ESL's
Posted By: PMT on 2006-05-22
In Reply to: Need to vent. I'm fed up! - NM
The Medical Transcriptionist's Chapeau
Over the years, we've all had people ask us to explain what we do. Some
people just nod their heads and obviously don't get it. Others are truly
intrigued by our ability to turn a spoken word into a comprehensive medical
record. Often they ask, "Do doctors talk anything like they write?" And,
of course, you have to chuckle and say, "Well, sometimes, yes." But if you
think about it, we really have to wear a lot of hats, to wit:
The Psychic Transcriptionist
You have to know that, "um, um, um, um, um, um......" equals "I'm
thinking and I'm afraid this machine will cut me off, so don't type this,"
without anyone instructing you in this way.
You need to know that a drug pronounced "Norvasec" and Dr. Wonderful so
helpfully spelled "N-o-r-a-s-a-c" is, most probably, Norvasc.
The Foreign Language Specialist
And who, but some of us, would know that"reedoondun faht awn her heeps, her
habdomang hand her tites" really means "redundant fat on her hips, her
abdomen and her thighs?"
Or that a "tu tu tree ober tseex tsistoleek mumu hindy mitroharia" actually
translates into a "2-3/6 systolic murmur in the mitral area?"
Then there's "sclerae slight jello," which we, of course, know means the
sclerae are slightly yellow.
Freudian (?) Slips
As in, "the patient had bilateral Cadillacs"..... well, that's pretty
obvious -- he must have been thinking about that new car instead of the
patient's condition.
and then there's my personal favorite.... "Vittles" (translation: vital
signs) - must be lunchtime!
The Scientist/Transcriptionist
"Temperature 100.2 degrees Centigrade" -- talk about your basic HOT FLASH!
Or, "Urine culture revealed growth of E. coli greater than 100,000
calories." Not with my lunch, thank you.
Star Wars Helmet (literal translations from another galaxy)
"The patient states, 'we su, ho chi, ah ma, ah so.'" ET, phone somebody!
(somebody ELSE, that is!)
Anatomy 101
"The patient's left leg was involved in a motor vehicle accident." Did he
just send his leg out for the paper, or what?
And of course, "He was positive for esophagus, however, it is uncertain how
significant this finding was."
Or, "The pain decreased to about half that originally and then presented to
the emergency room in stable condition." (Did the pain feel better after
that?)
I'm a Transcriptionist, not a Magician
"Together with the infections disease service the final decision of what
this patient might be having a low grade fever coming from his decube
ulcer."
Things I Wish You Hadn't Told Me Before Lunch
"The patient had a weak spell on a plane ride with a black tarry stool."
(Bet the stewardess looooved this guy....)
It would be a wonderful world if all the dictators spoke like the people on
those "practice" tapes -- pear-shaped tones, people who really can say that
stuff about the rain in Spain on the plain correctly -- but it's not likely
to happen in our work places. Instead, we have to enjoy the great speakers
and let them know we appreciate them, help the English-is-my-second-language
folks, nail up dangling participles to a more solid structure, and I think
it's only fair for us to take a great deal of pride in what we do. You
can't just drag somebody in off the street to do this, as in, "Well, why
can't you just get somebody who can type fast?"
So, the next time you find yourself explaining to someone just what a
medical transcriptionist really is and does, take a moment to pat yourself
on the back. Give yourself credit for all the times you took an extra few
minutes to figure out the word he couldn't quite say and you couldn't quite
hear, when you searched through every book in your building until you found
the right word, when you created from a foreign student's dictation a
cohesive, readable report, and for those times when you just kept somebody
from looking dim because you knew what he said wasn't what he really meant.
Simply, congratulate yourself for all the times you did it right, just
because it should be.
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