I asked a senior citizen the secret to happy marriage = "Chose your fights wisely."

• Just needing to vent - me
  • sounds like he needs attention and is afraid - to say it so just acts like a brat
  • I think it's that time of year for most men right now. - sounds familiar
    • Your hubby must my hubby's twin. sm - mlstoo
      • I found the missing triplet - lm
  • I asked a senior citizen the secret to happy marriage = "Chose your fights wisely." - Tell hubby!!!
    • Very wise, but even better. sm - omt

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Good lord.  Why is it when someone does not want to do something with their spouse it is "assumed" another woman and/or man involved? If he just started working and is probably working hard, long shifts etc, maybe he just wants a day to himself to sleep, lounge do whatever.  Call and talk to him and tell him how you feel.  Maybe he is the cautious type (I know my husband is), but maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you he just wanted to sleep/lounge/have a day for himself.  

I am sure he misses you and the kids, but I am sure he is also tired. 

You also said in your post you trust him 110%.  Then trust him.  Let him know how you feel, but respect him and don't go see him.  Yes, you are an adult and no you do not need his permission, but you are his other half, you need to respect him (and vice versa).

Good luck and don't pay attention to the negative posts.    

So we have ELIZABETH SMART.....noted by a woman in a passing car who id'd ES.

The police didn't do squat to find poor Jessica Lunsford - trampled all over the evidence, knocked on the door when the child was THERE! AND NOW they have screwed up the case so bad this maniac may "walk".

Now it was a woman waitress who ID'd Shasta.

The little girl in south Florida was left in a horrible home environment and was killed by what? a criminal

Yeah, I'm not real impressed with law enforcement.

Here's the deal... You can stay here for free IF you are going to college at least part-time and working, or going to college full-time.  Unfortunately we don't have the money to  pay for her to go to school full-time, but we can help.  If she doesn't go to school and only works, then she pays a reasonable rent to live here (our way of encouraging college). 

Her  plan:  She's going to work full-time 3:30 to midnight at the same place her boyfriend works (nice for safety walking out to the car), and she'll take 2 or 3 general ed classes at the junior college.  She plans and wants to pay for them herself. 

The rule around here  is that they can stay as long as they want or need, but be ready when you leave.  Trying to discourage willy nilly moving out and moving back in.  We're not a hotel and there isn't a revolving door her.  And YES, 18-year-olds are notorious for being full of themeslves.  But as I tell my kids, I don't care if you're 25, if I'm paying for your shelter, food, utilities, car, gas, clothes or ANYTHING, then you're still a dependent and will live by my rules.  An adult provides for himself and until you're out on your own and providing for yourself, you're not really an adult yet.

We don't need the fake stuff when we've got the real thing.

is important, and it IS definitely relevent, is because it does make a difference.  When somebody  dates, is engaged, is educated, gets married, and THEN has children they overwhelmingly do better in society than single unmarried women.  Not that there are not exceptions, of course there are, but being single sets you up right from the start to be disadvantaged financially and in numerous other ways.

It also sets a bad example for your children who grow up thinking this is okay behavior, which then perpetuates the practice of having children out-of-wedlock.   Children need 2 parents.  The role of a man and father has been so marginalized since the  1960s/1970s, but it is truly an  important part of the upbringing of a child. I really believe that with all my  heart.

I do notice you started back pedalling and saying "oh it's not really so bad and he is my best friend" Once you started getting some responses to get out of the marriage. 

I am glad you can see that your husband and marriage has some really positive traits but please it won't help you to minimize the areas where you are having trouble just because you are under fire.

I don't agree  that you should just up and leave your husband. He does sound like he might have some very serious issues and possibly you as well for putting up with this treatment but I dont' judge because each relationship can have some problems.  The key is recognize and try to solve not to fight.

 Tell me -- how can you miniimze the fact your husband is living it up so to speak -- going out with friends whenever he wants WITHOUT you.  While you stay home like menial labor taking care of kids. 

A marriage is  partnership where each individual needs to be able to pursue their own interests but the thoughts, feelings and well being of their partner has to come into play as well.  A marriage cannot survive when only one partners needs are being met and the other's are ignored. It just depends how long you are willing to put up with it or how long before he crosses another line (into an affair maybe when he is out alone). This is dangerous territory and you need to stop minimizing the situation and realize you marriage might be in grave danger.

What is sounds like is your husband wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants a great social life without you and kids tagging along -- reliving his single days possibly -- working out when he wants, going out to lunch or dinner.

There is nothing wrong with him pursing his individual interest and friendships --- we don't become bound at the hip when we become married -- we need to have our own sense of self. But the problem here is he DOES have a sense of self and readily pursues his own interestes but does ALLOW you to do the same. This is not partnership -- but it is control and oppression. 

While you still may get along well, have great sex etc this is not a healthy realtionship for either of you and your children will see that you constantly defer your dreams and desires and wants at your husbands wishes whilst he does whatever he wants.  Is this a lesson you want to teach them?  That woman should be kept in the home and be basically a maid, a cook, a childcare provider and at-home worker but does not deserve respect and dignity from husband and to be treated equally?

You can turn this around.  I am not suggesting you just bail.  Do as you suggested.  Stand up to your husband. Don't argue. Simply state (don't ask) that you will be going out -- if he refuses to watch the children then DO hire the sitter.  When you are both more calm let him know that you understand his desire to pursue his own interests and friendships and your support that -- but you deserve the same right.  Also you both need to balance those things with family time -- which should come first.

Consider martial counseling but don't just leave. See if he will agree. You and your husband need to see why he is so passive/aggressive towards you and why you are willing to put up with that. If you are religious seek Christian couseling and prayer from a pastor to help save your marriage.

However, if he refuses to change, refuses counseling you may come to a crossroad where you might have to consider if you can live under these conditions.

You should be afraid my dear.  I am divorced had a similar husband. I would be very frightened your hubby might be having an affair or might consider one.  He has you under his thumb... he comes and goes as he pleases and there are no repercussions. He does not respect your rights or see you as an equal patner. What does he do with his "buddys" -- go to the bars? Are there late nights? Business trips?

I am truly not trying to be mean but you need to open your eyes to the possibility where this might be going... and please do NOT say it won't happen to me because ALL women who have had a husband cheat think that. 

Also get yourself an education if you don't have one - work on a degree. I know you work as an MT but can you support a house and 3 children on that??  If you marriage does end... what will you do to make a living? Start thinking of taking some online courses or one night at community college.  Get another skill if you don't make enough as an MT.

Please just consider advice from someone who has been there. I am a single Mom with 2 boys. Was married over 10 years.  Been there and now struggling to make ends meat as a single parent. Wish someone had advised me the same. 

By all means work on your marriage but be prepared. Get educated. Save some of you own money in a bank account don't keep everything in his name.... It's hard to fight denial but you need to watch our for your kids and your future while trying to fight for the marriage.

You need to have an extremely good memory.

Whether you use SmartType, Instant Text, Shorthand, Fast Type, or follows all of the suggestions books such as "When The Name of the Game is Keystrokes," or www.productivity.com. It will always boil down to having an extremely good memory. Without one, you will never have a high line production when you use the keyboard. --- Knowing how to write macros and templates certainly helps.

Anyone who says otherwise is not paying attention to their own capabilities.

Did you ever think of telling the person that hired you?  Daaaaaaaaaaa.LMAO