Funeral etiquette question for you. sm
Posted By: dol on 2006-02-18
In Reply to:
Hubby's mom has passed away. Our daughter is 11. She went to my mother's funeral last year and did okay. She insisted on going as she was close to my mom and she was given the decision because of her age. It was also a graveside, closed casket service.
She was never that close to hubby's mom and it's going to be an open casket Catholic funeral with visiting hours at the funeral home, etc. She does NOT want to go. I have some people saying that she has to go as she is the granddaughter and others saying that she is too young for this type of service.
In one way I think that children need to deal with things so that they can mature. Hubby is neutral on this issue as well.
What do you all think?
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funeral etiquette
She is not too young but it would not be good to force her to go. My children went to family funerals with us but we live in the south and are not catholic, do not have a lot of set rituals, just a few songs, some words from a minister, about the person who died and what they meant to the family, closing with prayer and the "last look" at the body. Family and close friends usually go for a short interment ceremony at cemetery . Funerals here are almost always open casket. usually the preacher tells the family they need to prepare for the day when they will be "in the box" forgive the way I put it but that is what they do. The first time we took kids with us, I talked to them and told them what to expect re appearance of the deceased etc. Maybe you could talk to her and explain that this is the last time she will "see" grandmother in this life. If other children are going, she would not want to be the only one that doesn't. However I don't know that much about catholic funerals and if you and your husband agree, that is the main thing. If anyone is rude enough to try to tell you how to run your life in this area, tell them that your husband and you agreed on this. Hope this helps.
Etiquette - Thank you?
I just signed a contract with a clinic to be one of two or three transcriptionists working from home as an independent contractor. I can't decide if I need to send them a thank you letter for taking the time to meet with me, discuss the contract and sign or not.. If I am offering a service and they are my client, then Yes, correct?
Okay, then what do I say? I'm just kidding, sort of - Just thank them for taking the time to meet with me and that I look forward to serving them???
Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Obviously this is my first direct contract with a clinic rather than through another transcriptionist..
Etiquette
I recently had a job interview for an MT position, and the perspective employer told me that she was going to keep the job open for another 2 weeks and had more interviews. I'm thinking it might be a good idea to send a followup letter, but I have no idea how to word it other than to thank her for her time. Would any of you be so kind as to make any suggestions on this? Thanks so much!
Etiquette, schmetiquette.
I don't see the point of spending more than you can afford for gifts for people just to "keep up with the Joneses". That's not called etiquette, it's peer pressure. Really, what are the recipients going to do? Blacklist you from their next wedding? Demand a bigger gift out of you? When my husband and I got married 15 years ago, the $5 bill stuffed in a card had as much sentimental value as the $350 hotel gift card we got. It's the thought that counts, not the amount. If people are so petty that they're going to sit around condemning others for not spending more on gifts, they're not very nice people to begin with. If $25 seems like a reasonable amount to you, then it is a reasonable amount. Etiquette is just a fancy way of saying some people have nothing better to do than make up rules for other people.
Another question, as far as etiquette when applying for a job... SM
I was thinking about applying with the service that the hospital is outsourcing to and I was wondering say I take the test and get a job offer, is acceptable for me to request that I be placed on my former employer's account and will they honor my request?
They have been handling our over flow for several years and so I'm sure that there are MTs who have been on the account a while. So I guess I was just wondering if they would let me work on an already well established account.
I'd lean more towards traditional etiquette as well. sm
I think it's tacky. I recently received an invitation that had a printed card for a Penney's registry inside and thought it was inappropriate. Taking calls and answering questions are all just part of being the bride - just enjoy it! Congratulations!
Wedding announcement etiquette question...
Hello,
My fiance and I are thinking about including a separate note in our wedding announcements/invitations telling people where we're registered at or a charity they could make donations to in our honor so that we don't have to field a cazillion phone calls asking this. We're thinking about wording it something like "your kind thoughts and presence if possible is your gift to us. For those who'd like to send an additional gift we request that a donation be made to *** charity. We are also registered at ***.
Would you do this to make it easy for people or would you consider it tacky? Personally I'd like it if people sent that when they sent me invitations to help make it easy to know what they want for a gift.
Votes please!
A question of gift etiquette.... (see mssg.)
Okay --- tell me what you think about this odd little experience!
A friend of mine, a woman who is very well-off -- far more so than I will ever be -- over the years has routinely given me bags of her college-student daughter's clothing that she no longer wants. Her daughter gets tired of stuff LONG before it even looks old, and I really like her particular taste in clothes. We're pretty much the same size, too! So I would always get this cool hand-me-down stuff to sort through, most of which I would keep.
Those I didn't keep were usually items that were a bit too small for me, usually skirts or pants. Usually I would just take those to the Goodwill, but I have another friend that is slightly smaller than I, and also a lot poorer. She's been unemployed much of the time I've known her, and really needed the clothes! Since she usually shopped at the Goodwill anyway, I knew that giving her the stuff I couldn't wear would save her even more money. That way all of my friend's daughter's clothing went to good use, and was enjoyed. A win-win situation. Or so I THOUGHT....
Unbeknownst to me, it turned out that the friend who gave me all these clothes could not STAND the friend that I was giving the too-small stuff to. I didn't know this until one time when I told her how great it was that the other friend was so grateful to have the clothing that I didn't want, because then none of it had to go to the Goodwill, all went to good use, etc. etc. WELL! Instead she emails me and tells me that she cannot STAND my other friend, and absolutely does NOT want me to give any of the clothing I don't want to her, because she "doesn't want to see her wearing it." (?????)
I emailed back and said that although I respect whatever reasons she has not to like my other friend, that I DID have a problem with being told what I could or could not do with cast-off clothing that was given to me, and therefore MINE to do with as I saw fit. I certainly didn't want to have to tell my other friend that I couldn't give her any more clothing because the person I received it from didn't like her and didn't want her to have it! So, since we all have the same large group of friends and see each other often, I decided that I would just no longer accept used clothing from my friend's daughter anymore. In order to try to keep the peace, I simply told her I "had no more room in my closets for any more stuff", though I'm sure she knows why I no longer want the clothes. But, because of her control-freakishness about who wears these clothes, now both my other friend and I have lost out on a good thing.
 What's your take on that? Don't you think that once you GIVE something to someone as a gift, that it is THEIRS to do with as they please, regardless of how you may happen to feel about it? Does that sound odd to you?
Funeral services
I agree. I personally did not attend my first funeral until I was in my mid 20s, even when my beloved grandmother died, it was her wish that we "kids" not attent (age 12 at the time). I have never forced my own son to attend as a child either. I now feel obligated to attend services for husband's family, etc but always dread the whole ordeal, even for just a distant relative, etc. Grateful that my parents also will not be having formal services, just simple cremation. You must do what YOU feel is right for your child and your own situation.
Another funeral question...
Any suggestions for different/easy foods to take to widowers? I know when we have had deaths in my family, we are overwhelmed with cold cuts, and the widow works at the bread factory, so I'm sure she's good with that! I need to go over there tomorrow, so whipping something up would be in the midst of working, and that's why it needs to be something relatively easy. I appreciate suggestions.
Seems like everybody's passing nowadays. :(
re: funeral food
Casseroles and quiches are easy, reheat well, and you can use the throwaway pans. There are a million recipes online.
Scotland, with bagpipes at my funeral. nm
NM
worked in a funeral home
I used to be a secretary in a funeral home and this is not uncommon at all. Its been years ago, but I think a family would contact the funeral home and the funeral home would then get in touch with the cemetery and make the necessary arrangements with them. I think as far as costs go it was just the opening and closing of the plot. Like I said it has been well over 10 years that I worked there, but call the funeral home and they should be able to take it from there. Hope this helped.
I think I cried more than at my own dad's funeral!! Am I horrible?
nm
Question for ICMT whose was asking about a funeral....sm
What did you decide?
My grandmother died last week and I let my 6-year-old attend the funeral. A child psychologist friend had advised that I should let her do as much as she wanted to do - i.e. if she wanted to see the body in the open casket then let her but if she was scared then don't. A year ago we buried a cat and I was able to relate to her that my grandmother's spirit has moved on to heaven while her body is here on earth, just like with our old cat and she related to that very well. She ended up insisting on seeing the body in the casket. Overall she did very well with the funeral experience. This was her first funeral to attend where she was old enough to have a clue what was going on.
While at the funeral home I read a pamphlet they had for talking to kids about death. It made suggestions of letting a child mourn the way they desire and said that it's helpful for kids to draw pictures about their feelings. I agree with this totally as play/art is what I do with my daughter when she's upset about something and it helps her to talk about it while we're making something artistic.
Transcription For Funeral Homes
Hi
Does anyone know for sure what type of medical transcription funeral homes would use? I don't think they would be autopsies, but someone told me they utilize this service.
Any advice is appreciated.
Thanks....Kymee
The funeral home generally does
not hire MTs. The forensic pathologist hires the MT. You can ask the funeral home for a list of their doctors.
way off topic wedding present question - is there proper etiquette on the amount a guest must (sm)
spend on the wedding present? I have known people who hardly know the bride and groom yet spend $75 to $100 on a present. Is this now the expected/correct amount to spend? I was inclined to spend $25. Am I being cheap?
never ever force anyone to attending funeral rituals, but especially a child who does not want to go
nm
forgot to say we had to go out of town for funeral a couple weeks after our new
nm
I can speak from experience, when I was 11-yr, I had to attend my great-uncle's funeral and it wa
an open casket service. Coming from a predominantly Catholic family, I was told that I had to pay my respects. I can only tell you of the nightmares that I had for the next 2 weeks after that. If she doesn't want to go, don't make her. If the other family members feel it is unacceptable, that is their problem. There are always other ways to pay respect.
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