no, you are not over-reacting

Posted By: cj on 2008-09-01
In Reply to: Lack of help from future son-in-law - Susan

This young man is going to be family. He should be willing to help. Actually, he should be willing to help even if he wasn't. What is wrong with people nowadays, anyway? What ever happened to helping people just because that's what we should do? This is one selfish society we live in, and I for on think it stinks. It is part of the continuum of life, to help others and receive help when we need it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it and expecting people to pitch in. And your daughter should let him know he is WRONG. why would she want to be with a man who wouldn't help someone who needed it, no matter who they are? If he truly has important plans for the day in question, perhaps he could help on another day. All these selfish people who aren't willing to pitch in...I'll bet they will be the first to p___ and moan when they need something and no one does it for them. And i would worry about my daughter, too, but not just because of his actions but also because she doesn't see his actions as a problem. Hope she doesn't expect much from him because it doesn't look like he will be one to come through.

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Lack of help from future son-in-law - Susan
- Take it as a sign of things to come... - FBL
- MIL-SIL relationship has nothing to do with - sm
- Also, his FRIEND would help for $200 - nm
- he had plans but is willing to help. - yes, overreacting. no msg
  - Agree, he is willing to help, but is he - see message
    - no, he keeps his plans and is still willing to help. - future MIL is overeacting. NM
- As the wife of a past mud-bogger....I can tell you this (sm) - Wife of a similar guy
- I agree with the poster below - sm
- no, you are not over-reacting - cj
- Your daughter is in for a baaaad life if she - marries this moron!
  - "selfish jerk", as you call him, AGREED to help, DESPITE his plans. - look past your nose. nm
  - Yep....nm - Wife of similar guy
- It does speak to his character......... - sm
- I do not think you are overreacting at all. . . - SM
  - Does her daughter know how she feels? - sm
    - Yes, she knows I don't like him-- - Susan
      - Well if your daughter knows how you feel - then there's a good chance he does.
      - a different point-of-view - JMO
  - How about pay a mover? - This is what I don't get....
    - My gosh are you rude - ermt
    - If you want to let us all know your - annabanana
      - Anna banana, thanks, that is very... - Susan
        Okay, glad to hear you have got it - annabanana
    - No, I don't think I'm a Queen (SM) - Susan
      - So $200 is a bargain wouldn't you think? - my thoughts
        I think - anon
        You know I would have paid the friend SM - Susan
        That is work; he is your future son-in-law - and probably knows you don't like him.
        Thanks for your reply-- - Susan

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You are not over-reacting..
Porn will destroy lives, and in the process will only further emasculate the men who watch it. I would be concerned that he is a teacher with at-risk children, given his addiction. Talk to him. He may be as disgusted with himself as you are with him. Do not point fingers or condemn. Allow yourself to be open and "safe" for what he has to say. If you do not feel that you can respond in a healthy manner, then do not say anything at all. Do offer to support him in getting help if he request it. Evaluate your relationship and do what is best for you in the end.

Am I over-reacting here??

I went to South Dakota to visit my mom and brother. We drove 26 hours (there and back). My step-dad and I have never been very close and he dislikes children (I have three - ages 10, 6, and 2). In all honesty, my kids are very well behaved. Strangers even come up to us in restaurants and comment on how well behaved they are. Anyway, my step-dad has usually been able to keep his feelings under wraps for the 11 years we have been visiting them, even though I have never felt welcome there. This time was different. My 2-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table eating a mini chocolate bar (it was Halloween night), and he of course had chocolate on his hands. He was not done eating, and he was seated, so I hadn't cleaned him up yet. My step-dad was watching him the entire time from across the table, glaring, and said, "He's got chocolate on his hands!!! That's BULL****!!!!!" I promptly cleaned up my son, took the remaining candy bar away, and left the house, without saying a word. My mom was not there to witness this, but my brother and husband were.

I vowed to my mom that I will never come there again, as long as she is with him. I have never felt welcome there, and feel like he has always just looked for something to yell about. Anyway, I e-mailed my mom as soon as I got home and vented all my feelings about him and this situation. She has so far never returned my e-mail. My brother just e-mailed and asked if I was never going to return there again, and said that was a steep price to pay just to avoid my step-dad. Even my husband says I'm over-reacting. I say he just wants a place to pheasant hunt.

So tell me - do you think I'm over-reacting? My kids clearly are not welcome there, and I don't feel any support from my mom on this. Am I wrong here? What do you all think of this situation??

No, you're not over-reacting. Don't let anyone
tell you otherwise. Especially if this guy preaches against porn - that makes it even more gross. Go with your gut and don't let the "feel gooders" make you feel bad! At least some people have morals - all is not lost yet. I would confront him and be calm about it - see how he handles a good dose of accountability - that will speak wonders for his character, and DON'T let him or anyone else throw it back at ya - that its YOUR fault for being on his computer, etc. That is such a game.