappily married? - sm
    • I agree about the kids....AND - sm

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And to pursue my RN degree...I've had quite enough of being treated as a 2nd class worker...enough!!! I'm tired of paying for xxxx doctor's mistakes. I'm tired of being "talked" to by "supervisors and QA" who know even less than I do. And basically, I'm tired of making squat for wages while I work my fingers to the bone...

So, anyone done this transition before? I'm sure there are some out there who have and have been quite successful at it.  If so, I'd love some words of encouragement. Unfortunately, I'm stuck doing this junk until I'm done with school, which will probably be a few years......but hey, I've done it this long, what's a few more, huh?

I believe we were raised (some of us) from mothers who believed women were not *complete* unless they had a man.  Many of us boomers are so over that and feel totally complete without a full-time man in our lives.  I have plenty of friends and have men in my life, just not in my house full time.  I will never ever compromise my freedom(s) again.  Been there several times, done that several times, and am never doing it again.  If someone finds *Mr. Right* - well that's terrific and I wish them well.  It just isn't always the answer for MANY of us.

Prior to my leaving the ex, I had done a pros and cons list and the cons FAR OUTWEIGHED any reasons to stay.  So, I gave him the house and the pet and I took the child. 

I also believe 'tis far better to raise children in a happy divorced family than a miserably married family.

Best of luck to all !!

I have no problem leaving blanks.  It is not my job to suffer over poor dictation.  It is my job to transcribe what is hearable.  I will not compromise my sanity anymore over these lazy-butt doctors who think their time is so important that they rush through their dictation time.  I will do the best I can, but I will not fret over blanks, and neither should anyone else.   

What I WILL do is relisten at the end of the report.  Sometimes I pick up on their *style* and can fill in some of the blanks.  A relisten is all anyone should expect from us.  My time is important, too. 

Back when I was starting out as an MT, I worked with an older woman who was an ART and told me if I ever wanted to earn those credentials, she would mentor me.  That's all you had to do was sort of do an apprenticeship with a mentor and then you could take the test.

Now, if you want your RHIT, you HAVE to complete a RHIT education program.  That's one of the hesitations for me in trying for my RHIT.  I'm not sure I want to commit to full-time school!

You can take the CCS exam for coding without a formal education just as long as you have work experience in HIM and transcription counts.

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