drawn in too

Posted By: anon on 2008-01-09
In Reply to: He should have a key because he's a good boy - and is her son. GF says he's not a problem at

I have been drawn into this whole thread too. What I don't understand is if everything is fine between mother, son, and daughter, why would the son and daughter plan this without discussing with mother until it was a done deal. Especially if they are both good, responsible kids.

If there were indeed no problems and it is just that sister can provide something better, I think it is odd that they would just tell her that he was moving and not talk about it beforehand.

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It can be a drawn-out process, but here are some
Santa Clara Valley Humane Society:

How Do I Introduce A New Cat To My Presently Owned Cat?
Bringing home an additional cat can be a very exciting event for us humans, however it can be very traumatic for all felines involved. It can end in disaster if not approached carefully! By using the following guidelines below, you can make that transition much easier and have a greater chance at successfully integrating an additional feline into your household.

Pay lots of attention to your existing cat throughout the following procedure, including daily exercise (try a cat aerobics or cat dancer toy). This will help your old cat feel more secure that someone else isn't going to take away your affection.

Have definite, coinciding feeding times for both cats.

Do not at any time physically hold the cats and put them face to face. That is a surefire way to stimulate aggression! Cats are not very forgiving either. If they are started out on the wrong foot, it is very difficult to undo the damage.

Always provide an additional litterbox in a different location. If you have more than two cats, you will need to provide at least one box per cat. This is to prevent territorial disputes over this very important resource. Remember to clean the boxes daily to encourage correct litterbox habits.

STEP ONE: Confine the New Cat to it's own small room.

This is to be your new cat�s "playpen" and safety area. A bathroom, small office or small bedroom where your existing cat normally does not "hang out" are ideal locations for your new cat�s room.

Put a litterbox, bed, food, water, scratching post and toys in the new cat�s room. This special room accomplishes several things. One, it decreases the chances of spreading any possible diseases your new cat may be carrying (remember to keep your new cat confined for approximately ten days even if you are able to complete the following steps in a lesser time period). Two, it helps your new cat get used to the smells, sounds and you, without having to confront a "hostile" greeting party (your existing cat).

Provide your existing cat with his own litterbox, bed, toys, etc. in a different area of the house. He may go the room of your new cat, sniff under the door, hiss and yell but just ignore him when he does so. Do not punish him in any way for hissing or growling at this point. Just walk away from him. Give him attention when he is calm.

STEP TWO: Use Scented Food Dishes

After your new cat has been confined for several days and is not hiding from you or acting nervous, take a small wash cloth, rub it on your new cat and then place it under your "old" cat�s food dish just before feeding time. Now do the opposite for the new cat. If either cat is reluctant to eat, try adding something really special to the cat�s bowl to entice him to eat. (Or put the wash cloth at a distance from his bowl were he will eat quietly. Gradually over the next few days, bring the wash cloth closer and closer until you can finally put it under his dish without any problems.)

Repeat at each feeding (always reviving the scent by rubbing on the opposite cat) until each cat eats calmly with no hesitation, hissing or growling. The more feedings you have per day, the faster the process will go. Just feed smaller amounts spread out over the day. Try to do at least two feedings per day, better yet three or more.

The successful completion of this step may take up to two weeks in some cats or as little as four days with others. In any case, do not move on until each cat is relaxed.

STEP THREE: Use close feedings.

After the successful completion of step three, place each cat�s dish on respective sides of the newcomer�s room. Again, feed definite meals to each cat, at the same time, on each side of their door. You do not need to add the scented cloth under the dish any longer.

Repeat this process until BOTH cats are acting normal; no hesitation to eat, no hissing, growling, spitting etc. then go on to step four.

You can also help this process along by playing daily with each cat under the door with a cat aerobics toy (a rubber pom-pom looking spider on a wire). In the process of playing they will put their paws under the door for the other to see and smell. This may help to engage them in play under the door with each other as well.

STEP FOUR: Play the switch game

If you are starting this step, check to make sure you have had your new cat at least ten days. If it has not been at least ten days, stay on step three until then. Again, this is for concerns of spreading possible disease. If it is over ten days and you are still not at this step, do not worry! Go at your cat�s pace. Your cat will tell you to move on to the next step by acting relaxed and normal.

Step four puts the new cat�s scent all over the territory of your existing cat but without an actual physical confrontation. This is an important step so do not skip it!

Confine your old cat to a comfortable room with a litterbox and some of his favorite food. Let the new cat out to explore by just opening the door to his room. Do not carry him out; as we want him to learn the route to and from his room on his own four feet. Let him wander around for several hours under supervision. Play with him and encourage him to relax. Next, put him away in his room and let your "old" cat out. Your existing cat may walk around the house, sniffing, hissing or growling as he can now certainly smell that "intruder" in all parts of HIS house. That is OK. Let him walk around and act grumpy. Just ignore him or try to get him to play with you to help relax him.

Repeat the switch game daily until BOTH cats are acting normal and are relaxed.

STEP FIVE: Limited Contact

After successful completion of step four, start this next step by putting your new cat back into his safe room. This process will allow the cats to see each other but not make physical contact.

Stack two 36" high-tension gates (baby gates) in the newcomer�s doorway, but with about two inches left at the very bottom. (Enough to get a paw under but not a head.) Gates are available at pet stores, children�s specialty stores or department stores. Or trying borrowing some from your friends.

If you have reason to believe that either cat will get over the gates then use two hard plastic doorstops. Jam the door of the room with the stops one on each side with the door cracked open only two to three inches. Make sure that neither cat can fit his head through the opening. Check that the door is secured and will not suddenly pop open or slam shut if a cat body slams against the door aggressively. They should be able to whack each other with their paws and investigate without full body contact. Again, encourage the cats to play through the door by using a cat aerobics toy put through the opening.

Continue the feeding ritual from step four above but with each cat still on their respective side of the baby gates or jammed door. When you are not home or can not supervise at least peripherally, close the door. Hissing, growling, posturing should be virtually at nil before you continue on to step six.

STEP SIX: Let them meet casually

After the successful completion of ALL the steps above, you are in great shape to now just let the cats casually find each other in the household.

Start first by heavily exercising EACH cat separately, especially if one animal is young and very playful. If one animal wants to play so badly that he harasses the other cat, they can become enemies quite quickly.

Next, get each cat�s food dish ready with something really good, like some bits of tuna or a tablespoon of wet food. Just before feeding time, leave the new cat�s door open or take down the stacked baby gates. Let the cats casually find each other and then feed them a meal, so they are eating about one foot away from each other.

Next, go ahead and get out a cat toy and play with the cats together. The whole process of step six is designed to associate something really pleasant with having this other cat around.

Some cats may hide; there may be some initial hissing or growling. That is OK. Let them work it out as long as no one is launching a full out physical attack on the other. Keep trying to feed them close together as well as play their favorite games with them.

Final Comments

Do not let one cat become a bully.
If one cat always seems to be the aggressor, supervise any cat interaction. Be ready with a squirt bottle set on a straight stream to break up any cat fights. Just make sure it is harassment and not play! Do not leave the cats together unsupervised if you are having this bully problem. Put the bully into confinement when you can not watch them.

Try to exercise the aggressor more heavily before they are allowed to interact.
This often takes off the "edge" and makes the aggressor more agreeable. The disagreeable one can also wear a harness dragging a six-foot leash under supervision. The harness is so you can quickly remove him from the situation. Again try to associate something positive with having the other cat around, like special treats or play.

IMPORTANT:
If you have not carefully followed the guidelines above, go back to the beginning and start over. Be warned that the introduction may take up to three times as long on the second go around as you have to go back and try to repair that "bad first impression." To introduce any new animal into your household takes a lot of time and patience. It can go smoothly if you take your time and follow the steps above. But don�t expect things to be perfect overnight or try to rush things as you may end up with archenemies instead of best friends! We wish you purrfect luck!

These guidelines are from the Humane Society of Santa Clara Valley

I am about 5Ɗ" and weight about 125 and I my face looks exactly as you say drawn and sunken.
not sure what weight to go to to get rid of that look but I am sick of it.