I had a lot of childhood trauma too...
Posted By: sm on 2005-08-22
In Reply to: Thanks, sounds like just what I need. - OP
I first started school, first grade. I'm of mixed race, looked different than the other kids, and I was picked on for it a lot, verbally and also physically and sexually assaulted by a group of boys. I'm an only child, so I internalized everything and do not know how to turn to others because of how I see the world as 'hostile.' I also grew up in a very bad neighborhood with a single mother who was never home, or who partied and I saw a lot of violence with her or others. I was alone alot and someone was shot on our back porch, I didnt see it happen, but I was coming home when the news cameras were there, and the police, and there was tons of blood, and me, mom and grandma cleaned it up.
At a young age, you don't process trauma like you do as an adult, so you're left with the aftermath. My adrenalin kicked in, I was terrified, and now as an adult, I have panic attacks out of no where and i'm fearful that people are going to hurt me, attack me or mentally abuse me in some way. In my mind I know this doesnt make sense, but my body just kicks into that adrenalin mode when i'm in a similar situation that I was when I was a kid, and it just happens.
The brain is very powerful, and with my slowly changing it, the panic has lessened and I view people a little more differently. But its a constant training. You know how you learned the ABC song when you were a kid, by repitition? Try forgetting it, you can't. Thats how powerful the brain is, train it to remember positive reinforcements just by thinking them over and over and it won't forget and you can look forward to a more peaceful future.
Good luck, it takes a lot of work but it will change you for the better! 
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I love ER--don't get it much though anymore--do trauma ER though - sm
from time to time, a bit more depressing and harder than just regular ER, or at least it has been in my experience though it is relatively easy for me now that I have done it enough. If I could find a job just doing ER I would be very happy, they are generally easy to do, basically H&Ps, and always something different going on. I do a lot of MVAs, stabbings, gunshot wounds, etc. now with Trauma ER, all local to where I live too so some hit a little too close to home, but always interesting. Good luck.
I worked in a teaching/major trauma hospital
when I was doing radiology and we had scads of standards.
I am lucky for the most part, my only hard ones are in the Trauma ER unit, where it's crazy but t
just love to dictate while on the spot there, talk about noise. But the name spellers are the worst, as suggested below that will spell "Smith" but not "Teona" (1 I had earlier). I do several divisions that are supposed to supply patient lists (but tend not too), but I guess they get their jollys seeing how bad I can butcher the names. 
My best girlfriend from childhood lives sm
in Colorado Springs and absolutely loves it! She is a school principal out there. She has several friends working at home as MTs and are doing well. I know nothing about where or what though. I live in NC and she and I are both originally from Michigan.
POLL: childhood memories
Remember mickey mouse ice cream bars? They were shaped like mickey's head and the face was vanilla ice creame with chocolate ice cream for eyes and mouth. His ears were chocolate covered. I don't think they make them anymore. What treats do you miss that you can no longer find?
My DH lived 1/4 mile from my childhood home,
can't you tell I'm a country kid. I thought he was a geek when he was younger (he knows this), he was a looker in high school but had a steady girlfriend and was subsequently engaged, then she left him and he went in the service. Once he came home I was totally surprised at what a great man he'd become, a hottie and a really nice guy too! Her loss was my gain and the rest is history as that was 26 years ago and he's still the love of my life!
Absolutely! They miss out on a great childhood.
I have a therapist friend and that's exactly what she told me. They are suddenly seeing many many teens for depression/anxiety. Very sad.
Did you see the story about bake sales/childhood obesity?
From the AP out of Minneapolis. "Study links bake sales, weight problems."
Puhleez. What next?
When are the "Diet Police" going to stop and realize that the majority of the obesity "problem" among children begins at home? Who gives these kids the money to go eat at McDonalds and loads their cupboards with junk food anyway?
Sure my kids like sweets and they like McDonalds, but monitor and moderation goes a long way.
Something tells me that a pencil sale just isn't going to bring in that much cash flow.
I should try this. Posttraumatic stress syndrome is what I have from a childhood filled with neglec
I am afraid of everything. It is exhausting being in a state of fight or flight. I have isolated myself and refused to have children as my own childhood was so terrifying. Did not help that we moved numerous times during school years. Thank goodness for a few sensitive teachers and the parents of a friend. With MT, at least I know what is expected of me. There is no guessing games like there are in my mind when I am in the midst of people.
I hate those but I hate trauma notes on children even more sm
I used to work for a large hospital that saw a lot of children for various horrible things.
The very last one I did was a 12yo boy who had hung himself while his mother was at work. She thought he was in school. The doctor cried, I cried (as I usually did) and I just couldn't handle that anymore. That was the longest report I swear. Short in lines but the length was almost an hour. The doc didn't pause the machine, she cried, horrible gut wrenching sobs, and I did too, right along with her.
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