hubby cheating
Posted By: MToldie on 2009-04-10
In Reply to: How far would you go (or would you) to find out if your husband/lover was cheating? - Sheila
I had a friend years ago who hid in the back of her hub's camper-cover pickup when she suspected he was going to see the other woman one night. He had a little *bed* in truck. She caught them and filed for divorce, later remarried and happy as a lark for 30 years now.
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Thanks everyone.....No he is not cheating
Last time he said he was "in love" with someone else, but she had her own family and stayed comitted to it, and he came back to me and has had nothing to do with her since. There is no one else this time, I am sure of that. I am almost willing to pretend that conversation never took place and if he is willing to stay with me for the kids, then that should be enough. But I don't want him unhappy, I still love him, and I suppose I deserve to be with someone I love too, but my kids and their happiness come first and foremost, before mine. I could be happy with him as long as he was content. I don't want him to stay though if he is just going to be an angry, unhappy person. I have thought of marriage counselling, he might be willing to try it. I am willing to try anything at this point.
Those cheating men
Over the last couple of weeks and especially in the last week 2 different families that have been much in the news, 1 family on a TV program and another family in government. Both husbands have been seen, caught, accused of having a child outside his marriage, another husband supposedly was going with a young teacher. Both of these men's spouses have taken their husband's sides, defending them, maybe even looking inward and seeing if possibly something the woman did was wrong. How would you react if your husband or significant other. Would you defend, get mad, get even or what?
Cheating men
Dateline tonight had a VERY interesting show on regarding this subject and people said as well it could be genetic - hmmmmm
Actually when my dad was cheating on my mom...sm
He has always left his cell phone laying around when home. Then she noticed he started keeping it in his pocket at all times. He even took it to the bathroom to get a shower. Or she actually found it hidden under a pile of dirty clothes one time when he was in the shower. He didn't want her to pick it up and see the calls on there.
What makes you think he's cheating on you?
p
Cheating spouses
I look at it this way, when you cheat on your spouse in the eyes of the Lord your marriage is dissolved anyhow. If my spouse ever cheated on me, I would definitely not stick it out for companionship or otherwise. It would just not be worth it to me because there would be massive trust issues from that point on. Just not worth it. For goodness sake, I would buy a dog before I would stay in a loveless marriage always wondering if my spouse was getting ready to cheat again!
Kind of cheating
At work our user names are the first four letters of our last name and the first two of our first name. Mine came out Horski which I kind of liked and on the boards, no one knows my gender right away too. I'm female by the way! You trying to pick something?
Cheating Spouse?
Have you ever caught your spouse cheating? If so, how did you catch him/her?
cheating spouse
I worked day shift and he worked 3-11 so for a few years we would hardly see each other at all. First, let me say that my husband is kind of messy. I would notice that when I came home from work, my home was in the same order that I left it in the morning. Even the curtains had not been opened yet. There were no dirty dishes. There was no sign anybody had been home all day. I would ask and he would always have an excuse..went to play golf before work, went to a ball game, had lunch with the guys, etc.
Then a woman started calling the house in the evening asking for my husband. I would say he was at work, ask if I could take a message and she would say no and hang up. She would call about 3 to 4 evenings a week. I asked my husband who she was and he would say he didn't know.
Then, HER husband called and left a message on our machine one day while we were out. He didn't say any names, just said stay away from my wife or I'm going to come over and beat your a$$. I asked who was that and my husband said he didn't know.
This all happened over about 4 months when he was offered a transfer with work out of state and we took it. He never admitted having an affair but I know he did. That was 16 years ago. We are still together and before everyone flames me, I will tell you that the man has paid dearly for that little fling. We've never discussed it because how can you discuss something he won't admit to? He didn't leave the house for years without taking 1 or all the kids with him, even to the grocery store or the post office. He never got to do anything he wanted to do, no more boys night out, no more golf weekends, etc. It got to the point where I was feeling sorry for him but he never said a word.
Now that we're in our 50s, I wish someone would take him so he'd leave me alone!
So corporate cheating is fine
You said - However, it does NOT justify lying, cheating, stealing insurance dollars and benefits just because you don't like it.
What do you call it when someone pays their premiums for years, they are told they are covered, then the insurance company decides they don't have to pay? Sounds like what you just described above. But it happens every day, and its supposedly OK, because its business, I used to do medical billing, outrageous how many claims were denied because the ordering physician didn't do a precert, the insurance company decided it was unneccessary, or some other little loophole. The providers didn't get paid, the patient ended up in collections,,,and IMO the patient was lied to, stolen from, and cheated out of his insurance dollars and benefits.
BTW, I do make my own money. I'm just not too pleased at handing large chunks of it to an insurance company, knowing they will diligently seek reasons to deny a claim, even if I play by all their ever changing rules and memorize my policy. And that includes the entire insurance industry, be it medical, LTD, life, auto, or homeowners insurance.
Cheating spouse/boyfriend, etc.
Many years ago I was married to a cheating spouse. I was pregnant with our second child when he took it upon himself to cheat with an underage girl in the back of our brand new station wagon. Well, I learned about this when a paternity suit came up with his name on it. Apparently he was so dumb that he did not know the girl had a boyfriend and being the sucker that he was he did not know that they would pin the paternity on him, and get money from him. Too bad it wasn't in this day and time because he would have been in jail because she was only 17, and he was in his 30s. This was only 1 in a string of women that I found out after the fact, and even contracted an STD when I was pregnant!! I also suffered spousal abuse, and have the scars to prove it. After 5 years of this I got out,and the only reason I stayed was for the children, but that was a huge mistake on my part. Now, whenever, I hear or see this on a program it makes me furious that these men think this behavior is okay. It is never okay and leaves many people, including children, to suffer much heartache.
Good for Kate! Who needs a cheating man.
x
I understand the problem with cheating by using phones
and my children do carry the cells to school but keep them turned off and in their locker....which kinda defeats the purpose of being able to call in an emergency but I do know the problem it can become. The kids are also not supposed to have them on field trips that are just for the day (they are allowed to take them on overnight trips). Well, my son was on a high school field trip to VA Tech on Apr. 16. If hadn't had a teacher that allowed them (just don't abuse them) we would not have known for hours that he was okay. I went to the middle school that very afternoon and spoke to the principal about my DD taking her phone on a field trip and the principal said that it would be okay. That's good, cuz she was taking it no matter what.
If I knew there was a history of cheating on former wives,
then my opinion would be different. I think that once cheating occurs, it is more likely to be repeated in future relationships. Not saying that this is your case, but it would worry me.
My rant: I agree cheating on one's spouse is never SM
acceptable. The one thing that REALLY bothers me, is that men claim that they have to cheat, since sex with their wives is no longer exciting and that their wife won't do what paid companions will and my thought is always the same "Did you ASK her?". If they ask nicely, I'm sure loving wives would be more than willing to comply. Within reason, of course.
How far would you go (or would you) to find out if your husband/lover was cheating?
I am married now and never even think of his cheating or even worry about it, just do not have a feeling like that but in the past married to a real dog. I then checked his pockets, his shirt collars (for lipstick, makeup), phone calls and on and on. How far would you go and what have you found?
Strange question. I punched my ex when I found out what a cheating SOB he was. SM
I personally haven't been punched in the face since I was 20ish and I'd like to keep it that way. 
My ex-hubby had it done.
He wasn't too keen on the idea either. He confided later that it was goofy stuff that bothered him--like what happens if there's an earthquake while he's on the table?
Anyway, he was tender for a day or two, but some Tylenol took care of it.
Actually I ended up having a tubal ligation done after we split up. That was pretty easy, too. They did it with a laparoscope, and used silicone squeeze clips on the tubes rather than cutting them. Easy peasy.
My hubby had one at about 46.
DH had anterior cervical laminectomy 2-3 years ago.
It was scary for me, and it was the only time they kept him overnight. They sent him home after rotator cuff and (of course) knee arthroscopy. The bad thing about Friday surgery is that the office isn't open if you have a question that doesn't seem like enough of an emergency to call about. They made DH a hard cervical collar ahead of time. Be sure they give you 2 sets of the cushion inserts for the collar, because you will want to be able to wash and air-dry one, but not have her without one. Do ask about whether she is to sleep with the collar on. Because DH had a plate put in, after the fact we were told that supposedly the collar was just to remind him to be careful, but he was sleeping with it on for about a week, I guess. Getting up and down out of bed was scary, especially because he wanted to sleep on his side. Very scary to get into that position, but once he was in it he could finally sleep. I was appalled how apneic he sounded at night. He always has a little problem, but with the collar on he was having pretty long pauses. He is a big guy and at risk for that anyway. The scariest thing for me when DH had this and the shoulder surgery is that he is 6 foot 2 inches and big. Me? 5 foot 6 inches and average weight. Thank goodness his mom was there for the shoulder surgery, but I think we did it alone for the neck surgery AFTER he stayed one night in the hospital. Oh, and because of the anterior approach, swallowing was hard for quite a while. Speech also was affected, maybe it was with hoarseness? Can't remember. Due to swelling, his throat was not totally normal again for 6 months after surgery.
You might rather be fat but my hubby
cooked some brown rice yesterday with garlic, red and green peppers, Kokoman sauce and other ingredients he just throws together. This was along with some turkey wings with a sauce that I spooned on the rice and cabbage with peppercorns. I cannot find a restaurant that can come close to his cooking. He never tastes and always hopes that I like it. I am 1 lucky girl. He is very mindful of eating healthy and we very seldom have red meat, once in a great while but his lemon chickens, marinated meats and other things make me really disappointed to eat out and then have inferior food. He says I can do the same. No thanks..... I will not shame myself. When he is gone from home (he drives and away) he fixes salads with his own dressings and OMG, I am just sitting here with a smile on my face. I am sure no one can compare with his foods!!
Hubby
I wonder if he is not looking. One of my daughter’s friends is having a birthday party Sunday. His mother drove by our house to drop off an invitation. We both talked for a while. She is a really an attractive lady. She looks like she could probably model swimsuits. Anyway, she had invited me to go jogging with her because I mentioned I was interested in getting into an exercise program. I am 60 pounds overweight. I also mentioned job burnout and told her I had been thinking about getting out of MT and the medical profession totally and going into something else. She told me that there maybe some job openings at the company she works at because they are expanding. She is also the supervisor of the collections/credit department there and told me of all the wonder benefits the company offers and told me that if I decided I wanted a change, she would put in a good word for me. Later I told H that she was nice. DH said, “I think she wants me (him)” I told him he was full of himself. Bad part is, 8 years ago I would have been jealous but now if he did run off with someone else, I think the sweetest revenge for me would be to let the woman keep him and give her full custody of MIL.
hubby
May be you 2 need to spice things up again. Like go out on dates, etc... It sounds like alot of your gyn issues could be effecting the way you look at sex. I would definitely talk to someone about it. May be there is a pill you can take!! :)
My hubby had 1 and did not like
He is a really neat guy and took so much time just cleaning after 1 use. I know some just use time and time again without cleaning but that is just not him, wants his spic and span each and every time.
I have used, my hubby believe it or not
was able to pull off an entire hair 1 time like that. It is really good for sparse hair and it does cover, comes in all colors and different sizes. He was going to a hatless place (because of his hair loss, he wears his hat all the time) but used that day and no one knew. Great stuff!
What would I do without hubby.
I feel guilty, but I didn't think I'd still be working at this age. My mom was a housewife, even though she had a college degree.
ex-hubby
That's funny - I did the same thing, although my son had NO contact with his father from the time he was 3. When he was getting married, (at 26), I asked him if he wanted me to contact his father. He said his "real" father would be there (my now husband who raised him) and that he didn't want some guy who with one squirt was labeled his "father" to be part of his life.
Afterwards, when he called and wanted to contact my son, I got his phone # and told him I'd have my son contact him if he wanted to. My son wouldn't even let me give him the phone #. Another bunch of time went by and he called again - how he keeps getting my phone number is behond me - first he found me in Connecticut, then Colorado and then Texas (he's in NY). This time he accused me of not giving his phone # to my son and I said I tried, but he didn't want it. He didn't believe me, of course, but I then got rid of my regular phone and got Vonage and I haven't heard from him since. But Ive never been sorry that it worked out this way. Serves him right for being a lousy father.
hubby
ONe thing i have learned is men ALWAYS think it is greener on the other side and come crying back because its not. So what if you have gained weight I am sure he has to. Do you believe he is being faithful to you? Maybe this is his way of feeling guilty for something he did while traveling. Try counseling. It worked for us. We all need to leave our hubbys for a week with the kids and ALL our jobs and let them see how tuff it really is. They feel since we work at home we have the freedom to do everything with time left over!! COME ON! I wish you lots of luck. I would tell him if you really loved me you would deal with me the way that I am. Yes I can try to change but is that really the root of the problem here. Sounds like an excuse! Sorry, but being organized and gaining weight should have nothing to do with if he still loves you or not. Tell him didn't he take the same vows as you did "Till death do us part"
My hubby is
incredibly wonderful. We will be married 20 years in October. We renewed our vows at 10 years (Just the 2 of us at a small chapel, well of corse a minister) and for 20 years the children want to be with us. There is a running joke in my family....My parents say that if we ever divorce, he can come "home".
hubby
ago and demanded my husband see his doctor. He went on Prozac and things were oh, so much better for a long, long time. Now he is off the Prozac, as he was tired of the side effects. We are back to the same crap as before, and I am so weary of it. I don't know what to do. I'm praying for wisdom. He just seems like he hates us all, that we are nothing but a pain in the a$$, and we all tread lightly because of his garbage. Unfair. Hugs to you.
That's where I'm from too, and hubby
was born in WV, but his dad moved them to Indiana when my hubby was very little. DH's dad was the first one in the family not to be a coal miner.
Hubby is a big packer fan, which sure makes my dad happy. The Packers are the only team I'll watch. Brett is adorable. I'm glad he has a super wife (since I can't have him :o>).
your hubby
I feel for you... and the signs seem pretty classic from here suggesting that he most likely has another lady. Cell phones may not work "out there" but somewhere along the way he eats, drinks, sleeps, etc and there are pay phones if nothing else. Your acceptance of his excuses give him the room to do as he pleases and his beating you down keeps you from thinking straight/catching him in his own game. Sounds like you need to dry those eyes and open them to take a good look at reality - then deal. It hurts and bites, but until you deal, nothing changes. If you really want to teach your kids about better relationships, show them the strength to stand for what is true and right.
How old is your hubby?
Mine's in his mid 50s. We had the same problem. Doc took a blood test and found very, very low testosterone, put him on replacement, and a month later he's got energy again! not just for sex, either, but work, yard work, repairs. Wonderful stuff, that, if it's used right!
My hubby and I...
still have long, passionate kisses...our kids complain all the time about it...*Geez Mom, Dad...that's sooo gross* We are always touching when we are together, whether it's holding hands, arms around each other, or just my/his hand on his/my leg...you have to keep the fire going or it will most certainly fade!
your hubby/his son
Just wondering what kind of "help" you were asking for from your FIL?
I know you were frustrated but just because he had not yet gotten hold of you doesn't mean he wasn't working something out to be able to help his son.
I remember once my aunt wrote a letter to my grandpa about how she thought he showed a preference for her brother and how upset she was about it. (She had seen her brother at my grandparents' house on a holiday and was so resentful that she had not also been invited.) My grandpa was so hurt by the letter. My aunt had assumed something happened that did not (the brother had just dropped by for an impromptu visit). She let her emotions carry her away, and really hurt her father.
It sounds like part of you might be blaming your FIL for your husband's behavior. That's not good. Your husband has to take full responsibility for his actions and you need to stop making excuses. I have a bipolar brother. He has been battling his problem for 15 years. Sometimes he tries to take his medications and make progress in his life and sometimes he sits and whines about how bad off things are and wants everybody to cater to him. Guess when he gets the best response from his family? Even though your husband has a mental illness, he is still responsible for getting treatment and not making the lives of everyone around him miserable.
If your FIL wants to help his other son, whether or not you think the guy should be hung from the highest tree or not, that is your FIL's decision.
Hubby and I do EVERYTHING sm
around here including remodeling. The only thing I hire out is twice a year I have someone come in and do the heavy spring cleaning because I have some medical problems that keep me from doing it. I can type three hours and pay for it. Matter of fact tomorrow is the day! YEAH.
I would love to be able to afford someone to do alot more of it but can't and hubby wouldn't let somebody else do it if we could afford it! Too picky!
I have been with hubby 23 years....
and you have got to love them for trying, not that their timing is the best. Mine I would have just looked at him, laughed and said "find something better to do at the moment" and then tackle him later. I think they just like a little extra attention. LOL
Hugs to you and your hubby!!
My best friend had a miscarriage in 1994 and she still gets a little emotional when she talks about, even though she went on to have 2 healthy daughters.
Is your hubby active?
What I mean is he involved in outside interests clubs,volunteer ,maybe a hobby? I know a lot of yall here are still working fulltime, but there will come that day when you and hubby will be together all day side by side!! just wish mine would find an outside interest but he finds something wrong with any suggestion so I have quit saying anything he loves to stay at home.
Hubby obviously has issues
That the two of you can work on/out at a time that is much less stressful, so when situations occur, you're prepared.
If it had been me, at the moment he started screaming and yelling, I would have taken the kids and left the house. I would not have exposed my kids to all that anger, and making excuses for him doesn't make it all right. Yelling at you and the kids is abuse. If he wants to rant and rave by golly, he can do it by himself.
Hubby definitely into supplements and the like
so I will ask him to research about what you have said above and ask him to get for me. I might have said in the first post, the leg pains (only of a night)wake me from sleep. I at 1 time (knocking on wood as I type this) had electrical currents that would shoot up thru my foot- only when I walked and never knew when it was going to happen. These leg pains are deep, deep aching pains and when I wake, cannot find a comfortable position. Is this what your hubby had or similar? Don't know how the antidepressant would work, have never been advised to take but then again, have nothing for the deep aches either. Tell me how he was diagnosed, treatment so far, etc. Thanks.
What has worked with my hubby -
Men want to be fed. They want REAL food. To them, that means meat. I take hubby to Longhorn that night, he orders a big steak, potato, veggies, salad, etc. I also buy him some silk boxers with hearts on them and, well, you can guess the rest! He usually gets me candy and flowers, but he is always very surprised and happy when I do things for him this day. Good luck! :-)
I know my hubby is far too manly to take
bubble baths and neither does he burn candles. I think a lot of the younger men have been femininized. He is a very loving person but very much his own man. I really think you can thank women's lib.
You would really be surprised as maybe this is how your hubby is but
this man likes to watch Animal Channel along with me. We have been married for 7 years now and I can truthfully say he never drools, shy, quiet and reserved. More women could use a hubby like mine!
I am not saying my hubby doesn't look
he just doesn't let me see him looking. Hey, I still look too.
Yes, there is something that works, I know because hubby
did have sleep apnea, which is not just snoring but actually could be deadly. I knew what it was before his sleep study. He snored tremendously bad and worse when he was extremely tired. His brother who also has fell asleep, running off the road. Back to the deadly part of it, your esophagus collapses during periods of apnea and a person can suffocate. After sleep study, hubby put on continuous positive airway pressure. He always sleeps on his back and it has been extremely easy for him to wear. There is not a single peep out of him at night any more, total silence. Not only the quiet at night but also the quality of sleep is so improved for him. If you love the person in your life this is happening to, you will definitely sit up a sleep study and see.
I have seen the same from daughter and her hubby
and if a poll was taken, would be sure the same would be true here in a lot who say they love it. Ours was gone over with a fine-toothed comb and he just said too much trouble to clean each time so he got rid of it.
Too bad hubby spends like
he's a big kid with a credit card though! If he were a saver I could have retired by now!
My hubby is tops when it comes to anything
He has his own drill, not dental mind you but I showed him where the plate was hurting and he took care of that like he does most every other thing around this house. He is 1 in a million and makes me a very happy lady. You definitely want to stop the popping if you can because if you dont it will become a habit and get on folks last nerve - I know, my deceased husband used to sit and clack his and I could hear him doing it from the living room to a bedroom where I used to work. Drove me UP the walls. The only person I ever let get away with this and would have bit my tongue off before I said anything to hurt her feelings was my little mam-maw, bless her soul! I sure gave him the dickens, though. Best of wishes to your new chompers!
I do not cook but hubby does and
we can buy groceries for very little. How he uses the food is amazing. He can take 1 chicken breast and make a complete meal out of that. He usually fixes brown rice or pasta of some kind and adds this piece of meat cut into small pieces and adds his herbs, spices or the like to it. When we buy at the store usually get, say 3 chicken. He has these halved and being as we don't have children at home 1 side will do us- I like the white meat, he likes the dark, works out well. But if you have family, you could try the above- I never feel deprived, much to the contrary, my meals are delicious and never feel I am missing meat. He made a wonderful meal this past week using all kinds of onions, garlic, squash, zuccini (spelling?)and we had this over the rice- delicious! He uses a rice as the base with additions to that, such as cut up tomatoes, garlic, bay leaves and then the toppings. This is a very good way to extend your budget.
Oh, poor hubby. Now he has to do all the
driving of kids, cooking, laundry, vacuuming, etc. until your ankle heals. 'Cause you know, you're supposed to elevate your foot so it can heal.
No need to get mad - just apologize to him when you have to ask him to do all that stuff, LOL.
He'll never do that again.
:oD
Well at Bingo my hubby won 1,000 and then I won
$50.00 cash, went home that night and ran out of gas on the way. Stup.d
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