temper, temper

Posted By: truffle on 2008-08-25
In Reply to: believe it or not, some kids don't - at the end of my rope

I have the sweetest boy. He is 12. He is kind, thoughtful, funny, smart, and a joy to be around. Lurking underneath all that, though, is a temper that erupts violently. It is rare, which is good, but it is pretty intense. There are 2 things that I wanted to share with you.

1) After his last outburst, when he lost it and started punching his older brother over and over with every bit of strength he had (Scary to see, BTW!), I found out that the whole event was not as out of the blue as I had thought. He had expressed to me verbally a few times that certain things were bothering him, but I didn't realize the extend that they were bothering him, and they were things I could have addressed to help him with his frustration. I felt terrible about that, because I didn't help him. I don't think I was listening with my heart, so to speak.

2) The thing I have tried to express to him about the violence is how quickly things can turn very serious. I told him that there are lots of people in prison who killed other people and are sorry that they did, but the only reason it happened is because they never learned to control their temper. In past years there have been a few instances in the news of brothers killing brothers - teens - over things as small as a pack of gum or a video game. I think that made him think a little harder about self-control and how important it is to practice it.

I do believe in spanking, but I also believe that there are kids it does not work for. I'm sure you know if your kid is one of them.

Complete Discussion Below:

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What would you do? - at the end of my rope
- military school? it worked for a guy i know. nm - MTMT38
- Same situation - long message
  - Forgot to add... - sm
    - I guess he is being good now - anon
      - He is... - sm
    - Thank you -- it helps just knowing - at the end of my rope
      - can I share a situation with you I will never forget - mtmomof2
- Nanny 911 would say he is angry about some injustice once - Yo
  - After 6 months of counseling, - at the end of my rope
- Important - Tonya
  - The child psychologist didn't - at the end of my rope
    - there is a reason and why would you consider sending an 8-year-old to a home? - you need to counsel. no message
      - First off, I was very upset when I wrote - at the end of my rope
- Make him repay every mean thing he does to his brother with 3 nice things sm - MeMT
  - Oh and DON'T back down. Make sure he follows through sm - MeMT
    - That's an interesting form of punishment - at the end of my rope
      - Why wait for dad? When you do that, you imply you are the weaker parent, for lack of - better term. Set boundaries and stick to them. sm
        I know exactly what you mean - at the end of my rope
- Tell 'em you're going to SELL them to the - highest bidder.
- i know it is wearing on you but the recommend amount of timeout is 1 minute for each year of age. - that is all their little minds can handle or they
  - I know the timeout rules all too - at the end of my rope
- You won't like my answer ... SM - Fire away, folks!
  - it will work at what cost? Your child learns to - associate love with hitting
  - I don't necessarily agree you should "wear them both out" SM - RockinMT
    - When I came out to the room they - at the end of my rope
      - Sounds like he got a LOT of attention - this afternoon. Maybe what he's looking for.
      - Proof positive that time-outs are nothing but - a WASTE of time. Give 'em a SWAT.
        I thank you for your input, but I know - at the end of my rope
        I can't say - spankedMT
        Never have to spank mine and they listen very well nm - Disagree
  - What do you mean by "wear both - at the end of my rope
    - Spanking. - nm
      - That's what I thought you meant. - at the end of my rope
        Haven't spanked hard enough. Believe me, I know. - Make it memorable and they'll quit.
        believe it or not, some kids don't - at the end of my rope
        temper, temper - truffle
        Thank you -- my husband works - at the end of my rope
- update - at the end of my rope
  - I think you found your own answer... - quote he pushes my buttons unquote -
    - I think you're right -- thanks n/m - at the end of my rope
- temper - mom of boys
  - I agree - this sounds like our cousins son - kd

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temper
It's hard to be an armchair psychologist without knowing exactly what goes on in your home, i.e. is your 8 yo modeling his behavior after your hubs? Children tend to soak up and emulate behavior like sponges. Do you have him in sports? To me it sounds like he has too much energy that would be best spent on a playing field like soccer, football or LaCrosse. I always found my boys were better behaved after I enrolled them in lots of physical activities that enabled release of all that pent up energy.