passing you a virtual Valium....
Posted By: NM on 2006-12-20
In Reply to: Ah, we want nicey nice here? First off, calling - LuvU2
relax before you hurt yourself!
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Sheesh. Go take a Prozac or a Valium and
virtual hugs to you "exhausted" one...sm (long)
Exhausted,
This is MY PERSONAL OPINION (for what it's worth)...things need to change and YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE who can change them.
Not sure how much of DH yelling I can take.
NONE. NO YELLING. Yelling is unacceptable adult behavior. You are ALLOWING YOURSELF to be yelled at. He knows it.
I work 2 jobs. Yesterday I had to put in 5 hours for one.
Congratulations. You sound like a very capable woman and dedicated to providing for your family.
DH is supposed to help with the kids. Well, his level of helping yesterday was just sitting in his chair and yelling at them to stop doing this or that.
This is not helping. Nor is it parenting. This is selfish, abusive behavior.
He said about 5 times that my 15-mo had a dirty diaper.
Again, this is not parenting; your husband sounds very passive aggressive. Has he EVER changed diapers for you?
He knows how to "play" you...to manipulate and control you...he knows you'll "cave in" eventually.
I had the attitude like “well go change it, I am working.”
Did you actually STATE THAT to him? Or did you just THINK THAT? With passive-aggressive abusive people YOU MUST SET YOUR BOUNDARIES AND STICK TO THEM.
He never changed it and I don’t know how long she stayed in that dirty diaper but by the time I got to changing her, she was red.
As he knew you would...all he had to do is wait. You "rescued" him again from having to take responsibility. He obviously does not care about the health and welfare of the child to let the child sit in soiled diapers until they're red....
Then I went to help my 5 year old with her Valentines. She did 20 Valentines and she insisted on doing them herself. It took her 2 hours but she did it all. I was proud of her and amazed.
Congratulations again! You are finding the spots of JOY in your family despite all the dysfunction going on. WELL DONE!
Dh kept hollering for us to get through because he wanted some Ice cream.
Again, this is passive aggressive behavior. Extremely self-centered behavior here, but he knows he can do this because he keeps succeeding....
I told him since he can drive he can go get it himself. He got mad and started yelling.
Yes, as long as you talk to him with phrases starting with "YOU" as in "you can drive, go get it yourself..." he'll just blow a gasket. You must SHIFT YOUR THINKING. CHANGE YOUR PARADIGM. Stating "I" messages is the only thing that works here. "I feel angry when you yell at me. I want you to STOP." Besides, who wants to have ice cream with a raving yelling husband? Ugh! That's supposed to be fun?
My 15 MO kept bothering us. I got some toys to try to help distract her and it would work for a little bit but then she would pester us some more. I told dh to keep her distracted and he shouted “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO.” WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
Again, you are ALLOWING HIM to talk to you like this. Do you realize it's UNACCEPTABLE? Did someone treat you like this as a child? Perhaps you've fallen into a "behavior rut" it happens to a lot of us. The only thing wrong with you is that you allow him to talk to you that way....
I told dh that she acts like she is hungry, has she had anything to eat. “she has been eating popcorn all after noon” I knew better than to ask him anymore so I got up and started to go find her something to eat and he yelled “SIT DOWN” and gave me a look that could kill.
He is dominating the household through FEAR and intimidation. This is NOT a relationship nor a marriage...it's an "arrangement" and it's all in his favor at this point. That's why you're exhausted.
I told dh that I just don’t know how to deal with him anymore.
GOOD FOR YOU! But even that statement, "I don't know how to" sounds WEAK to him...he knows you're trapped in a "behavior loop". YOU CAN KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM...the question is, do you WANT TO? Do you want to change YOUR behavior towards him?
I feel he is angry with me or resentful.
Yes, because you make VALID DEMANDS for a relationship and he doesn't have a clue how to have one; self-centered passive aggressives DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELATE TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When we first got married, his Mommy was practically sleeping in between us.
This explains a LOT. His mother controlled him 100%, probably still does, but deep down he's really ANGRY at her for controlling him (he just doesn't realize it) so he's subconsciously taking it out ON YOU!
She balanced our check book, she went through or mail to see what bills had to be paid, still does, she has to know everything about what we are doing.
Again, you have allowed this behavior...It's okay, don't beat yourself up, but it CAN'T CONTINUE.
She and dh are best friends. MIL went on all the vacations with us and it was always where dh wanted to go and MIL always loved where dh wanted to go.
This is totally dysfunctional. They're not best friends, they're codependent adults and it's a very difficult psychological situation.
When I had the kids, it had to be all about her. I told dh thiat if this sick business did not stop, I was leaving.
It stopped. Poor MIL don’t get to see her DGK anymore. Boo hoo hoo, (coming from dh and MIL). I am so mean. This is all another story.
YOU SET A VERY HEALTHY BOUNDARY! Well done! This reaction is to be expected. When healthy boundaries are put in place, these kinds of people BLOW A GASKET and use every trick available to get you back "in line" with their "program." The question is, are you willing to "play their game" anymore? Sounds like you've reached "game over" to me!
One minute dh says he loves me, then next he treats me like this.
Typical passive-aggressive, codependent behavior. They tell you what you need to hear to keep you in their dysfunctional codependency.
My family, unfortunately, loves dh. He doesn’t act like this around them. He is no niceeee and MIL is so niceeee.
Ah yes, camoflage; another TYPICAL BEHAVIOR pattern. They are WOLVES IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING. There's so much you CAN DO, so many resources available to you, but I would start with something simple. Start with the way you communicate. Try
"I FEEL * WHEN YOU * I WANT *"
* fill in with your emotion/their dysfunctional action/change wanted
For example, "I feel angry when I'm trying to work and you won't change the diaper. I want you to change ALL the diapers when I'm working."
If he doesn't CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR, then move on to IF/THEN. "I feel angry when you yell at me. I want you to stop. If you can't stop yelling at me, then I want you to leave the room, (the house, the planet, whatever!)" etc. etc.
I have to go. I got to get my kids up and ready for school.
i have to go too; wish i could sit and talk with you. i'd be happy to email you if you want some more suppport. been there, done that honey. you can only change yourself. question is, can you find the strength to risk the change?
hugs,
I use the Virtual Matte Oil Control makeup. It's kind
of expensive, but I don't get a rash or any breakouts using it. It's about 30 bucks.
Passing gas, no but
in the 2nd grade I do remembering asking to go to the bathroom and not allowed to and wet my panties, dress and all over the floor around me. You cannot for 1 minute tell me the kids today are that much different from the kids when I attended school as far as belching, burping, passing gas, etc that it is all related to medical concerns. I don't buy that for 1 minute and any parent who does, needs to have their kid examined by a professional.
Do you want to say that the passing
of the baby's head was more painful than 12 hours of contractions?
I was so numb after so much pain that I did not even feel when my perineum was cut! I had ONLY local anesthesia!
Do you even know what you are talking about or to you just love to disagree???
Do you kmow that an episiotomy can have very bad after efects if something goes wrong? Who would ask for that if it is not absolutely necessary???
Now, flame away! This is the last comment I am posting regarding this issue!
It has been on the board already too long, so it seems!
Passing Gas in Class
Yes you have made a good point. I just do not think that a child with a medical condition should be punished. I think others without a medical condition need to learn some maners. Thank goodness I have never had to deal with this sort of thing. Knock on wood.
grandmother's passing
Try and be at peace. God knows her heart, OK? You're a good person and you deserve to be comforted. As I said, be at peace.
Thanks for caring so much and for passing that along! NM
you cracked me up...passing thru about a
lolololol
I am so sorry of Oliver's passing..
my heart goes out to you. It is so hard losing a member of the family. Your last sentence brought tears..you are so right and never thought of it that way. We, my Simba and I, send you our condolences.
Burping and Passing Gas in class
I am seeing a lot about this being the fault of the parent. I can say if it is or is not because I do not personally know this child in question; however, my mom works in a mirco biology lab where stool samples are tested and this is a true story . . . one day they had a stool sample explode in the holding chamber because of the high gas content. It literally exploded all over the lab. I can only imagine this patient had terrible gas pains and probably it is safe to assume he passed gas because of something of a medical nature. I think we need to know all sides of the story before judging anyone.
Some like, some don't - let's all be for not passing on misinformation about ANY candidate?
No one is trying to change your mind. Only to encourage ALL of us to not pass on misinformation - especially "dumb emails." That's all.
I had to post that most of the world at this point DOES know that email is pure misinformation, but I'm leaving quick, the Negative Vibes are heading my way, I can feel it.
Again, Peace to ALL.
Are you in favor of this legislation passing?
Georgia 'Octomom bill' would limit embryo implants
Story Highlights
*Georgia state senator says bill was inspired by "Octomom" Nadya Suleman
*Bill would limit women under 40 to two embryos, women 40 or older to three
*Critics call it a backdoor effort to outlaw abortions in the state
*Bill faces long odds of passing because of timing in Georgia legislature
ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- The tabloid-friendly tale of the so-called California "Octomom" continues to stir debate -- this time 2,000 miles away in the Georgia state capitol, where lawmakers say they're trying to prevent a repeat.
Proposed legislation regulating in-vitro practices came after Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets.
A Georgia state senator introduced legislation to limit the number of embryos that can be implanted in a woman's uterus during in-vitro fertilization procedures.
Sen. Ralph Hudgens, a Republican from near Athens, Georgia, said his legislation was inspired by Nadya Suleman, the woman who said she gave birth to octuplets after being fertilized with six embryos -- an unusually high number.
"She is not married," said Hudgens. "She is unemployed, she is on government assistance and now she is going to put those 14 children on the back of the taxpayers in the state of California."
Suleman, 33, had six children before the procedure.
Hudgens' plan, which was co-sponsored by several other senators, would limit the number of embryos a doctor could implant to two for women under 40 years old and three for women 40 or older.
Those numbers are slightly less than what's considered the norm in medical circles.
The American Society for Reproductive Medicine recommends no more than two embryos for women under 35 years old and no more than five for women over 40. The reason for allowing more embryo's in women over 40 is that it is more difficult for them to get pregnant.
State lawmakers in Missouri are considering a similar bill. And England and Italy have had similar limits on the books for years.
At least some fertility doctors say the limits in Hudgens' bill would hurt chances for women to get pregnant. They say that while three embryos are usually enough, there are special cases when they need more.
"What this bill will effectively do is shut us down," said Dr. Daniel Shapiro, a fertility doctor in Atlanta. "Patients seeking reproductive care in Georgia will go to Tennessee or South Carolina or Alabama. They will just leave."
Breaking the law would carry a fine of up to $1,000 under the legislation.
Some critics of the plan also see another problem, calling it a backdoor effort to outlaw abortions in the state.
The bill, which Hudgens titled the "Ethical Treatment of Human Embryos Act," contains language that says "a living in vitro human embryo is a biological human being who is not the property of any person or entity."
The anti-abortion group Georgia Right to Life issued a news release in support of the bill on the day it was introduced.
"Georgia Right to Life supports Sen. Hudgens in this legislation and wants to see strong protections in place to stop the dangerous practice of implanting more embryos than is medically recommended," the group said, saying the plan would help avoid premature births and low birth weight in in-vitro fertilization cases.
Realistically, the bill faces long odds of passing -- at least in the near future. Tuesday was Day 25 of the Georgia legislature's 40-day session. Legislators will meet 10 more days, then take a break until June, when lawmakers will consider how money flowing to the state from the federal economic-stimulus plan may help their ongoing budget woes.
According the the Georgia legislature's Web site on Tuesday, Hudgens' bill had been read and assigned to a committee, but no other action had taken place.
Some Georgians from the lawmaker's part of the state say they hope he has to keep waiting for a long time.
"Unless the senator is a physician, ethicist or other informed professional, he should step aside and let the medical professionals determine what is best in individual cases," Dorothy West wrote in a letter to the Editor of the Athens Banner-Herald, Hudgens' hometown paper. "There are other issues more important to the citizens of Georgia that should be addressed."
Is it just me or are the Dolphins morons for passing on Brady
people drive in the "fast lane" when they aren't passing anyone!!!
get over already!!!
Didn't you learn to get in the left lane to pass someone? and not only that, there are signs posted everywhere "slower traffic keep right"!!!
LOL my rant for the day :)
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