don't enable him to treat this way - especially with child to see
Posted By: N/M on 2007-12-06
In Reply to: Husband gets mad and calls me a *itch.... - confused wife
nm
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Don't Enable
You need to nip this in the bud, literally, right now while you still have the opportunity to reach your son. I had the same parenting style you did. I too hid my son's smoking from his dad. I too justified my inaction by saying "all teens try it." I too had a husband who would have kicked my son out of the house to teach him a lesson. How I wish I could do it over. My oldest son is now addicted to meth and just got released from prison after 8-1/2 years.
Buy your son a home drug kit and test him immediately. Continue to do so (especially after weekends). Sit your husband down and decide TOGETHER how to save your son. If he pops positive, get him into treatment immediately. Drugs are absolutely destroying our children's lives. Get on top of the problem while you still can. Being a Mom is not a popularity contest. It is a serious responsibility that means a lot of uncomfortable decisions. My oldest is lost to drugs. I learned from my mistakes and my other 4 children didn't dare even try drugs.
Learned The Hard Way
they're not like that, if you don't enable them to be like that....
nm
I'd kick him out. I would not enable him to keep doing what he is doing
and getting by with it. Call Al-Anon to help yourself. Tell him to get help from a recovering alcoholic.
Do not enable, but be supportive
and whatever happens, do not encourage a methadone clinc. Your son may need a dual diagnosis clinic to learn emotional coping skills and receive rehab. I am a little concerned that you automatically reject the idea of rehab without having talked to him. You need to learn pretty quickly that going into rehab is only for those who are self-motivated or are avoiding jail. You do not have to make your approach to your son confrontational. You can be firm about wanting him to make good choices for himself without being confrontational. Put your foot down about not having drugs in your home, even if it means he cannot visit within your home. No loaning a car to him. You don't want to lose either of those. No friends over. I've even handed my daughter a self-test at the door and made her give me her purse to search. She chose not to visit for the next 2 years and that was her choice...not the one I would prefer, but hers to live with. If your son is addicted to drugs, he will not get better until he wants to and not one minute before. The best advise I ever got was this:
_When something becomes uncomfortable enough, you will do something to change it_
Your son may have to hit bottom. It sounds like he is cycling with ups and downs (cocaine then heroin) and that is an indication of something pretty serious and tough to overcome. My faith is never tested as much as when I struggle not to do something to control the choices my adult child is making. Letting go while being supportive is very, very hard. Good luck.
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
They treat you this way cause you allow it.Can only
x
Never had a cat before? You are in for a real treat (sm)
Cats are just so cool. I have 3 dogs and my 20 year old cat just died in Feb. They work their way into your heart just like dogs do, but in many ways are so much easier to deal with. And they have this way of looking at you when you give them the "wrong" food that day, like you have just totally lost your mind. If you're gone for a few days, your dogs will be so excited to see you when you get back. Cats will act like they don't care, and are just so uninterested that you came back (till an hour or so later when they decide to "forgive" you. As you can probably see, I miss my baby. Best of luck with yours.
TLR- ice cream treat
And by the way thanks to some of the ones that don't mind reading them!!
I decided to take a much deserved break a lot earlier than usual from the craziness going on today and plus it was so beautiful out I couldn't sit any longer. Cupid and I went to Bruesters Ice Cream for a treat. He was sooo excited he ran up to the stand!! I think he knew something special was waiting there for him! It was the first time we went to there so he didn't know what was there yet. The first thing the girl asked me was if I wanted a doggie dish. When he got it, there was a little dog biscuit stuck in the icecream. It was so cute. I hope your having a good evening, later.
Just found the best cat treat EVER -- sm
it's called Kitty Kaviar-- but I think it should be called Kitty Krack, LOL
It is thin dried flakes of real tuna and my cats cannot get enough (and they are fairly finicky).
My male kitty is diabetic and with these treats he lets me test him and give him his shots without any fuss whatsoever.
No not treat yourself -- see message
I type for a psychologist well known in my area whose caseload is 75% ADD. He does a lot of natural remedies and supplements. A good book is Brain Gym that helps with exercises to train the brain to be focuses. A lot of exercise is necessary. Lots of protein, DEH, etc. But without getting him evaluated you are shooting in the dark as to what will and what will not help. Insurance pays for it. But there are a lot of natural supplements and things you can do but you need an expert to work with you and not just an MD that puts them on medications. I have two nephews that have it, they went to this doctor and diet, exercise and supplements have helped tremendously and now in high school they are off medication. If you had an infection or a medical problem you would go to a doctor and not treat yourself so don't treat this yourself. Patti
They say docs won't treat them?
geez, I'm afraid...
trick or treat?
I'm figuring the way this day is going that I will turn off my lights, sit in the basement and eat 2 bags of Snickers instead of handing it out tonight. I hear those little candy bars up in the pantry calling my name. I figure I am saving the neighborhood kids from cavities, weight gain, stomachaches and a night of bouncing off the walls. I know they'll thank me later.
What did YOU do for HIM???, does he treat u good every other day? nm
nm
can you treat a UTI over the counter?
I am one of those lucky MTs that dont have health insurance and that makes it pretty annoying when I have probelms. Like right now I am sure that I have a UTI, but dont want to go to the ER and get that $600 bill. I bought some AZO and cranberry vitamin. I figure I will drinks lots of water and see what happens... any suggestions? Thanks a lot!
Michael Vicks ... I wish I could treat him the same. sm
I'm sorry but I am writing letters to every single sponsor of his and to the NFL and the Falcons.
If I could, I would treat him the same way he has allowed those poor dogs to be treated.
I would treat them like Paul Revere (SM)
Make em history! You are better than that. I used to always try to figure out why someone acted a certain way. . like you I wondered what the problem was. Found out from a wonderful psychologist who helped me over a terribly painful relationship that went bad . . It DOES NOT MATTER WHY. . what matters is that it happened. You need to move on. They are just not nice. I would think you took up bowling in the first place to have a good time! GO FOR IT elsewhere! GOOD LUCK!
Thanks for the treat...awesome photos!! nm
x
But did you and your no account brother treat her
x
What a nice treat...I get stuff sent to me..
that way from Philly, cheesesteaks, hoagies, good pretzels, TastyKakes...it's nice to be able to get something good from home when you live so far away!
So then you WOULD treat a woman like a criminal?
what's that phrase, judge not lest...?
Treat everyone as if we all worked in the same office.
xx
If you have not yet seen the deer and cat video treat yourself to
something wonderful. Copy and paste and enjoy. This is truly beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rooyt3ptNco
does anyone of those facial hairs like a mustache? if so, how do you treat it? sm
what is a fast solution and a long-term fix? thanks!
What's your favorite Christmas treat/candy, etc?
Mine are the 'chocolate oranges' and Andes mints.
For homemade stuff, can't beat fudge, Chex mix and Christmas sugar cookies.
What're your favorites?
Put a little no fat cool whip on top, and you have a real treat
Does he treat you badly in front of your children or is it
usually "behind closed doors?"
Ladies, any assistance on how to treat herpes
My daughter has just sent me some information on something called Lectroject, apparently it is something that is used to inject medicine directly into the herpes blister?? Never heard of it but has anyone else. Any suggestions at all on how to treat herpes outbreak on the lips? Thanks so much!
Silly Girl shouldn't have to treat her
husband like a dog or a child. After all, she is his wife, not his mother. If she wants a pet, she can go to the animal shelter and get a dog. She married a man and he needs to act like one. It sounds like she gives and gives, and he takes. I think Silly Girl should start taking care of herself for a change.
Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat!
My favorite Christmas treat is January 2. lol. be glad when it is over.
nm
He has "stud tail" but don't remember how to treat it. Call your
ioio
Doesn't matter what religion they are, the Indians treat
.
sounds immature and simple minded; treat him as such.
nm
Knew a dentist Candy Treat - for real
x
When puppy does her business where you want her to, reward her with a piece of food treat.
And when she pees in house, use paper towels and then place paper towels (soiled) to the area in the yard where you want her to do her business. Dogs tend to prefer where they smell the odor. Be patient. This dog is young. Confine her to an area where the floor will not be damage (tile or vinyl). Take her out six times away,including first thing in AM, right before bed, after she eats her meals. Pull water up a few hours before bedtime. Do enjoy your new puppy dog.
I do occasional exercise & treat myself to good chocolate. I'm not completely agoraphobic,
s
Agreed; if they ask you to treat something stat, it should be compensated as stat. nm
nm
Yes, with my second child.
He is now 13 and has never had any problems. Just pray, God will work it all out for you and I will keep you in my prayers also.
Tell me a little about your child, please
Thanks.
Thank God. Having your child taken would be the
.
As a child...
I never sucked my thumb and never had a pacifier. I had crowding of teeth as an adult because of wisdom teeth pushing on them. It really is the size/shape of your mouth/palate that determines crooked teeth, and that is determined by genetics.
More than one child
We were planning on only having one child, but 10 years later (she's almost 4 now) we did have a second one which I of course don't regret for a minute. The only thing I can say is don't listen to those that say you have to have a second child. That's all I heard for years. How can yo just have one, and on and on. It's nobody's business but you and your husband.
Yes, have gone since I was a child.
My kids also go, ages 20, 17 and 15. It fills my spiritual tank for the week and our pastor is so wonderful and uplifting and we have a fabulous congregation. I don't feel right if I miss a week.
No H is an only child LOL.
That is probably what the problem is too. No other children to dote on.
A dog is not a child and has different
needs from a child. But even a child is put in a bassinet to sleep in when they are small to control how much they roll around. Then later they are put in a crib. Is that a cage for you too? Or do you put the child on a full-size mattress and hope for the best? No, you carefully listen to all the rules about safe mattresses for infants and how soon pillows can be used and what position is safest for an infant.
For dogs, you need to get to know them before you give them free reign of the house. Otherwise they might get into something we didn't think of to put up and die. This dog is in the age range of 12-18 months. We can already tell he is inquisitive. We don't know how much time he has spent in a house because he was abandoned at the shelter. We will observe him and train him and grant him more freedoms as he proves himself ready.
Dogs in the wild use dens. You are misinformed, probably by PETA folks who would have you release your Yorkshire terrier to the wild to fend for itself if they had their druthers.
I was 29, he's my only child
before I had him I had two miscarriages in the same year (when I was 28). He is almost 13. I'm in downstate NY and at his school school (it's a Catholic school) many of his classmates' parents are at least as old as I am. Hope to get married soon but probably too late for another..
of course he is my child
I have his age wrong though. He is 31. How on earth can I or should I stop him from stating his own opinion? It is certainly not unusual for an 18-year-old male to use the word, even when talking about his evil GM. He was 18 when dear G'ma died. I'm telling you, the woman was evil, evil, evil!!!! Even my ex-DH (is there such a thing) didn't like her. The only reason my older son liked her was because he was the first grandchild and she worshipped him. When my SIL had 2 kids, they were okay for a while, then she didn't want to mess with them either. She liked dogs and cats more than people. And, by the way, I am really relating to all of you out there who go to your MIL's for all the holidays and not your mom's. I did that also, because I dearly loved my FIL and my SIL, BIL, etc. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have shared a little more. My mom is only 70, but no one is promised tomorrow. We do all holidays together now.
Right - I don't think they should take the child because (sm)
no matter what, children love their parents and would be traumatized to be taken away from them, so unless they are being terribly mistreated, I don't think they should ever be taken. Children who go thru life in foster homes are rarely ever happy. But Social Services could go in and help them get things cleaned up if that is why. It may not be, but in my case that was the problem. I eventually at about age 11 or 12 went out and bought bug spray and sprayed my hair and brushes and sprayed my PILLOW regularly to keep the bugs away. I am sure that was horrible for my health but I was desperate.
Because he's still YOUR CHILD, and he still needs to know he is welcome. nm
x
child with SVT. sm
Hi. My 16-year-old son is suspicious for SVT. Anyone else experience this? I had made an appointment for March, and now the doc is calling me and wants to see my son next week. He has already had an echo and an event monitor. Don't know if I should be freaked out or not.
Yes, first child....nm
xx
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