does every woman experience being hit by her spouse at some point? sm
Posted By: anonmt on 2009-01-26
In Reply to:
I have had such a hard time getting over my husband hitting me (pulled my hair, banged my head into a carport pole, bruised my arms.) It has been four years. Yes, I have posted on here before. We are now in the process of separating. He never hit me since that time four years ago. But he believes I never forgave him. I feel that I did forgive him, but it changed the way I felt about him. that plus many other problems we have had over the years. Now we are separating because we have been together 20 years, 5 dating and 15 married, and we seem to have argued the entire time. We have never seen eye to eye. But we still care about each other and it is very, very sad. I feel heartbroken on one hand that my marriage is ending, and hopeful on the other hand that maybe my life will get better in some ways. I know monetarily it will not get better. I am hoping that it will be happier though. But what a huge failure. I am wondering if everyone experiences some type of abuse like that at some point in their marriage and I am just being a baby for not just forgetting about it.
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I don't know, this post down below has me thinking. What are your thoughts, woman to woman. sm
If your spouse came to you and said he was having an affair, would you be more upset if it was with a male or female? For me, definitely a female! If it were male then I would think that it had absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I would be devastated if he were with another woman. Another poster below said she would be more upset if he were found with a male. What about you?
No experience with the program but definitely experience with the symptoms! nm
x
Ex-spouse
They are divorced. Get independent and stay independent of him unless she really loves torture.
Maybe Joe's spouse does not like the sm
idea either. It would of been nice if he said lets hang out with Joe's family to see if it everyone was compatible.
Do any of you have a spouse
who can't say no to other people? How do you work it out? Are you just stuck always being the "bad guy?"
Unfortunately, the entire United States is having a difficult financial time. It is obviously not just our household. We have cut back everywhere we can, and I mean everywhere. Our families are having difficult problems as well. We also have an ex-spouse and have had unexpected increases in child support, etc. recently along with unexpected additional expenses where this is concerned. Basically, the child "needs" new glasses, etc. even though the child really doesn't but according to the court we have to pay accordingly. It just seems like it is one thing after another and I know it is for everyone, although the circumstances may be slightly different.
My problem is that I have been telling my husband for months that this was coming, along with Christmas, birthday, etc. He hasn't wanted to accept it. Although we have cut back on many things, on my initiative, it just has not sunk in for him until now...when everything finalized and we dont' know how we are going to pay all of our bills. To top this off, he can't seem to say no to having his nephews stay the weekend, talking to his family about NOT exchanging gifts, etc. I'm the "bad guy" because he is ok with all of it although he admits he has no idea where the money is going to come from. I have been upfront with my family and when people ask me but is it too much to ask that he do the same? I dont' know if it is a man thing, hurting his pride or what but he is so depressed and upset about our financial state, yet can't say no even to the smallest thing. But of course he wants to constantly remind me (the cheap skate and tight-a$$) to cut back on groceries, etc. which I cannot possibly do any more than I have already. We have nothing left in savings. We have no Christmas fund.
I'm just frustrated this morning and don't know where to go from here. I don't want to say "I told you so" but I did tell him and he had no concerns until now...when we are seemingly headed towards financial trouble. I have been working OT but his OT has been cut indefinitely from his employer. I'll be darned if I'm getting a second job so he doesn't have to cut back. I must say he doesn't buy things for himself..its just the piddling away of $20 here and $20 there on top of our already mounting unexpected expenses.
if a spouse cheats...
I'm watching this little polling on Today show (just eating breakfast, i never watch this stuff!) and it says 63% of people would try to save their marriage if their spouse cheated and 73% of the reason was for companionship.
Personally.... I am not sure I have the capabilty of getting over something like that. I think forgiveness is a huge part of life and relationships... but maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's about pride... but I'm not sure I could work through something like that!! I just don't know what could possibly be an excuse! The ladies on are saying, it usually signifies something that needs to be worked on in a relationship, well OBVIOUSLY! And I am not one of those people that thinks if you cheat you dont love the person... but I certainly think it would be really hard to work through or accept, and knowing myself I'm not thinking I could get over it, so I guess I'd be in the percentage of NOT ever wanting to know...
I dunno, I do think it's human nature to be attracted to many different people (i am myself)... but is it human nature to want to physically be with other people? I guess cheating can be emotional as well...
just random thoughts before I get to work!
Have a great day
if a spouse cheats
I have to tell you from the other side of the coin that sometimes people grow apart for one reason or another and things happen. Most people do not cheat because they are looking for something physical. They are missing an emotional connection and find it elsewhere. On the other side of this is that sometimes, not always but sometimes, when the other spouse finds out and realizes why it happened they can work through it together to get back what was missing and what brought them together in the 1st place. I speak from the know on both sides and can tell you that you can get past it and actually end up in a much better place than you ever were before. .
Unemployed Spouse
Is it possible he might be doing something behind your back and acusing you to justify something he has done.
Have your spouse cut your hair
Guys, if you keep your hair short, buy hair clippers with a set of clips and hand over the clippers to your spouse. You may have a couple of cuts that result in a buzzed head, but unless she’s got horribly unsteady nerves, she’ll figure it out.
Dear Spouse:
Please find a girlfriend. I'm sick and tired of taking your crap.
Hugs,
JMHO
Cheating Spouse?
Have you ever caught your spouse cheating? If so, how did you catch him/her?
cheating spouse
I worked day shift and he worked 3-11 so for a few years we would hardly see each other at all. First, let me say that my husband is kind of messy. I would notice that when I came home from work, my home was in the same order that I left it in the morning. Even the curtains had not been opened yet. There were no dirty dishes. There was no sign anybody had been home all day. I would ask and he would always have an excuse..went to play golf before work, went to a ball game, had lunch with the guys, etc.
Then a woman started calling the house in the evening asking for my husband. I would say he was at work, ask if I could take a message and she would say no and hang up. She would call about 3 to 4 evenings a week. I asked my husband who she was and he would say he didn't know.
Then, HER husband called and left a message on our machine one day while we were out. He didn't say any names, just said stay away from my wife or I'm going to come over and beat your a$$. I asked who was that and my husband said he didn't know.
This all happened over about 4 months when he was offered a transfer with work out of state and we took it. He never admitted having an affair but I know he did. That was 16 years ago. We are still together and before everyone flames me, I will tell you that the man has paid dearly for that little fling. We've never discussed it because how can you discuss something he won't admit to? He didn't leave the house for years without taking 1 or all the kids with him, even to the grocery store or the post office. He never got to do anything he wanted to do, no more boys night out, no more golf weekends, etc. It got to the point where I was feeling sorry for him but he never said a word.
Now that we're in our 50s, I wish someone would take him so he'd leave me alone!
Being a military spouse, I think that...
she should qualify for unemployment, but not indefinitely. She paid in to California unemployment insurance and had to relocate because her spouse is serving our country. She should, in my opinion, be able to draw on unemployment from California for a reasonable period of time until she can get another job. However, that is one of the reasons I like this job. I take it with me whenever I move.
Ex-spouse on health insurance?
My daughter just told me about a proposal her ex has suggested. He is close to a thousand dollars in arrears for back child support. Now he wants to negotiate a deal where my daughter will accept about half of what he owes in exchange for his adding her to his job health insurance. She is self-employed and has not had health insurance coverage since their divorce.
I don't think he can do that, can he? Since he has lied about so many things I don't think she will do that unless he can prove she can be covered. Even if he could add her, what would keep him from dropping her for spite if there are problems down the road? Any thoughts? Thank you.
Marriage may be a vow, but if OPs spouse was unfaithful then she has
y
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
Cheating spouse/boyfriend, etc.
Many years ago I was married to a cheating spouse. I was pregnant with our second child when he took it upon himself to cheat with an underage girl in the back of our brand new station wagon. Well, I learned about this when a paternity suit came up with his name on it. Apparently he was so dumb that he did not know the girl had a boyfriend and being the sucker that he was he did not know that they would pin the paternity on him, and get money from him. Too bad it wasn't in this day and time because he would have been in jail because she was only 17, and he was in his 30s. This was only 1 in a string of women that I found out after the fact, and even contracted an STD when I was pregnant!! I also suffered spousal abuse, and have the scars to prove it. After 5 years of this I got out,and the only reason I stayed was for the children, but that was a huge mistake on my part. Now, whenever, I hear or see this on a program it makes me furious that these men think this behavior is okay. It is never okay and leaves many people, including children, to suffer much heartache.
Likening a spouse to a dog or horse...
imagine if a male doc suggested treating a wife like that; the outrage would be heard round the world. Maybe acting like adults and having a conversation like a married couple would help. How demeaning to treat a husband that way. Where do you women find these men that you have to "train"? Gesh, I always thought my DH was fabulous...now I am CERTAIN he is!
No muss, no fuss, no spouse -
.
Do you yell at your kids/spouse?
I grew up in a family of non-yellers. Even when he was drunk, my dad didn't yell. I've raised my voice to DH twice in our entire 34 years together, and one of those times was excused because I was pregnant, hot and miserable. I've never raised my voice to my kids.
Several of my friends are big-time yellers. It makes me cringe when I hear it. I guess cause I'm not used to it.
woman to woman talk sm
This has nothing to do with being a christian, it has more to do with group dynamics. I have to deal with it all the time with 6 women in an in-law situation. They are narrow-minded Bible-thumping bigots.I happen to be of another "denomination" and I do attend every function of theirs, weddings, funerals, all of it, receive their communion. I have had my parents die, lost my younger sister and many things happen where they could have reciprocated, yet they will not "step foot" in my church. So where is all their faith, they certainly are not practicing the do unto others. I can relate, it is a horrible way to live. Thank God, I had psychology courses and know about group dynamics, I am in the middle of a herd mentality. I could go on forever, they even have "interventions" when someone in their family wants to marry or date someone not from their denomination. They are awful. I know your pain! It's not your imagination, they hide behind their cohesive "numbers game," one speaks and all the others agree in unison. No one has a chance against this mob. It's tough to be your own person, lots of tears. And guys think it's all in our heads - NOT! Hang in, perhaps you'll have a Divine Intervention somehow.
Kangaroo. cat woman or wonder woman?
x
Buying a house with someone who is not legally your spouse, is
I filed separate from my spouse at the time--sm
against an old (over 10 years) student loan that I had. That was the only thing I filed against and it was way before my spouse and I had even married. Even though I filed in my name only, it affected his credit too, just because we were married. It continued to affect his credit even after we divorced 10 years later. Better think twice. It is not always a good idea to file bankruptcy as a way out of debt. Cut up those cards and start paying cash for things you want/need. The interest on most of those cards will keep you in debt forever. Been there! but not any more! good luck to you!
Has anyone filed bankruptcy separate from their spouse?
My husband and I have all bills and checking accounts separate except for the cars and we split the household bills. I have a ton of credit card debt and with MT pay being less all the time, was thinking this may be the only way out. I know the spouse doesn't have to file if their name isn't on the account, but is this very hard to do? Thanks for any info.
My rant: I agree cheating on one's spouse is never SM
acceptable. The one thing that REALLY bothers me, is that men claim that they have to cheat, since sex with their wives is no longer exciting and that their wife won't do what paid companions will and my thought is always the same "Did you ASK her?". If they ask nicely, I'm sure loving wives would be more than willing to comply. Within reason, of course.
For those of you happily married, where did you meet your spouse? sm
Just a curious question. I am single and I am thinking if I stay in church, that might be the best place to meet a good man these days when one finally comes around. It really gets me that some people meet their spouses in a bar and then wonder how they married an alcoholic, lol! 
A spouse can collect widow benefits at age 60, but the benefit is reduced 21% because you took it ea
So, if his benefit is $1000, you would get $790. If you take you retirement at 62, you can keep the widow benefit, or your benefit, whichever is larger. It's worth taking it early because $790 x 24 months (the difference between age 60 and 62) is almost $19,000. My tax lawyer says always take it early.
Do any of you experience this???
Do any of you transcriptionists experience severe pedal edema with foot pain? My left foot is quite swollen, has been for quite some time, but I recently developed rather severe pain in my left foot, tender to touch, and painful to walk. Ideas what the pain might be from, and do any of you experience this? I'm sure the edema is from sitting, but the pain??
Anybody have experience with
smokless tobacco, snuff and what the effects are? My son is 18, will be 19 in 3 months. I found out over this past summer he was using this and I was not very happy about it. Does it get you high or something? He has a glassy-eyed look after he uses this product. I have gone on line to read about it, but it only states it puts nicotine into your system.
He said he would stop while he was away at college. He has been home since last Friday and this morning I just found out he is still using it and lying to me. He has been a runner all throughout high school and very athletic. I am very saddened by this development in his life.
Yes, he is an adult but not of age to buy this or even alcohol. That also was an issue over the summer and do not want to think about that today as I will really have a melt down. Any thoughts or advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
A very sad Mom today.
No experience
But thank God they found it early. Keep up your spirits and vitamins, keep your body as healthy as you can, eat the right foods and stay physically and mentally strong, cancer is no longer a death sentence remember that...
My experience..........sm
We lived in south Florida when our son was born, and at 6 weeks we traveled 16 hours to see our family. Our daughter was 3-1/2. We just took our time....I stopped to breastfeed him, took walks at rest areas, and still made good time. Mine tended to drop off to sleep as soon as the car began moving, so that made it easier. Our daughter would get car sick and had to sit in the front seat to avoid this, so my husband or I always got the backseat anyway. As long as you don't push yourself, it could actually do you good to get away and enjoy yourselves.
I had the same experience (SM)
I have no cellulite anymore either. I went from 235.5 to 112 pounds. I do have a little loose skin on my belly and thighs, but it looks like I had 3 big kids (which I did-my 10 pounder was my biggest). I'm 27, so my skin is a little forgiving still, but the cellulite is gone.
I also had my fair amount of cellulite. It can go away.
Very very little experience
I think the boss must be paying the MT very low and expecting me to pick up the slack and basically retype a lot of it. I'm not happy.
This latest person... she worked a little in a doc's office. No real specialty. She is making terrible errors. It's dangerous. What's worse... the boss can't fix the errors. I really have to do it all. The boss is not all that experienced. Only in the sense of being a business person.
It has been my experience...
that dealing with foreign people (NOT ALL...but some) is extremely difficult. Our favorite Chinese restaurant for example, call in to place an order and after every selection, she says "that all???" Uh no...more ordering..."that all???" My husband said something to her once about it, like asking her to stop doing that, and she said "we very, very busy, hurry up with your order...no time to think about it....what you want?" UHHH......
I can tell you that from my experience sm
it is possible. My experience may be different from most others, but I have seen it happen and end happily. My father divorced my mother when I was 11. I wasn't happy about the divorce (what child would be) but even as a young adult I saw it was for the best. A year later he married my step-mother and they will celebrate 29 years in Sept. They are still incredibly happy. There were many hard times (my older brother and I went to live with them 6 weeks after they married and she had a 5yr old son from her first marriage)and times when I think they almost wanted to just give up, but they didn't and I for one am happy they are still together.
Here's some of my own experience . . .
Your comment about his reading your mind after 10 years caught my attention. I've been married for 23 years, and have known my husband for 27.
Also, I'm the youngest of 7 and the only girl in my family. I have three sons, and I'm an assistant scoutmaster with a boy scout troop. I've lived all my life in a circle of males. Don't ever expect them to read your mind. I know there are plenty of men who are sensitive and can anticipate the feelings of others. In a very wide generalization, well... most men aren't that good at it. They actually appreciate it when you clearly state what you want.
My other words of wisdom about relationships with men... the silent treatment is useless. Don't bother. It's just a respite from arguing for most of them. Speak up. Try to stay calm when you do. (This is MY problem! I'm very passionate when I argue!)
I'm sorry you had such a bad time. Maybe it's time to sit down and have a good talk together about things. Better yet, maybe some counseling would help. In the heat of an argument, alls sorts of things are said. Maybe we mean them when we say them, but later, in calmer moments with hindsight, we wish they were unsaid. Establish goals with your husband, and then move forward together. Get help doing this, if you need it.
My experience
I was allowed to do whatever I wanted when I went to college (I'm only 25 so we're not talking THAT long ago ) as long as I got good grades (my mom was helping pay for college). However, I also had a full time job and went to school full time, had my own car financed by myself, and had my own apartment that I paid for. BIG difference. If my mother had been financing my car with the title in her name, I would understand her wanting to have control over what I did with it. Would I have liked it at 18, no, but I feel that it is the right way to do things. If he wrecks in that car - guess who foots the bill, as I'm sure you know. However, I would ask, does he now or did he ever want to work to pay for a car, etc. and you told him no? If so, I could see how he would get angry. I was allowed to work even in high school as long as my grades were good. And I was allowed to go out with friends as long as I went to work and the grades were good. It taught me how to be responsible come college time.
My experience - sm
First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. A lot of people who have never been through this kind of a loss early in the pregnancy do not realize how hard it really is to work through. I had my miscarriage at 7 weeks and got my period 6 weeks after that. I pray that this time goes easy for you physically and that the next pregnancy is healthy and full term..
Sue-Ellen
In my experience - sm
My family doc is one of the old fashioned types, in that when you see him you see HIM, not a PA or a substitute. He also knows what I do for a living and respects my judgment and takes whatever I say into consideration.
On the other hand, we've been trying to get a diagnosis for my daughter's stomach problems and I have yet to find a doctor who puts any credence into my input. Most just sidestep or just pooh-pooh anything I say.
So, you see, there are both. Your aunt, unfortunately, probably has either not had a doc who listens or (most likely, given her age) is still in the "doctors are gods, don't question them" mindset. Don't let it affect your relationship with her, by any means!
Good luck with your ribs. Nothing worse than an undiagnosed syndrome that you can't treat!
Sorry that was your experience, BUT -
I LOVE that store. I shop there all the time. They have an excellent selection of merchandise, great prices, and I can always find what I need and more each time I shop. I always pay cash, so I cannot address your issues with their credit card. I have also never returned anything to one of their stores, so I have no idea how their in-store customer service is.
I have had the same experience. Every so often I
will wake up paralyzed like that and swear I can feel someone sitting on the edge of the bed. Really creepy.
Any experience with
A long story short; my checking acct was garnished by a bottomfeeder law office/collector for a 10-year-old debt a few months ago. I had to pay them some money to have it released and am making monthly payments. My question is, since I cannot afford the monthly payments they insist I make, as long as I am making some payment, can they garnish my acct again? If anyone knows, I'd appreciate your info!
My experience......
For at least the past 10 years, about a week before my period, I get a very stuffy nose, nearly cannot breath at night unless through the mouth, which then gives me a very dry sore throat. A doc I worked for in Florida said this is not unheard of considering we retain fluid before our periods, some more than others, and with the very stuffy nose I would get a migraine-like headache and ache in my shoulder joints and neck. This would go away almost immediately the day I woiuld start my period. He believes it has something to do with swollen mucous membranes because of inflammation in the body (fluid retention, hormone changes, etc.) which makes sense to me. My ears will even feel stuffy at times. He suggested I try Aleve or plain old aspirin for anti-inflammatory benefit and for me, it did help. It kept the swelling down, which helped everything else. Couldn't believe the difference this made for me.
I know the misery you feel to some degree. Hope this will help you as well.
Anyone have experience with this? sm
I am suffering with perimenopause symptoms here, mostly with insomnia at certain times of the month now, which is really dragging me down. I found a web site called "Women to Women" which sounds like a very good program. Can anyone tell me if they have tried their program and what their experience was? Thanks so much! 
my experience
As I stated above, I was in the Army for quite a few years. I had soldiers under me who would have issues now and then. I knew the routes to go and the ropes so to speak of how to get them what they needed. I am sorry but you are not totally correct. Working on an Army base as a civilian is most assuredly not the same thing as being in the Army. 
My experience.......
Vista requires a lot of memory (RAM)to run, so I wouldn't have anything less than 4 GB of ram, in order to make sure it doesn't freeze up all the time, which is a big complaint.
My daughter has a new Dell with Vista, 4 gb ram, and says it works great, really fast.
Otherwise, you can order online and get a computer with XP on it, with an upgrade to Vista later. Newegg.com, Tigerdirect.com, Dell..... all these have XP on their computers/laptops.
my experience...
I have a new Dell with Vista and my old computer with XP sitting side by side. I really do not see much difference, except of course my new computer is way faster.
All the accounts I work on support Vista also and I've not had a problem.
Sorry you had this experience with a pit...sm
But I don't believe it is a breed thing. I believe you were unfortunate to have happened to get a pitbull who did this. If your dog hadn't been raised with the cat I would say well that is just a dog being a dog but to be raised together and get along that is weird. But there are other dogs who are capable of attacking. I had a stray mix breed medium size dog. It didn't have any pit in it. I saw it kill a cat in my mother's yard. Brutally killed it. But it wasn't a mean dog to us. It also would try to attack our bealge pups. So I know other dogs are capable of killing animals. The pitbull can do more damage though than most dogs. But I have seen pictures of lab attacks on owners, Dalmation attacks on a child, many others. Any dog can do this. Personally I have a neighbor who had a little chihuahua and it was there little doll. They adored this little dog. Well someone who lives a mile to a mile and a half down the road has a Dalmation. It climbed the fence in its yard and went a mile or more down the road where the little chihuahua was outside peeing and mauled it to death with its owners watching. I mean they said the dalmation just attacked when it seen the little dog no provacation. So I know what other dogs can do too. But most won't. I hope you never have this problem again with any of your dogs. You had a most unfortunate incident with your pitbull and I believe this has rightfully left a bad taste in your mouth for the breed. But try to think of it like this. There are good people and bad people. There are good dogs and bad dogs. We have serial killers and rapists but we also have good people out there. Dogs are not different. Don't look down on the whole breed because of one bad experience. There are so many kind pits out there who have never hurt a living thing. Really.
Not everyone's experience will be the same as yours. sm
Not every teenager who smokes pot ends up like your son. I am sorry you had to go through so much, but as far the OP's son I think you are totally overreacting. When you consider how many teenagers try pot or smoke pot, your son is definitely the exception to the rule.
She's not being a doormat, she did speak to him, and he deserves the benefit of the doubt since there is no evidence of him being high. Teenagers are not perfect, and if they are trying to "clean up their act" they need trust and encouragement.
I have no experience but my DH has. He is 50 and
and just got out of them about 2 years ago. He looks fabulous! The only trouble he had was at first, his mouth was sore for several days, liquid/smooth diet, but after that everything went great. His were on for about 2.5 years and we could see the change after only 3 or 4 months. He is fastidious about his teeth (really always has been) always wears his retainer at night (a very small one inside the mouth at night only). Make sure you wear the retainer after they are off (assuming they give you one). You will be so happy with your results and the time will fly by. My DH was the ortho's oldest patient he had ever had!
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