nor was I offended. Sorry for your troubles in the marriage. sm
Posted By: mtbt on 2007-11-08
In Reply to: Think about it.... - MTinIL
Maybe he just needed some "relief" if the two of you are not getting along so well in the bedroom, so to speak, if you catch my drift.
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guy troubles
Since you also have your daughter to think about, you should slow down, for crying out loud. Two months is such a short time. Way too early go go away for the weekend together.
Sorry for your troubles--sm
and I really hate to make it any worse, but from what I hear through the grapevine, if they want to act on that arrest warrant and they know you are going to court tomorrow, they could be there and arrest you there. Just warning you. Good luck.
you seem to have a lot of troubles with your
digestive system.
UTI, gas to fill up up 3 gas tanks, eeeewww! Excuse me but that's no stuff to post on a forum, eeeewwww! No refinement, yuck!
But on the other hand, considering that yoi are a Republican, that's explains it.
Need opinion on guy troubles
I'm a single mom, 32, dating a guy for 2 months. I sort of know deep down what I need to do but wanted opinions. We have been dating 2 months, things are going great. We went away for weekend, good with my daughter, very generous, nice Christmas presents (no card though) for me and daughter (probably $250), talk every day, seeing each other now on weekends and 1 day during week (and we do live 50 miles away). So yesterday (nice timing on my part), I ask him where are we in the relationship. He goes into how he does not want to rush things, can't commit to being exclusive, we're both important to him, but he just wants to make sure. He also said that he is not seeing anyone else at the moment, but it is not ruled out (not looking, but hasn't not stopped getting matches-yes, we met online).
Anyway, hurt my feelings, and my gut says to say, you know, I really like you, fine to go slow, but I need to make sure for my own sake that you are not seeing anyone else.
My fave line from Jerry MacGuire, real men don't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Anyway, please let me know what you think. In my opinion, we are not going slow, and things seemed perfetly fine. And by the way, he came to my daughter's Christmas show this year also, drove 50 miles for that. Very affectionate to me and good with my daughter, although not rushing that relationship.
What troubles me most about your post
is the violence your hubby seems to display. I don't have stepchildren and so will not comment on that aspect. I have, however, been in a relationship with someone who sounds a lot like your hubby. Thankfully, no children were involved, but when he got mad, he broke stuff, expensive stuff. I didn't stay in that relationship but heard later on he was married several times and divorced each with charges of domestic violence against him. I would be most worried about his temper tantrums escalating into something more.
As for the child's behavior, this I will comment on as I have a very difficult 7-year-old. I took him for counseling and learned a lot of insight from the counselor. There were things I was unintentionally doing to incite him without even realizing it. The counselor also pointed out that I had 2 other children who did not act like this, so not to blame my parenting skills. He was just a child who needed to be handled differently. I felt a lot of guilt the last few years, thinking it was something I did to make him this way, but it turns out, that's just the way he was made. I'm thankful that I got up the courage to see a counselor, and while our problems weren't solved, they are better. It's an ongoing process, but he's worth it because I love him so!
I would suggest that you find a private counselor to help you sort this. I would not invite hubby along just yet. I also wouldn't tell him about the first appointment until you talk with the counselor on how to broach the subject with him. I would definitely let him know about the first appointment before the second appointment. It would probably be a good idea to discuss it when his son is not there.
Good luck with your situation. I feel for you. Children can be stressful to any relationship, but the joy they can bring is many times over.
Teen Troubles
Can you say, "Dr. Phil?" If you are that desperate, I would definitely consider it.
Troubles with 17-year-old
I am having some troubles with my 17-year-old daughter. She lives with her dad. She is going to be 18 in December and wants to move out. She wants me to move in with me, but I live with my boyfriend and it would not work out for. She is very spoiled and does not follow rules. She wants me to get an apartment and move in with her. I really do not want to do this as she really knows how to push my buttons and I feel we would be arguing all the time. Also, if I move out of my boyfriends, he would probably lose the house if I were not helping out with bills. Has anyone else been in this situation? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Offended others
My intent was not to offend others - that is why I worked as a wet nurse - so that those who could not breast feed their babies received the immunity and benefits of breastfeeding. I realize that it is not something that every woman can do and I never said that it was for everyone because it is not.
I would be so offended if I were you
I am a really big animal lover and probably would have turned him in for the kicking of an animal, husband or not, just would not be done around me. Secondly, running the risk of catching a disease by the tick thing, I would not live in the same home knowing this. His actions would just gross me out. Whether others killed birds or not, I would not be there, innocent animals all around that this man is hurting! Sounds really like a disgusting life style and I would never want to be a part of that. You are not wrong in your feelings. Do you have children that you cannot leave or just don’t want to leave. I doubt he will change his ways but you could tell him either clean up or you are out of there, might work.
I would tell her that I was offended and was buying elsewhere (sm)
I have learned over the years to stop wishing in hindsight that I had said what I should say to begin with. She is being rude and thinking you will pay her asking price just to prove to her that you can afford it. She is banking on you being offended and trying to prove to her that you can indeed afford it. That is a sales tactic I have seen used before - don't bite the bait!
I agree--not offended here at all.
I think that's what this board is for...a safe haven to talk about things. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't worry about what you witnessed at all. Seen it, heard it, even lended a hand a few times! We have been through the discord and will probably be through it again. It's always something. Hang in there and please try not to worry. Stuff like this happens...a lot. It's just that not a lot of people like to talk about it for fear of it being verboten is all. ;-)
no i wasn't offended :) sm
i feel like to each their own. my kids didn't sleep with me when they were babies. they slept in their own rooms and actually they fell asleep on their own very well. my second boy would sometimes spit up big time while sleeping, so i kept him close to me anytime he was sleeping, in his bassinet (gosh don't know how to spell that!!).
i see my hubby and his family and although they all love each other, there is no communication whatsoever in his family and they aren't near as close as i am with my mom and dad. i want my boys to grow up knowing they can talk to me about anything and that i'm always here for them. my hubby is the type that keeps EVERYTHING to himself. i'm not like that! i blame his family for not having open communication, and my hubby suffers from anxiety to a certain extent. his family situation is a whole nother chapter!
thanks for your input! 
that's okay im not easily offended
and im EASILY amused.
#7 is very funny
Can I ask some very personal questions? Please don't be offended and you sm
don't have to answer. I would completely understand. but...
When you two got together I'm sure he wasn't exactly over the death of his wife, so how did he respond to you? Was he emotional around you, missing her, etc? At what point were you positively sure that he was in love with you and not still in love with her? I am only asking because of a personal situation in my life and I am curious about yours.
Thank you.
lol, nope not offended at all. Not sure what that means actually.
But, yes, you would think, right? But nope! Actually I have been going to the up-scale and very expensive salons where they have spas and serve you lattes and finger sandwiches by choice hoping I will get good results and they are the ones I have the most problems with!
If you read my other post, where I mentioned the bleach products and what I said about the expensive versus the cheaper products, you'd see what I mean.
But thanks!
Not offended, just thinking with some sense
She is emotional because of what has happened. Legally, you cannot obtain someone elses records - I told her to contact lawyer because this is not a good thing to tell. It is not legal period. She can try to protect but you cannot take the laws into your own hands, well you can but then you might be put in jail. I am just telling her the facts like they are. She can insist on him having testing but again she CANNOT make him do it. Not her call.
No! Not offended in the least and as a matter of fact, sm
I never even noticed the imperfections of my daughter's feet. Interesting though is the fact I never realized for the last 20 years that the second toe is longer. Isn't that the sign of a leader? Well, she definitely fits THAT profile :-)
As for the bunions... well, let's just say it's a good thing I work at home...
first of all, I agree you have a reason to be offended
but on the other hand, she may really have been trying to have (what she thought) was an open and genuine conversation with you.
I went through a period after my divorce where I really questioned why guys who slept around were considered studs while gals who did the same were considered *luts. I asked a lot of questions from a lot of people. Doesn't mean I slept around a lot, but I was curious about the thinking behind the idea of how things could be so different when the only difference was gender.
All I'm trying to say is that perhaps in her disjointed way, she was trying to genuinely institage a thoughtful discussion about racial inequality, even though she failed not to offend, but in her own mind thought she was unoffensive. Some people really do ask questions because of genuine curiosity that has been dormant in their own minds even if they do come across as offensive. Just MHO. Doesn't excuse her rudeness by all means, but just a thought to toss about.
It is not my fault others get offended at my opinions
x
I have often wodered this too. I would also not be offended hear of someones
I have also wondered why those who do not believe in Christ (athiests and the like) celebrate Christmas.
Am so offended by the loading him up so he is more manageable for me comment (sm)
I would NEVER do that. How dare you make that assumption? How rude of you!!
That would definitely not be enough for me to consider it a marriage. sm
why do you all think you need some obviously lame guy to complete you? Is it just youth and hormones?
marriage
You are so fortunate. In this day and age, everyone is all about "me". My husband has no CLUE what it means to "work as a team." He simply cannot grasp it at all. He does what he wants to, when he wants to and how he wants to, whenever he wants to. If I ask too many questions he gets angry at me. I am now figuring out 15 years later that I made a pretty big mistake by marrying him. However, we have three beautiful children, and the one thing we do agree on is that they need both parents to raise them. My husband would argue the color of the sky if he was in the mood. He is contrary simply to be contrary. I give up. He gives me the information he thinks I need to have. I don't ask him for anything anymore because he absolutely will not do it (help with getting everything done, i.e., housework, paying bills, makign phone calls, etc.). All of the concerns I had before we got married (which I did bring up to him) have come true. I should have known it. People just DO NOT know how to work together anymore.
marriage
I think we are raising our sons to be "mama's boys" and not be the proper leaders they need to be. Plus, in this day and age of no boundaries, children have no guidance and absolutely no direction. My husband does not have a plan from one minute to the next. It is absolutely crazy. he cannot set a goal and reach it if his life depended on it. We just wait to see what he is going to do next. I honestly never know what he is going to come up with. He absolutely adores his children, and they feel the same. I have seen what divorce does to the children, I will not do that to mine. But sometimes, I just want to scream. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have asked him to go to counseling, but he doesn't see a need (he has everything he needs). I will teach my children what to look for in a mate and the warning signs. Hopefully they won't have the trouble that I have had.
Marriage
Marriage is a relationship that you have to take care of each other first and always. He should always think about what makes you happy and you the same. You both should be covered at all times. There needs to be ongoing communication so you both can determine what makes things work for you. Most marriages fail because people don't want to talk and would rather "mind read" or assume. You know what they say about assume. You should always treat your spouse like he/or she is the most important person in the world and is first in your life. If you have someone that takes advantage of that and does not appreciate it, then that is not the one for you. Ignorance and immaturity takes kindness for weakness. A mature man or woman knows that that is how they should be treated and how they should treat their mate.
Second marriage
I'm planning to get married for the second time. My last marriage was 17 years ago and I've been on my own with my 14 y.o. son for almost 10 years. For my last wedding I dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's but I was so exhausted I didn't even enjoy the wedding. I think I have a mental block for wedding planning now because I never really thought I'd be doing it again. However, I have zero doubt that I want to be with this man. We both just want to be together and can't decide whether to just go on a trip and get married or have something small with our families and a few close friends. We think it would be nice to have our immediate families help us start our marriage off but I can't seem to make myself think about planning things and picking things out. Mainly I'd just like to wear a pretty dress (not necessarily even a wedding dress and definitely not an elaborate one). It seems if you start planning to have one thing it calls for another. I've looked at some of the wedding checklists and it makes my head hurt to think about picking out cakes, etc. I don't want anything tacky but I don't want to spend a lot of time on details. Any ideas? Also, what are your thoughts on giving your future husband a wedding gift. A do or not? Thanks so much for any advice you have to offer. I don't think we are going to wait long at all so I won't have much time to plan a lot anyway, which suits me just fine.
Second marriage
I live in Eastern North Carolina. There seems to be a lot of placed in Tennessee that look pretty romantic too. I'm browsing through those now.
Second marriage
Lots of great ideas. Thanks so much. I really like the iPod idea.
I think she needs to get out of the marriage - NOW!! (sm)
That could end up being a dangerous situation as well. I have had female friends from this type of cultural background who had to go into hiding from their own brothers to keep from being beaten to death for the crime of dating a white man. She really needs to get out now before they have children.
What is there to think about? Marriage...
is taking a vow.
vow
verb [T]
to make a determined decision or promise to do something, which includes not sleeping with other women and no cheating WHATSOEVER. He broke the Vow.
Marriage is a vow.
Of course I understand that marriage is a vow. Marriage is also a commitment. Problems that seem insurmountable sometimes are not, given time.
Before your marriage, did you or did you not....
Let your DH see you in your wedding gown?
Marriage Help
Am hoping to hear advise from other in my shoes. Been married 18 years and completely and totally unhappy. Husband doesn't beat me, is a good provider, just not in love any longer. Kids involved under age 14. Do I stay or do I go? Trying to stay until kids leave house but very hard - hard to even look at him. He has told me i am average but he love me, has corrected all my mistakes throughout the years, because only he and God are perfect oh but he loves me more than anything! A year ago he wrote me a letter that pointed out all my flaws and could not understand why I wanted him to leave. Please advise. I am so terribly sad and miserable and don't know what to do. State I live in very expensive and would never want to move my kids elsewhere. Hints on staying in an unhappy marriage would be great.
Bad marriage
Hi Done:
I left last September after 30 years. I am happy being on my own even though it means I must work long hours to support myself. My husband and I are separated, not divorced and I took no money from him.
The marriage was not so terribly bad - no physical abuse, very little verbal, but the interesting thing is that my children were way more aware of the underlying unhappiness than I would have imagined. I thought we never really argued - they thought the atmosphere was tense all the time.
I will say that I feel lucky that my youngest child is 17. On the other hand, she chose to stay with her dad (as well as my 21 year old son) and that was/is heartbreaking. But I did not have the right to choose for her. I moved into an apartment across the busy street from where I lived. My children can visit whenever they want.
It seems that my children are actually happier now too. Can you arrange a trial separation? The thing is, nothing has really changed in the situation between my husband and I, and it doesn't seem like it will. We both have an incentive not to make things final with divorce - mine is to keep his good insurance coverage, his is to avoid needing to give me any money.
I feel I had a lot of issues in the marriage due to the incest I suffered as a child and he had issues too. We just were not able to make any progress on this stuff in marriage therapy and neither of us has made any inquiries to each other about the possibility of trying again. And do you really think people can change? I just don't know. I think you have to really want to change. And someone who thinks they are perfect and points our your flaws all the time and tells you that you are "average" is probably not looking to change.
You deserve better for yourself. Just do it on your time and at your convenience. It is possible to stay for a while longer until your children are older. I thought I would wait until my youngest was out of school, but there was one of those "last straw" kinds of episodes last year and that was it.
I wish you the best. But just know that your children are aware of what is going on and do you want them to use your marriage as a model for themselves?
If it's you second marriage and the first one
Didn't workout - then don't spend ANY money on the second one. Save it for the divorce - LMAO 
Before & After Marriage..
Before marriage.....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
marriage
Once 39 years and we did not live together before either.
Marriage
I know what you mean about smothering. DH has several guys he works with whose wives won't do anything without their husbands. DH and I have always said we have very little in common except how we feel about each other. He doesn't ask me to get out of our warm bed at 5 a.m. in 20 degree weather to go deer hunting and I don't make him go to the beach with me in the summer and get sand in his shorts. It works perfectly for us. Our 24th anniversary is next month and we have 3 awesome kids. Definitely had our ups and downs but it's all been worth it.
Marriage
Well said. I was just thinking that. My husband just told me I have until the kids get out of school next week to get out. This all started over a milkshake of all things! Why are most men jerks? Looking back I have lost over 20 years of my life for a lot of similar reasons. Friends tell me the same info about God ect. But does God want us to be so unhappy???? That doesn't make sense to me at all!
Marriage
Living with someone is hard work, married or not. My parents have been married 45 years. My sister's marriage lasted just under 3 years. I've never been married but have lived with my SO for 3 years. We would get married if the marriage would be recognized everywhere as a valid marriage.
Sounds like your marriage is over
NM
Not sure what posts are below re marriage
but you sound so very well grounded and truly in love and love your husband and obviously he reciprocates. You are blessed but you also sound like a wonderful person who knows how to compromise when necessary and probably pick your battles - if you even have any!! I am also close to your age and going on 25 years of marriage and watch little things in the marriages of my children and I realize how much I have grown and how truly unimportant some stuff is - but sometimes you just don't see it when you are younger... wisdom definitely come with age!! You are blessed! :))
No, he has a son from a previous marriage, but they have none together. nm
m
OMG you just described my entire marriage..
I am waiting for tax returns and I am OUT OF HERE!! We tried counseling, and for US, it just made it worse. We have 3 children..7, 8, and 10. They are sick of him too and have actually BEGGED me to get us out of this house. I know in my area there are a lot of "programs" to help in these situations and I am hunting them down!! Good luck to you and dont sacrifice your life to be unhappy.
I have a great marriage, and i will tell you what we do
First off, there is no "serving". I am home, so I do all the bills, take care of the kid and cook most of the meals, housework, etc. He takes care of the lawn and brings in a lot more money. He is also very helpful on the weekends. Easy enough.
We are extremely nice to each other, and I spoil him rotten but it goes both ways. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. We go all out for birthdays, valentine's day, our anniversary and anything else we can find an excuse for.
When there is a problem or something unexpected, we split the responsibility for it or the duties that come with it. Everything is 100% equal. I believe he is the head of household in some ways, but in others, I am. That keeps me from being too much of a pushover and keeps him on the chase.
I have the same questions except it's a second marriage? SM
A friend of mine is getting married for the second time. The first time around it was a huge, and I mean HUGE, affair with an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor and bachelorette parties, huge Catholic wedding with a huge reception with food and free booze, etc. They registered at Macy's and expected everyone to get their presents from there. There China was over $100 for a place setting!
The couple divorced and now she is getting married again and has sent out invitations to all the festivities. She's planning another huge wedding and she has registered again at Macy's! Now, personally I feel this is just wrong. I think a small tasteful wedding is in order for the second go round and I don't think it is at all necessary to register anywhere for the second wedding. How much China can one person use? I mean, she got almost everything in her divorce!
I'm sort of a down to earth, pratical kind of person so Wal-Mart dishes are fine with me, so I guess maybe I'm not the best person to understand wedding traditions and etiquette, but do I really need to go to Macy's and get another expensive wedding gift?
When I was in bad marriage, I escaped in my SM
work. Whenever he would yell, which would be all the time, I put on my headphones and escaped into my work.
Now divorced, remarried to wonderful man, daughter grown and succesful, beautiful grandchild, wonderful stepchildren, AND I AM DEPRESSED!
I dread work, I dread putting on those headphones.
Group therapy anyone?
Have you tried marriage counseling?
Would your husband be willing to go to counseling? My marriage has been very rocky, and there have been times when my husband and I separated and I really didn't think there was a chance we would get back together. We tried several marriage counselors before we found the one who worked for us. But now - after 27 years - our marriage is finally a happy one, and has been for the last 6-7 years.
But it definitely takes two. If your husband will not go to counseling, then I agree that you should move back closer to your family where you will have the support system you need. Tell your husband he can move this time to be closer to his children.
You can have a great marriage too...
To be miserable. Marriage is work, lots of work, so is parenting, but it takes 2 to get both the jobs done and done right. Talk to your husband, heart to heart, and pray...Good luck!
You know I must be trying to work on this marriage. sm
 I'm about to skip Desperate Housewives and surfing the net to sit next to my hubby who just cooked us up some popcorn so I can watch his favorite movie of all time, "Blazing Saddles." Lord help me.
My marriage must be backwards.
Somehow DH usually gives up watching sports so I'll sit down and watch something with him. So we usually watch my DVR'd garden shows or those shows where they fix up people's houses. Okay, sometimes I watch shows like Smallville with him, but they have to contain a hunk or something for my pleasure too.
Am I doing this marriage thing wrong?
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