hang in there SD gal. many heartfelt thoughts
Posted By: sm on 2007-10-24
In Reply to: I'm in CA and was up all night worried ... - SDGal
are with you. We have family in your area too. As far as the job -- we all need ours -- BUT, i would consider them duly notified and if you are too stressed or (??) to work, then don't worry about work. They'll either be there for you when you are available again (shame on them for not responding at least) OR, just remember, you were looking for a job when you found this one. Take care of you, mind/body/spirit, first. God bless.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Me too hang in. sm
I have terrible anxiety too. Being an MT, I am sure you know that anxiety/depression go hand in hand. Here is how it goes with me: I worry myself into an exhausted state of depression, one in which I could sleep around the clock. I am on Zoloft. I don't like being on medication either, but it is better than what I call going into darkness. I will be starting yoga very soon, as I think that will help me.
It took awhile to find the right med for me. Good luck to you.
Hang in there!
Hey, you just need to hang in there. I've been thinking a lot about you today and the whole situation. The fact is, you'll never know what he is doing 24/7. Like I said before, you just have to hope that his upbringing is deep rooted in there somewhere and he'll have the sense to know right from wrong. He will make mistakes in his life journey and you have to let him make those mistakes so he can grow as a person. I'd still take the car away. That is how he will learn the consequences of what he has done and when you do give the car back, he'll be more appreciative of having it. If he was paying for the car himself it would be a different story, as one writer posted. I'd just hate to see him lose his scholarship. I mean, how many people get that opportunity. My son went to the army to get money for college because we could not do it ourselves financially and he did not want to have a bunch of school loans to pay back when he was done. But to get a scholarship like that is just such a gift, I hope he doesn't blow it. Maybe mention that to him, how hard it would be financially if he had not received the scholarship. A lot of kids don't get to go to college because of the cost and are stuck in dead-end jobs. It'll all work itself out, don't worry.
Hang in there!
How about just taking 1 day off as a "me" day. That would not dent the 40 hours much. You would be surprised how a day of rest and away from the computer and transcribing would free your spirit. Do whatever your heart desires. Or do nothing. A therapist once told me that if you don't fill yourself up from time to time, you will become all worn out. Filling up means doing something just for you. So do that something just for you. And if you get too worried about taking the PTO just call in sick and make the lines up later. But don't stress. You'd be surprised how 1 day off now will make a difference for the rest of this stressful holiday month.
Good luck. There are many of us like you who understand. We are worn out too!
just hang up
:)))
Hang on to it!! LOL! NM
xx
and you can also hang one
ol-timey style over an open fire (or in a fireplace)or on a wood (box) stove. We also have one of those double-sided screen things that you can put steaks (any meat/veg) in and cook over fire.
Why don't you just hang out with
your older sister that you enjoy being with? Simple as that. Nobody is forcing you to feed your sister's cats. You probably just want to get along with everybody which isn't always possible. Just don't answer The Witches of Eastwick's phone calls or have contact with them. You sound like a very nice person but maybe too nice to your sisters and they take advantage of you. Remember, nice guys finish last and start getting a little tougher. Don't feel guilty if you chose not to have contact with your sisters. It sounds like you worry too much about what your sisters think of you. Go a week without talking to them and see if your self-esteem improves. Your sisters sound very toxic.
Good-luck and let us all know how you are doing.
Hang in there...
Just as an aside -- a girlfriend of mine was in similar situation and had him removed after years. Her kids were grade school age. Couple days after he left, kids were doing their homework at the table and the daughter, 8, said it was so quiet in the house. The boy, about 10, said "yah, this is what peace sounds like." Blew me away to hear that. I truly hope your house finds peace and you are able to take a deep breath and know what your day is going to be like - peaceful without him. Best of luck and good thoughts.
You hang in there - been there myself
I quit on May 5th 1985 at the stroke of midnight. Just was tired of paying money to keep funding the habit. Plus everything I owned smelled like cigarette smell. I got through it by eating red licorice. I would hold it like a cigarette bite both ends of and pretend I was smoking. That helped, plus living with someone who didn't smoke. the cravings lasted a long time. I don't remember how long but I got over them. Every time I wanted a cigy I'd get my mind on other things.
So just hang in there and soon you will be over it enough for it to be bearable.
Good luck and congrats.
Hang in there!
I've been where you are. That's one of the hardest habits to break. You're doing great. Every time you think you want one, just picture yourself walking into a room full of new people and not smelling like cigarette smoke. Or imagine how good food is going to taste once it's all out of your system. Or imagine how good you'll sleep 2 weeks from now.
You can do it! We're rooting for you. 
Hang in there!
First of all, he's reaching puberty and has all that to deal with. Second of all, while dad wasn't great to live with, it is probably still very hard on him to deal with such a big change. He could be having to really face the fact that dad isn't who he wants him to be, and that's so hard on kids. Even when divorce is wanted by all parties, it is still a very sad situation. Lost dreams of a "normal" life!
I have been separated/divorced from my ex-husband for 11 years now, and my 14-year-old daughter still has trouble dealing with the break. My ex rarely calls them, always lies to them, and constantly disappoints them, but she still worships the ground he walks on and treats me and my husband like total crap most of the time. My husband has been around for 10 years, since she was 4, and has tried so hard to be the father she wants/needs, but she won't let herself accept him as her father. She knows her father is a huge disappointment and not who she wants him to be, but she just can't accept it.
I wish I had better advice for you, but maybe it helps to know that it's not just you going through it. Just stand firm on your rules, compliment him on his good qualities, and show and tell him that you love him every day. That age is a hard time for children anyway and then adding divorce on top of that makes it even tougher. I doubt he even knows why he is acting the way he is --- he's just dealing with so many hormones and emotions that he isn't himself.
Just keep doing the best you can and hopefully things will get better soon!
Good luck and God bless!
Hang it up Beyonce
I think she needs to hang it up - with Jennifer doing such a great job - there is no competition there - Beyonce could not hold a candle to Jennifer's booming voice. I do believe that she is out and Jennifer is going to be the "next big thing". So long Beyonce - Jennifer is much classier, as well. Thanks for being yourself and showing up Beyonce - even with Jay-Z on her arm - Beyonce is a has been - and thankfully so - she is a poor role model for our young girls.
Scounces, how do you hang these?
I saw some really pretty ones on Craigs List but I have never had and wondered how they were hung? Thanks.
Hang it outside. If it's a little chilly out, sm
the cool air will freshen it right up and it will smell absolutely fabulous.
Good for you and hang in there!
 Love your own community service idea! Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and are a strong anchor for your son. I hope things start to turn for the better for both of you. Take care of yourself!
Whoa...hang on a second
To say not to get married is a huge statement. I've been married for 20 years to an awesome man. All men are not controlling, manipulative, insecure jerks. I have my own mind and I use it, my husband does not tell me what to think, how to act, etc., just as I don't do that to him. We are one in marriage, but still our own person. Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing when done with the right person. I am grateful I'm not single from what I've heard of the dating world lately, not much good out there to choose from (all the good ones are taken...). Marriage is not about becoming someone's property; it's about uniting 2 people who are in love to become one in God's eyes, yet still maintaining your own identity and self. Married couples work together to make each other happy. It's a give and take situation, more than anything else in the world. And marriage is not easy, not by far, but you have to work together, not against each other. I'm sorry you ended up with a big, fat jerk...it happens to the best of us. There are, however, ways out! God frowns on divorce, period...but I also believe that God frowns on one person using and manipulating another, especially a husband and wife. I'll say it again, marriage is AWESOME......with the right person and thank God I found mine...he's the best!
Hang out your laundry if possible
Start hanging your wash out rather than using the dryer. It will save big, not those pennies they claim you'll save by unplugging your toaster. (By the way, my son, an electrical engineer, claims unplugging your toaster saves nothing. Unplugging a coffee maker if it has a clock does save a little.)
Hang in there and talk to others.
Don't jump on the bandwagon of calling anyone "alcoholic", I'm not saying he's not but he may be a problem drinker or have a drinking problem. I have been to ACOA meetings and went home crying every time, it was too painful because it brought back all the fighting and nightmarish things there, although it did help to talk to others. It's tough to do but helped. I would not confront him with that word as it is a diagnosis and a label. I might say, "Gee, Dad I wish you wouldn't drink in front of my kids, I hate to see that, we try not to." Confronting sometimes depresses them into drinking. I was fortunate, my dad went to some retreats and quit cold turkey and my kids never knew it, in fact, they hate me to ever mention it, as they idolize him. So he died in my arms at 81, told him he was a "good man" and I am not sorry. My bros. hated him and I feel sorry for them. I feel peace. He has to think about it but don't lecture him, just casually bring up that you hate drinking or you hate your kids to see people drinking. Tell him you care about him though.Perhaps if you believe in it, you could pray. It's a very lonely, hard place to be, I know. I will never be sorry I forgave my father. My mother would nag him enough about it until he finally "got it", I think it's more her place than yours. I do ache for you. People who don't walk that walk don't understand, I find they look down their nose on you and you don't need that on top of what you're going through. Have faith. If it gets bad, just pick up the kids and say, "Gee, gotta go, Dad, gotta get these kiddos home." Perhaps he'll get the message, I hope so! Only he can save himself, not you.
Hang on, though. The rate could have changed...sm
If any payments were late (or missed), the rate could have gone up astronomically for the OP. They may well have gone up and up. It's probably in the fine print of the card agreement that that will happen automatically with late payments.
And I have heard financial experts say that it's not a good idea to call and cancel a card if you still have a balance on the card, because then you have no way to negotiate with them. Though it doesn't sound like any negotiating was able to happen in this case, you're supposed to keep asking for the person's supervisor (and their supervisor, if necessay), and be persistent, until you get to talk to someone who can help you with lowering the rate and maybe waiving some of the fees.
Then I would apply for another card with a lower rate (and make darn sure you don't make any payments late or miss any payments!) and transfer that WA MU balance over (and ask if they can wave the transfer fee when you apply for the new card).
BTW, I recently applied for a credit card with WA MU because the offer was for 0% interest for 15 months on balance transfers, and the person was definitely in India. Every time I interruped him to ask him a question, it was like he then had to start over reading his "script" but I could understand him.
I asked if he could wave the balance transfer fee, and he said he was unable to do that. I didn't persist or ask to speak to his supervisor, but I should have. According to the experts, the time to negotiate is before they have your business. After they have you as a customer, they aren't so interested!
golly, maybe we should hang her by her thumbs (sm)
OP said the child didn't get much sleep because of problems with her younger sibling.
It is quite possible the child is having some jealousy issues or other issues causing her to act out. Not to mention not having a good night sleep. I know my concentration is a little off if I haven't slept well. Probably a little harder for a 5-year-old.
I don't think it is prudent to jump to punish a child when it is out of character for that child to misbehave, especially if the child had already received punishment.
Yes, it will humble her. It could also demean her. I'm definitely no expert, except by experience. When this child has future emotional issues that she is not quite sure how to deal with, she defintely will be too humble to act out or to try to talk to her mom about them, because she has been taught not to. She'll just keep them locked inside or act out in a way she won't get caught.
A 5-year-old is not to young to be asked why she acted the way she did, or to discuss it. Why do parents have a knee-jerk response to just impose some kind of punishment without trying to understand first?
I'm not saying an apology is wrong, I just don't think it should be yet another punishment. If anything, mom should discuss it with her, like... "honey, I really think you owe your teacher an apology. What do you think?" Let it be the child's decision. It's good training to let a child make decisions like this.
The teacher punished the child. That's her job. It is our job as parents to try to understand our kids and open lines of communication and let them get used to making decisions.
Hang one of those unsightly fly strips.
The old timey ones they used to hang. They still sell them. Made by Catchmaster scented bug & fly catcher. They do work. Think I bought some at Wal-Mart. Comes rolled up about the size of a shotgun shell, you pull it out and it unravels and you tack it with the tack provided. They won't get off of that booger! Warning - Don't lean your head into it accidentally! Oh yes I did...
LOL! If you don't like the weather in Georgia, just hang around SM
a while and it will change soon!
awww...hang in there Kendra...
he will be home in no time and you can have all the sex you want!!!
Probably working.....but ususally just hang here- sm
sometimes go to a friends house to watch it over there as their son is allergic to everything in the world (it seems) so we just go there to avoid any problems in our home. I hope to have Sunday off.....depends on if they go crazy on Friday how my weekend shapes up.
Is it difficult to blend or get the hang of applying it? NM
NM
Hang in there girlfriend. If you feel the trust
is there, then believe in it. Truely hope it works out for you. I have seen amazing turn-arounds in marriages. It can work.
Hang in there and stick with it, be consistent, .just like children.....
xx
Hang in there! I've been cigarette free for three years now...SM
It is definitely one of the hardest things you will ever do, but it is also one of the best things.
Check out this website and follow your progress and what happens to your body as time goes on without cigarettes. It is encouraging. http://healthbolt.net/2006/07/19/what-happens-to-your-body-if-you-stop-smoking-right-now/
DON'T join this site, but just do the first step of registration to see how much $$ you will save and how many days you will add to your life by quitting. It is very interesting. I used to have another site that gave this same info without having to join anything, but I couldn't find it, but this gives you the same basic info, but only do the first step in the registration process. https://secure.quitnet.com/
Again, hang in there. YOU CAN DO IT! You will start feeling better within a couple weeks.
I love that I can smell so much better now and that I don't stink like cigarettes. I find it very nasty now when I smell a person who has just smoked, which is something you can't smell when you are a smoker. Yuck.
International Drive is a good place to hang your hat
and close by the park. Lots offer free rides to the park but I just drove when staying there. Lots of buffets there for the family and easy on the pocketbook. Unlike the post above where she was saying the kids needed rest-- don't know so much about that. When I took my family we would start out at the earliest, getting some breakfast and being at the part as soon as opening. I was in my 50s and I spent all day long at the park and into the night. My family never ran out of steam. We went for a full solid week like that, got the hopper passes and would hit at least 2 parks in a day plus the water parks. My sleep of a night was enough for me for the entire next day. We ate all meals out, sometimes in the park for lunch, breakfast the other members loved the buffets and dinner was anywhere they wanted. I had no budget but do know you spend more inside the park than out, naturally. My hubby and I still have tickets to return and we might go back this year. I bought a forever pass a few years back- think we had a total of 4-5x?? to return w/o the cost of getting back in. I love Mickey.
My wife doesn't let me hang out on a forum dripping with all you gorgeous chicks unattended....sm
And every now and then I catch her eyeing me in a speculative sort of way out of the corner of her eye while idly twirling the little Beretta that I was foolish enough to teach her how to shoot.
Now, I don't say she's actually made any verbal threats. No, no - nothing like that. But it's not too hard to interpret the occasional warning shot that whistles past my head.
My thoughts
I hope you don't take this the wrong way but have you thought about having him tested for drugs? I work in a psychiatric facility and have seen first hand what methamphetamine is doing to this country. As a parent, I would certainly want to know if my child was doing drugs (hope this is not your case) but it's better to be safe than sorry. I would check with your local hospital, police department, prison or even psychiatric ward to see if there are any types of programs that would give him a first hand look at what drugs can do to you.
I advise you to take the upper hand. DO NOT let him threaten you in any way. In my opinion, the children of today could use a few good smacks. As parents, we should be allowed to discipline our children as we see fit (within reason). This is how it all begins, believe me I've seen it at my job. Parents literally have to put restraining orders on their children for fear of harm. Again, I hope this is not your case. I wish all the best.
Take care 
My thoughts -
It really sounds like situational anxiety to me. You have had a lot of life stressors hit you at once. I went through very similar feelings as yours with also waking up in the middle of the night unable to sleep for hours on end and so jittery with my heart pounding during the day I thought I would trip over my own feet and/or have a heart attack. I chose to not use medication because I tend not to do well on many meds. What I did do was make SURE I left myself enough time each day to unwind. Nothing makes you feel worse than not enough sleep. Try a bedtime ritual of a bubble bath and hot tea. When you wake up in the middle of the night take huge, deep, relaxing breaths and force all thoughts out of your head. I call this self-soothing. It does work for me. Is there any way you can get a massage on a regular basis? You would be surprised at how much benefit that can have to your overall well-being. Remember, you are no good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself. Best of luck to you. :-)
My thoughts. sm
If you have Jesus in your heart, no person, no store, no nothing, can take God out of your life.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Yes, I did wonder if may be he is doing something else. He did tell me that he gets a buzz from this. I have no idea why. I will have to "grill him" for more answers.
I know all about the college life. They are totally, for the most part, on their own. No Mom or Dad around to watch what they are doing. Since we had a problem with alcohol over the summer, I am sure he has been drinking at college. I can only talk to him about the dangers of this, that it is illegal since the drinking age where I am is 21 and all the other stuff that we parents tell our kids. It is a matter of will they listen and take our advice. I will keep talking to him, because I love my son very much, but in the end he is an ADULT NOW, as he has told me, and I can only so do much. It is HIS LIFE. The discussions and talking will go on.
Here's my thoughts ...
If they have been making partial payments, apparently they do not have enough income to continue paying the full rent wherever they are living. They should take this as an "opportunity" to get into a cheaper-rent location. This will also buy them some time on collections for the $1900 past due amounts.
I know how hard it is to be in financial straits. Having made a full recovery and living responsibly now, I can say without doubt that poor credit scores are well deserved. It takes poor planning or complete lack of plus poor spending plus poor budgeting plus living beyond means and not ensuring one has adequate compensatory skills to get there. It is very painful no-excuses realization to make in owning up to personal financial disaster.
This could be a great chance for them to evaluate how they truly got into this situation, what they could have done to have prevented it, what they can do in the future to avoid it again, and start fresh.
Lower rent right now, a change in spending habits, build savings, and increase income -- this is the only way they will actually change this living situation permanently. Anything else is just a quick but expensive (not to mention waste of charitable resources if they cannot maintain their current rental) extension of the inevitable.
Wish I could give an easier suggestion for them. If it hurts enough, they'll make changes and avoid it in the future and that can be the silver lining in this very difficult circumstance.
My thoughts
They have heroes! Unfortunately, they are Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Nicole Ritchie, Eminen, all those gang rappers, etc. : (
My first thoughts on this -
I have never personally had a 40-year mortgage. Get a mortgage calculator and figure how much interest you will pay over the life of the loan for both the 30-and 40-year mortgages. That alone might help with your decision. Is this to allow you to buy more house or just to get into the market at all with lower payments? If you are in a very expensive market then it might be the way to go. However, I am not sure I would want to pay all that extra money to the bank for a longer loan. Just my two cents. Good luch to you. :-)
some thoughts
Historically a lot of islands (Australia for one) were populated by undesirables transported from other places to get rid of them.
I had begun to think that (with all the mention of the people being found dead) the island was the afterlife - remembering existentialist (was it Camus or Sartre - No Exit) theory that He**ll is other people.
Still mulling a lot of this over - Locke may really be dead - they have gotten rid of less people this season thus far. More thoughts later.
my thoughts
Mobile homes are very nice nowadays compared to before -- and built better, but they just are not built as well as a home. It may work well for you, if you find the right place to put your mobile home, but you still have hassels of repairs, don't you? What about a reasonable condo or townhouse -- they're built better, safer in storms, and don't depreciate so much; and your condo association deals with some of those repairs, ie roof, and does the outside maintenance. If you go with the mobile home, might want to check out the used ones -- as they depreciate like a car, immediately!
Good luck.
My thoughts
It sounds like she is definitely good at planning an over-the-top wedding and honeymoon, but the fact is that that is between your dad and her. Sure, you can fume all you want and maybe what she is doing is not right because of the cost of it, but it is their life and their plans. Smile sweetly and wish them well. You will be seen as a much bigger person if you just go along with their plans rather than trying to insert your ideas where they are not wanted. Good luck with this. I had a similar situation several years ago. Confrontation does not pay off here. Trust me, being nice as pie will let you sleep easier at night. :-)
My thoughts...
No matter what I weigh, my toosh expands to at least the width of my chair.
my thoughts, as well.
nm
Thank you for your thoughts..sm
I am not one to take meds either and that is why I have stayed away from the family doc. When it first happened he wanted to put me on something, but I am of the belief that a pill only masks what is wrong and you have to learn to deal..and feel..with what is going on. Thank you so much for your thoughts and the hug! I have been looking into some counseling, but we live so far out in the country from where their offices are. Maybe when the kids start back to school I can do that. Thanks again.
My thoughts exactly
That thought crossed my mind a hundred times. The only problem is we are new to the area and don't know anyone here. Sure wished we had our own place where we could just take her but some things are beyond our control.
Just thoughts
but horrific rib pain can be either costochondritis or a rib fracture.
(You can fracture a rib playing golf and all kinds of weird ways).
Shingles pain can follow around a rib. Is it nerve pain?
My thoughts...
Something like that, 38 and 18 sounds to me almost like child molestation because 18 is still so young. If talking about people in their 30s and older, I'm not sure it really matters. I was married to a man 12 years older who was very active and young at heart. I am now with my current husband who is 5 years younger and he acts like an old man. lol So there you go.
my thoughts...
I agree with the other poster who said this was an emotional affair and to end it now. You've never met in person. Online or on the phone, one can be whomever one wants to be. Meeting in person is another thing entirely. You're *in love* with what you've made this person out to be. I'm sorry, but you don't know the *real* him yet. I don't want to sound harsh, but let it go. He's married and sounds intent on staying that way. Let him go. Move on with your life. Don't waste another day worrying about this man. I know it's easier said than done, but it's really your only choice.
My thoughts are with you
My thoughts are with you as I have had the same experience. I lost my son, my youngest child, last year in a car accident. We just celebrated what should have been his 22nd birthday the day after Thanksgiving. The days seem to get better, but they are never easier. Just thinking of him sometimes sends me right back to the dreadful phone call. I have found that I have two lives, one ended the day we lost him and another started the day after. I visit him every day on his memorial website..as do lots of family and friends. www.eric-shavensky.memory-of.com
Thanks for your thoughts. Definitely not best for us, but
when she looks at me with her BIG eyes I think she is telling me to let her go. The problem is, she keeps on purring. That is the hardest. I am trying to hold her as much as possible today but that makes it even harder.
Some thoughts for you -
I was not attracted to my husband at all when I met him. We devolped a friendship that grew over time and THEN I found myself very attracted to him. Still am after all these years. We are about to celebrate 25 years of marriage. I am SO glad I did not brush him aside because I did not feel instant attraction to him. Just something to think about!
thoughts
He can't understand what you did simply because he isn't a parent yet. He will probably still be mad about it for some time, regardless of whether he needed it or not. Someday when he is a parent he will understand why you took him, but probably not before then.
I think you did the right thing. In cases like that you just have to assume the worst and go from there. You would have never forgiven yourself if you hadn't taken him and then something terrible happened. He may never want to tell you what he and the therapist talk about, and that's okay. I'm sure you're just dying of curiosity, but not much you can do about it. He has to know that what he says won't be revealed unless he wants it to or he won't open up.
|
