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714 Things to Be Cynical About

Posted By: LOL on 2005-12-18
In Reply to:

 














714 Things to Be Cynical About

By Rick Bayan

 

If you still have any illusions that "all is for the best in this best of all possible worlds," you're about to lose them right here! Read my personal list and enjoy the bitter pleasure of cynical commiseration.


Be warned: it's a LONG list. If you have to break for dinner or electroshock therapy, I'll understand. (Just use the handy numbers to remember your place in the list, so you can pick up where you left off.)


As long as it is, my list only scratches the surface. If you're not too depressed by the time you reach #714, be sure to add your own contributions to the public list.


 


  1. leaders
  2. followers
  3. outlaws
  4. lawyers
  5. backstabbers
  6. brown-nosers
  7. yes-men
  8. middlemen
  9. alpha males
  10. women who try to be alpha males
  11. good ol' boys who become president
  12. bimbos who become celebrities
  13. all other celebrities
  14. prima donnas
  15. dictators
  16. people who take dictation
  17. workaholics
  18. slackers who pretend to be workaholics
  19. slackers who don't pretend to be workaholics
  20. hypocrites
  21. charlatans
  22. MBAs
  23. mindless office drones who get promoted to management
  24. conformists
  25. nonconformists
  26. poseurs
  27. people who use pretentious French words
  28. bores
  29. boors
  30. weasels
  31. barracudas
  32. pedophile priests
  33. leeches
  34. internal parasites
  35. investment bankers
  36. old-money snobs
  37. new-money snobs
  38. fashion snobs
  39. food snobs
  40. health-and-fitness snobs
  41. "I'm hipper than you'll ever be in your dreams" snobs
  42. upwardly-mobile career snobs
  43. "team players"
  44. negotiators
  45. the fine print
  46. broken contracts
  47. overbooked flights
  48. canceled concerts
  49. annulled marriages
  50. returned gifts
  51. recalled automobiles
  52. planned obsolescence
  53. knowing that your two-year-old $2000 computer is now a mere toy
  54. $500 electronic handheld organizers that are almost as efficient as $30 loose-leaf organizers
  55. 27-year-old Silicon Valley millionaires
  56. computer literacy replacing literary literacy
  57. computer viruses
  58. software bugs
  59. unfathomable computer video games that are instantly mastered by subliterate pre-adolescents
  60. the values instilled by video games (if it gets in your way, nuke it)
  61. thinking about a future society run by people nurtured on video games
  62. watching helplessly as a full day's work is eaten alive by your PC
  63. watching the hourglass hang for two, three, four minutes
  64. "application has stopped responding to the system"
  65. "server does not have a DNS entry"
  66. spending three hours on the internet in a futile search for information
  67. the fact that you could have obtained the information in three minutes by opening a book
  68. the proliferation of websites featuring naked people exchanging bodily fluids
  69. the fact that those websites are more popular than yours or mine
  70. spam! spam! spam! spam!
  71. losing half our free time to internet addiction
  72. losing most of our day to meaningless work
  73. having to play office politics
  74. having to play golf with your superiors
  75. the term "superiors"
  76. the term "subordinates"
  77. cubicles and other sensory deprivation cells
  78. people who thrive in cubicles
  79. people who thrive on 14-hour workdays
  80. people who take their cell phones on vacation
  81. "A" students who end up working for "C" students
  82. "It takes money to make money"
  83. "It's not what you know, it's who you know"
  84. the "power words" used on resumes to impress employers
  85. the fact that employers are impressed with power words on resumes
  86. college graduates who have to settle for a job at Blockbuster
  87. the salaries of liberal arts graduates in the business world
  88. the miseries of liberal arts graduates in the business world
  89. prostituting yourself for less than a prostitute makes
  90. staying at a job you detest because the alternatives are even worse
  91. people who get promoted on the basis of the right shoes or haircut
  92. people who get promoted because they resemble their vice president
  93. executive bonuses that exceed your annual salary
  94. the "fast track"
  95. the "glass ceiling"
  96. being underemployed
  97. being overworked
  98. being reprimanded
  99. being ignored
  100. being framed
  101. being demoted
  102. being moved into the hallway
  103. watching everyone but you rise to the level of their incompetence
  104. the annual incomes of CEOs
  105. the writing ability of CEOs
  106. multimillion-dollar "golden parachutes" awarded to dismissed CEOs
  107. the practice of terminating veteran employees a year before retirement
  108. the term "terminating"
  109. "leveraging"
  110. "targeting"
  111. "impacting"
  112. calling downsizing "rightsizing"
  113. downsizing profitable companies for the sole purpose of wooing investors
  114. the fact that investors reward companies for downsizing
  115. the fact that companies now exist primarily to woo investors
  116. bonuses and stock options for executives who "trimmed the fat"
  117. diet plans -- all 2,178 of them
  118. joggers who perform ostentatious stretching exercises in public places
  119. fitness zealots who carry hand weights when they walk
  120. self-infatuated bodybuilders who know all their muscles by name
  121. health-food fanatics who faint at the sight of a cheeseburger
  122. health-food fanatics who smoke
  123. anorexia nervosa (just put the food in your mouth and CHEW!)
  124. restaurant patrons who send back perfectly edible food to impress their dinner dates
  125. snippy waiters who would rather be snippy actors
  126. waiters who tell you their name, call themselves "servers," and expect a 25% tip
  127. waiting half an hour for a salad
  128. waiting twenty minutes for your check
  129. fussy, oily yuppie cuisine
  130. anything with pesto sauce
  131. "herbed" anything
  132. "fruited" anything
  133. anything with ingredients that require you to consult a glossary
  134. gated communities
  135. $600,000 yuppie homes on 1/4-acre lots
  136. yuppie parents jockeying to get their child into a prestigious nursery school
  137. the growing gap between haves and have-nots
  138. doctors marrying doctors
  139. lawyers marrying lawyers
  140. men marrying men
  141. computer geeks marrying computer geeks
  142. professional jargon: the Tower of Babel revisited
  143. the fact that people expect you to understand their jargon
  144. "newspeak"
  145. "groupthink"
  146. "Big Brother is watching you"
  147. totalitarianism
  148. mass movements
  149. mass media
  150. mass murder
  151. mass marketing
  152. telemarketing
  153. the pathetic scripts read by poor underpaid telemarketing agents
  154. saying "yes" so we don't hurt the poor underpaid telemarketing agent's feelings
  155. junk mail
  156. the time we spend sorting through junk mail
  157. the fact that junk mail is written by people who wanted to be writers
  158. "Urgent: Reply Requested!"
  159. "You may already have won!"
  160. "If you're the winner, we will say MR. OCCUPANT HAS WON $9,000,000.00!"
  161. "A special offer exclusively for Mr. Occupant"
  162. "No strings attached!"
  163. "FREE GIFT!"
  164. "FREE TRIAL OFFER!"
  165. televised trials
  166. medieval trials (if you drown, you're innocent; if you float, you're guilty)
  167. the irrelevance of the truth in all trials
  168. jury rigging
  169. plea bargaining
  170. murderers acquitted because their side had smarter lawyers
  171. innocent people sentenced because the OTHER side had smarter lawyers
  172. convicted murderers paroled after serving six months of a life sentence
  173. prisons that offer free education, VCRs, and complimentary mints on the pillows
  174. legal loopholes
  175. divorce settlements (both spouses lose; both lawyers win)
  176. lawsuits by people who spill coffee on themselves
  177. lawyers who encourage lawsuits by people who spill coffee on themselves
  178. the absurd amounts of money awarded to people who spill coffee on themselves
  179. the absurd amounts of money awarded to lawyers who prosecute lawsuits by people who spill coffee on themselves
  180. the cost of private medical care
  181. the tyranny of managed medical care
  182. the inefficiency of public medical care
  183. dying during a tonsillectomy
  184. the fact that your death will be referred to as a "negative patient healthcare outcome"
  185. health insurance companies that force hospitals to release patients as soon as the anesthesia wears off
  186. health insurance being denied to the people most likely to get sick
  187. health insurance as a capitalist enterprise
  188. health insurance that covers 80% of a $500,000 medical bill
  189. having a heart attack two days after your health insurance expires
  190. the effects of age and gravity on the human body
  191. shrinking from your original height
  192. going senile
  193. losing control of your bladder as a reward for reaching old age
  194. drugs whose side effects are worse than the disease
  195. cancer: opportunism incarnate
  196. dandruff
  197. gout
  198. flatulence
  199. herpes
  200. psoriasis
  201. Alzheimer's disease
  202. Tourette's syndrome
  203. St. Vitus' dance
  204. hemorrhoids
  205. chronic sinusitis
  206. yeast infections
  207. athlete's foot
  208. gum disease
  209. crotch rot
  210. mad cow disease
  211. elephantiasis
  212. crabs
  213. male-pattern baldness
  214. irritable bowel syndrome
  215. having to worry about your blood pressure and cholesterol
  216. the fact that worrying about your blood pressure and cholesterol will probably raise both of them
  217. the fact that virtually everything that tastes good can kill you
  218. subsisting on granola only to find that it contains more saturated fat than two Big Macs
  219. the wretchedness of heart-healthy diets (we are not RABBITS!)
  220. regaining more weight after a diet than you lost during it
  221. people who watch their fat intake and keel over at 47
  222. people who eat lard, smoke two packs a day, and live to be 97
  223. the likelihood that the survivors were also much HAPPIER during their long lives
  224. suspecting that you'll be more like #221 than #222
  225. the smugness of lucky people
  226. the smugness of high-school in-crowders
  227. the even worse smugness of art-world in-crowders
  228. the empty pretentiousness of most modern art
  229. performance artists: street loonies with foundation grants
  230. artists who gain attention by exhibiting their own bodily excretions
  231. artists who pass off collections of scrap metal as sculpture -- and have them deposited on idyllic college campuses
  232. artists who decorate an empty canvas with one horizontal stripe
  233. art critics who see profound meaning in an empty canvas with one horizontal stripe
  234. movie critics who give rave reviews to bad films so their names will appear in newspaper ads
  235. critics who call every passable film or play a "masterpiece"
  236. critics who trash a film, play or book for the chance to turn a clever phrase
  237. designated bestsellers stacked four feet high in the bookstore window
  238. good books going out of print because nobody knows about them
  239. nondescript chain bookstores driving out quirky independent bookstores
  240. celebrity authors who earn more for one ghostwritten book than 100 editors make in a year
  241. the state of publishing today
  242. the state of Nevada
  243. sleaze
  244. bogus fun
  245. bogus ANYTHING
  246. breast implants
  247. sex-change operations
  248. bad toupees
  249. good toupees
  250. blazing white dentures
  251. used-car dealers
  252. chain letters
  253. pyramid schemes
  254. people who refer to pyramid schemes as "multi-level marketing"
  255. euphemisms like "differently abled" and "mentally challenged"
  256. oxymorons like "military intelligence" and "corporate culture"
  257. "Catch-22" situations; e.g., "you can't get a job unless you already have a job"
  258. millionaire ballplayers who grumble about their salaries
  259. artificial turf, polyester uniforms, costumed mascots and other tackiness on the field
  260. team owners who fire managers for losing the World Series
  261. free agents who jump from team to team like hungry fleas
  262. boxers who bite off their opponents' ears or other body parts
  263. "great white hopes" = great white dopes
  264. college football teams made up of convicted felons
  265. pro football players who either strut ostentatiously or pray ostentatiously each time they score a touchdown
  266. female sports reporters allowed into men's locker rooms
  267. male sports reporters allowed into women's locker rooms (as if!)
  268. sports teams with singular names; e.g., the Utah Jazz
  269. sports teams with absurdly incongruous names; e.g., the Utah Jazz
  270. sports parents who browbeat their kids for screwing up on the field
  271. asinine chants of "We're #1!" (Americans always have to be #1)
  272. sports fanatics who live vicariously through their teams
  273. nerds who live vicariously through "Star Trek"
  274. anyone who lives vicariously through any soap opera
  275. celebrity worship
  276. wealth without taste
  277. taste without wealth
  278. shamelsss celebrity promotional vehicles like "Entertainment Tonight"
  279. John Tesh, shameless composer
  280. "Candle in the Wind"
  281. eulogies delivered by clergymen who didn't know the deceased
  282. how we forget good people after their deaths and remember Attila the Hun
  283. Gresham's Law: the bad drives out the good
  284. the worldwide triumph of cockroaches
  285. the worldwide triumph of rats
  286. the worldwide triumph of American popular culture
  287. absurd foreign imitations of American popular culture: Russian nightclubs, Czech rock groups, Japanese jazz bands, Turkish soap operas
  288. the profitability of bad taste
  289. the bad taste graveyard: disco, leisure suits, velvet clown paintings
  290. pinkie rings and gold chains on wealthy building contractors
  291. bad art in hotel/motel rooms
  292. the fact that those bad artists can afford to stay in hotels with GOOD art
  293. romance novels with Fabio on the cover
  294. Elvis and Princess Diana collectibles
  295. the fact that the majority of autographed sports collectibles are fakes
  296. the need to purchase separate shoes for walking, jogging, tennis and basketball
  297. selling advertising space on anything that doesn't move and some things that DO (buses, stock cars, Olympic athletes)
  298. people who sell cemetery plots or penny stocks over the phone
  299. ingenious high-pressure sales tactics that make us feel stupid if we say "no" and even stupider after we say "yes"
  300. buying things on sale: spending money to save money
  301. annual "going out of business" sales
  302. people who spend an hour clipping coupons so they can save 87 cents
  303. receiving Christmas catalogs in August
  304. discovering there's no Santa Claus
  305. the ugly, insanely popular, hard-to-obtain toys that parents must buy to appease their children
  306. the fact that parents NEED to appease their own children
  307. cheap toys with hundreds of dollars worth of accessories to buy
  308. toys merchandised as movie tie-ins
  309. the licensing of dead celebrities
  310. people who gain an identity by wearing t-shirts with commercial logos
  311. "As seen on TV!"
  312. the bewildering success of home shopping channels ("Who would ever watch nonstop commercials?," asked the cynic)
  313. infomercials for psychic hotlines, motivational tapes, exercise machines and baldness remedies
  314. people who have nothing better to do at night than watch infomercials
  315. people who promise they'll call but never do
  316. people who complain because you promised to call but never do
  317. people who ask "How are you?" but don't really want to know
  318. people who make you miserable
  319. the fact that you ALLOW people to make you miserable
  320. that luck is definitely a factor in getting what you want
  321. that you can make your own luck but nobody tells you how
  322. being unlucky in love
  323. being unlucky in the stock market
  324. stocks that plummet after you buy them
  325. stocks that go through the roof after you sell them
  326. having to pay your broker a commission on losing stocks
  327. the fact that your broker has no incentive to sell you WINNING stocks as long as you pay a commission on losing stocks
  328. the fact that the entire economy of the free world is in the hands of gamblers
  329. lotteries
  330. sweepstakes
  331. church bingo
  332. casinos
  333. Wall Street, the world's biggest casino
  334. that American Indians have to operate casinos to survive
  335. Las Vegas
  336. lounge acts
  337. Frank Sinatra after 1970
  338. pop music after 1970
  339. life after 1970
  340. striving
  341. giving up
  342. promises
  343. betrayals
  344. excuses
  345. prejudice against fat people
  346. prejudice against dark-skinned people
  347. prejudice against excessively stupid and excessively intelligent people
  348. prejudice against people with big noses
  349. prejudice against ugly women
  350. prejudice against gentle men
  351. "all men are created equal"
  352. "the pursuit of happiness"
  353. chronic disappointment
  354. expecting rewards in the hereafter
  355. the apparent indifference of God
  356. the possibility that God is a myth
  357. the possibility that God is a crank
  358. the possibility that God is a jokester
  359. the prevalence of unbelieving theologians: NOT a good sign
  360. the perverse intelligence of inanimate objects that roll just out of reach
  361. boxtops that tear as you open them
  362. paper grocery bags that tear when they're full of glass jars
  363. toilet paper that tears as you use it
  364. price labels that won't come off without tearing the product
  365. plastic bags you have to open with your teeth
  366. "twist-off" bottlecaps that rip your fingers
  367. VCRs so complicated that you need an engineering degree to program them
  368. 500 channels and nothing you want to watch
  369. electronic gadgets that come with incoherent instructions written by well- intentioned Asians
  370. major appliances that break down two days after the warranty expires
  371. traffic lights that are programmed to turn red as soon as you arrive from the previous red light
  372. picking the shortest line at a toll booth or supermarket checkout -- and watching the others pass you by
  373. playing by the rules and watching the outlaws pass you by
  374. man's treachery toward his fellow-creatures
  375. raising and nurturing good-natured cows, pigs and chickens so they can become DINNER
  376. killing rhinos for their horns
  377. killing elephants for their tusks
  378. killing baby seals for their fur
  379. killing employees for their productivity
  380. the National Rifle Association
  381. the fact that it's easier in the U.S. to obtain handguns than Cuban cigars
  382. the oil cartel
  383. U.S. alliances and wars motivated by the sweet smell of oil
  384. the tobacco industry profiting from the slow suicides of smokers
  385. people who start smoking to be cool, then sue tobacco companies when they develop lung cancer
  386. the fact that tobacco ever caught on in the first place ("Why would anyone stick burning leaves in his mouth?," asked the cynic)
  387. the fact that tobacco is more profitable than book publishing
  388. the fact that nearly ANY industry is more profitable than book publishing
  389. exploitation of resources, including human resources
  390. the term "human resources" (we are not BAUXITE!)
  391. billion-dollar sportswear companies that profit from exploiting child labor
  392. clear-cutting the rainforests to make room for McDonald's beef cattle
  393. excessive hysteria over snail darters and northern spotted owls
  394. insufficient hysteria over the approaching extinction of tigers, pandas, gorillas and other first-rate mammals
  395. Greenpeace (skip the '60s poetics -- just tell us what you do)
  396. war
  397. Pentagon spending habits; e.g., $640 toilet seats and $76 screws
  398. the contractors who charge $640 per toilet seat and $76 per screw
  399. being drafted
  400. boot camp: sadomasochism as a character-builder
  401. being expected to die for a country you can't locate on a map
  402. bombing the wrong village
  403. being killed by "friendly fire"
  404. being killed one day before the truce is signed
  405. being hit by a bus one day after returning to civilian life
  406. the raunchy brutality of urban life
  407. drug pushers
  408. street gangs
  409. rapists
  410. carjackers
  411. slumlords
  412. racketeers
  413. panhandlers
  414. muggers who shoot you for a cigarette or a pair of sneakers
  415. welfare mothers raising FUTURE welfare mothers
  416. welfare fathers who sire six children by six different women
  417. ghetto dwellers blaming their problems on racism
  418. middle-class blacks encountering REAL racism when they move out of the ghetto
  419. the fact that most stereotypes contain a grain of truth that keeps them alive: emotional Italians; smart, aggressive Jews; hot-blooded Latins; beguiling, hard-drinking Irish; disciplined, regimented Germans and Japanese; inbred rednecks
  420. not being allowed to say that blacks have rhythm or superior athletic skill -- despite all the compelling evidence in their favor
  421. not being allowed to talk about Jewish cultural influence -- despite the likelihood that the 20th century will be remembered as a Jewish Renaissance
  422. the fact that Jewish sensitivities may have been conditioned by 2000 years of nonstop anti-Semitism
  423. "Some of my best friends are [fill in the blank]"
  424. the fact that every oppressed minority group likes to think it suffered more than every other oppressed minority group
  425. Holocaust museums, AIDS quilts and other public statements of victimhood
  426. the fact that we still NEED Holocaust museums, AIDS quilts and other public statements of victimhood
  427. symbolic protests with live people masquerading as dead bodies
  428. demands of amnesty by whining political agitators (if you don't want to be arrested, don't commit a crime)
  429. '60s radicals who used the Vietnam War as an excuse to promote Marxism
  430. '60s radicals who became Wall Street tycoons
  431. '60s radicals who still wear tie-dyed shirts and sandals
  432. liberals whose friends are exclusively upper-middle class
  433. conservatives whose friends are exclusively upper-middle class
  434. capitalism
  435. communism
  436. socialism
  437. fascism
  438. commericialism
  439. terrorism
  440. male chauvinism
  441. female chauvinism
  442. plagiarism
  443. optimism
  444. Freudianism
  445. psychoanalysts who keep their patients coming back for 20 years
  446. patients who still hope for a cure after being psychoanalyzed for 20 years
  447. group therapy: a less expensive cure that doesn't work
  448. electroshock therapy: a quicker cure that doesn't work
  449. finally going crazy
  450. psychiatrists who are crazier than their patients
  451. finding happiness only after getting a lobotomy
  452. being labeled a "former mental patient" for life
  453. "sensitivity" training and other forms of brainwashing
  454. psychobabble: the standardization of introspection
  455. codependency and other pop-psychology concepts designed to sell books
  456. the fact that there wouldn't be so many self-help books if any of them worked
  457. anyone associated with the O.J. Simpson trial who wrote a book
  458. O.J. Simpson
  459. 20-year-old Hollywood starlets who form their own production companies
  460. Hollywood agents of any age
  461. the "A" list for Hollywood parties
  462. the people who decide who's on the "A" list
  463. Hollywood movies after "Star Wars"
  464. blockbusters
  465. sequels to blockbusters
  466. bad movies based on old TV shows
  467. the fact that those bad movies become blockbusters anyway
  468. Julia Roberts, highest-paid film actress of all time
  469. The fact that the highest-paid actress used to be Demi Moore until Julia Roberts replaced her
  470. the fact that it would take the average U.S. worker more than six centuries to earn what the top male stars receive for one film
  471. the fact that Michael Ovitz received five times that much when he was fired from Disney
  472. the fact that Michael Eisner received more than five times as much as Ovitz in ONE DAY, when he cashed in his Disney stock options
  473. the symbolism of Pia Zadora buying and demolishing Pickfair, once the grandest mansion in Beverly Hills
  474. overreliance on special effects in mainstream Hollywood films
  475. too much @$&#*!% profanity in mainstream Hollywood films
  476. knee-jerk contempt for religion in mainstream Hollywood films
  477. knee-jerk contempt for Hollywood by the religious right
  478. films that depict Jesus as a blue-eyed Nordic
  479. "To him that hath, more shall be given"
  480. the old-boy network
  481. the tendency of high-school in-crowders to become adult in-crowders
  482. being snubbed by the in-crowd because of your looks, clothes, taste in music, or weird family
  483. being snubbed by a friend in the presence of in-crowders
  484. teachers who embarrass you in front of the entire class
  485. students who embarrass teachers in front of the entire class
  486. homework in every subject
  487. teachers' pets
  488. the worship of student athletes (except in cross-country, wrestling, golf and fencing)
  489. cheerleaders
  490. the importance of being selected as a cheerleader
  491. parents who murder cheerleaders who were selected over their own kids
  492. wanting to be considered cool: the root of all teenage vices
  493. the inexplicable vogue for multiple pierced body parts, including tongues
  494. peer pressure (ask any lemming)
  495. being taunted for being virtuous
  496. having to worry that you're gay if you're still a virgin at 18
  497. having to think your entire future will be determined by your college board scores
  498. being rejected by your #1 college
  499. being rejected by your #2 college
  500. being rejected by every college except your "safety" school
  501. being rejected by your "safety" school
  502. going to your #1 college -- and hating it
  503. bickering with the college administration
  504. crass college students who major in merchandising or finance
  505. idealistic college students who major in history, philosophy or French (turn back before the world devours you!)
  506. being stuck with a roommate from hell
  507. the hell you have to go through to pledge a fraternity
  508. fraternities in general
  509. sororities in general
  510. fraternity boys who become top executives
  511. private university graduates who look down on state university graduates
  512. state university graduates who look down on state college graduates
  513. state college graduates who look down on community college graduates
  514. high school dropouts who earn more than all of them
  515. mom-and-pop businesses driven out by shopping malls
  516. mom-and-pop businesses driven out by designer boutiques and tattoo parlors
  517. what it takes to succeed
  518. motivational seminars that promise easy success
  519. the fact that the easiest way to succeed is to give motivational seminars
  520. consulting: the art of succeeding while unemployed
  521. the success of writers and artists who sell out
  522. the wretchedness of writers and artists who don't
  523. tenure for scholars: freedom to be mediocre
  524. being denied tenure
  525. semiotics, deconstructionism, and similar vehicles for academic obfuscation
  526. Afrocentrism (sorry, the Egyptians weren't black)
  527. Women's Studies (sorry, women aren't an ethnic group)
  528. the shameful exclusion of non-Western cultures from old history textbooks
  529. the overemphasis on non-Western cultures in current textbooks
  530. the term "Third World" ("How come we never hear about the First and Second Worlds?," asked the cynic)
  531. Montezuma's revenge
  532. what the Spaniards did to Montezuma
  533. trying to convert the heathens
  534. selling refrigerators to Eskimos
  535. having to call Eskimos "Inuit"
  536. having to call Burma "Myanmar"
  537. having to call Dave Barry "America's favorite humorist"
  538. the fact that Tom Cruise is more famous than John Adams or Charlemagne
  539. the fact that MTV is more famous than the 3,000-year-old nation of Armenia
  540. Planet Hollywood
  541. the Hard Rock Cafe
  542. gawking tourists who wear Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts
  543. paparazzi
  544. supermarket tabloids
  545. people who buy tabloids and complain about paparazzi
  546. Calvin Klein ads (what exactly are we selling here?)
  547. reading about the triumphs of the shallow in "People" magazine
  548. the term "beautiful people" used without irony
  549. chic: the triumph of style over substance
  550. 55-year-old celebrities who try to look 30
  551. cosmetic surgery
  552. Michael Jackson, self-made alien
  553. Michael Jackson's marriages
  554. Michael Jackson's peculiar friendship with Elizabeth Taylor
  555. Elizabeth Taylor's marriages
  556. the publicity uses of entering the Betty Ford Clinic
  557. alcoholism as a "disease"
  558. gambling as a "disease"
  559. AIDS as a "civil rights issue"
  560. the sad last days of discarded celebrities
  561. tabloids that exploit the sad last days of discarded celebrities
  562. the woes of former child stars
  563. the warped ambitions of stage parents
  564. the futile ambitions of would-be writers
  565. the fact that nobody reads literature anymore
  566. the fact that Walt Disney World is the biggest single tourist attraction in the U.S.
  567. the disappearance of classical music radio stations
  568. the perplexing success of the ugliest pop music
  569. the inevitable triumph of energy over refinement
  570. the fact that cultured men today are predominantly gay
  571. the fact that heterosexual men today are predominantly uncultured
  572. the fact that single men have to feel suspect if they're cultured
  573. men who regard women as sex toys
  574. smart middle-aged women who regard uneducated young men as sex toys
  575. middle-aged alpha males with trophy wives
  576. women who praise sensitive men but fall for alpha males
  577. men who demand that their women look like Barbie
  578. women who demand that their men be "financially secure"
  579. crude, lascivious men who leer at women, make jokes about breasts, etc., etc.
  580. hip, contemporary women who leer at men, make jokes about penises, etc., etc.
  581. the comical ineptness of intellectual men in the real world
  582. the shrill fascism of intellectual feminists who denounce our rigid "phallocentric" institutions, like grammar, sex and rocket science
  583. the condescension of older businessmen toward the "little ladies"
  584. women who characterize flirtation as sexual harassment
  585. men who characterize sexual harassment as flirtation
  586. the male double standard: it's OK for men (but not women) to fool around
  587. female double standards: it's OK for women (but not men) to bash the opposite sex, have their own colleges and clubs, whine, let their spouses support them, etc., etc.
  588. the fact that everything ultimately boils down to sex
  589. the fact that sex fuels the egos of people whose egos don't need fueling
  590. kinky sex (isn't "normal" sex kinky enough?)
  591. impotence: nature's way of telling a man he doesn't deserve to get lucky
  592. faked orgasms: woman's way of telling a man he's luckier than he deserves to be
  593. potential lovers who tell you about the "great sex" they had with a previous lover
  594. current lovers who are having "great sex" with somebody else but don't tell you about it
  595. current lovers who are having "great sex" with somebody else and DO tell you about it
  596. the inventiveness of women's excuses for saying no
  597. the inventiveness of men's arguments for persuading a woman to say yes
  598. sexual starvation
  599. watching people who are dorkier than you get all the sex they want
  600. having to practice safe sex
  601. having to practice salesmanship to get sex
  602. the depth of conversations at singles bars
  603. the depth of conversations in online chat rooms
  604. the depth of conversations in most marriages
  605. spats
  606. replays of the same spats
  607. breaking up after making up
  608. being dumped by someone you love
  609. being dumped for your best friend
  610. being dumped for your mate's best friend
  611. being dumped as part of your mate's latest career move
  612. "Can't we just be friends?"
  613. watching your ex-mate get lucky while your heart is still broken
  614. searching for new mate so you have another chance to experience all of the above
  615. the lamentable decline of romance
  616. the unlamented demise of Western Civilization
  617. the survival of tuberculosis bacilli and political parties
  618. big government: a charity funded by legalized extortion
  619. taxation without representation
  620. taxation WITH representation
  621. representative government masquerading as democracy
  622. Washington insiders
  623. dinner parties for Washington insiders
  624. buying an ambassadorship
  625. foreign ambassadors with 137 parking tickets who claim diplomatic immunity
  626. backslappers and palm-greasers
  627. congressmen who sell out to lobbyists
  628. presidents who sell out to lobbyists
  629. lobbyists
  630. political cronies appointed to high office
  631. the politicians who appoint the appointees
  632. political scandals
  633. cover-ups of scandals
  634. press coverage of cover-ups of scandals
  635. the blindness of the press toward JFK's scandals
  636. the bloodlust of the press in covering Nixon's one scandal
  637. candidates for the U.S. presidency since 1960
  638. candidates for local office in every era
  639. selling favors for campaign contributions: political prostitution
  640. making impossible campaign promises: political courtship
  641. committing impeachable offenses: political adultery
  642. being impeached: political divorce proceedings
  643. photo opportunities and sound bites
  644. spin doctors
  645. mudslinging as a viable campaign strategy
  646. pollsters' and psychics' predictions
  647. corporate earnings forecasts
  648. investors who bail out of a company because it earned $1.24 per share instead of $1.26 per share
  649. companies that downsize because they earned $1.24 per share instead of $1.26 per share
  650. the stock market soaring on news of higher unemployment
  651. going on unemployment yourself
  652. mortgages and other long-term, life-sapping obligations, like marriage
  653. divorce
  654. having to pay alimony and child support
  655. not receiving alimony and child support
  656. staying single because you think the other option is even worse
  657. having to think of yourself as "unfit" if you don't propagate your genes
  658. looking at some of the people who DO propagate their genes
  659. watching a billion years of evolution sputter out when you die childless
  660. knowing that all your knowledge and experiences will evaporate when you die
  661. being dead
  662. being embalmed
  663. being displayed at an open-casket funeral
  664. decomposition
  665. eternal damnation
  666. heaven
  667. purgatory ("What's the point?," asked the cynic. "We've already been there.")
  668. reincarnation (damned if I'm taking calculus again!)
  669. past-life regression therapy
  670. aromatherapy
  671. foot reflexology
  672. chakras
  673. auras
  674. spirit channeling
  675. energy vortexes
  676. good karma and bad karma
  677. gurus
  678. false idols
  679. pop idols
  680. the artist formerly known as Prince
  681. the company still known as Microsoft
  682. monopolies
  683. landing on Boardwalk with a hotel on it
  684. not passing "GO"
  685. not winning
  686. not even breaking even
  687. the fact that virtue is rarely rewarded
  688. that the rewards usually go to the wrong people
  689. that good things don't last
  690. that bad things never go away
  691. that nothing you do in this life will matter 10,000 years from now
  692. that nothing you do in this life will matter 10 years from now
  693. that nearly everything you do is dictated by your genes
  694. that you'll never have enough time to do everything you want
  695. that everything declines eventually, including you
  696. the decline of language
  697. the decline of art
  698. the decline of decency
  699. puritanism: lusting to prevent others from lusting
  700. searching for happiness
  701. searching for kindred spirits
  702. searching for love
  703. searching for self-esteem
  704. searching for the meaning of life
  705. searching for a flashlight with live batteries
  706. searching for answers
  707. never finding the answers
  708. not wanting to find the answers
  709. realizing that the answers will always elude you if you search for them
  710. knowing that you're still clueless after all these years
  711. realizing that all the wise men, philosophers and self-help authors were clueless, too
  712. knowing that the world is going to fall apart eventually
  713. not caring if the world falls apart
  714. "whatever"
© 1997-2001 by Rick Bayan. 



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You are cynical.
You always think that about everybody on this board. You must be a mass murderer or something. You are always suspicious.
I might be cynical, but it sounds to me like--sm
someone is trying to set you up to be the scapegoat. Perhaps they are looking for someone else to do the dictations, or want to bring it back in-house, if someone there is complaining about it. If that is not the case, suggest they get the reports returned via FTP or some encrypted method. That way, they can print out their own and if they are lost, it is their fault, not yours. good luck.
oh my gosh, Cynical, you and I must have had the same boss - sm
She told me a monkey could do my job. Needless to say, that two and a half monkeys are now doing the job with fewer docs and fewer patients. When I had that job, I ALONE WORKED 40 HOURS for 5 physicians, 3 midwives, and did some other odds and ends pertaining to my job. I was told a monkey could do my job.

The practice has gotten much smaller, fewer clinicians, and the job that I once held alone is now being done by 2-1/2 people. Go figure!!
You wouldn't believe the excuses we hear, so I think it makes us cynical even when sm
we don't want to be. We have had MTs lie about their mothers dying, husbands dying, even had two that had relatives notify that they themselves had died, all of which were not true.

We get told that someone was in an accident (find out later it was a lie), told that someone's dog had to be put to sleep (felt bad but found out they never had a dog), even told that their father died. She forgot that she used that one the previous year too.

We have had heard about severe storms with power outages when the MT did not know that another MT lives 2 blocks away and told us of sunshine when we asked how she was working through the storm.

We have been told that someone's husband was being deployed, when the truth is that he was not even in the service.

We have been told that an MT's husband beat her up and that she was at the ER right at that moment, but caller ID said that she was calling from home. When questioned, she explained about the "glitch" with caller ID being mixed up IN THE ENTIRE CITY OF SEATTLE.

See what we mean?
Bad things? what bad things? people's being petty and small?
x
You can't make things worse and could make things better.
The skinny woman may be ill.  The guy might not know the dog is a nuisance.  Who knows?  Maybe it is not as forbidding as it seems and maybe they just need to be asked in a nice way. 
I do a lot of the same things you do...

I also go water the plants - sometimes just being out in the sunshine for 20 minutes or so wakes me up and gets me going again.


I also do the online thing for my kids:  Gap, Old Navy and Abercrombie Kids.  I occasionally look at Sephora for me.  


And yes, exercise does help.  I either take a run first thing in the a.m. or around 1:00.  The morning gives me a totally different spin on the day - I feel better in general the whole day and much more positive.  If I wake up too late for that, I end up going around 1:00, as I find that around that time I start wandering mentally anyway.  I used to feel guilty for taking the hour or so away but realized if I added up all the minutes I spend staring at the screen (waiting for the words to type themselves) it would be more than an hour.  So I try to use my time wisely and for myself by exercising and feel more focused and positive afterwards.  This is a habit I'm still creating.  I've been doing this a while now and I still some days have to convince myself it's okay and the hour is going to help me, not hurt me.  After I'm done I'm always glad I went. 


Thanks for posting this question - you gave me some good ideas. 


There are a few things you can do. Don't

answer phones, let machine pick up. Turn ringer off on cell phone. Stay off boards, turn tv down or off. I don't know about others but I need a little background noise so I keep tv on a volume where I can hear it but not truly understand what is going on. I keep it on the music channel just so I hear something in the background. Don't think about the dirty dishes, laundry or 100 other things needed to be done in the house.


If you need a drink, get one before you start, same goes for a snack. I get a bowl of something to snack on before I start working such as pretzels, carrot sticks, m&m, etc. I bought an oven timer to keep on my desk. I set it for 3 to 4 hours and then take a little break when it goes off. When I first sign on I can work for 4+ hours w/o getting up.


Make macros of phrases. The phrases are the key. If you're forever typing something over and over and saying "I should make a macro for it," don't say it, do it. Closed head injury precautions are set as "chip-" in shorthand. I also do a lot of consults and at the end they have their own little "thank you for allowing me to participate" statement. I use the docs last name with a T at the end of it for the word thank you such as "SmithT" because not all the thank you statements are the same. WDI is written discharge instructions, wci wound care instructions. Macro your labs and headings so you don't have to keep typing them. If the word or abbr. needs to capitalized make a macro. igg comes out as IgG. The less you hit your shift key, it's saving a key stroke. 05m comes out as 0.5% Marcaine, etc. Make something you can remember. I'm at the point now where I've done the same accounts for years and hardly make macros, maybe 1 or 2 a day. If I make a macro today I write it in a notebook sitting right in front of me. It's a quick reminder for me.


Hope some of this helps.


Many things are said here...sometimes...

people get a bit testy.  But, guess what?  We are all adults, aren't we?  Long ago I learned to not take offense to things, remarks, opinions, whatever - as most often taking offense only drags you down personally.  Why let things get to you?


MQLover has every right to express her opinion.  Is she the only one who ever slams back when she gets slammed?  Hardly.  That is a natural reaction.  It's a defense mechanism.  We don't all feel kissy/huggie all the time, and we especially don't when we express our thoughts and get smacked for them. 


If someone's post irritate or bother you, why not just skip them?  There's a heck of a lot more to life than getting upset of bb posts. 


The things I do.
% of utilities, -phone, water, electric-mileage, internet, interest on auto payment, repair to car, cleaning equipment for office, repairs to office, cell phone, equipment-foot pedals, soft ware, supplies, paper, pens, etc.  I have often wondered if I could claim my PJs as uniform expense.
But apart from those things R they OK?

two things

Gas heater in the living room and an additional small heater for my hands, if they get cold.

I found it was less costly to install a gas heater than use the fireplace.


Thanks! I'm always trying to think of new things and though....
I thought this might be different to brake up the monotony! Thanks again!
Well there have been quite a few things
here and there, but I have always put off calling them cause they spend 10 minutes getting the spelling of my name right. I am like, "you can call me whatever you want to call me, just answer my question!"

The problem I am having now is that my internet will not allow me to access my bank site, but my cable company helped me with this problem. Since we went back and did a system restore and it still didn't fix the problem, they suggested that I am probably going to have to reinstal internet explorer. I left my CD at my Dad's though, so I will have to wait to try it and see if it works.

I am just wondering if I run into a problem again and I called if they would switch me to a US representative if I insisted. I remember awhile back someone posted that they did that with a credit card company or something. I think I am going to try it though.
That's if you want to be any of those things.
Really, why choose a career field solely based on potential income? Does money buy happiness? Doctors and nurses work very long hours. LPNs make $12 an hour, RNs $18 and up. Attorneys, well, who would want to be an attorney? Accountants here make $12 an hour to start out with a 5-year degree and CPA.
Have you tried these things? (sm)
Writing for the paper and making extra bucks by doing MT?

Maybe go back for your Master's and teach journalism in smaller colleges?

Possibly freelance for web sites? Check out elance.com and other freelancer sites. Lots need writing. Work that experience! Do you have a portfolio to show off?

Good luck :)
two things you can do

1.  Run Disk Cleanup - click Start | All Programs | Accessories | System Tools | Disk Cleanup.

2.  If you use Internet Explorer, click on Tools | Internet Options. Click on the buttons that say Delete Cooks and Delete Files.

Close your browser, restart it, and that should resolve your problem.


Well, with the way things are going,
I think I would be happy to get anything.  Many companies are doing away with gifts completely due to the economy. 
I'm not willing to pay for something that will only tell me things I already know.
I know to use an Expander and templates/normals. I know to expand phrases, words, reports, etc. I know to stay away from the boards, let the machine get the phone, and treat this like a REAL job, but it's really hard to concentrate when there's nothing but garbage dictation on the system. I can see somebody else already took all the work from my primary, so I'm stuck with the lousy ESL secondary that I hate and won't make any money on. I can never make any money working for any national. They bounce you around so much that you never have the same dictators from day to day and can't keep account specs straight.
are doing these things....NM
x
Some of us can do 2 things at once, and well! nm
nm
They are okay though there were some things I did not like - sm
though it may not bother others. Need to have AIM on while you work so they can IM you....they can monitor you this way too, unless you know how to turn off that feature. Alway felt to me like Big Brother was watching. Did not like primary account, lots of short reports (I like them long with good line counts, not these dinky 10 lines things that take you 10 minutes to crank out); loved my 2nd and 3rd though, but rarely got to see them. Were considered an employee, nice, don't have to worry about taxes. Had to give a schedule and stick to it (granted you are an employee so you must do that), but flexible. Have to work 1 weekend day too. Get lots of faxes, sometimes too much. People are nice enough though, never had trouble with QA. Like I said just a few things rubbed me the wrong way, good enough place though. Good luck.
What are the things that keep MTs
I'm putting together a list of things that make it hard for MT to get decent line count. Can anyone give me their opinion?  TIA!
Could mean a lot of things......sm
Could mean that the QA department is backed up and your report just hasn't come up for review yet. Does your QA department have a higher level to which more difficult reports are sent for yet another listen? It could be that it has been held up in this way. I know how frustrating it must be for you not to have your feedback yet. I hope you get it soon. :-)
Here are some things.....
If you own your home, you can deduct taxes, mortgage interest, DSL or internet service, electricity, heating bills, anything you bought for your job, i.e, pencils, pens, a new chair, a new desk, highlighters, etc., and anything else that is related solely to your business at home.

Don't forget you can also deduct anything you donated. Every few weeks I "clean house" and donate all my goodies to Salvation Army. But make sure you get a receipt.


Several things...
For me personally, I was drwan to transcription for several reasons. I love the field of medicine and I love to learn something new every day. Those were the main things at first. Now, I love to be home for my children and am happy this job that I already love helps me do that!
getting things done
I have found David Allen's GTD approach very useful in organizing life, time, and goals.  You can do a search for "getting things done" on google.
As if 1 of those things isn't bad enough.
Yikes.
I never go to any of these things...sm
that way I'm not stuck with buying stuff I don't want/need/pay too much for.
Thank you both - these are exactly the things (sm)
I was talking about! This will be VERY helpful. Have a good day :)
These are some things I do

Boy, I hear you on how time consuming and tiring it can be to get ready to go!  We don't have any kids but we have three small dogs (which are like kids to us).


We camp almost every other week-end, May through September, and I try to do as much as I can during the week to get things ready, a little each day that I can.


Also, I have bought as many things as possible to leave in the camper so I don't have to take things from the house to the RV/back and forth.  I try to stock the cupboards with foods that can be left there for the season.  This year I also bought us underwear that stays in the RV all summer. When we come home from camping, I wash it and back it goes to the RV.  (Then in the fall, it will come in the house and we can throw out old underwear and buy new again the next year for the RV.) We also leave warm clothes in the camper all season as they are usually part of our "winter clothes" anyway.


We also keep our RV electrical plugged in all season so I can leave many things in the refridge and freezer, without using up our propane to run the fridge. We have an outside outlet on our house so we can do this.


While we are camping, I make a list of things I note we will need to buy for the next camping trip; otherwise, I would never remember what I needed. I also have made a "Camping Checklist" of things I need to remember to take each time and things I need to do before we leave. That really helps me a lot.


HTH some.  Have fun camping!  We will be going on "vacation" (five days) in our RV next week and we can hardly wait.  Even each week-end away is like a mini-vacation for us.


Several things:

1. Separate accounts. Get a credit card in your business name to run all business purchases through. That will simplify things immensely. Get a business checking account (you can choose Jane Smith DBA - doing business as -Transcription Services Limited if you are not incorporated).


2.  The first year that you are an IC, do not worry about quarterly payments. You do need to withhold enough from your paychecks to be ready to pay your regular taxes as well as an additional 7.5% self employment tax come April next year. Put all of this in your business account.  The second year, 2007, - as long as you pay 100% of what your taxes were in the previous year, you will not incur any fines. So if you paid $8500 between your husband and you in your taxes this year, next year divide the $8500 by 4, to get $2125. Watch your husband's withholding and every quarter, take what has been withheld from him and add whatever it takes to make $2125 from yours. I.e. he has $2000 withheld, your quarterly payment should be $150 - allowing a little extra.


I agree it is worth it to find a good CPA that will help you get organized and give you deadlines for filing, as well as help you find deductions that you are entitled to take. But after that, easy enough to do on your own if you do your own taxes anyway.


 


I have two things (sm)
Watching my two-year-old son sing and dance, and my five-year-old daughter getting 100% on her sight words (reading) at school four weeks in a row. And she's only been in school for four weeks. My kids make me happy and proud!
Here's other things I do to them....sm
1. Ask them if they need you to spell everything you want to say for them.

2. Ask them if they'll be voting Republican, Democrat or Independent in the next election and to explain the pros/cons of each candidate. I love to hear them stammar on that one!

3. If it's a male, ask him if he makes his wife walk behind them and treat them like a second class citizen or if she is allowed freedom like we have in America.

4. Tell them you'll listen to their sales pitch if they'll agree to listen to yours - then start reading the Sunday ads to them.
Several things
Semester is half over!

Just 27 hours left to graduate!

Life's going good. Anything wrong is something I can get a handle on.

Feel blessed. My family is safe and well. It's beautiful weather. I have all I need and most of what I want.

I'm silly that way, I guess. :)

Things you don't know
Unlike you, I volunteered for yesterday and today, but did not volunteer to stay up all night Wednesday with a preschooler begging me to take away her tummy pain, and also deal with her illness as I tried to work yesterday.

I did not "plan" a "big" family gathering...they invited themselves over (all 3 of them), which I was grateful to do YESTERDAY when my load was to have been lighter. It was in my mind a show of appreciation for the 2 nights I have had without having to work or be the sole responsible person for this child in a year (they kept her while I was in the hospital from a stress-related GI illness).


I am grateful this child is in my life as she was literally dropped off on my door step unanounced one day because her parents wanted to be teenagers. But the stress of court dates, proving paternity so the parents can "get a fresh start" by walking away from the child they produced, the therapy sessions to help her cope with why they abandoned her, the state agencies that provided minimal assistance to kinship care providers but mandated appointments that cut into my pay to attend....

Right now vanity is a luxury I cannot afford and perhaps, yes, I kind of resent it for other people TODAY. I did not resent it yesterday and shall not resent it tomorrow (even though I am on mandatory stat coverage for the entire weekend with no pay for it).

I am stressed and I vented about vanity. Now, I will take the child I did not give birth to and essentially take my toys and go home. Thanks for the support! Merry Christmas, too!
Some things to consider...sm
For me, IC versus employee boiled down to benefits (PTO, sick days, insurance, etc.) versus the greater flexibility in my schedule. As an IC, I generally made more on the paycheck, but that was before taxes, which can become a nightmare if you're not careful. When I got to thinking about, really the only thing I was actually giving up was the greater flexibility in my schedule. I discovered that when I factored in the benefits package, which included holidays and other things in addition to those mentioned above, I felt like I was actually making at least as much if not more in terms of monetary compensation. Also, where I am at now allows a 1-hour window on either side of my shift start time, so I can start an hour earlier or an hour later than I am scheduled to without having to notify anyone about it. That actually helps quite a bit, but if you can stomach converting to a more structured shift schedule, I think the addition of benefits to your regular pay can make it very much worth your while, especially if you don't already have health insurance benefits through your spouse's employment. Another aspect that can generate considerable peach of mind is if your benefit package includes disability. If anything ever happens to prevent me from being able to continue working, my salary is covered. For me, all of these things were significant enough to move me to change. I spent the better part of 15 years as an IC, so I thought about it long and hard. Now I have the "V" word back in my vocabulary for the first time in a long time, and it's nice to be getting paid while I'm on "v"acation. Those are the main considerations that went into my decision process.

I hope those thoughts help, and I wish you the best.
I do those very things
I tell them I want consistent work, list the type of work I don't like (only 2 types), and I make it very clear what I'm looking for and of course all of them say they have JUST that.  My main thing is consistent work, I want to work my shift and be done, not be on here 24/7 trying to get my hours.
What the pay IS, vs. what it SHOULD BE, are 2 different things! (sm)
It also depends on where you live, the difficulty of the work, etc. I'm at about 9.5 cpl. In Ky. that's good pay, but in NY or CA it's poverty-line.
ear things
Which ones to get?
A few things...

I have a couple of websites--actually several--that are content based websites, so I have ads on them which make me a little money.  I also make felt playsets for children, and locally I sell mosaic birdbaths, and will soon start selling potting benches.  I designed one for myself, built it for cheap, and it turned out well.  I also sell on Ebay.  I feel if I put as much time and passion into what I love as I was putting into MTing, then certainly I will be able to make a living.  It includes advertising all that I do and really putting the hours into it. 


Lynn


With God, all things are possible..
xx
There are so many things to do
Hi - I have worked at home for 9 years. I did start to feel that way once my kids started school, but there are things you can do. For example, I found a walking buddy through Exercisefriends dot com and started walking every day. Also, there are other people who work from home - post on Craigslist or something like that and find other work-at-homers to meet for lunch. Allow yourself a lunch break. Initiate social outings with friends - like organize a girls night out that you initiate.
Look things up and
That is what I did when I started. Constantly looked things up. Sure it slows you down in typing but you come out looking better and you learn tons more this way. Also do not make up words or guess. Look up the word and if not found then leave a blank. That's the way to do it. Try to educate yourself. I edit and I see wrong words or made up spellings for drugs when I know they can be looked up easily.
Two things.
If you're using Express Scribe, there are hot keys on the F keys to stop, start, rewind, etc. Also, have you tried to change the default in Express Scribe (or whatever program you're using) to something different that will recognize your foot pedal?
I think we all want things to be better but some
doing something about it.
First things first -
Set aside what you will need to pay taxes and DO NOT touch it. Sit down and decide how much you need to live on if you decide to take time off. The important thing is to not spend like crazy if you want to keep that nest egg. That is not so much money that it cannot run through your fingers very quickly if you do not keep close track of it, especially after you pay your taxes. Oh, and congratulations! :-)
I think you are doing all the right things. SM
"The Language of Medicine" is really thorough and a great review. I'm using it to prep for the CMT.

The problem for you isn't going to be medical knowledge, it's that your ears will be a little stiff at first. You might start now with general transcription and get your "transcription chops" back up to speed on a part-time basis while you still work in your lab position (lucky you! those are sometimes so tricky!).

You might also consider taking a refresher course. There are several excellent online transcription courses available that you could work on now while you're still at your path lab job.

I think you can absolutely do it! Best wishes.
They will be saying a lot of the same things over SM
and over again, so you will learn quickly. Hard to give difficulty number, because depends who gives the report, but if it is a small hospital probably 3-4.

There may be a lot of lab work, which you probably already know from clinics.
I already know how to do these things and have been doing them.
The problem is how to keep Word from CREATING AND RETAINING these files in the first place. Also, I want to know if anyone else is having the same problem that I am. TY.
such things....
I brought it up because the post above me said something about why do we assume illegals are not clean and such. It isn't that I assume it is from exp. She was saying she thought it was bigotry and I was saying it is just facts from exp. The legals I know are not like this. I know 2 different legal Mexican ciizens. Very clean people who are no different than anyone else. But from my exp again the illegal ones for some reason just don't care. The ones I come into contact with that is.