me, three. I seem to catch most of the headlines here

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but they really should just say "pregnant bearded lady."

Men can't be pregnant. 

Here's a few I've run across in the course of my life...

You can't get a job without experience...but how do you get work experience without a job?

You can't get credit unless you don't need it...but without it how do you get in a position to not need it?

You can't get a date with a hottie unless you're a hottie, but if you try to date people that aren't hotties, they refuse to date you because they want to date a hottie....

Play by the rules, work hard and life will be golden...and when that doesn't work out because lazy rule-breakes stole all the gold, its your fault, you must not have been trying hard enough.

Life isn't fair.  Get used to the idea.  And keep trying anyway.

I got a ticket 4 days before Christmas for having an expired tag (had planned to get it taken care of when my income taxes came in - my fault, but crap, I've been broke the whole year!).  So I got the tag renewed the next day because the cop said they would be looking again after New Year's to write another ticket (have seen that my city has had a 25% increase in tickets written in the last month - like they need the revenue!).  So, all I had for my little one was a PlayDough activity center under the tree $15, and a pink umbrella and some candy in the stocking from Santa.  She was happy, though.

I've had that **??@$ ticket next to my monitor to look at it every day for the last 2 months to remind myself to go before the judge and ask for an extension of paying it until Friday when my check comes in.  I have literally been living paycheck to paycheck, sometimes with only $8 in my account in between.  Well, tomorrow I am scheduled to go to a different court to get a child support order (money I'll never see anyway), and I picked up my big orange folder to put my income tax return in it to take with me.  Guess where I put it?  Yup, right on top of that **??@$ ticket.  Yup, I forgot to go to court last night.  Was being bombarded with emails that my accounts could lose power due to the storm and all MTs needed to empty the systems.  Now there is an arrest warrant out on me.  I talked to a clerk at court and he told me to stay indoors until Friday, then come in and pay to have the warrant removed, then I can get a new date to pay the **??@$ ticket. 

Well, I have to go to CS court tomorrow, but at least it is just a short hop onto the interstate and then quickly out of my city limits.  If I can just make it till Friday, pay the warrant, maybe my karma will start changing.  For the last 15 months, I feel like I am the little kid on Charlie Brown that walks around in a dust cloud.  I have seen the inside of more court rooms in the last year than most people see in their lives with getting custody of GD.  I must have done something really nasty to have this kind of karma for this long.  Oh, well.  They say when you're down, the only way to go is up. At least paying to have the warrant removed is less than the ticket and it gives me another month to come up with the money for that.  I'm so broke, I can't even get drunk to forget my troubles!  Maybe my luck will change by St. Patty's Day   

p.s.  I had to edit this message because I used the word s-t-u-p-i-d to describe that ticket and the website wouldn't let me use it, thus the **??@$ symbols !!