latest update on 16-year-old daughter.
Posted By: need advice desperately on 2008-07-18
In Reply to:
Well, I did it. I told my husband. He had a good stern talking with her about how what she is doing is not good and will not be tolerated, and told her that the rules were expected to be abided by. He grounded her for 2 weeks and we took away her license and car keys. She is beside herself and of course hates me more than anything because I betrayed her to her dad. Go figure. Anyway, now she states that there is no way she will stay in this house and will just run away. Or she will get a job and as soon as she can get some money together, she will emancipate herself from us. My husband told her that if she runs away, the next step will be something like military school. What a mess. He says we have to be tough or she won't get the message. This is so hard for me. I feel like I lost her. She wants nothing to do with me. I just hope and pray that someday she will understand that I did what I think is best for her.
At least now he knows and he can help me handle it. If she does run away, at least now he knows. I told her I love her more than life and I am doing this for her own good. She just reiterated how much she hates me.(sigh)
Thanks for all the good advice everyone. Please pray for me and my daughter. I never thought being a parent could be this hard.
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My 14-year-old is going to be a mother-in-law (so funny) if you google it and 11-year-old daughter
x
Update on daughter sm
The problem is there is not a constant rash so when she saw the doctor about 2 hours ago she couldn't find anything. Actucally the only time you see anything is right after she has scratched and then when she stops scratching it disappears. Doctor gave her a stronger antihistamine, stopped her minocycline, and we are keeping a diet diary. The doctor said I could try the Selsum Blue shampoo as someone on here suggested so we picked some of that up. It really seems less today so maybe it could have been stress as someone else suggested. Hopefully time will tell. Thanks guys for all your help.
update on 16 YO daughter. sm
Well, here is the latest. She saw the therapist on Friday and the therapist recommended that my husband and I be on the same page about what the limits and boundaries are, but that my husband be the one to take over the disciplining, be the one to have the conversations and explaining the expectations, compromises etc. with her. She recommended that we make it very clear what the limits are and make sure she understands them. She recommended that we stay calm and try to avoid threats, but rather try to communicate with her calmly and positively. That does not mean that she can do what she wants, it just means that once she understands what we expect, then how she makes her decisions will guide the consequences.
So I have basically pulled myself out and told her that anything she wants to do she must get permission from her father and work out the details with him.
He is much better at this than I am and I am hoping that she will develop enough respect for him/us to be willing to do her part. Time will tell.
For now, she is still here and it seems to be working positively so far.
We still have a lot of work to do and I am sure it will be a long, bumpy road, but if we can get her through these next couple of years and be successful in keeping her interested in going to college, that is my goal. I would hate to have her give up on that.
However, on the other hand, if things don't work out and if she continues to be defiant, then as I have told her, she will have to live with the consequences of her actions. The end result will be up to her and she is well aware of that.
Thanks again for all the support and great advice.
I do feel relieved that I am no longer carrying the burden by myself. I still hurt a lot and I am sure that pain will be with me for a while. This is very hard for me, but at least now whatever happens, I am not alone and my husband is in it with me 100%. That in itself is helpful. I am hoping for the best, but I won't be surprised about anything at this point. Bottom line, I do know that we are doing everything we can. The rest is up to her.
Thanks again.
(my daughter's) Lost coat update for those interested - sm
Believe it or not after 3 weeks it has surfaced! One of the 3 girls I had not been able to locate a phone number on told my daughter today at lunch that she had it. She had not been in dance last week (and they did not have dance the week before). It was in her dance bag. She had picked up the scarf and coat (supposedly) because she saw Jess had left them, and then had forgotten about it which I find a little hard to swallow as she sees my daughter every day in school (in the same class/home room all day together). But regardless of all that, she came forward today about it. So I don't know why it took so long, but I am glad my daughter got them both back. So if he taking it was not so innocent I hope she learned something, and my daughter has learned to be a bit more careful with her things. 
My 8-year-old daughter had the
flu a couple of weeks ago and she took Tamiflu and seemed to get over it pretty quick. Hubby also had it and got prescribed Flumadine b/c it was cheaper and he seemed to take a little longer to get over it, but he is a bigger baby than daughter also!
My 11-year-old daughter
staying with us for a week because her mother is out of state. She is a close friend with my daughter. Our family loves her and treats her like one of our own. Hoping this goes well but not naive enough to think that arguments may not arise with the two of them being together constantly for a week. There will be a break Saturday night, as she will be staying with her grandmother and returning here the next day. Just wondering if any of you have any suggestions to possibly prevent any chaos at my house. lol. Wish me luck!
My 16 year old daughter - sm
says that kids often way exaggerate on these places, especially about threatening suicide. That doesn't mean that some of them aren't serious, but probably the majority of them are looking for the drama.
So, while it probably wasn't a "joke" per se, it's also probably not nearly as scary as it sounds. She did the same kind of post at age 14 that I carried around with me while watching for other signs, but her grades stayed up, she showed no signs of cutting off her friends, etc. Just normal teen highs and lows, and time passed and so did that.
My point - Take a breath, calm your nerves, and just be watchful. It'll probably just turn out to be another phase.
16-year-old daughter - need help from all who have gone through this
Just found out that my 16-year-old, good kid, honor student, has been leading a double life for the past two years. I found out through some snooping and confronted her. She fessed up to drinking and smoking but swears no drugs. The times that I thought she was sleeping over at the house of her friends that I knew, she was apparently sleeping at random places with a bunch of other kids that I don't even know, as she feels that this is completely appropriate and was "doing nothing wrong". She swears she has not had sex. She apparently has a lot of guy friends and most of them I don't even know and did not even know existed.
She feels that now that she has come clean, I should be okay with this whole situation and allow her to continue to live her lifestyle that she simply "loves and is unwilling to give up". We have been fighting daily. I have not told her father about this, because he is "european" and would definitely come down hard on her and I don't even know what he would do. She tells me that she will definitely leave if I tell him.
She demands one day a week that she can sleep out whereever she pleases and I should be okay with that. I am not. I am at my wits end. She swears she will leave if I "don't leave her alone".
My rules are simple:
1. Home by curfew (11:30 friday and saturday) and 10 weeknights in the summer (but I don't feel she needs to go out every night and she disagrees).
2. I no longer let her take the care whenever she wants, as I don't trust her.
3. She can socialize with her friends and I will pick her up and drive her within reasonable distance close to home.
4. I can even learn to live with the drinking, as long as she gets home safe by my picking her up or having a safe ride home.
5. I don't want her sleeping out any more.
She is fighting me tooth and nail and is swearing she will leave the house if I don't "leave her alone".
We used to get along so well or so I thought, and now I find out she is a complete stranger and not at all the daughter I thought I had.
I am so depressed and don't know what to do. I don't want to have to tell my husband, but she is leaving me no choice but I am scared to death that she will leave. The worst part is that she knows my fear and is using it to get to me.
I desperately need some good sound advice.
Thanks and sorry so long.
I have a 13-year-old daughter myself
And as long as it was during the day, I was home, and she stayed where I could see them I wouldn't have a problem with the boys being at the house.
As for the pizza, trust your gut. I do let my daughter go to the pizza place in our town, but we live in a very small town, and I only let her go with her brothers (14&15) or with another girlfriend and I put a time limit on it.
It is something that girls her age are allowed to do, unfortunately, to many of them have no limitations at all. Only you know how far you can trust your daughter.
I have a 14 year old daughter also
Thankfully right now she doesn't have any boyfriends, although there are boys in the neighborhood who are friends that we've know for 13 years that she'll meet up with when the weather's decent and everyone is outside. She has amazing friends who come from good families and I trust her and them. I guess you just have to trust your children and decide how much leeway you feel you can give them. There are a couple of younger girls in the neighorhood that hang out with a whole group of older boys and just walk the streets. Those are the ones I'd worry about.
Just this past year we've been letting her go to the mall with her friends alone and she has started going to parties, but she always has to go in a group and come home at a decent hour.
My daughter had it over a year ago and
she is still suffering side effects. You do not get over it in 4 weeks.
P.S. I have a beautiful 8-year-old daughter from it all. nm
xx
My 16-year-old daughter smoking
I have known for about a year that my daughter has been smoking from time to time. I made it very clear to her that this was very unacceptable and absolutely would not be tolerated.
Apparently she has done a very good job at hiding it. Tonight when I was putting socks into her sock drawer, for some reason I decided to push aside her socks and, of course, I found a cigarette, but the filter had been cut off. I also saw several filters that had been cut off in her drawer. I asked her about it a little bit ago and naturally she stormed upstairs and wouldn't discuss it with me. This may sound incredibly naive, but I really don't know why the filters were cut off? Maybe to make the cigarette stronger? This thought makes me sick to my stomach.
I am at a loss here. She is a pretty good girl, an honor roll student, has lots of friends, but still loves to spend time with her family. I have grounded her in the past for this, but apparently that didn't get my point across. I would love to hear from parents with teenagers who have been through this before and have suggestions on how to deal with this. Also, I'm almost afraid to ask, but any ideas why the filters were cut off the cigarettes?
My daughter had these last year on her shoulders
I got ointment with aloe in it for burns that had also lidocaine and put loose gauze over top. The blister will pop on its own. It will probably be sore once it pops, so keep it covered with the gauze. I added the ointment to take away the sting. It will not hurt so much if you get the ointment. I covered them so they wouldn't get infected and "smart" while she slept.
There are 4-5 a year at my daughter's HS. It's become commonplace.
We live in a moderate-sized town outside Seattle. Usually the threats are phoned in; I don't know if there's ever been a note. Evacuation, police, dogs.... one time they stood around in a rain/hailstorm for over 2 hours while the school (7 buildings on her HS campus) was searched. She and a friend looked around the field where everyone was corralled and said, "gee, if someone was really going to plant a bomb, they'd put it here."
What can you do? If the police search the school and give the all-clear, I say send him back in. It's a miserable decision to have to make either way. Just my $0.02.
Need advice on 16 year old daughter. SM
I just found out that my 16 1/2 year old daughter has been drinking and smoking and has been lying to me about this. I found out and confronted her and she came clean stating that she drinks, but has never been drunk, will just have enough to where she is "happy" and also smokes 3 to 4 cigarettes a month, she says. I have now lost complete trust in her because she has been lying to me all this time stating that she did not drink or smoke and neither did her friends, etc, etc. She has always been a good girl (or at least I thought so) and is an honor student. She just got her driver's license in May. The first thing that I have decided to do is to not let her drive for a while. This is my first experience with this and I need advice and guidance on what the appropriate punishment is. Please help.
Personally, I have an 18-year-old daughter
and no way would I have let her brother's friend move in with us. There is too much temptation even if they are like brother and sister to start with. Also, I agree with other poster, it is not right to limit your daughter's social life with her friends because of an 18yo boy living in your house.
I have a 17 year old daughter, a senior.
She actually doesn't ask to be out during the school week. She's in drama club and working on college applications and homework. If she did ask, I think as long as her homework was done I'd probably let her be out until about 9:00. Her bedtime isn't until 11, but she needs the wind-down time. Weekends, it's midnight.
My daughter graduated last year
And she took a class that taught cooking, sewing, finances, etc. She knows how to sew better than I do! I guess it just depends on the school maybe?
Dear 34-year-old daughter
I call because I am lonely. It is really quiet with all you kids gone and someday soon, when your 3 are grown, you will know too, and then you will call nonstop. That is just what we do. Yes, I do call your brothers and sister when I am lonely also, but your right, you are closer and more convienent. Sorry about the wallpaper....once again, I am lonely and needed help. Deep down, you know I care and I am not trying to be critical of you. My intent is there, maybe my approach is wrong. Someday though...you will reach for that phone 3 times a day and it will not be me on the other end, enjoy it while it lasts.
Poll time... if your 15-year-old daughter....sm
has a paper due at school that was assigned a week ago, she procrastinated and didn't start writing it until the afternoon before the due date and didn't type it up until 11 p.m. at night, then knocked on your door to wake you up because she realized there was no printer printer would you:
A. Get dressed and go to the 24-hour Wal-Mart to get paper.
B. Tell her that it's too bad- she should have done her paper sooner than this and alerted you before 11 p.m. that there was no printer paper - especially when she has gone through a whole ream within a month printing out things like rock band and television star photos and other nonessential things.
(For the record - my husband & I did option B to help her learn a "life lesson" last night - she'll get a reduced grade for turning in the paper late but hopefully she'll learn to stop procrastinating on her school work - which is a chronic problem with her - even with her getting A's and B's.)
No, that is her daughter. This is her 19-year-old son. Looking for link. Will post.
Be right back.
16-year-old daughter-need advice desperately
She is heading down a dark path here. You don't know who she is hanging with and she is pretty good at being stealth. Please put your foot down. You don't want her to be a headline, too many bad things can happen to her. It will be ugly and horrible but that's our job. You don't want to be looking back saying..."if only"...good luck! Any of us could be where you are!
I have an 18-year-old daughter and we charge her rent...
I think it teaches them responsibility and what the "real" world is like, there is not a free ride and to be accountable. The rent we charge does include groceries, cell phone, etc. She just pays my husband and I a lump sum at the beginning of the month and it covers all expenses at home. She buys her own clothes, make-up, personal items and even helps with her college expenses at the local community college. I think it's a great idea!
My 19-year-old daughter wants to join the Army. I'm very scared at the thought. Any advice out th
Before the Iraq war, I would have been more excited that she wanted to do something positive with her life for a change, but this thought is scary as we know people that have lost their children in the war. I know in some ways this could turn her life around and be what she needs as she is very immature and is going down the wrong road, but are there other alternatives. A lot of people tell us it's still a good time for kids. Any thoughts out there?
Tough Love advice. My 19-year-old daughter is making me nuts..
I don't even know where to start with this one but I'll just to give a short summary. My 19-year-old daughter has been troubled since I can remember. For example, her terrible twos went beyond that..if you didn't peel her orange right, she didn't want it and would throw it across the room. I think her diagnosis is best described as ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and bipolar. She has a quick temper and at age 5 blackened her 12-year-old brother's eyes with a book because he got in her face. She has annoyed everyone she has come into contact with. She is very immature. We have tried everything to get her help because once she became a teenager it just got worse. She is self-destructive and I became the enabler and now it is out of control. She would not go to school so she does not have an education. We had to call the cops numerous times because of her violent outbursts. We had her arrested when she stole our credit cards so she could learn a lesson but the courts did nothing. She was supposed to be court ordered to have a job and attend school, of which she did nothing and there was no punishment. She has never suffered any consequences no matter how hard we tried. She was charged with 10 felonies for the credit card theft but got nothing. She just batted her big blue eyes at the judge and it all went away. I have paid her rent for a year or two, bought her a car and paid for it. All of these of course when she had a job but right after I did all of this she stopped going. She got into meth..You would not believe my heartbreaking nightmare. Some days I just don't think I can take another minute of it. At this point, she is now homeless because I just cannot keep paying her bills. She just totaled the car so she has no car and no job and still wants me to pay her way and she has lost her license due to DUI and driving again without privileges. It never stops. How far do I take this? She calls me for money that she says is to eat but if I keep giving her money then what is her motivation to go to work. I kept thinking if she hit bottom she could only come up..but she likes the bottom and just hovers there. She adapts to any environment. So when does she wake up and do you think tough love would work on a child with mental issues. I paid all of her doctor bills so she could get help and on medication but just found out she hasnt been taking them. I know I have so many questions but I have no idea how to "fix her" anymore. I know she needs to help herself but how much is she actually capable of being on drugs and mental health issues. This is devastating to our family and when I don't help her she becomes suicidal and I want to just hang up because I know she is manipulating but what if this is the time she really does something. I tried to take her into the hospital because of her meth addiction because she finally asked for help and was told there really wasn't any programs for her because she didn't have insurance so I left just thinking.."well, I guess you'll have to do it on your own, there is no help." Now, that is heartwrenching. At some point, I know she just has to grownup, but I don't know if I can survive this. I'm stressed 24/7 and sadly whenever she calls I get such bad anxiety. I can hardly be around her because she is so manipulative and I feel guilty that I try to avoid her. I always thought it'd be different if I just loved her more, spend more time with her and so as a mom, I blame myself because she is so messed up. Guilt just fuels the enabling.. Help.. any suggestions, advice??
Yep, but that is not all… the latest
This "mother" has been seen out in the video store shopping, has been treated for mental disorders (well, duh, that was hard to figure out)and the doctor responsible for the invitro has just "helped" another woman who has, I think 4 children already with 4 more embryos just waiting to hatch anytime.
I would say: 24 to 37, latest....nm
nm
My latest funny . . .
"The patient is a 64-year-old woman involved in a motor vehicle accident where she hit a pole. The pole was not injured."
you can only have one will, the latest one written...
You can have one will from one departed person per beneficiary...
If Anna had 7 wills for Daniel from herself, they have to go by the latest dated one.........
.
Had to laugh at the latest guy, who said he had
'too much pressure from his multi-million-dollar salary' they were paying him. So he felt it was necessary to bulk up on the 'roids and cheat.
Here's my answer to the steroid problem in sports: TAKE AWAY THEIR BLOATED, OVER-PAID SALARIES!
After all - these guys make their living playing a GAME. Maybe they should be doing it more for the love of their sport, and less for the *rock-star* money.
Latest on megamom, OMG
Supposedly Angelina Jolie had been contacted in the past by this megamom and Jolie is supposedly "creeped out" by this. Megamom's representative says if this litter was born 3 or 4 years ago people would have been more giving of their money.
Latest on Britney....check it out
On Friday night, Britney Spears sported a bald head and new tattos. (ABC News)
I agree with latest post
It would be ideal if you could handle it with your SIL, but not always possible. I would begin talking to your child instead and explain that just because someone says they will do something doesn't always mean they will and there could be lots of reasons. He may as well learn it now, or he will defitely learn it later and then it may be about something much more significant and even more hurtful. I hope things get better with her. Oh! Maybe (if she has a child) you could "forget" the present and say you will bring it by later and then really DO it. That may make a point w/o having to be confrontational and jeopardizing your relationship. Just a thought. Good luck!
Latest on Lindsay Lohan at tmz.com. wow.
So anyone interested in gossip should check out tmz.com. They interviewed 3 guys who were in the car with her, and according to them she jumped in a car that wasn't hers that had the 3 guys in it, ran over a guy's foot, chased another vehicle at about 100 mph, said that she could do whatever she wanted because she was a celebrity, circled the car numerous times, lost that car, and then chased another vehicle all the way to the police station. She supposedly ran numerous red lights and stop signs and obviously could have killed any number of people!
Then to top it off she supposedly tells the police "The black guy was driving." How horrible. Zero respect for her now. I will never watch another one of her movies. I hope they throw the book at her! She's obviously a danger and should not have been let out on bail imo. (kam)
??? Hist latest book
All you James Patterson fans out there, if you've read his latest, "You've Been Warned," please tell me your take on it. He is one of my favorite authors, but this book left me hanging. It keeps hyping and building the reader up; you think, 'surely the next chapter will explain everything,' but it never does. So many weird things happen throughout the book that are never explained, and the ending, well that was just plain weird.
I would take him over the latest real estate listing
NM
The latest on this looney-tune story
Her family has asked that the public not judge her. I heard this morning she was a mother first and foremost. She has 3 children but like I have stated many times before, you NEVER know what a person might do. Being first and foremost did not stop this person for being charged with attempted murder. My hubby also stated if you had to wear a diaper as an adult, surely you would not want millions to know about it. I feel sorry for her family.
Yes, I saw it (no spoilers unless you haven't seen the latest episode)
Not a whole lot of new information, just mostly confirmation of things that are already known, like yes, Desmond's failure to reset the computer was the cause of the airplane crash and later when Desmond turned the key it did temporarily make the island visible so Penny knows about it - but they didn't follow up on that. This is my guess - but presumably the ship that the woman who parachuted onto the island is trying to contact was sent by Penny.
They touched on the idea of the interconnectedness of these people but very lightly - just hinted that there was something that brought this particular group of people together. Interestingly, they didn't say anything at all about the people from the tail section, but the show that was run last night was only 45 minutes because Grey's Anatomy ran 15 minutes over. The one that will be shown next Wednesday is a full hour - I'm going to watch that, too.
The main thing (as far as I'm concerned) is they reiterated that this is not purgatory or anything like that, everyone is actually alive, but they said they are....let me think....."somewhere in the space-time continuum."
Interesting....
Has anyone done all the latest updates for Window and did you have any problems. nm
:
Me too! My latest obsession are shoes from a store on e bay
They are called cutsey shoes and I get a pair or two with each pay period. I know it has to end, but they are so cute and not expensive. I am kicking the e bay habit but there's still always room for shoe bids as far as I am concerned. Though I never wear shoes at home and I am there most of the time because I work at home too. LOL.
sounds like the Oprah latest saga. LOL.
not worthy of acknowledging.
The latest news on the death of Jett Travolta...
Posted Jan 4th 2009 10:45AM by TMZ Staff
There's a conflict brewing between the Bahama PD and John Travolta's camp regarding the time line of Jett Travolta's death.
People who are with Travolta are bristling at the suggestion Jett might have been left unattended for more than 10 hours, but this morning cops say they are sticking to their story. Meanwhile, we've learned Jett had suffered from grand mal seizures in the past and had taken anti-seizure medicine which the Travolta's say did not work, so the medication was stopped.
As for the time line, we're told Jett, his family and his two nannies had been boating on January 1. They returned to their townhouse at the Old Bahama Bay Hotel at around 6 PM. Jett was tired, went into his bedroom and went to sleep.
We're told nanny Jeff Kathrein watched TV in the adjoining room. The other nanny, Eli, returned to the townhouse at around 11:30 PM. Both Jeff and Eli turned in at around that time. After Jeff got up, he went into the bathroom and discovered Jett laying on the floor.
As for when Jett was last seen, cops say it was the at around 11:30 the night of January 1, when he went to the bathroom. Michael McDermott, John Travolta's lawyer and close friend, says Eli or Jeff may have gone into that bathroom during the middle of the night so the time frame would have been compressed.
McDermott also tells TMZ when Jeff and John Travolta administered CPR there may have been signs of life -- as in there may have been some respiratory function -- though that is not confirmed.
We're told Jett's disabilities included the inability to communicate well, in addition to some physical disabilities. As a result, there was a baby monitor in his room as well as a chime on the bathroom door. It's unclear if the two nannies slept through any signs of movement. The townhouse is relatively small -- around 1,000 square feet -- and the nannies and Jett were all on the bottom floor.
McDermott told us it's not unusual for Jett to sleep 12, even 16 hours a day, so Jett not being present is not unusual.
As for cause of death, the coroner will presumably determine that tomorrow.
As for John Travolta and Kelly Preston, McDermott tells us "they stopped crying long enough last night to try to write a press statement, which they haven't finished."
LATEST BREAKING NEWS ON BABY MAMA DRAMA
Howard Stern has just testified in court in Florida that he and Anna Marie did not have an exclusive only relationship- well, that did not take a rocket scientist to figure out with all the possible daddies coming forward, huh?
Maybe not, I just saw Antonella is the latest pick on that website - vote for the worst!
x
Latest in long line of idiots in civil service -
The poor kid told a supervisor and another employee, obviously concerned about her mistake, and they okayed the serving of the meat anyway.
Hope some hot shot lawyer comes to her aid. This is beyond ridiculous.
Gee, maybe we should all have food servers arrested the next time they put onions on our burgers if we ask for NO ONIONS!
Where is that guy who follows the NY cops around filming them when they break the law in the course of duty?! Hope he picks up on this one.
Hope the link works.
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
Bigger issue - a 16 year old living withi a 29 year old and liability
Are you still not responsible for him until he is 18, how can he tell you where he will live? Unless he emancipates himself and he does something wrong, can they go against you since you are his mother and legally responsible for him? I worry more about him living with a 29 year old sister rather than returning a house key to me that is a bigger issue.
Won $2,000 on slot machine on New Year's Eve. What a way to start the year. nm
!
Set my budget a year in advance, save all year and
nm
What a difference a year makes! Last year, sm
we had the same problem. Fines everywhere for watering.
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