it's not lying
Posted By: mk on 2008-11-26
In Reply to: If you tell your kids that Santa Claus is real - is that considered lying?
It's just not. I was about to get all preachy and talk about how we need mythology in our lives--stories that tell teach us morals, that remind us of our traditions--but I'll stay off the soapbox for now and just say that for as long as my kids are willing to believe, I will give them stories to believe in. The five-minute cry when they discover Santa isn't real, is more than made up for by the years of joy beforehand, don't you think?
As for talking in front of the kids, I don't think that's really a big deal, either. Kids love to put this stuff together in their heads, make up stories about it--how come there are so many store Santas? How come mom and dad are hiding these presents in the attic? They ask those questions and still believe. They're kids; they're good at that.
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Would you think someone was lying if they said this? (sm)
I have someone I have been seeing for a while who never calls but emails me all the time telling me that he loves me and misses me. But he always says it like this, "I really love you, I mean it. I hope you believe me." or "I am going to miss you while you are gone, I hope you believe that." It is starting to bother me that he always has to add the "I mean it"or "I hope you believe that" part. Why would I not believe it? Why would he not mean it? Does it sound like a lie to you?
He has always written me the sweetest, loveliest emails yet never calls (maybe 10 calls in an entire year and a half). I don't see him all that often but when I sugggest seeing someone else he gets upset and begs me not to, says he will do better, but then things stay the same. I really do care for him but I am starting to wonder if I am just being taken advantage of. He has borrowed small amounts of money from me throughout this time, most of which I have told him not to worry about paying back. So now I am wondering if he is just writing the sweet emails to try to keep the gravy train rolling? 
lying
If he is routinely confessing to you about his indiscretions, assuming this is how you know about them, and he is not afraid of you or the consequences, I assume all things being equal, you are free to do the same.
the lying is only part of it
Obviously there is more going on than just the fact that he is lying.. Why is he lying - what is he doing with the money?
You certainly weren't lying after
.
Problems with lying on back? anyone else?
For a couple of years I have had trouble with trying to sleep on my back....if I lay flat on my back for more than 10 or 15 minutes I get extremely nauseated...if I fall asleep on my back, I wake up freezing cold. I am a little overweight but not obese. I do have a rather large chest though...I have been embarassed to go mention this to my doctor because it sounds silly to me, but yet it happens every time. The last few days I have been having pain between my shoulder blades and palpitations....I am starting to really worry about my heart but I am just embarassed to go and mention it. I am 40 years old. I know some of you will scold me for not already going....but has anyone else had these symptoms?
Problems with lying on back? anyone else?
Don't be embarrassed about going to the Doc!
Honestly, it sounds like your body is trying to tell you something is wrong. Please get thee to a Doc asap! If nothing else, at least for peace of mind!
Husband lying and I am going carzy
At least once a week I catch my husband in a lie, and it is always about money. He writes checks and lies to me about what they are for, how much they are for, etc. If I ask him how much money he has on him he will even lie to me how much he has. This is just a general question I ask him to know if I need to go get my own or if he has enough for whatever we have planned. When I asked him about it he gets angry and defensive and "cannot remember." Or he will say he told me about it and make me feel I am going crazy. We are actually trying to do Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace" which says you NEED TO COMMUNICATE ABOUT MONEY AND KNOW WHERE IT IS GOING. What do you think is going on? Where do I get help? I am ready to leave, as he has been lying to me like this the whole 16 years of our marriage. He had a major gambling problem years ago and a counselor once told him, even though you've stopped the gambling you have not stopped the behavior, but he still doesn't get it. I have been in counseling three times with this man. I feel like i am the only one giving 100% to this marriage. I just need to know that it's okay for me to be frustrated and upset and ready to leave this marriage because of it, or am I just freaking out too much? He makes me feel crazy most of the time!!!! Our kids adore him, but I cannot live with him. What do I do?
I certainly do my fair share of lying
but i can't say that i've ever really made up anything huge but nobody has ever really called me on it either. Maybe those I lie to are either just gullible or too nice to say anything about it or maybe not good at spotting a lie. I don't know, but I do know I lie a lot. Maybe it's because of my low self-esteem, and maybe that's why people don't really call me on it, because they pity me too much.
Leave the lying, cheatin dirtbag.
Maybe, if agency lying, you can get any fees back
x
It's lying in the absolute literal sense, but so what.
I think it's part of the fun of Christmas. I wasn't traumatized by thinking Santa was real when I was small. And my children, who are now 18 and 20, seem to be well adjusted, too. I also don't think that lying to your children is the worst thing you can do as a parent. The "controlled dissemination of information" can be a good thing. My kids don't need to know what I did when I was a wild child, for example. And on occasion I've told them there were no more Little Debbies in the house, even though I had a personal stash hidden away. LOL!
As far as Santa goes, I loved it. The way I explained it to my children when they got older and stopped believing was that when we're very little, Santa is a noun. He's a jolly old man who brings us gives, a very concrete thing. When we're older, Santa becomes a verb that means "to give". When my oldest became aware of the Santa reality, he wanted to "Santa for my little brother", and kept the fantasy alive for him. Now they do that for others. I consider that a reality.
The arguments regarding the honesty of the Santa fantasy will go on and on. In the end, it's a personal family decision to participate or not, and I think we can all be respectful of other family's decisions by not divulging the truth within earshot of children who believe, and not arguing over the issue with parents who believe otherwise.
whichever one is lying will be the one to resist the meeting nm
x
Doesn't sound like he's lying, just sounds like you have different wants.
You're comfy in your life as it is. It's one thing to gain love again, it's a whole different story to gain love along with a roommate and all that comes with that, including losing some sense of freedom and space.
Letting a child about Santa isn't lying, sheesh
Telling about Santa isn't lying, it's a rite of childhood for millions of kids, as is the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I see no harm in giving my children hope in something so good as Santa. I don't remember being crushed as a child when I found out about Santa, I only remember the joy of waking up on Christmas morning to a full stocking and the anticipation of waiting for the big guy. We were so poor that I don't know how we ever had a Christmas but somehow there were always gifts from Santa, to me that's what he's about, not lying but believing.
People take really strange things far too literally, takes the fun out of the simple things in my opinion.
OMG you are living my life!!!! (Mine is lying behind me as I type this!)nm
x
As the saying goes - "Let lying dogs sleep" - no DNA is not in order
What on God's good earth would that accomplish? So that some sick tabloid could then publish a story about this? Those kids know MJ as their father. I don't care whether someone thinks they don't or do look like him. I have a brother in law who looks nothing - and I mean absolutely nothing - facial features, hair color, skin color, or anything, like anyone in his family or even any ancestors in his family. When husband and his sibling are together they all act alike and they all have the same smile, two of them have the same eyes, 3 of them have the same nose, and the way they say certain things they sound like each other and their parents, but not my BIL, his hair, skin color, the way he laughs, talks, or moves - absolutely nothing like his mother, father or any of his siblings. They joke that he was switched at birth, but from the time he was born he was never out of his mother's site in the hospital.
I think most of America does not need to know whether or not the children are really his. For someone to come out and say "I think a DNA is on order", the family should tell that media clown - it is none of your business, leave Michael Jackson's kids alone. They are going through enough as it is. I hope MJ's family tells them no. And I think Debbie Rowe should keep her trap shut.
No, but I hate my lying, stealing, sociopathic brother. Does that count? NM
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