Bloopers can be posted on the Comedy board.

1. The patient comes in for a lesion on the penis which has been present on and off for 2 years and seems to be getting smaller.
   
2. Patient comes in complaining of hoarseness. The patient apparently lives with his wife and does a fair amount of talking.
   
3. The left side of his cranium is missing.
   
4. He does have well-known hemorrhoids.
   
5. Reflexes in the upper extremities are normal and symmetrical. Lower extremities show an absent right ankle compared to the left.
   
6. I also gave her a back book to start doing exercises in.
   
7. He does have a fairly high stress job and appears in the clinic with his lap-top computer today.
   
8. The patient wishes to establish with a neurologist with the diagnosis of Parkinson's disease.
   
9. She is on SEPTRA right now for a sinus infection which she was given over the phone.
   
10. She has not been taking the medications that were prescribed. She notes that smoking marijuana currently helps most of her symptoms.
    
11. The patient reports that since she had a colonoscopy, she has noticed some problems with her short term memory.
    
12. 28 year old male comes in requesting a work release for his foot.
    
13. She reports some hearing loss, with difficulty hearing her husband.
    
14. She has a long history of asthma; usually she has found that this is exacerbated by being around moles.
    
15. During our exam, this man was shaking: basically he was shaking his right leg when I was watching, and he was not shaking his right leg when I was not watching. According to the EMT who brought him back in to the room, when he went outside to get the man he looked completely normal, walked in unaided with no problem, sat down in the room and began shaking and having what he calls "spasms and seizure-like activity." He has good deep tendon reflexes on the left side, which he did not shake until at the end of the exam: I think he may have forgotten which side was supposed to shake and which side wasn't.
    
16. Her next complaint is abdominal pain that she notices only when the wind blows on her abdomen.
    
17. He describes the ear pain as being in the ear.
    
18. ALLERGIC TO MORPHINE, VALIUM, AND HER RELATIVES.
    
19. This is her first period since vaginal delivery of a three month old baby.
    
20. The patient fell while rollerblading on his left hand.
    
21. Fracture to the proximal phalanx of the right fourth toe on the right fifth foot.
    
22. Multiple strains and sprains secondary to motor vehicle accident of the neck, shoulders and low back.
    
23. The patient cannot touch her shoulder blade with her right shoulder.
    
24. The patient was taken to the microscopic room.
    
25. The pain starts right after he eats meals located around his belly-button.
    
26. The patient presents for follow-up of thoracic back strain, which occurred 03/16/96 while twisting in the dishroom.
    
27. Patient comes in to Urgent Care feeling concerned because at work he feels slightly confused and disoriented. At work he usually carries on 3-4 conversations at a time, and now he only is able to carry on one conversation at a time.
    
28. Admits to being hypochondriacal about things recently and in fact she has had to stop watching the TV show "E.R." because she gets every symptom that she sees.
    
29. Her husband had received the "husband of the year" award two years ago, but has since moved out and is living with a church secretary.
    
30. The patient was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the sink, waiting for coffee to perk (drip) and a throw rug slipped out from under him and his foot hit the wall.
    
31. ...has a cousin who developed curly hair after having a child.
    
32. They will be following up with Dr. Knackstedt in July of this year just to check on his ears.
    
33. 15 year old boy was accidentally hit with 5 BB gun shots while he was jumping on a trampoline.
    
34. (Re a 5-year-old Urgent Care patient:) Active young man who is very conversant with respect to dinosaurs.
    
35. The patient has a brother and sister who are normal.
    
36. She will now be living with father and strep-mother...
    
37. Mother comes in for consultation re beast-feeding her infant.
    
38. She has actually not felt well since her daughter was born three years ago.
    
39. About 8 a.m. this morning was the last time she had an inhalation.
    
40. She reports that, since the auto accident, the pain in her low back is much improved.
    
41. She has had two flares of the previous sinus tract I identified. She states it is related to having sexual intercourse, and since stopping that she has had no further problems.
    
42. She fell and hit her left forearm against a rock which remains painful and swollen today.
    
43. He sustained injuries to his forehead and face when he fell from his glasses.
    
44. I recommended to mother that she get an over-the-counter ear removal preparation.
    
45. 48-year-old male with left index finger laceration which occurred 45 minutes before he presented to the Urgent Care department on a piece of glass.
    
46. She gets headaches with her migraines.
    
47. I recommended MIACALCIN, 1 puff in each nose on a daily basis.
    
48. ...and has two cousins identical to her father...
    
49. He also has external hemorrhoids, which he says he likes to keep to himself.
    
50. ...he is seen today with his daughter Judy; but I guess not with his boy Elroy.
    
51. Healthy-appearing child with upset mom.
    
52. She also complains of pain in her right ankle. She says she is not sexually active.
    
53. The patient complains of low back pain. She is able to move all of her legs.
    
54. The patient reports a fatal reaction to IODINE in the past.
    
55. The patient wonders if she can fly as far as her ears.
    
56. She was also given an in-the-ear hearing aid whose patient was a husband of ours.
    
57. She was the diver of a car going approximately 25 MPH...
    
58. The patient was given Dr. Davis' car and instructions were given to him to follow up with Dr. Davis within the next week.
    
59. FAMILY HISTORY: Significant for a half-brother of unknown origin. Past medical history is significant for a basal cell carcinoma on her head which was removed recently.
    
60. After a suicide attempt, the patient was given a choice of admission to the Johnson Unit or vacation with her sister.
    
61. He has been monitoring his blood pressure. Does not drink. Does not use much soap.
    
62. She will lie down, feel a bit better, cook her husband's breast, then her own breakfast, eat, still feel tired and no energy until after lunch.
    
63. She is 15 years old. Chronic runny nose for 20 years.
    
64. Stepped on a TETANUS SHOT.
    
65. He has some concern about chewing on vacuum tubes when he was an electronic repairman as a child.
    
66. Eat before the meal.
    
67. He did develop perianal skin irritation with some skin rash extending out onto his bucket.
    
68. She has had 3 pregnancies, 1 liver birth and 2 spontaneous abortions.
    
69. I plan to see her in two weeks and reassess her injured parts.
    
70. She apparently has had a cold for several weeks, but just started to turn green the last couple of days.
    
71. Husband is somewhat negative and difficult to live with. She is not interested in a trial of medication for this.
    
72. She did suffer loss of consciousness and was told by a chest x-ray that she had a lung contusion.
    
73. The patient has not been using METROGEL because it was too drying and her face peeled off in chunks.
    
74. She has had surgery when her husband was in the Navy for hemorrhoids during a pregnancy.
    
75. She does admit to bruxism with what few teeth she has.
    
76. She smokes one glass of alcohol per week.
    
77. . . . concentrated on chest, abdomen and all four lower extremities.
    
78. He was evaluated in the Emergency Room where he broke some ribs.
    
79. The patient has complaints of problems maintaining an erection for over a year.
    
80. Despite both standing and lying down, I was unable to demonstrate a hernia.
    
81. The patient had a trial of PROZAC on which he became violet.
    
82. Examination of the remaining hand is within normal limits.
    
83. The wound is doing fine, without complaints.
    
84. She is not clear on why she has seen me in the past, but states that whatever I treated her for had cleared up with whatever treatment I had given her.
    
85. Exam demonstrates a chile who is modestly febrile.
    
86. Basically what happened is she hit her right knee against her chin, biting her tongue causing her neck to be thrust to the left. Now she has pain in her left arm.
    
87. He is employed as electrician but does not really remember any specific incidence which could have precipitated his hemorrhoidal problems.
    
88. The patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    
89. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
    
90. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
    
91. The patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
    
92. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
    
93. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaint.
    
94. Because of her complaints we gave her an endoscopy so she could look into the problems she is having.
    
95. The patient complains of post-coital spitting.
    
96. She now wears a 42, cup size 8 bra. She may ultimately be a candidate for reduction.
    
97. She was the belted driver in the back seat.
    
98. He does want the TV louder than his wife.
    
99. The patient was found to have an extremely small facial nerve for the size of his body.
    
100. This is a 48-year-old white female black lady.
     
101. 19-year-old vehicle involved in a female accident.
     
102. When not inebriated, we have always found David to be a delightful and cooperative person.
     
103. Elderly male, seeking physician with hearing deficit.
     
104. Otherwise, I have recommended rechecking in a few weeks just to make sure that the ear is completely gone.
     
105. She has breast-fed the baby with frequent loose stools.
     
106. She was the driver of a car that was seatbelted and turning left . . .
     
107. She did have a female sister who committed suicide.
     
108. Apparently the next day she developed this rash on her hands, and the feet had gone away.
     
109. Would like for mom to contact me in about a week to seven days if it is not a lot better.
     
110. "It should be noted that from now on ________ will be weighed with gown and panties only.
     
111. At work yesterday, she was lifting a 5-gallon bucket of pain.
     
112. Last time he ate was about 8 hours ago when he had a bowel of cereal.
     
113. She was seen at Sacred Heart emergency room last night for an episode of profound weakness and lightheartedness.
     
114. She is under some increasing stress in her household due to the presence of three teenagers.
     
115. His appetite, as far as his parents are concerned, is probably normal in terms of volume, but he is the worst eater of the mother's children.
     
116. A 78 year old woman told her PCP "I just KNOW I have BEGONIA".
     
117. This man says that he thinks he has a sinus infection. Recently, he laughed with his mouth full of lasagna and got some of it up his nose.
     
118. This man was seen by me a month and a half ago and got over it.