you're into guilt by association? s/m
Posted By: is all...a far better role model than britney on 2007-02-27
In Reply to: I beg to differ.....going by who she hangs around with. - sm
As I know it, they broke up months ago..........so I have read...and anyway - you sound like my 87 year old mother!!! 
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I would certainly get association such
as Department of Family and Children involved, even with a parent as I did with my father. He was 90, being ripped off by a younger than me married woman and having accidents 1 after another. If she will not listen to you, the department will step in and take over full care of her. She seems to be becoming demented with these actions. My father finally was killed in an accident but thank God he did not kill anyone else. Such a danger to him and others. I would certainly take care of ASAP.
My homeowners association does not allow
along with vegetable gardens, your animals roaming around loose, parking on the streets, loud playing of music, so on and so on and I love this place.
Neighborhood Association Would Not Allow
There are certain colors for the homes here and that would be totally out. I love my neighborhood!
I like it too. If there is no home association
then they can do whatever they want with it.
I hear nothing from the association, just love it here
If you have never lived in an association, or maybe you have, don’t know what type of rules you thought or know your particular place has but I just enjoy it here - so much nicer than where I used to live right in the city of over 3 million people. Oh, just for your information, the homes here are different, some are stucco, some brick front, some 3 stories, some ranch so except for using outlandish colors on the home and cutting down on trashy things like all night parties, loud obvious people, no soliciting in our neighborhood, I would move here again in a heart beat.
Move into an association neighborhood and
you don’t have that problem. The places are not rented out here.
Got note from association about mowing our grass
but thank goodness hubby had mowed just a few days ago. The association goes through the neighborhood ever so often and checks the yards. He has a riding lawnmower and a gas run mower; however I am unable to mow the front yard because cannot pull the rope on the mower. I fully intend to get me a push button starter mower so I can at least mow the front so presentable at all times.
please don't take on any guilt that someone--sm
else is trying to lay on you. You have enough to worry about without feeling guilty about a human reaction. First off, it was not your husband's fault for not taking the quad off the trailer. It was all your BIL responsibility once he took the vehicles to his property, to make sure they were safe. period. If they are reacting out of anger towards you now, it is because they feel the guilt of responsibility and it may end up costing them something in the future. They do not want to have to pay the consequences for their mistake...so...they are trying to turn it around on you and make you feel guilty for blaming them for your loss. they can only do that if you allow them to. You are in the right. You are also within your rights to attempt to recover for you loss, whether it is family or not. Secondly, the disagreement you got into with your sister is on her shoulders. Heated emails or not, she came to your house, became confrontational with you, and ended up placing her hands on you in anger. Whether she hurt you or not, she aggressively assaulted you. If you let it go this time, just like in any abuse case, be it male or female, it just gives her an open door to do it again, maybe not to you, but to someone else. She feels she can get what she wants by physical means, and that is wrong. You say she and her husband have always been this way, by screwing people over, so they can get what they want, no matter what the consequences. They have apparently never been made to pay the consequences of their actions. They have never learned not to be selfish. Family or not, sister or not, you have the right and obligation to defend yourself, your person and your property, against a selfish onslaught. As I said previously, your sister and BIL would be knocking on your door wanting compensation for their property if it had been stolen from you. Situations are always different when the shoe is on the other foot. Thirdly, even though you love your nephew dearly, she is the parent. It is her responsibility to act in such a way *maturely* so that her *business* is not in jeopardy and she will not lose her job or her home because of it. It is her actions that caused any consequences that come from this. Not yours. She seems to be very good at turning anything she does wrong onto someone else, making it their fault. Do not let her guilt you into thinking you did this, because you did not.
As you said. The damage is done. You cannot undo it. You cannot change it. You did the right thing in protecting yourself from her physical assault. Whatever happens now is a result of her actions, not yours. If per chance this ever calms down, and it will in time, perhaps an amicable solution would be for them to pay HALF of the loss. That way both parties take responsibility. That is just a suggestion. But please, please, do not take on the guilt she is trying to get you to take. Stay strong. Family or not, she had no right to inflict anything on you physically. Just remember that. Abuse is abuse whether you are hurt or not. Trust me on that. I have been there. I wish you all the best!
You ever think it may be guilt that has - sm
kept him from contacting her? People tend to sweep under the rug what they feel bad about, so maybe he swept his former life and child under the rug and cannot go back because he feels guilty of how he treated them. It does happen. Granted there are those who feel nothing and want nothing to do with their past "indiscretions", and are just horrible people to begin with. If it were me I'd get in touch, but with no expectations of becoming one happy family; basically for curiousity. My mom was adopted and on and off I have searched for her birth parents. She is dead now, and unless they are very, very old, her parents are dead too, but I may have some aunts and uncles I know nothing about as well as some cousins that I am still curious about and hope to one day meet. It took me a while but I got her birth certificate released via the courts when my mom was still alive and at least she died knowing her birthday really was her birthday (we had our doubts as her "parents" lied about so much) and the names of her parents, assuming they told the truth on the birth certificate, one never knows. Yes, her contacting her dad will ruffle some feathers but she has a right to contact him and should not let others stop her if she really wants to contact him just because they don't like the idea.
Guilt
Guilt is a major side effect of depression. Believe me, I know! I didn’t realize the extent of my depression until after I started treatment for it. Now that I am on the “other” side of the coin, I am much more aware of the symptoms and triggers. I, too, wondered why everything made me feel guilty, especially when no one really even tried to make me feel that way; I brought it on myself. For years, I kept asking myself why I was feeling that way and never came to a solid conclusion. Now that I am on medication, there was no real reason for my guilt other than I was depressed. I can honestly say that any guilt I feel right now is a normal healthy level, enough to help me remain considerate to others, but it is no longer a major part of my life. I feel like a slave who has been set free from bondage. I’ve learned that it’s okay to pamper myself and take care of some my own needs. However, I don’t think I could have ever done it on my own without the help of medication.
I would never put you on guilt trip for that
That little beast is a nervy ho!!!! The worst part of having kids is dealing with other kids and their parents. How DARE she do that? Use your computer? But I will say, this will be an ongoing war for eternity now with the mother.
first, quit the guilt
If you have been burned by someone repeatedly, and they still want you around, they have to be open to your verification to gain your trust. He doesn't respect you enough to get help and stick with it, as he has proven repeatedly, so why should he be surprised if you want reassurance of his activities. If he doesn't want to change, then there is nothing you can do to make him. You have to decide if it is really worth hanging on. Is life apart from him really that much worse than with him? I would advise you to see if there is anyone you can talk to who is an expert on addiction and those who live with addicts (you didn't say whether you have a counselor available or maybe a support group). FWIW, I've been there, and I would never give a man as many chances as you have. It is your life. Reclaim it for yourself!
My point is that the e-mail check is not what you should worry about. How his problems affect your life/sanity/sense of self is what you should focus on.
Good luck!
Regardless, that doesn't take away his guilt sm
She didn't believe it then, but she does now. Better late than never. He is still guilty and people who are willing to do those types of things don't change. My point to Mrs. R is that we are not villifying men in general, this woman's husband is guilty of doing something very bad.
Guilt? I am much too old to think about such a superficial thing
I just wondered who makes you the guru of all things good or bad? I just happen to know that things mentioned here, not all, but some are absolutely good for you. My husband is a chef and I am a registered dietician. You need to go back on the other board where you always seem to stir things up.
Keep waking up at night - Guilt? Anxiety?
Okay - for months now I have been aking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and feeling hot. I have to sleep with a fan and keep fipping from one end of hte bed to ther other so the sheets will be cool. I guess that could just be that I'm hot, I don't know. Then I end up being awake for an hour or two while my mind wanders through everything that I am not happy with myself about and I end up making resolutions about how I am going to improve because I'm so bad, etc. I keep wondering if the heart racing is just physical and is maybe anxiety and I am trying to rationalize it as guilt so I start to try to think of what I might feel guilty about? Anyway, the next day I am fine, although I have started spending less money as a result of one of my late night attacks! Does anyone else do this or know what it is? I'm tired of it - and tired the next day!
either postpartum depression or embarrassed/guilt
I have known people to withdraw due to feeling like people are going to make fun of their child, blaming themselves or postpartum depression. Is this their first child? Could be that she is just simply overwhelmed. What does her mother-in-law/mother think? Is she also pulling away from them?
Just let her know that you are there for her even if that means sending her a card.
Confessional is for the purpose of relieving people's guilt of sin.
The law is written on mankind's heart. Confessional and or talking with your pastor is a helpful tool toward relieving guilt and for guidance. People who quote scripture like this should know it is fine to quote but also should be educated on the original purpose of confessional. No one ever said the Pastor is taking the place of Christ. Read up on Luther's papers, please.
I see where you are coming from because I would be nagged by guilt and feeling responsible
for the problem. I have those tendencies too. No way should you cash your IRA for a car.
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
You're not 'low-class', you're FUNNY, & a good writer!
Which is often the case then someone is the first to cast stones!
You're surprised? I'm not. They're not going to stop voting....
as was mentioned in a prior post. Imagine if they succeed? They just may.
At least you wait until they're cooked! LOL...we're raw dough
s
Sounds like you're doing great! We're also making out...sm
daughter pay for gas and insurance when she starts driving. She hasn't started driving yet because she doesn't want to get a job to pay for that privilege. That's her choice. We're also making her pay 1/2 of the fees for the state required driver's education course.
Things you're afraid of vs. things you're not
I didn't used to be afraid of spiders, but I seem to have developed a fear of those little beasties. I also can't stand boats, water deeper than my hot tub and bridges. I'm also fairly convinced that UFOs, if not aliens (well, isn't anything driving those things?) are real, so that kinda scares me, yet it is strangely fascinating. I'm also afraid of El Chupacabra, though I'm very certain that's not real. It's one of those "hahahahaha" fears.
Things other people fear that I do not include snakes (awwww, they so cute! they look like they're smiling!), rats, gangbangers (except Mara Salvatrucha, move them up to my "scary" list), poverty, death, traveling at high rates of speed with almost anyone sober, bats (CUTE!!!!!), homeless people, Sasquatch, most of my male friends, bears, mountain lions.
Fear is such an odd thing, don't you think? So much of it is relative to our own experiences in life, yet at the same time some of them are downright irrational.
So, how 'bout you? What will send you running screaming in the other direction, and what things can you take care of when someone else goes running screaming in the other direction?
you're welcome. nm
nm
I see what you're saying...but
heaven forbid, they break up and one of them dies, wouldn't you want the same thing. If she were to die, wouldn't she want her husband to have the same choice she is wanting??? I guess I'm just concerned with pushing this on the husband and he doesn't want to do it. I hope it all works out though. This is a hard decision to make.
You're welcome!
I hope you can come up with something, I've "been there and done that".
Should be you're not, not your not
and actually in the minority as I do work a full 8 hour day, no chasing after kids, walking the dogs, doing housework so you got it exactly right, in the minority as opposed to a lot I read about on here.
Aww, sorry you're going through that...sm
My husband can get into moods also, but I honestly won't allow him to talk to me like that. In every relationship I've ever been in, I wouldn't allow it. In the beginning when I was pregnant with our second child, I wrote him a long letter telling him I needed more help and would not accept anything less. I was so stressed out with working at home and taking care of a 2-year-old and being pregnant. That was it! Ever since then, I swear he does more than me! If he talks to me in a certain way, I demand an apology and I get it, not always right then, but a little later. He knows I won't take it. We've been together for 15 years now, and that is a big thing in keeping us strong. He doesn't take my crap, either:-) He's still my best friend so it's worth it to make it work. Stand up to him and make him respect you! I say that with much care.
Because you're mom, LOL.
Moms just know these things.
We're all in this together ...
I think. It's always reassuring for me to know that other people are dealing with the same stuff I am.
She was furious when she found out I had gone through her purse, but too bad. You live in my house, you live by my rules, sweetheart.
Another thing that gets me is where she was getting the stinkin' things anyway. She works in a restaurant where her coworkers smoke but I hope they would know better to get them for a minor. As far as I know, she hasn't started up again.
you're welcome--sm
a lot of physicians are almost insistent on someone taking the synthroid, and it makes me wonder how much stock they have purchased with the manufacturer. They always try to say we don't need the T3 that is included in the Armour, but I know I feel a whole lot better with taking it. I didn't even know I had a thyroid problem until I went to a doc with flu like symptoms and wanting to sleep 14 hours a day. I saw a doc from India in an urgent care clinic, who I had never seen before. I was hardly in the door yet and he said *how long have you had that goiter?* I was stunned. I had seen so many doc's in between and none of them ever picked up on this. I was on synthroid for five years, and never really felt much difference. I read up on thyroid problems from all sorts of web sites and decided to try the armour. Unfortunately my doc at that time would not prescribe it for me. HE did not believe it in. *hmmmm*. I had to go to an endocrinologist, as well, and still had to BEG to try it. He reluctantly gave it to me and it took a while to get it up to the level that would even out my TSH levels, but I am now at 120 mg and seem to be holding. I do feel better, but as I said earlier, I still battle with weight loss/gain. but every body is different. stick to your guns, get what you want, and check back in three months or so and let me know how you are feeling/doing. email me if you wish.
If that's what they're doing ...
it's fine with me. I thought it was interesting, but different that we suddenly focused on 2 characters I didn't remember. But there they were in scenes from the past that I did remember, LOL.
No, we're not out there saying come on
But by nature cats do roam. We have a big field in our back yard and he only goes out early in the morning and goes through the brush. He comes up on them when they fly up and he will jump straight up after them. I have gotten many away from him simply because the first thing he does is bring them to the back door, but when he meows to be let in, they fly away. My husband and I certainly aren't thrilled about it, especially during the springtime, but cats do go after birds and the big old hawks flying around our house could easily scoop up our tiny little female kitty, and I suppose that would make it even?
You're right
Trying to leave while he is there, especially in the middle of an argument, is a gesture, not a serious attempt at leaving. All it does is make him angry and more vigilant.
And you're right that even the best organization can't guarantee complete safety. But they can offer shelter, advice, compassion, and some safety. It's better than trying to do it on your own.
I'm sorry if you have been in this situation before. No one should have to go through that. But unfortunately, many, many women do, every day.
Maybe you're right about his
tummy hurting. You can give dogs Pepcid; ask if you can give something like that to your cat to try.
Are you aware of any weird low-cal foods your cats like? Like cooked vegetables? If so, maybe that would help. Or offer grass to chew in the house.
I'd go to one of those holistic places and see if they have suggestions. They might even have aromatherapy for cats, HA!
I agree it's hard to correct a cat's bratty behavior. Next time consider a dog, LOL.
Tell us what they're about, or if there's another
author you could compare them too. Are they romances, mysteries, stories about moms or what?
you're welcome............sm
there's a lot to them to explain and I will supply one of 1000s of links...but to me it's like a person is damned if they do, damned if they don't living with one of these types....
here's the link :)
http://www.ptypes.com/passive-aggpd.html
You're not alone in this
Hi,
I found out yesterday that my 15 year old kitty Dimas has bone cancer in the jaw. Last week the vet determined he had cancer according to the blood tests but couldn't find a tumor. Then over the past 5 days he developed a huge bony tumor on his jaw. He might only have a few days left and I have to decide when to put him down. I'm convinced that he will let me know when he's ready. Meanwhile, I'm a mess and am so terribly sad to be losing my buddy. Please know that I feel your pain and my prayers are with you and your kitty.
Lisa
You're not alone in this
Hi,
I found out yesterday that my 15 year old kitty Dimas has bone cancer in the jaw. Last week the vet determined he had cancer according to the blood tests but couldn't find a tumor. Then over the past 5 days he developed a huge bony tumor on his jaw. He might only have a few days left and I have to decide when to put him down. I'm convinced that he will let me know when he's ready. Meanwhile, I'm a mess and am so terribly sad to be losing my buddy. Please know that I feel your pain and my prayers are with you and your kitty.
Lisa
You're so not alone on this one!
I've been going through some extreme stress of late...I actually asked for a "mental health day" yesterday and was refused...and I don't ask for nuthin' unless I really need something. I was going to take that time to go for a hike in the woods--that always clears my head and relaxes me.
But right now I'm waiting on a delivery of firewood soon...I find that taking an hour or so to stack it or chop it works for me, but that's just because I'm a psycho. ;-)
I hope you find some relief soon--I totally know where you're coming from!
Can't really help, but you're not alone!
Unfortunately with mine I pretty much always ended up in the hospital on IV medication after days of vomiting. I got them every month with my cycle, so eventually the doctor put me on the Depo shot so I wouldn't have my cycle and that pretty much stopped the headaches. However, I just stopped taking the shot for other medical reasons and I definitely fear those headaches! I'm so sorry you have to deal with them!
You're welcome
Neither of my parents was alcoholic but our family was MAJORLY dysfunctional. So I can definitely relate. And I have a son who is 20 years old. Seems just yesterday he was in middle school....sigh.
OMG, I think you're right
Just call me stupid. LOL. I looked up GE Owens Illinois, and I think that did pop up, but I thought he said "in" and not "and". Thank you so much.
you're welcome *S*
For the entire month of Ramadan, the folks of the Muslim/Islamic faith fast all day (but go to work and all the stuff they normally do but cannot ingest anything during daylight hours) and then eat/party all night....
Maybe not what you're looking for, but
I just went upstairs for more coffee and one of my cats was playing soccer with a dead cricket on the kitchen floor. He seemed quite content , but I still had to throw it away.
I wish my cats were more sociable. My young male, Tripp, will come downstairs a couple of times a day, sniff everything and go back upstairs. I hardly see my female, Lucky, at all during the day. Not that I want them knocking stuff off my desk while I'm trying to work, but there must be a happy medium somewhere.
Ya know you're right....
time with your kids is the best thing no matter what you eat!
I think you're right
Hopefully the school will do something, or else the ex will decide to homeschool if he's really fanatic about this. I do plan on calling the school on Monday and see if they will discuss this with me.
You're welcome! (nm)
"nm" means no message...but since you are here,
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-SCARE-a
I've been working too long.
Cause you're there and cause they can!
I know exactly what you're going through!
I think I was in as much pain if not more when my child's heart was broken. I think it is very sweet your son is sharing this with you and all you can really do is offer comfort and understanding. Lots of kind words such as "this will get better" and "if it's meant to be, it will be". Obviously the situation you describe has gone on since the beginning of time (well ok not quite) but it is very common when one goes off to college. So sorry you both are going through this :(
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