Come on over to the west coast too where interracial marriage

• Former AAMT motivational speaker, Dog the Bounty Hunter in hot water. - sm
  • RE: Dog - klownmom
  • Now, regarding my use of the word 'nigger', I used the word as a point of reference. And, to - the poster who thought I was out of line (sm)
    • AAMT - nana
      • Wasn't bashing you Nana! - speakeasy
      • We don't have the right - speakeasy
        • Listen to the - nana
          • I think the man is prejudiced regardless of another time and place. - I don't care if he was on the phone with his (s
            • It is not your right - speakeasy
            • Prejudice - nana
              • My opinion - Go ahead - flame me
                • Agree/disagree. - mtathome
                • Used to think as you do - Deep south also
                  • Come on over to the west coast too where interracial marriage - has been going on for decades. (sm)

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for one thing. I am in a rather economically depressed area and I START my price at .14 and drop a penny for each of several things - no tapes, sending electronically, etc.

This job of the OP may be a bugger-bear to transcribe. Even .14 may be too low.

X

We don't need the fake stuff when we've got the real thing.

is important, and it IS definitely relevent, is because it does make a difference.  When somebody  dates, is engaged, is educated, gets married, and THEN has children they overwhelmingly do better in society than single unmarried women.  Not that there are not exceptions, of course there are, but being single sets you up right from the start to be disadvantaged financially and in numerous other ways.

It also sets a bad example for your children who grow up thinking this is okay behavior, which then perpetuates the practice of having children out-of-wedlock.   Children need 2 parents.  The role of a man and father has been so marginalized since the  1960s/1970s, but it is truly an  important part of the upbringing of a child. I really believe that with all my  heart.

I do notice you started back pedalling and saying "oh it's not really so bad and he is my best friend" Once you started getting some responses to get out of the marriage. 

I am glad you can see that your husband and marriage has some really positive traits but please it won't help you to minimize the areas where you are having trouble just because you are under fire.

I don't agree  that you should just up and leave your husband. He does sound like he might have some very serious issues and possibly you as well for putting up with this treatment but I dont' judge because each relationship can have some problems.  The key is recognize and try to solve not to fight.

 Tell me -- how can you miniimze the fact your husband is living it up so to speak -- going out with friends whenever he wants WITHOUT you.  While you stay home like menial labor taking care of kids. 

A marriage is  partnership where each individual needs to be able to pursue their own interests but the thoughts, feelings and well being of their partner has to come into play as well.  A marriage cannot survive when only one partners needs are being met and the other's are ignored. It just depends how long you are willing to put up with it or how long before he crosses another line (into an affair maybe when he is out alone). This is dangerous territory and you need to stop minimizing the situation and realize you marriage might be in grave danger.

What is sounds like is your husband wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants a great social life without you and kids tagging along -- reliving his single days possibly -- working out when he wants, going out to lunch or dinner.

There is nothing wrong with him pursing his individual interest and friendships --- we don't become bound at the hip when we become married -- we need to have our own sense of self. But the problem here is he DOES have a sense of self and readily pursues his own interestes but does ALLOW you to do the same. This is not partnership -- but it is control and oppression. 

While you still may get along well, have great sex etc this is not a healthy realtionship for either of you and your children will see that you constantly defer your dreams and desires and wants at your husbands wishes whilst he does whatever he wants.  Is this a lesson you want to teach them?  That woman should be kept in the home and be basically a maid, a cook, a childcare provider and at-home worker but does not deserve respect and dignity from husband and to be treated equally?

You can turn this around.  I am not suggesting you just bail.  Do as you suggested.  Stand up to your husband. Don't argue. Simply state (don't ask) that you will be going out -- if he refuses to watch the children then DO hire the sitter.  When you are both more calm let him know that you understand his desire to pursue his own interests and friendships and your support that -- but you deserve the same right.  Also you both need to balance those things with family time -- which should come first.

Consider martial counseling but don't just leave. See if he will agree. You and your husband need to see why he is so passive/aggressive towards you and why you are willing to put up with that. If you are religious seek Christian couseling and prayer from a pastor to help save your marriage.

However, if he refuses to change, refuses counseling you may come to a crossroad where you might have to consider if you can live under these conditions.

You should be afraid my dear.  I am divorced had a similar husband. I would be very frightened your hubby might be having an affair or might consider one.  He has you under his thumb... he comes and goes as he pleases and there are no repercussions. He does not respect your rights or see you as an equal patner. What does he do with his "buddys" -- go to the bars? Are there late nights? Business trips?

I am truly not trying to be mean but you need to open your eyes to the possibility where this might be going... and please do NOT say it won't happen to me because ALL women who have had a husband cheat think that. 

Also get yourself an education if you don't have one - work on a degree. I know you work as an MT but can you support a house and 3 children on that??  If you marriage does end... what will you do to make a living? Start thinking of taking some online courses or one night at community college.  Get another skill if you don't make enough as an MT.

Please just consider advice from someone who has been there. I am a single Mom with 2 boys. Was married over 10 years.  Been there and now struggling to make ends meat as a single parent. Wish someone had advised me the same. 

By all means work on your marriage but be prepared. Get educated. Save some of you own money in a bank account don't keep everything in his name.... It's hard to fight denial but you need to watch our for your kids and your future while trying to fight for the marriage.

Good lord.  Why is it when someone does not want to do something with their spouse it is "assumed" another woman and/or man involved? If he just started working and is probably working hard, long shifts etc, maybe he just wants a day to himself to sleep, lounge do whatever.  Call and talk to him and tell him how you feel.  Maybe he is the cautious type (I know my husband is), but maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you he just wanted to sleep/lounge/have a day for himself.  

I am sure he misses you and the kids, but I am sure he is also tired. 

You also said in your post you trust him 110%.  Then trust him.  Let him know how you feel, but respect him and don't go see him.  Yes, you are an adult and no you do not need his permission, but you are his other half, you need to respect him (and vice versa).

Good luck and don't pay attention to the negative posts.