husband's behavior due to porn, LOL
Posted By: What's wrong with porn? on 2007-07-06
In Reply to: It's not the dirty talk - it's the disrespect (sm)... - dinosaur
His behavior is NOT due to porn. If his behavior is so bad it is due to HIM...nothing evil caused him to be this way, just him and his choices.
I don't get what's so wrong with porn? If consenting adults are in it and consulting adults are viewing it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It does not mean the person looking at it is a deviant. Geez...some of you people have some serious hang ups with sex and sexuality.
Try to loosen up a little ladies, maybe life would be a little more fun.
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Behavior changes in husband
I have searched the internet for some clues to what is described below but not even sure what key words to enter in a search.
Anyway, husband is 46 and exceedingly fit and athletic his whole life. Behaviorally and genetically he is prone to accentuated mood highs and lows, not quite bipolar probably but close. Runs heavily in his family. He tends toward aggression, bullying and denial at times. Childish at times, even naive, very literal even though highly educated. All the above has been increased by about double (particularly the childishness in behavior and decision-making) in the past year and it is nearly intolerable. He often doesn't process what I say or else is just not listening to me. I have to repeat things over and over and worst of all, he makes poor decisions about things and I often feel like I'm living with an 8-year-old. I am stressed on an almost constant basis. Alzheimer's came to mind but couldn't find anything that really fit in looking at symptoms. Is there the possibility of mental illness manifesting itself at this age?
Soft porn pictures, how about your soft porn posts?
Go climb back in your slime ball life.
BF and porn
As a lady who is looking at her 17 yr anniversary coming up and the mother of boys, I have some pretty strong opinions about porn and how men treat the woman they supposedly "love." Dear friend, if this is a problem in your life, my advice would be to become more selfish about yourself. You have one life. You have a heart that needs attention and love and fidelity and trust. You have the right to live with a man who does not spend his time wanting to watch strange women (who are probably drunk or drug addicts or street hookers desperate for cash) have sex with other women, men, etc.
It is SO hard to step out and say, "Hey, this is not where I want to be and I need to go now," but it is worth it in the end. I have known so many women who struggle with this, and their men always say it is the woman's problem. Don't be fooled! Not all men are like this. A lot are, but not all. I once dated a guy who was so handsome, so charming. I couldn't get enough of him. When I went to his house for a birthday party and used the bathroom,I looked under the sink for some TP and found PILES of porn magazines and lotion. I almost died. I broke up with him that night and told him why. Several months later I had a new BF and life moved on. It always does.
My own mother fought with my dad over this and it broke her heart, especially since my dad's desire to look at women who were literally half his age did not change as he got older. There was my mom, aging as usual, and her husband wanted to see college girls with their clothes off. So it's not like these men 'get better' as they get older. Same-o same-o.
Hope this helps a little.
Question about porn.....
My long-time boyfriend is out of town frequently. Just discovered on his private computer that he looks at page after page after page of lesbian porn. He is a teacher of at-risk kids, always condemns porn as objectifying women, blah-blah-blah.
I feel like I'm going to vomit. Am I over-reacting perhaps? Hope so.
My "look" at Porn
I think it would be even worse if he were looking at kiddy porn or even same sex porn, i.e. males! I myself have looked at lesbian porn on Craigs List. Hey, I also looked at the guy ads, just curious. Way over 60, happily married, not looking, just curious.
yet another porn and men question
I have asked this before on this board about husband/boyfriend watching porn in secret. I get answers anywhere from "all men do it, don't worry about it" to "he shouldn't be doing that." I am really really confused. I have talked with a couple of girlfriends and since they don't have that problem with their husbands they just don't know what they'd do in my case. Anyway, boyfriend seems kind of addicted. Whenever I am gone for several hours and he is at home he looks at porn sites. Young lesbians, and not soft porn that's for sure. Really gross and I am not a prude. This is several times a week. He was using a work laptop computer (he is a TEACHER) and it got a virus and quit working (how appropriate). He has a new one now and I figured he'd be more careful but I just checked the browsing history and he is doing it more than ever. Where does secretive porn-surfing become obsession? This makes me sick and in addition I have told him offhandedly about teachers getting in lots of trouble over porn found on work computers but he doesn't seem to care, obviously.
to irritated/porn addiction?
Wow, you sure are trusting after seeing such a big change in behavior. I hope you don't get what I got: the greatest guy I could've wanted (good, prominent family, $, respect, the works). I won't fill in all the frills I got, but they were plenty, and I thought I was set. for life. And yes, he did love me dearly.
The thing I came to learn was that he had a porn addiction. It's something I've never experienced, and really hadn't typed about, either. I'm no fool, and had been with plenty of men before him, as we got married later than most, but this was a first for me. In the end it ruined our marriage. My point is that when you see strange things happen, don't poo-poo it. Only you know if something is amiss, and I believe you do. I hope I'm wrong, and I certainly hope you don't have to face what I did. It sickens me to think about the details of all that chapter, but now that we're no longer "one," I know that I can't fix him, and as long as he doesn't acknowledge his problem, he won't, either. Ironically, even now I'd be as supportive as possible if he were to shed the demons that are eroding him to his core, but he'll be the first to tell the world that there's nothing wrong with him.
Just something to think about. I hope you don't end up the way I did. I'm just glad I don't have all that anxiety anymore, and we're actually friends (or something like that).
Good luck.
If soft porn could possibly be more
NM
About 20 seconds of some porn got shown. Only in AZ, i think. nm
x
Octo-mom to be a porn star!!!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009 – updated: 9:06 am EST February 25, 2009
The very public saga of octuplet mom Nadya Suleman has taken a lurid turn.
According to TMZ.com, Suleman has been offered $1 million by major porn distributor Vivid Entertainment to star in a porn movie.
Suleman became the subject of heavy scrutiny after the birth of the octuplets last month, after it was revealed that she already had six children. All 14 were conceived through in-vitro fertilization.
Vivid told TMZ that the company will give her family full medical and dental insurance if she becomes a "contract girl." According to the celebrity gossip Web site, that would mean Suleman would have to do "multiple videos."
TMZ said there was no word on whether Suleman was considering the offer.
Meanwhile, Suleman appears to have bigger worries than taking care of her 14 children.
Talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw said that she may have to prove she can handle the load, or else have hospital officials withhold her newborn octuplets.
McGraw said the 33-year-old unemployed mother called him Tuesday. She was distraught that Kaiser Permanente officials told her they were concerned about the babies living at her home near Los Angeles.
Property records show Suleman's mother is more than $23,000 behind on mortgage payments and the home is under threat of foreclosure.
Kaiser officials won't comment on Suleman's case.
Suleman has taped two episodes of McGraw's "Dr. Phil" show.
Almost all men look at porn! They love lesbian pics
I reall wouldn't worry about it! It's a billion $ industry - paid for by men of all ages and walk of life. Even if the don't buy porn I guarantee they love looking at beatuiful women in the grocery store or at church!
Adult porn is legal. It's not criminal to look it - I don't see what that has to do with his job! Every model/actress has documentation of her dob and government issued ID on file with the producer. The FBI can inspect these records at any time. Look at any "big" soft porn site (hustler, playboy, penthouse) and click on 2257 diclaimer.
I really wouldn't worry about it. I disagree with the above poster that it ruins lives!!!
Men buy printed porn, call phone sex lines, and view porn on the net simply to get off. It has nothing to do with an addiction or ruining his life! Even what we think of "kinky" may simply be a harlmess fetish/fantasy. He may not want to admit to his wife that he likes wearing women's panties, or that he loves women in fish net stockings. So he buys a mag for $10 and spends $20 on phone sex line or a web cam girl and gets to live it for 15 minutes.
This is me but I would rather have my traveling husband or my son in college look at Hustler and call a phone sex line than sleep with a woman and catch something nasty! I wouldn't want to discuss it with them over breakfast, but I wouldn't worry about it! :)
Porn sites are high risk for viruses - I would be more concerned about getting good anti-virus software on his computer.
Well, I can make a load of money too if I wanted to get into porn. and
having relations with other people, including women. It's a multi-billion dollar a year industry. It doesn't make it right. I can go and rob a bank tomorrow and make a ton of money, but it doesn't make it right.
I like what the Bible says about it - a decent man will make his money with an honest living.
Yeah, the True Blood series is basically like soft porn...
definitely not advisable for a 14 year old!!!
It seems to me the key here is whether this behavior sm
is a change from his previous actions, or whether he was always like this and is getting worse. If the latter, your marriage doesn't sound like it's worth working on, not just because of his behavior (which would be repulsive to me), but because you obviously don't have any positive feelings for him anymore. As a member of a strong Christian church which also advocates that the man is the head of the family, this kind of behavior would be completely unacceptable. Men are to treat their wives with respect and understanding.
If it is a change from his behavior when you were first married, he may have a serious medical or emotional problem. If so, and he doesn't get help, things may just get worse. Good luck to you.
Odd cat behavior
Does anyone know why my female cat would meow/cry loudly almost as if in distress when I use the oven? It's really starting to freak me out, like maybe it is going to blow up or something and she's trying to warn me. It seems to be working fine as far as I can tell and this has been going on a while now. Any ideas?
Bad Behavior
Apparently it was Megan's brother who was heckling Kara the night before and yelled out "broken record". Kara went up to him after and confronted him two different times. Megan seemed to get a big ego rather quickly. I think her mood came down to a screeching hault when Simon said they weren't even going to bother letting her sing again. Someday she is going to look back and cringe at that spectacle
Bad behavior............. sm
It has been said that people will treat us as badly as we allow them. Don't believe yourself to be unworthy of good treatment because that would only set the relationship up for more bad or possibly worse treatment in the future. Hold out for someone who treats you well and treasures the opportunity to be in your company. He is out there and he is the one who is worthy of your time.
From the behavior you describe... sm
And the fact that you said he's old, it sounds to me like this guy is senile or has other mental problems going on. BUT, I think it would be a mistake to assume he isn't dangerous just because he's a little old guy who seems a little off. I also think you should notify the local police about him. He might be a danger to himself, if not others. If nothing else, he's a nuisance and should be reported.
I'm also someone who has all doors and windows locked at all times, and I don't open the door to strangers. Sometimes I do feel like I'm a little bit paranoid, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I also have the car doors locked when I'm driving anywhere.
I'm amazed that anyone leaves doors and/or windows unlocked, but I know it happens. My mother-in-law and father-in-law, for example? OMG. They never lock their doors! They live in a small mobile home park for seniors, in a small-ish town, and my MIL feels like it's safe. What really kills me is, she doesn't lock their doors at night, and she takes out her hearing aids to sleep, so she wouldn't even hear anything if someone did come in their home at night! She says "Oh we have great neighbors. Everyone watches out for each other." What?! Crazy. And this is a woman who loves to read true crime novels and watches court TV and knows about the things that can happen. She worked as a legal secretary for decades and is very intelligent in all areas but this one. I just can't understand it. They don't live near us, but when we go to visit, I go around and lock all the doors at night. Otherwise, I'd never get to sleep!
As a side note, there is an excellent book called 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin DeBecker. I highly, highly recommend it to all women. Get a copy today! I also like a show on the Discovery Channel called 'It Takes a Thief.' It's very enlightening about just how easy it is for criminals to break into most homes.
That's my 2 cents. Stay safe, ladies! :o)
And again, she cannot change his behavior, only hers
will not back down on that one. Lots of reason for divorce. Staying because of the children is an absolute wrong way to work at a marriage. She finds him disgusting, surely the children notice or they will when they age a little. I would not care if I had 10 children hanging onto my apron strings, would not want to stay somewhere that I am so unhappy I ask outsiders what they would do. My mother divorced in a time when no parents divorcing, believe it or not, and when I went to elementary school I was asked why no daddy. I turned out well, felt it had no adverse effect on me. Saw him, didn’t see him, ?? Really loved my stepmom though. He did do a good thing right in his life by bringing her into it.
There is also the behavior issue of (sm)
submissive piddling.
You can buy something called a Belly Band for him to wear in the house. If he dribbles with it on, he gets himself wet, so this can teach him not to let that happen. I've just heard that not all pet stores call it a Belly Band or know what that is, but you can Google something like house training, canine belly band, and you can read about it and maybe order on line.
Corgis are so cute. You can post pictures here on the gab board.
behavior problems
We have had and still have behavior problems with our son and he is ADHD, have you had your child tested? He also has ODD, which stands for oppisitional definance disorder. He sees a therapist on a regular basis and it has helped tremendously with his behavior.Your school psychologist is not very good or qualified if he has not referred you to any outside help. Your pediatrician should be able to help you out and point you in the right direction.
Terrier behavior sm
We had a part terrier (not pit bull) who destroyed everything in sight when we left her, sailed over a 6-foot fence, took clothes and glasses and buried them in the ground, etc. She literally was a "goat" and the payoff was when she ate the living room couch when I had 20 people coming over and it was Christmas Eve. When I called the shelter they told me that if I brought her there and she did that with someone else, they would have kept bringing her back and she would eventually be euthanized. Sixteen years and a lot of furniture later, she finally died of old age. When she was 10, she began to get a little better, but we put up with an awful lot. I have talked to others who have had "terrier" type dogs who did crazy things when left alone. I don't think the dog will change, but good luck. I have Uncle Matty videos, green apple spray (she liked it) and tons of self-help books for owners of dogs as mentioned. All I can say is good luck, you have to have patience, common sense and a sense of humor. I hope there's a reward somewhere for what we put up with as animal lovers but I did not have the heart to see this crazy, one-black eyed dog being put down, so I kept her and kept trying. She ate the shingles off the house, a brand new shed, a few couches, some kitchen cabinets, and the list goes on......it's true. Animal Lover here! You could buy a kong at the pet store and put peanut butter in it (or several) to keep the dog busy for awhile, but when that's empty, expect the next best thing to disappear.
Kids behavior
How a child acts at home is not an indicator of how he/she acts when away from home and parents, no matter what is taught in the home. It is always good to get the whole scoop from others who were there exactly what happened before you go off on anybody. It just could be that the other mom is sitting there angry because of what your child might have done to her child that she might have felt the need to defend herself against. I learned this from experience. I thought I had the perfect angel also, raised with good morals, two-parent home, involved in church, no bad behavior at home, but found out I was dead wrong when watching a video from the school (also a private grade school). Just something to think about.
need some insight into son's behavior
I wonder if anybody has any insight into my son's behavior and performance in school. His dad and I have talked until we are blue in the face and we have also left him alone and have given him space regarding his grades. Neither causes any change. He just keeps telling us he doesn't care about high school and that it does not matter. He has no respect for the teachers (not many of them take teaching very seriously, in all honesty, so I can't much blame him for that) and he doesn't feel like he should try since they don't.
This is a kid who scores in the 98 to 99th percentile on standardized testing. He is SO smart, friendly, outgoing, quick-witted, and for the most part respectful. He doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs. He plays guitar in the praise band at church. He is a good kid, but he just refuses to do his school work.
This has been a struggle for the past 4 years of high school. He is supposed to graduate in May, but the last 9 weeks report card came today and he got 2 F's, a D and a C. The 2 F's were gimme classes, believe it or not. If he doesn't bring those up to average a passing grade he won't graduate. It makes me sad, confused, frustrated beyond belief, worried, just to name a few emotions.
He says he thinks he has ADD but I think he just WANTS to have it so he can have a pass, so to speak. I think it could be some deeper problem, like our family dynamics, playing a role. Does anybody have any ideas on how this boy can be inspired to rise to meet even the smallest challenge?
Regardless of her ridiculous behavior,
she sang horribly & was annoying to watch perform. No great loss...
And her behavior is just despicable, you are right
to be angry.
Who needs 'friends' like that?
Dump her!
Is this new behavior or just increased lately? sm
If it is not new, then I agree with the posters below. However, if this is something new, see if there are any changes in his diet or medications if he is on any. I've posted about this before, but my son (who will be 8 in a couple of weeks) went from a typical 7-year-old to an out-and-out tyrant when he was placed on Singulair for asthma. Everything was an argument, even things he normally liked, and if he did not get his way, watch out. He had nightmares and barely slept, was hearing voices, and told me several times he wished he had never been born. I cried every day and was 1 day away from an appointment with a behavior specialist when we figured out it was the medication causing the problem. We still say he should be a lawyer when he grows up because he is always trying to figure out loopholes in the rules, but overall he is a good kid who is now happy without any of the issues he had while on Singulair.
OMG - that is eerily similar to my cat's behavior
although he always drank out of the sink - he has pretty much begun living in the bathroom and yelling. I keep going in to see if the faucet is dripping (yes I have to leave a faucet dripping) and it is. He is more loving and requires more attention. When my daughter goes in to take a shower he yells outside the door like he is dying. I will say that I know that crystals forming sometimes indicates antifreeze ingestion - but there is no way your cat could have survived that. Thanks for the info. Maybe there is hope. He is eating now - with some coaxing.
No, but change in behavior might cause me to look for MySpace or other
s
Sweet. Very kittenish behavior.
Bet he'd have drooled on her if she'd have scratched his head. But the love bites might have hurt, LOL.
Old enough when I see immaturity and child-like behavior
Poor things.
Older cat's behavior- confusing me
My older girl says nothing, usually but today she is being very vocal, not like she is in pain but just sounding off. She has lost weight but gained 1/2 lb when I weighed her yesterday in 2 weeks (on medication for her appetite) but seems to be roaming so to speak, constantly walking around (usually sleeping) and wanting all attention from me and that is not usual for her. She seems to be pacing back and forth so to speak. Anyone have cat that theirs acted like this?
When my son was in second grade he had behavior issues (sm)
I know many may not agree with me, but I believe positive reinforcement for good behavior and negative consequences for bad behavior works. Every week our school sends home a folder with the child's "grades" for the week in schoolwork and behavior, with 4 being the best (pretty much unattainable for my son!) 3 being good, 2 being so-so, and 1 being really bad. I put him on an allowance schedule with chores he had to do with a certain allowance each week. HOWEVER his grades in his folder would greatly influence this allowance. Gettings 3s would keep his allowance the same, getting a 2 automatically took off $2 (he never got a one but that would have taken his whole $5 allowance). If he ever got a 4 he would get an additional $2. This worked really really well for him, but all children are different. Good luck!
i see it as a human behavior post.
x
You agree with her childish behavior?
I thought immature, totally out of character for a supposed-to-be-grown mother to boot and totally a turn-off for me and my family. I am so glad she is off there. I would hate to see her in any way rise to be the example of what an American Idol should be. Good riddance!
You are only responsible for changing your behavior, not someone elses
I am the product of a divorce years and years ago and thank goodness my mother had enough sense to not stay with my father. He was actually caught running around on her with other women. I knew my father growing up, spent time with he and my stepmom, loved her but I missed absolutely nothing by not having him in my house every day. You are responsible for your own self-. The advice you are giving is like saying a man messes around on a woman, drinks too much and maybe after the marriage he will change. You can only make yourself happy, no one else can do that for you. I have never had a time when I could not stand my husband, never and I would believe he probably feels the same. We laugh when others say they have to work at marriage- we just do not get this. Like I said, product of divorce, happily married myself, never missed my father, saw him but never, ever close in my life. By the way, I am one of the older and wiser group also.
Research passive-aggressive behavior. (sm)
Do you feel you are always at emotional crossroads and everything you decide to do together is handled like warring nations, not like loving partners?
Living with a passive-aggressive behavior spouse creates a daily emotional roller coaster. One is "stressed on an almost constant basis" and feel as if caring for an unresponsible teenager.
The passive-aggressive personality pretend not to listen, "forget on purpose," and purposefully do not complete tasks they agree to accomplish. Sullenness is also a characteristic of the behavior. The passsive-aggressive behavior can "rob" another one from a beautiful relationship. They cannot always see themselves and have a tendency to blame others (especially spouse) for their behavior. They sometimes display "revenge."
To rule out other serious medical conditions, encourage your husband to schedule an appointment with his primary care physician for "preventive care" only, letting him think nothing is wrong. The physician should order lab testing, and ask for thyroid function studies, etc.
Wishing you the best!!
weight gain and antisocial behavior
Has anyone else noticed that this job tends to make you gain lots of weight and become pretty antisocial? I feel like I am just sitting here watching the pounds add up daily... I do not want to get dressed and leave my house - If I do get dressed, I come straight back home to put on my comfy clothes and sit my butt in this chair all day long. I moved to a new town 3 years ago and still have not met a soul because I am in my office by myself all day long with no source of networking to make friends. It has become a pretty lonely life for me.
I am even to the point of going to the local outlets and applying for a minimum wage job just to have a reason to have to get up and put clothes on and get out of the house every day. I don't know what else to do - am at wits end here!
I think what you are experiencing is all normal teen behavior. sm
I can't think of anyone that I hung around with in my teens that didn't run away. Trust me ---- they ALWAYS COME BACK.
So you can pinpoint her behavior change. What is her history before she came to you? nm
nm
Puppy mills are bad, but bad behavior ususaly result of
asdf
If the child gets lethargic, then please go see the doctor. If behavior is normal,
s
7-year-old with behavior problems at school inquiry...sm
Our 7-year-old has problems with peer relations, has always had this and it's getting worse. She is a moody child and comes on too strongly with her peers which is why she doesn't have but 1 friend.
We're now having increasing problems with her talking back to the teachers at school when she's redirected for not doing as she's supposed to be doing in class. We've had problems with both of these issues with her in the past but it was better last year when she was in a smaller classroom setting. Now she's in a class with 25 kids and the problems are worse than ever. Sigh.
We've tried role playing with her on how to respond to her peers appropriately. She's been given everything from rewards for good behavior to restrictions for not behaving, but the problems continue. The school psychologist has put her into a group of kids that have a hard time with peers once a week to help with the socialization skills.
Anyone else deal with this and if so, what strategies did you use to overcome this? I'm more concerned about her negative responses to the teachers than anything. We're not having problems with her behaving at home - it's only at school. Any suggestions will be greatly welcome!
When she does something good, PRAISE HER. Reinforce positive behavior with rewards.
Lighten up, Mom. This is your child, whom you unconditionally love. Maybe you need Nanny 911 or Super Nanny who seem to be able to see under currents of passive agressive behaviors in parents when it comes to their challenging children. This may be your fight as much as your daughters. I say this because you are so dependent on getting others to be on your side.
American or Asian Indian? Culture difference might explain his odd behavior.
x
Does your husband or significant other do this? Just now, at 7:30, my husband came home from sm
playing sports with a friend. After showering he comes downstairs naked and tries to start a conversation with me. My "office" is in the living room and he is standing in back of the couch so I can't see any private parts, just him without his shirt, but I can see enough to know he clearly is naked! I think he wants me to be amused or get turned on or something, but I'm not amused one bit. In fact, I keep working and basically ignore him.
Poor guy. I swear he thinks he's Vince Vaughn or something. I should at least smile at him but all I want to tell him is to put some clothes on! ugh!
So is it sex addiction, or porn addiction? (sm)
Seems like there is a difference. How would one become a therapist for the stars with sex addiction? LOL.
Did not hear about the porn but did hear
there might be a conflict about her babies going home with her when they were able to be dismissed. You can hardly blame anyone for questioning how she will take care of them. From what I have seen, she hardly seems stable enough to do that.
My husband is the same way
Something about guys and their cars. I have no kids though and recently married so we still do some of our banking and bills separately by my choice. I thought he was being selfish too. So I got myself a 2nd part time job and I recently went out and bought a newer, bigger, fully loaded SUV and I don't let him use it! lol
My husband and I are doing it right now
and it is working, slowly but surely. After the first couple of things are paid off, its gets better and faster. We have a poster board with all our debt and we redo it every three months, and I must say that you see the debt going away. My hubbie cut all my credit cards up, and I was upset but in the scheme of things, it was the best. We only have one income and its working. Give it a try, I think you'll be surprised that it actually does work. My friend is also doing it, and their debt is disappearing also.
My husband and I did think of it. NM
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