you just have to stand up and take action sm
Posted By: MeMT on 2009-01-16
In Reply to: Because I am so torn on what I need to do. nm - anon
You don't have to make a decision to leave him, you don't have to hate him. You do need the truth from him and an apology with remorse. I am picturing you all being young adults when this happened, is that the case? How old was he? How old were your sisters? If he was a young man and they were young adults it was still wrong of him but he could have changed his ways and regret his actions. If they were children, that is completely another story. If that is the case, I would not be able to stay with him if I were you. But you need to stand up and tell him that you believe them and that he needs to confess and apologize and reassure you that it has not been a recurring them throughout your marriage.
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You need to take action.
1. Do you have a physical problem keeping you from seeking out new employment? If you do, please see your doctor now. If you have a true disability, see what you can do about maybe collecting disability.
2. Do you have emotional issues going on that you cannot handle well right now? Please seek out help, again, through your physician. If that is not an option, go to your phonebook and look for a community help line phone number. Someone there can help guide you in the right direction. In my city, that would be in the white pages in the blue section. Not sure how everyone else's is.
3. Do you have anyone at all that you can turn to for living arrangements, even on a temporary basis? If not, you better get on the ball and start right this second looking for another apartment or even just a room so you don't end up on the street.
4. Look into getting some help from your local food pantry. Again, a friend, clergy, or a local help line could lead you in the right direction to do that.
5. Call your gas and electric companies to see if you are eligible for help on your bills. Many companies offer this.
6. Do you have any stuff you can unload at a flea market? I would say ebay but it sounds like you don't have time for that. A flea market would be good for some immediate cash on hand. I looked in a box I had been holding onto for years and never really looked at what was in it (my ex-mother in law gave me what I thought was old Christmas decorations). I ended up making over 2,000 bucks on ebay for the crap that was in it. Still don't know why people went nuts over that stuff, but apparently they were some kind of collectables (as I remember there were some old lead figures, some kind of collectable penny lucky charm thingy and a couple old Lone Ranger and Tonto dolls still in boxes, and stuff like that.) Anyway, if you have been holding onto stuff just because, get rid of it now. It could put a few extra bucks in your pocket.
7. Don't post here looking for help. In your situation you need REAL and IMMEDIATE help. Call a friend, go to your church if you belong to one and talk to your clergy. Seek heart-to-heart and face-to-face help and counseling.
8. When the dust settles, make a plan, start an emergency fund (even if it is just 5 bucks a week) and don't ever ever let this happen again.
Just my two cents.
Husband's action
You must be a young one. Having been married a LONG time, and been through almost EVERYTHING imaginable in a marriage, it is neither shocking nor surprising, so don't be scared. My intuitive self says he is acting out of anxiety. You offered information that you are having problems in your marriage right now, and perhaps he wanted you to walk in on him. I too have walked in on my husband while he was spanking the monkey, so to speak. When we were younger, I would have been offended and hurt but you will learn that men will be men. As for me I don't deal with stress in a sexual way. I have found through the journey of marriage that sex can be used as a powerful tool to convey other powerful emotions too. Some men, no matter how good your sex life is together, are like little boys, they have to hand their hands on it just to make sure it's still there, I guess. Take this opportunity to talk openly about what emotions are really going on underneath, and I can almost guarantee you it will be fear. Once you get to the bottom of what he is feeling and what you are feeling, you will begin to ease the tension and be better able to deal with your issues.
Big brother in action again
What happened to freedom of choice? When did what we do off the clock become everyone's business, and when did we, the workers, agree we need some authority with a conflict of interest to police everyone's health for their own good?
So what's next - we all have no health insurance eventually because some greedy insurer decides something we do is a risk? In this profession in particular, they could look to disqualify us for being overweight, or the likelihood of carpal tunnel, or any of the other problems that come from being chained to a keyboard the majority of the time.
On the other hand, some politicians introduce platforms aimed to force us to buy insurance. But what if you are disqualified by the almighty insurers? You can't make everybody get insurance if more and more people are refused insurance due to risk. Something has got to give here, and the madness must stop.
There will probably be consequences to this action
because I do not see how someone in the school system can just take it upon their own self to ask for a urine specimen from a child. I would just play a wait and see and what will come into play is the person who actually ordered/took this will probably be suspended/terminated. It was definitely the responsibility of the school to let the parent(s) know first and not take into their own hands.
If you disagree with a certain belief or action, then don't do it YOURSELF... but
don't try to force your beliefs upon others who may not share them with you. Everyone has a different situation. Dif'rent strokes for dif'rent folks, ya know.
I have a dalek action figure!
and a box of Jelly Babies from around 1983 my mother bought from PBS! I absolutely ADORE the new Dr. Who series and Torchwood...but I get it off BBC3 and it's all unedited and just freakin' awesome!!
the kind of action that could get you shot in this
x
Neither, action adventure! The moon or the sun?
x
i'd have decked her. Reflex action. (nm)
.
put her in your yard; her owner cannot argue against your action.
nm
Right now just trying to keep him from eating my 3-year-old action figures - sm
I wonder if he eats a spiderman figure does he become spider dog??? I keep finding small plastic arms and legs around the house. It is getting kinda spooky. If I find a small plastic horse head in my bed, cute or not the doggie may have to go... LOL...
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
It won't be making any difference. I tried a couple of techniques for my adults and very soon I came to realize they found the antidotes for them. If there are 10 sites telling how to monitor your kids, there are 1000 more telling how to escape it. Down the road you will be pushing your kids to visit those sites (full of porn banners & adult materials) and nothing else.
What does LOL stand for.
Use to think it meant lots of luck, but that doesn't pertain to this board.
I Can't Stand Men Your Age Either!!
I married older because I thought he would have his you-know-what together. WRONG! He went down, financially-speaking, and took me down with him. I heard he's in the middle of divorcing his third wife (I was his second).
But...boy, did I love him.
I can't stand him ever since
he did the show on Tourette syndrome and Asperger syndrome and called the show "extreme disorders." That was pretty crappy. And the Asperger kid's parents were totally abusive and Dr. Phil didn't even call them on it.
But I have to admit I watch it, its like reading National Equirer- I'm drawn to it but embarrassed to admit it!
What's HMR stand for? n/m
x
Can't stand her!
The reason the paparazzi follow her is because they know she will do something ignorant like she always does. You don't see many other celebs being chased like she is. If she would act like a decent adult then they would have no reason to follow her around. But she continues to act like a child to get the attention she wants. It makes me the maddest because those paparazzi drive so recklessly, and one of these days they are going to injure or even kill someone when they hit them head on by driving down the wrong side of the road. Ugh. Makes me sick. Like the OP said, STAY HOME! Its like the time she drove with her baby on her lap and everyone coddles her and told her it was okay, people make mistakes. Um, NO. That is not a mistake. That is a blatantly wrong thing to do. I am just so tired of her, and I wish she would drop her custody case and just let Kevin have the boys. At least he is stable.
I stand by what I said.
Her daughter called and maybe she did think her mom was upset, but the fact that her mom got annoyed by this is just insane. If she was on an important phone call with her dying aunt, why she bothered to answer her other phone, no matter who was calling, is beyond me. As a result, she posted this topic about whether she should let the answering machine get the phone or she should disconnect her phone. That is a no brainer. If you don't want to talk to someone or are on another important call, let the answering machine get it. She made mention that she might let the answering machine pick up all of her daughter's calls and not call back just to see what her daughter will think.....isn't that a bit childish.
So I don't know her whole family history and maybe her son is an ungrateful turd. If he won't talk to his mom because she got money he thought he deserved, that is his problem. But for her to not be the adult and bigger person by at least trying to mend that relationship......as far as I'm concerned, she can't blame everything on him if she isn't willing to mend it either.
As for her happiness and family getting her down....sounds to me as if she is the one who thinks her family owes her something since she bailed her son out of jail and paid for her daughter's college. If she is so happy with her laugh and content, why in the world she is posting on here about whether or not she should let the answering machine pick up her daughter's phone calls?
I have no sympathy for someone who isn't smart enough to make the decision of whether or not to answer her telephone.
Stand up!
Why do our companies never stand up to dictators like this? I have one who honestly sounds like he's drunk and he speaks English as a first language! I call him smushmouth because all I can understand is smusha-smusha-smusha at any speed level. I had one at an old hopsital who had narcolepsy! He would literally fall asleep while dictating so you'd have to sit there and wait for him to wake back up and then he'd start over or start in the middle of a sentence he never began. Drives me nuts.
What kills me too is that one of my in-laws is from Russia. Her mom was a doctor there. She can't become a doctor here because she says her English isn't good enough and it costs so much money to take the tests to get her reciprocal certification. Heck her English is 10 times better than half the idiots we get so how do THEY pass the test? Sorry needed to vent today!
I can't stand...
walkie talkie cell phones. It's bad enough to hear one side of someone else's conversation standing in line at the grocery store. I DO NOT want to hear BOTH sides. Especially if it's a dumb argument. Take it outside or wait until you get home!
can't stand the.....
GEICO caveman commercials... I just don't get it...
...especially the one where the caveman and his chick are on the beach with the metal detector and he finds keys with a GEICO key fob and tosses down his equipment, then the girlfriend picks it all up for him... yeah.. in his DREAMS!! LOL
maybe not the stand, but instead I am
Maybe it was on purpose. The man who gave Obama the tour died two days later.
I can't stand him.
x
Can't stand Rosie, but never ....
thought much of Donald either. I can't believe how much attention this whole thing is getting. I wish they would both go away.
I had PMS so bad I couldn't stand myself let alone anyone
else. I got a great PMS pill from a chiropractor that helped a lot, and after moved from that area I would buy mega-B vitamin pills and take them. They really made a difference. Good luck and, believe me, you have a LOT of company! I had PMS long before they ever put a name on it.
I can't stand TV in general.
I watch MAYBE 1 hour a week of regular ol' TV and that is just local news blurbs. I am a big movie fanatic though.
What I really can't stand about the crap coming over the airways is the constant barrage of DRUG ADS--whether they are for prescription drugs or OTC stuff. It's just too much.
I saw a spot on the news about how stores are contemplating putting in little LCD screens into those "kiddie carts" that the adult can plug $1 into, put the kid in the plastic car/cart thing, so the kid basically can stay numbly tuned into some show while the parents shops in quiet comfort.
Heaven forbid kids are made to behave while out in public. Oh don't even get me going on the sheer retardedness of it all...
I never could stand all the talking over each other.
From the very beginning, it seemed like at least 3 of them were so excited to talk they were hyperventilating and jumping in and talking over each other. Not my cup of tea.
I can't stand doctors like that who won't
listen. At least a colonoscopy is good for about 10-15 years, LOL.
Dont think you have a leg to stand on
The difference between owning and renting is what you are up against. The swimming pool does not belong to you, nothing around there as far as buildings and so on is yours. The owners have the right to come onto their own property, I would think, and throw down as many cigarettes as they want, they own it, right? Otta luck, seems like.
Do you have a backbone, can you not stand
up for yourself? People only take advantage of you if you let them. I have a very good word for people like this, NO.
Good for you, stand your course
she should have been sent home and should not be allowed to return. Your home, your rules.
me2-cannot stand Jen and was angry she got HOH
I cannot stand her but I do like David
x
Can't stand limp ANYthing, actually! LOL..nm
s
typing stand
Does anyone have any idea where you can find a typing stand like the ones we used for typing class? I'd like one with a ruler or something attached to keep my place on the document. I'm having a really hard time locating this item. Any clues? Thanks!
copy stand
Excellent! I was able to find a lot of them searching with copy stand. Amazon seems to be best source. Thanks!
he was boo hooin on the stand, probably what did it
in the pen
I can't stand working for
n,m
Eww I can't stand Syesha.
Way too cocky. If she had half the talent she *thinks* she has, she would be amazing. But she doesn't.
I just CAN'T STAND drunks. So I think they
18-year-olds are dumb enough already. They sure don't need to be compounding that with alcohol.
I absolutely can not stand when someone..sm
here just throws out there get a divorce. Divroce is not always the answer and not always that easy. I have a very good marriage and our DS is graduating this year. If DH wanted to attend something else instead I would let him, but I guarantee the locks would be changed when he returned. I am sorry that this is a problem for you, I get along quite well with my family as well as my in-laws so I don't have to put up with a lot of BS. You said "my son" so I guess he is not the biological son of your husbands. Always put your children first. If other family members don't make it to the graduation, so be it. I understand the hurt, but once again just be there for your child and to He!! with the others.
my hands are freezing. cant stand
typing with cold hands. the smallest draft of cool air just kills my hands. anyone with teh same prob?
I can't stand her and I think she should keep her fat trap SHUT!
take a stand in life issues
that really matter. Don't dilly dally over irrelevant issues. Wake up, smell the coffee, listen to the birds sing, take a walk in the sun. Life is too short to always be mad and look at others and bring them down because what makes them happy makes you irritable. you might have a characteristic or mannerism that someone does not think is a pretty sight.
What the heck does CRCT stand for?
I live in Virginia and they take SOLs here. My daughter will have to take it for the first time this year, but I've heard that if they don't pass the SOL test then they don't move on to the next grade!! I really hope this isn't true, it's a LOT of pressure.
who cant you stand on TV: me: shawn hannity
//
I can't stand Julie Chen but like BB...sm
Julie Chen just seems so FAKE to me.....don't know if the pictures will show up but the link is below it to see her before her surgery....1996..
I do. My little Lily is barely 2 yrs old. She can't stand to be alone.
But she doesn't like other cats. I guess she thinks she's human. Our previous cat lived to be 20 yrs old, and for 20 years, she barely noticed that we were in the house. Our new little one isn't cuddly. She doesn't want to climb in your lap or sit right next to you, but she does want to be in the same room. She has a basket on a window sill in my office, and she stays there while I work all day. If I get up to go the bathroom, I will always find her sitting just outside the door when I come out. She follows me all over the house. We recently left her for a week while we were on vacation. The neighbors came and fed her, but Miss Lily was too shy to come out and socialize. When we got home, she could barely stop meowing and won't let us out of her sight. Poor thing must have been traumatized!
I agree that your husband should stand up for you
If he refuses to do so, quite honestly, if it were me, I would divorce him and take the kids to the other side of the country and live near YOUR parents. Let them come all the way over there to visit the kids.
Your children too young to have been affected too much by the situation, but as they grow older, they will find themselves in the middle of this family feud. That is a very unhealthy atmosphere for them to be living in.
I have caused problems for myself more than once in the past for demanding to be treated with respect, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. If your husband won't do it, then you will have to.
Can't stand a limp fish
handshake . . . my 8th grade English teacher insisted that she would not pass anyone who would not learn how to correctly shake hands, and consequently I have had more than my fair share of comments regarding the strength of my shake :)
When other females offer the limp fish, I'm pretty much disgusted by it.
Would like to vent a little if everyone can stand another in-law story.
A few weeks ago we were having a visiting choir at our church. We were feeding dinner them after the performance. During Sunday school we discussed what each person would bring. We wanted to do sandwiches, salads, and desserts. I volunteered to bring chicken salad and pimento cheese sandwhiches. MIL is in the same class and heard myself and hubby say it twice. She chose to bring the same thing. Okay, not a big deal, but this is what happened yesterday. Earlier in the week my MIL gave me a church cookbook from another church. While we were talking I flipped through the cookbook (this is the size of a hymnal) and saw a reciepe for "blueberry pound cake". It looked delicious and I even said "I have fresh blueberries in the fridge, this will be great for the picnic on Sunday." I also made a couple of other things as everyone always brings 2-3 dishes. Walked in to church yesterday and my MIL announced she had made "blueberry pound cake from the new cookbook". I did not say a word, but caught hubby in parking lot and told him to put the cake back in the car.
We had a neighborhood block party last night so I knew I could take it there. Honestly, her cake was a bit dry, I truely think due to the reciepe and not her cooking. I guess it worked out becuase I went home and used a few more berries to make a sauce which helped the cake and it was a big hit at the block party.
I know this is really minor, so please don't fry me for this, but I really needed to vent and I don't want to vent to my hubby. Thanks for listening.
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