And they say divorce is less traumatic on adult children....
Posted By: MP on 2005-09-17
In Reply to: Family broken up - Wondering
Unfortunately, this is NOT the case. Adult children whose parents divorce quite often end up just as you have described. They are old enough to form their own opinions which are quite often colored by their life experiences and how they relate to each parent as an adult with adult biases and opinions. Divorce, regardless of the age of the children, always affects the children and people who are "waiting until the kids are grown" are only deluding themselves.
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- Family broken up - Wondering
- And they say divorce is less traumatic on adult children.... - MP
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Anything traumatic dealing with young children gets to me (nm)
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Adult children CHOSE to join army.Didnt they
x
Open Casket can be very traumatic
I was only 8 when I was forced by my mother, Catholic family, to "go see greatgrandma" - it was an open casket and to this day I've not forgotten how she looked or "felt"; my mother insisted I touch her hand one more time, ewwww!! It was horrid and I never took my children to any funerals; in fact my son is 26 and has yet to attend a single funeral.
I believe at 11 years of age your daughter is entitled to her opinion and you should abide by her decision.
Death is traumatic and it does affect different people in different ways. If she does not want to attend the funeral, maybe graveside after everyone else has left?
I agree with the previous poster there are always other ways to pay respect.
Blessings on your family,
My son also had a traumatic brain injury
Please let me know if you do find the answer to your question. My son, who lives with his father, has become a drug addict. He will not return to school or work; he is only interested in getting his SSI check and whatever else he can get from the government and everybody else. Please let me know if you have any answers. I do know that I went to college with a learning disability (ADHD), and I not only asked the professors to put me in the front and center seat but also had free tutoring for math classes when I needed it (I kept losing my glasses). They offer free tutoring through Student Services for a variety of handicaps. Good luck!
Son suffering from traumatic brain injury.
My son was hit by a car 7 years ago and sustained a traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma and went through over a year of rehabilitation. He was 15 at the time and finished high school, went on to Junior College and has just finished a year at a state university. He has struggled with learning disabilities and short term memory problems since the accident and has barely passed his classes. It looks as though this was his last semester at school because his grade point average isn't high enough to let him continue school. He will be put on academic suspension. He wanted to go away to school so badly and worked so hard to make it and I know he will be so disapointed when he finds out he won't be going back in the fall.
He is definately a miracle and I thank God everyday that he is alive but I don't know what to do to help him anymore. My question is "Is there anyone out there with a similar situation who can give me some advice on where to go from here?"
sounds like post-traumatic stress disorder!
I do this job with young children around and neither my job nor children have suffered...
It can be done...
Me too. Been there, done that, got the divorce.
.
For those of you who have gone through a divorce...sm
My husband and I have decided to go our separate ways after only 2-1/2 years of marriage. I have no idea where to start and what to do because we bought a house together, bought a new car together, have credit cards together, etc. This is a mutual decision for both of us to end our marriage so it's not like it is a bitter divorce or anything. We would like to NOT involve attorneys but how do we separate all of our stuff?
Thanks
I'd rather act like an adult than be an adult trying to act like a kid.
s
Adult trying to act like a kid?? What does that mean??
Adult trying to act like a kid? What does that mean? That adults cant go to rock concerts? You are the fool for generalizing about how kids or adults should act. I act the way I want, I believe the way I want, I am the way I want to be..Dont like it?? Tough. Your post really makes no sense. I would suggest you check out rockers, most of them are over 40, and they are still rocking..
You have a point there. I wonder if it's the divorce?
It's like Tom Cruise not aging well also. And have you seen Robert Redford? OMG. His face is ravaged with time and his neck..... terrible. But you get Paul Newman he he does look better as he ages. Guess it's in the genes?
Not due to divorce, but our family went their
separate ways after both of our parents died. Strange, because I always thought we were close before that, but it could have been wishful thinking.
He was my divorce attorney
.
My attorny put in my divorce that I have to take him
to court to enforce any part of the divorce agreement, he has to pay fees for both of us. To the best of my understanding, it's very difficult to have something changed once it's been a legal and binding contract in a divorce. The judges normally stick to what the original agreement was. Good luck.
Well, if it's due to divorce, you DEFINITELY want an actual
real estate agent. You are thinking of the money you think you could save, but what it will end up turning into is a bigger mess. If you sign a 60 or 90 day contract with a for sale by owner agent (i.e. Help-U-Sell, Assist2Sell, BuyOwner) and all they do is plunk a sign in your yard and give you a lock box then you're not getting much. They don't do a lot of advertising other than on their own website and they might print a few flyers for you.
With the market soft right now, unless you price the house really low just to get rid of it, expect it to sit for 90 to 120 days.
when I got a divorce -- see message
Whe I got a divorce my husband tried to make me put a price on my small business and there basically was no value as most of my clients would probably not go with a new owner. Most of the value was in my computer, printer, etc. which after a year is worth nil. It is mainly an income and not much else as you cannot quarantee that when you sell that your clients will go with the new business. Sometimes it can be valued at a one month income. There are real estate agents that sell businesses and she can check with them to see what they say. I worked for a small MTSO that sold and what they did was to not tell any of the clients that it was being sold, ran under the same name with some of the same people there and it went okay but that is touchy. You are selling more the name of the business than anything else. Again, she needs to contact a real estate agent that specializes in selling businesses. She is selling her client list and name mainly and hoping that they all go with the new owners which is a gamble and not one I would take. Good luck.
Any child is more adult than you are.
I grow weary of your tiresome chatter.....
So again having sex between 2 adult males sm
or females is the same grouping as men raping boys??? Come on, you are the one that needs an education.
She hasn't filed for a divorce yet -
Because the state she lives in does not recognize legal separation, she had an agreement drawn up by her corporate atty. This agreement handed the house (quick claim deed) and business over to her, while her "future ex" draws his pension and moved to warmer weather (California). This all happened when things were friendly. Now she wants a divorce so she can get on with her life (with her new beau she is buying the house with). BAD idea since she has not filed for a divorce. Anyway, thanks everyone. I think I'll be visiting her in jail.
I guess I was wondering how a divorce could have been
the agreement or been before the judge with your lawyer to dispute something in the agreement. People with nothing to dispute rarely have to appear, as they have already signed the documents that the lawyer presents to the judge. I don't know if you signed your portion of the agreement without having read it to ensure your wishes were followed...hope you find some resolution.
She was an adult, not her mother's choice
Obviously there is enough evidence to hold at least 1 suspect as he is still being held! What about him? Poor him huh? You are exactly the kind of person who talks one way, but given the problem being placed on your doorstep, you would cry and complain just like the rest of them. If it were your child, you be just as angry and scared and frustrated as she is.
Yes, i advise my "children" he is an adult now. sm
He accepted the job as it was and can quit or accept the terms. my dh and i run a construction business. he runs around and spends 2 hours a day just picking up help. we do not pay travel time. you either choose to go or you don't. we do, however, buy their lunch when it is a longer than usual travel. when they are ICs as usually with any manual labor field, labor law and travel time doesn't constitute for their positioning. turn the situation. if someone was coming to your house to do some work, would you be willing to pay every person on that crew travel time? probably not because that would significantly raise the price which you probably already think it too high to do the work you need. you have to realize they are ICs as we are and have all the expenses of trucks, tools, gas, taxes, etc. and have to cut their prices because foreigners are taking over the manual labor fields as well and working for pennies just as transcription is doing but manual labor isn't going to overseas, overseas is coming to the US for pennies. i would have him ask the man he works for about it but it the guy accepts either live with it or quit. i doubt he will get it as with 18yo he can't have a lot of experience to constitute the extra pay, etc.
Like it or not, she is a legal adult and can do what she wishes.
You can tell her your opinions, but you really have no control over this. Just as you wouldn't want someone forcing you to have an abortion because they believe it's right, she likely doesn't want you trying to force her to keep it because it's what you think is right.
All you can do is be there for her if/when she needs you. Yeah, it may stink that her beliefs are not the same as yours, but there's nothing you can do about.
You're ridiculous. He's an adult and she can't do that.
She can talk to him, keep the lines of communication open with him, pray for him, but she has to decide what consequences she is willing to accept by where she draws her line of acceptance.
You cannot make decisions for grown children.
What a hateful parent to even try. Counsel them with a tender heart-to-heart but try to force them into living like yourself? HATEFUL.
Why don't you do the adult thing and just BAN her from posting here instead of sm
doing through all of this drama and mess. It's getting old and I would think an owner of an MT board would be much more professional than this.
Kay Christoper
Each state has different divorce and family laws; however, sm
ex-hubby is not entitled to anything after the date the divorce was filed. So, if she filed for divorce on January 1 and hit the lottery on January 2, he gets nothing!
At least that is how it is in PA. Don't know about other states.
This is not illegal in most states. Sometimes it's in the divorce agreement.
nm
I needed to divorce cheating DH of 27 years. This was
xx
well, I am an adult with teen kids, so it's not too hard to
In catechism class as an adult, they told us - sm
told us "it's better to remain as you are, but get married if you absolutely must." This was a group of people mostly over 40 who were studying to become Catholic.
A parent's job is to raise a child the way they should go as an adult ....
Isn't part of being an adult cleaning, taking responsibility? If so, YOUR job is to make them clean, certain rooms on certain days, not just during vacations. (I'm at work so this is succinct, and probably not real tactful, sorry)
i took an adult education class for 5 bucks,
in California 33 yr ago. I'm pretty sure most everyone trained on the job in those days, but i paid $5 for the course and bought a few books (med dictionary, workbook etc). This was an intensive course though with a great teacher -- 8r a day x 6 months and i probably studied 4-5 hr a night. I had a job before i got out of 'school' and i've worked continuous ever since, in many capacities, a number of states. I do think there are too many places nowadays however that take your money and don't prepare you well. But it's WHAT they teach, not the name of the school. We spent a good deal of time on word roots/prefixes/suffixes, interpreting sound, easily confusables, how to research, etc. Training my ear did not come easy for me, but i believe everywhere i've worked, i've been considered one of their best. Again, its not where you've been but what you learned when you got there!!
You need to join a divorce support group. Look around. Helped
zz
Divorce will be final in 2 wks, can I stay on my ex's health insurance?
My ex is willing to leave me on his health insurance. Is it legal to do this? Will we get ourselves in trouble if he doesn't take me off?
What? Don't like changing adult diapers all night long?
s
How true, mine is trained quite well....before we married he asked if I would ever divorce him -
abused me in any way. So far so good after 9 years. He admits to cheating on his first wife a couple of times though as she did not like having sex (not the reason of their divorce and long before I met him which was 2 years after his divorce). He is germaphobic so it's amazing he ever cheated in the first place....but I think he was actually trying to get her to divorce him (subconsciously)....took 12 years for it to work though. Luckily they had no kids. She did not want kids either, at least not then. She has since remarried too (a month after he did) and her 2 sons are very close in age to my 2 girls. Weird. Men can be such weenies though. Now to just train him to throw out his used paper towels instead of leaving them all over the kitchen counter (my dad does the same thing too). Oh well.
Glad to hear that my adult knitting friends and I are "trashy."
x
I'd hire an attorney and do a quickie divorce. They're cheap and well worth it.
If it's uncontested the attorney can help you amicably sort through what needs to be split and do it fairly and according to the laws of your state. This will avoid potential problems later.
After divorce, child chronic illness, involuntary job change, parents illnesses and death, was force
I frequently regret it, the changes it has made to my life, but when life hands you horror, at least there is this "final solution" to your financial situation. I must admit, I sleep better, and I can finally hold my head up, and I no longer feel hopeless. Find the attorney you can work with,get your free consultation and DO WHAT HE TELLS YOU TO DO. If you have doubts, see a 2nd and a 3rd attorney, till you're comfortable with the person you choose.
Morning baby, morning adult. Kids born at 11:30AM (both) are night owls, however. Go figure! :) nm
s
Both of my children, now 23 and 24,
bought their own cars and neither of them had a new car. I don't think it hurt them, either. They both were proud of the fact that they did buy their own cars and I was proud of them, too.
Wow that's a lot! We have 4 children and
we probably will not spend that much on all 4 of them. Glad you can afford it.
May you and your children have the
Merriest Christmas ever! As the Christmas carol sings "God is NOT dead nor doth He sleep." I am so happy your children will have Santa Claus this Christmas, and that you feel loved!! That's what Christmas is all about. I thank you... Merry Blessed Christmas to ALL!
I have 5 children and have had many a
I agree, something for myself would have been neat. My absolute favorite thing was when someone brought me something special, like something they made or had made for my baby. Those are really the things I remember when thinking back on my showers, and the things I still have today.
32/F, three children
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And what did your children get?
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I definitely think having children has something
Does she have other children who can help
relieve some of the care? Does her insurance pay for ANY nursing care? I know what you mean. We were all on shifts as well. Is there a GOOD home she could go to? Even one that isn't a nursing home per se, but adult foster care? My grandmother lived in one. It was very nice and had less than 10 residents and people with various types of needs lived there. My aunts and uncles decided to do this (it was self pay) because they figured if she lived with any one child, that the responsibility probably wouldn't end up being shared by all, and this way they were all responsible for her even though she lived separately from them. Is there a hospice/nursing agency that can offer free or cheap respite care? How about through their church? Even if they could get an evening or a few hours away together, that's a start. They need to preserve their marriage too.
think of your own children if you have any....sm
Would you want them to have to care for you? All I want for my children is to be happy. I would never want to put that burden on them and, believe me, it is a burden regardless of how you feel about your parents. Caring for an ILL elderly parent can be a nightmare. Caring for an elderly parent is totally different. I've had to do both and, BTW, so did my parents. My mother, when in her 50's, now 92, made me promise to never try to have her live with me. I have done the same with my children. I do everything I can to help her including bringing her to my home to care for her when she is ill or has had recovery from surgeries. I don't think the "Waltons" is a realistic plan in this day and age. If you want to destroy your marriage and stress your children, move your parents into your home.
If you have children under a certain age...
...you can be excused for years from jury duty by submitting a copy of their birth certificates to the court.
Currently, I'm a single parent with 2 kids in elementary school. I have been excused from jury duty twice now; once when I lived in PA and both kids were just babies and again recently excused from serving or being called to serve here in NY for a few more years by submitting a copy of the birth certificate.
The courts will not force a primary caregiver with minor child(ren) to serve as long as you provide them a copy of the birth certificate.
I would think this also applies to anyone who is a sole caregiver of a chronically ill or elderly family member, but you would have to call your courthouse to find out for sure.
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