uhh...that should be "suggested leaving"...not counseling...nm
Posted By: leaving...then find a new counselor...sm on 2008-05-27
In Reply to: If you've been to a counselor who suggests - leaving...then find a new counselor...sm
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you do the leaving
My ex was the same way. After 17-1/2 years, I did the leaving. I know it is hard, but YOU CAN DO IT!! You and your kids will be better off in the long run. My oldest child wishes I would have left when he and his brother were still little. Don't let him keep abusing you - you are just as valuable as he is - don't forget it. Hope your cold/flu doesn't last too long. Will be thinking of you.
Leaving an ovary or not?
I had one at 35 and kept my ovaries, although now I wish they'd have taken them. Within an hour after surgery, I was up and around and ready to go home and had NO pain afterwards (this was vaginal). I felt better than I had in years and I think every woman who is beyond wanting children should have one. It gives you such a freedom from all the "mess" and such.
He refuses to do that. He says no way is he leaving (sm)
I have tried for so long to hold this marriage together for the sake of the children - but what am I teaching them if I continue to live in this situation? That it is okay for men to treat women badly? That you just let people treat you however they want? That spouses don't have to respect each other?
Any regrets leaving the Q?
They're getting on my last nerve, but there are those that say that being an MT is pretty much the same everywhere. I hope not; I'm tired of having multiple different hospitals during each shift.
re: leaving pets
No I don't leave messages but we've done some camping this summer and my kitty gets very mad when we leave. When we walked in the door after being away for a few days she wouldn't stop meowing at me, like she was telling me off for leaving her..she wouldn't let me pick her up either! Anyone else's pets get mad when you leave?
If you are serious about leaving, you need a plan. SM
First, get some therapy for yourself to gain back some self confidence. Then make a plan. Find out how much a divorce attorney costs and start saving. If you are not being physically abused, try to stay in it as long as kids are young. Then make your escape.
Believe me, you are not the only one going through this. Are there any women's groups in your town you can join? You really need to vent. I know what that's like.
My DH is leaving in just a little bit for Atlanta
He is going on business for the weekend (we are in VA and have about 2in of snow now and more on the way) and he is taking my DD along for a little Father/daughter bonding. We have been following the weather and saw that it is in the 30s today and up to in the 50s tomorrow then back to 30s on Sat. with snow expected. My daughter is going crazy trying to decide what to pack. LOL
I don't regret leaving either...
Been gone since last August and couldn't ask for a better company to work for now. I owe MQ a lot as they did hire me right after I graduated my MT course and I did learn a lot while I was there, but having said that, I haven't looked back once since leaving.
If you are leaving for 3 weeks, take them to a kennel and sm
pay for daily care. They need more than food and water, they need attention and loving and daily petting, and exercise. Bless you for taking them on, but don't desert them now.
Rosie Leaving The View
Just watching The View. I know a lot of you wil be happy. Rosie just announced that she's leaving The View. I didn't catch exactly when she was leaving or why, but she did mention her children as a factor.
Leaving for New York tomorrow sm
with my family. Watch for us in the Today Show audience. I will be the one with the laptop so I won't fall behind in my work.  Just Kidding.
Running over a dog and leaving the scene?
Going on her merry way, shopping or whatever...?
Probably doesn't have animals; I agree.
She knew she was visiting and would be leaving (sm)
She just wanted to do a few things with her granddaughter before she left. If you had my in-laws you would understand invasive. You have to share your daughter. She is your child, but she is that woman's grandchild and she has rights too. She is sooo not asking too much. She sounds very humble and non-demanding. Try to be sweet to her. She won't live forever. Let her enjoy her granchild while she can.
sweats usually, unless I am not leaving the house and then PJs...
nm
I'm loving life since leaving MT.
.
"I'm leaving my wife." I bought it once...never again. NM
x
I'm leaving what little I have left in my 401K for now - sm
(what's left wouldn't do me any good, anyway), with the hope that someday it will gain back some of what it lost. THEN, even though I probably still won't have as much as was in it before, I'll most likely take it ALL out of the stock market forever, and invest in something concrete, such as land (which even if it can't be sold for a profit, can be lived-on). The stock market has become so volatile and flaky that it no longer makes any more sense to put your hard-earned retirement money into that than it does to blow it all on Lottery tickets or slot machines.
I heard just last week that she was leaving the show--sm
Why would she suddenly become a host if she could not work out an agreement with CBS? She said she would be back for various shows already set up, but that she was not going to be there day to day...did I miss something?
Party in SF as a send-off for friends leaving for Burning Man.
I'd love go myself, but can't afford it.....
I agree and leaving early not sore loser (sm)
I think that's just graceful, letting the winners have their day plus that had to really sting after the great season they had. But what a great game it was. Both teams should be proud they made it there.
I have been single again as long as I was married and there is not a day I don't regret leaving s
BUT it was still the right thing to do. I have been happier since and I am fine on my own, but it was extremely tough as he didn't pay child support and I could not find a way to make him (not for lack of trying though and a social worker whose job it was to collect his arrears kept telling me no, I didn't really need it!). Financially it was terrible, but the relief of his absence was enormous.
He was critical. He was always rude. My friends would only come to visit when he was on the road. The kids would pick up their messes, but he made more than they ever did, never helped and constantly criticized me for not being a perfect housekeeper like his mom...who didn't work, had a housekeeper and spent her days at the mall shopping. I had more kids than she did, worked always and ended up being too exhausted for him. He is a homophobic homosexual and going out on "mommy and daddy" dates was always humiliating because he spent the evening looking at other men's behinds.
I got out and suffice it to say, at quite a price financially and emotionally. I have not remarried, have only had one relationship in 15 years and feel too damaged to ever try again, but I am FREE from all of that.
My kids were pleased when he left and were all too anxious to help him to leave the house!
People leaving their McMansions and traveling West
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Definitely go to counseling!
It worked for my husband and me. I was the one who cheated, ONCE, so the person who says once a cheater always a cheater does not know what they are talking about. Our marriage had been neglected, as it sounds yours has been. Do not give up until you first try counseling. You have to really work at it, but it can be done. We have been married for 25 years now. Good luck to you.
Counseling.
x
counseling
It sounds to me that he is putting on an everything-is-normal face for you with the excited talk of the future but this is how he really feels. I'd try to get him to go to a psychiatrist (so he can be prescribed an antidepressant if he needs it) and let him know that he can go in without you and keep it private, as obviously he doesn't want to talk to you about these feelings. If he knows it is just between him and the psychiatrist then he may be more willing. If he won't go for that maybe at least try taking him to his pediatrician for a trial of an antidepressant just to see how it helps his mood. He may not even need medication but just someone to talk things out. There are also teen suicide lines where then can just talk. He seem like he wants to deal with this privately (to the point of denial) so maybe you can help him get private help.
counseling?
Is the child in any counseling? I have a stepson as well who is (not to this extreme) but has battled with not wanting to eat. We were told it was likely the only thing in his life he could "control" and that's why he did it. He has been in counseling since a young age (court mandated because his mother refused). It has done him a world of good. If nothing else, he always knows he has someone to talk to about anything and not have fear of getting in trouble or embarrassed.
And you need counseling.
dd
Don't worry, after they have counseling
as adults and realize what they went through they will resent her for it and she'll learn the hard way. Happens all the time.
been there, felt that, got counseling
We had been married about 15 years when I began to feel that way about my husband. We do not have kids, so let me tell you that I had little motivation to even want to try to work on things. Hubby suggested counseling (both group and just the two of us). After about a month of this and reading a few books at home I felt 100% better and those feelings of nearly hating him for no apparent reason went away. We worked hard on communication, which we had let slip over the years, during which time I harbored all kinds of hurts and resentments for things he had no clue were even making me upset, mad, disgusted, you name it. We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary this year and cannot be happier, so it CAN be done with hard work. You have first got to put your relationship as priority 1! Please do not just walk away without first trying everything you can!
Have you tried marriage counseling?
Would your husband be willing to go to counseling? My marriage has been very rocky, and there have been times when my husband and I separated and I really didn't think there was a chance we would get back together. We tried several marriage counselors before we found the one who worked for us. But now - after 27 years - our marriage is finally a happy one, and has been for the last 6-7 years.
But it definitely takes two. If your husband will not go to counseling, then I agree that you should move back closer to your family where you will have the support system you need. Tell your husband he can move this time to be closer to his children.
Marriage counseling
I would encourage you and your husband to try counseling to work this out in a way that each of you will be able to have some of the things you want and need.
If he isn't willing to go to counseling, then your choices are live with it or live without him.
If he won't agree to counseling, then I say get rid of him,
s
credit counseling
I did use one, but in retrosepct I don't think I would do it again. It ends up lowering your payments or your interest a little, but they also charge you a monthly fee - mine was 35.00. All they basically do is pay your bills for you with what you send them. It takes a good 2-3 months to get set up and working and by that time your bills are even more overdue. I think your best solution is to talk to all your creditors and be disclipined about paying to the exclusion of having a life until you are caught up. I finally got out of the hole, but it was hard and seemed like it would never happen. Good luck to you. You can do it.
we are in marriage counseling now....sm
We have been going since the beginning of January. I found out mid December that my husband had been having an emotional affair with a so-called "friend." It has helped us a lot so far, although, we are just now getting to the heart of the "matter/affair." We still have a long way to go but I have hope now that we will work it out.
I hope it works out for you both. Take care.
marriage counseling
if you are both committed to really doing the work and making changes, marriage counseling can be a good thing. Having gone thru it five (yes 5) separate times thru almost 20 years of a "marriage" - it never worked because my ex was never willing to make changes. Every time the counselors approached his hot spots (substance abuse, physical abuse, unemployment, depression) - it was time to "stop seeing these jerks who don't know anything".
I believe honest open communication can overcome almost any issues - infidelity, financial, parenting - and sometimes you do need an outside party to guide you thru. Find a counselor you both feel comfortable with, can easily afford and be willing to give it time.
Go to marriage counseling
My DH and I have been in counseling for about 6 weeks now and already we have made major changes in our relationship. We weren't on the verge of divorce, neither one of us want that, but we were having some major issues that we needed to work through. It has been a true blessing and our counselor is wonderful. Divorce, no matter the reason, is devastating to children. It shakes their world, makes them question everything they've known all their lives. It's a horrible thing for a family to go through, so I'd strongly suggest marriage counseling. I don't know your religious beliefs, but our counselor is a christian-based counselor, so she's incorporating the values God expects in a husband and a wife into our therapy and believe me, it's working wonderfully. We've been married for going on 21 years and wish we would have gone to counseling lots sooner than now. God bless you and I'm praying for you!
Definitely look into family counseling
with or without your husband. Do you think your husband will even want to spend that much time with the children or will he fight for them just out of spite?
My little brother's (not so little anymore, he is now 33) birth father was a lousy father and when he and my step-mother divorced he was a total deadbeat dad. When my parents married my father wanted to adopt my little brother and (sperm donor)would only sign over adoption if he could have visitation rights. My "other" mother agreed because she knew he would never ask to see my brother and she was right.
I wish I could offer more help, but definitely look into cousenling.
school counseling
I know it's the summer, but when school starts back up you might want to look at having him talk to a school counselor. It's free for you and might help him work through some of his feelings, especially the scary ones.
After 6 months of counseling,
the child psychologist couldn't figure it out either. He is angry, but he can't or won't tell us why. I've pretty much chalked it up to "middle child syndrome". He's just one of those kids that demands more attention. I do my best to give that to him without slighting the others.
Private counseling
Go to a private counselor yourself if he won't go. Some of these "ANONYMOUS" programs attract those who do not get it and go around town blabbing your business, ruining your lives even moreso. Yes, they save lives but they often ruin them with their gossip, even the name gossip hisses, it ruins lives, topples marriages, loses jobs. Be sure before you let these people into your personal, private lives and your homes. Sometimes private, closed-door counseling is the best way to go. Then if you are both comfortable with going "public" that is your own personal decision. Beware of who you let into your life. If you were going to take a plane ride you would want to know the pilot.
i'd tell him it's marriage/family counseling
been to counseling, didn't work, does not..sm
This does not mean you cannot seek further counseling throughout one's life.......for whatever a situation is/becomes.......just because it didn't work with the husband, doesn't mean you cannot seek more out for YOURSELF and your children........forget him, he's a lost cause (passive-aggressives often are)....they are nothing but finger-pointers (blamers) and it's never at themselves. It's a waste of time to be with one, you/one merely only loses their self-esteem in those types of *relationships*..........
Best luck!!
time for some marriage counseling?
or at least a long talk with your husband if possible. Not by e-mail! Good luck!
Grief counseling before the fact SM
I am under a lot of stress with an elderly mother who has a grim prognosis. She is 90 years of age and has CHF with another recent hospitalization last week. She is home now, but her doctor called me the day of her discharge and gave me a complete detailed summary of her condition and prognosis. I have been more anxious since the discussion with him, although he is to be commended for his frankness and the sensitive way he handled the situation.
I know counseling is beneficial after we lose someone close to us, but I feel I need some help now just dealing with this now. The only way I can explain how I feel is to say I feel like I am carrying a bomb and not able to put it down. I know what will happen and still not able to prevent the inevitable. The nurse told me last week at the hospital that the normal BNP level is not to be above 50. My mother's BNP this last time was over 4600. The doctor told me the same value on the telephone and told me it almost blew his socks off, in his words exactly. They removed 5 1/2 liters of fluid this admission. She also has chronic renal failure. I am blessed to have her this long, but it makes it no easier to let go. I have such a heaviness in my heart. Thank you for listening.
Credit counseling - some bewares
The ones I talked to when going through a divorce were actually quite high for their fees except for the Christian one and then there were some that they did not work with or would not work with them. That is always a possibility. Also beware when talking directly with the cards or accounts of if any service offers you a "buy out" where you pay so much on the dollar - seems quite cheap -- but when you do at the end of the year they will send you a 1099 showing what amount you did not pay and you have to declare that as "income" on your income tax and thus you will simply pay the government what you did not pay your creditors. Again, talk with the creditors, pick out a plan and stick with it and it might take two to three years but you will be out of debt and you did it. Again, don't promise something you cannot keep. Also remember that there is a 5 to 7 year time line after which they cannot pursue collection of the debt but it is from your last payment and so if you ever think about doing that -- just not paying -- do not ever make a payment as then the 5 to 7 years starts all over again -- heard that on Suzie Orman show. Again, if in clear conscious you want to work with the creditors, they will work with you but you will probably not have credit for a while. You have nothing to lose to talk with them. Good luck. I am sure 90% of us have been there at some time in our life.
Do not do anything else until you attend marriage counseling - sm
You owe it not only to the kids (who did not ask to be born into this) but you owe it to yourselves to seek marriage counseling before just deciding to up and divorce without seeking outside professional help. Until you can say you tried everything under the sun to make it work and can truly walk out the door with no undone and unsaid business with your husband you are not even ready for divorce. Give it a try. I have been down this road before (but for other reasons) and can tell you it turned us around. We are celebrating 25 years this September and have never been happier. Best of luck to you both. 
1. Go back to counseling. 2. Join a SM
divorce singles group. They are all over. Many churches have them.
3. Volunteer. You get to feel good about yourself and get to meet other people.
Good luck. I've been there.
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
Talk to him about it. If need be, seek counseling. Don't
zz
Spending a romantic weekend in Atlanta with hubby. Leaving at noon. Can't wait! nm
,
Anyone had any experience with Credit Counseling services?
I am in a bad situation. I had my house foreclosed on last year but it was in a prior bankruptcy, that is good. But we had to let our car go back, which was in my husband's name and now they are hounding us over paying it back...they are saying 11k but if we give them 6k that would settle it. Like we told them, if we had 6k we would not have let the car go back in the first place. Plus we have several doctor bills. We lost it all due to my health all of a sudden. No place to turn, no one to ask. Wanting to get out lives back. Wondering if anyone has had experience with Credit Counseling and if they really do speak with creditors, get what you owed cut in half and help you out of a bad situation.
Thanks....
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