getting her help
Posted By: anon on 2007-09-15
In Reply to: Tough Love advice. My 19-year-old daughter is making me nuts.. - Stressed out Mom..
I've been involved in psych work hands-on and in transcription For what it's worth, these are my ideas: Two things: If she's on drugs and if she's threatening suicide at times, you've got to proceed carefully. Depending on what drugs she's using, if she has no more money to buy them she might go through severe withdrawal landing her in the hospital or worse. She might not be telling you all she's on. And if she gets suicidal when under the influence.... You need professional help here--someone to monitor her meds and gradually wean her off them.
My course of action would be the next time she threatens suicide (so that you have a right-now suicide threat for evidence), call the police and/or get her to a hospital and tell them she is suicidal and you believe she is a danger to herself because she explicitly expressed suicidal ideation which she has done before and she uses drugs. Tell them what you have told us here about her actions. Yes, have her involuntarily committed. THEN, she will be (hopefully) properly assessed to see if there are any true psyc problems and treated, at least for as long she is there. She will also be under the care of a social worker who will take the burden off you and help her with housing, employment, etc. This may have to be repeated a couple of times until she wake up this may well save her life.
Sometimes the shock of being committed--seeing what happens to others if they don't straighten up, hearing their stores-can be the biggest help to someone to make them change their lives. THIS will be her hitting bottom.
If she's an immediate danger to herself, I don't think they can turn her away, insurance or not without incurring the chance of a lawsuit from you should she follow through. If they give you a hard time, tell them exactly that: Something happens to her and they will have lawyers all over them. Get names and tell them you will give those names to your lawyer if something happens.
There has to be SOME place that will take her. AND, the evaluating psychiatrist can give you an honest opinion how serious she is right now, just exactly what you are dealing with here and how to proceed. This is beyond your capabilities now. Perhaps it always was if there is a mental problem involved.
Prayer -- Yes, absolutely. Pray that God intervenes and you find help from others who can do for you what you cannot because you are not a mental health professional. Pray for strength to be tough because if you do the above, you will feel guilt at first for doing this but like I said, you might be saving her life.
I'd also suggest some counseling for you in dealing with all your guilt (which any normal mom would feel). A therapist can point things out to you that you can't see right now and help you think more clearly about this entire situation and that will help ease your pain as you realize more and more that she is responsible for the decisions she makes, not you. I've lost a brother to alcoholism and my mother drank for a long while. Neither would change no matter what I did. Therapy helped me see how my guilt was inappropriate and helped give me the courage to deal with both of them while standing firm and holding myself together.
My prayers are with you. I know it's not easy.
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