Different Grandkids
Posted By: Ellen S. on 2006-04-14
In Reply to: My 4 yo is having trouble. - Lynn
I'm by no means an expert, but I can tell you how different our two grandchildren are. My grandson will be 5 in June. He's very tiny (only weighs 34 pounds and wears size 3T), but he's extremely intelligent and very athletic. His daddy asked him recently how many points difference there was in a basketball score (109-99 or something like that) and he thought for a minute and blurted out the correct answer!! He can count to more than 100 and can count by 10s. He loves sports and scored between 8 and 12 points in each of his YMCA basketball games against kids a head taller. He's just amazing. He is very socially adept and well-mannered.
On the other hand, my husband's grandaughter is just three months younger (born on 9/11/01 of all days!!). She is a head taller and 20 pounds heavier than my grandson but she is extremely shy and immature and a downright brat. She screams and throws tantrums much of the day and has a very short attention span. She refuses to sit still long enough to learn her numbers and letters. She is also very physically clumsy. She's also very selfish and will not share anything. She will scream until her mommy picks her up and carries her into our house....as heavy as she is!!
I think much of the difference has to do with the fact that my son and his wife both work (he's an elementary school teacher and she's a nurse administrator) and he's been in either daycare or preschool ever since he was born. On the other hand, our grandaughter will not stay with anyone so my stepdaughter has never been able to work. She has never had the social interaction that is so important for kids. She's going to miss the deadline for kindergarten this year (thank God), but I cannot imagine how she will be able to tolerate being away from her mommy for even a few hours. I can just see her kicking and screaming. We figure she's going to be kicked out of kindergarten.
Anyway, long story short, all kids are different and these differences are the result of a lot of factors, some of which we have control over and some we don't. My stepdaughter's husband is a real a...hole and has a terrible personality and my granddaughter is much like him. The parents also fight a lot and he's very demeaning to my stepdaughter. On the other hand, my son and his wife are wonderful parents, love each other and him very much, and are very social and they include him in all their activities.
I was a single parent, too, raising two sons from infancy by myself. I worried a lot about how they would turn out, but they're both great young men. Of course, we hit a lot of snags along the way. Just be patient and supportive and hopefully you and your ex-husband can form a united front when parenting your child. Just don't fight in front of her. That's the best gift you can give her.
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