does anyone besides me have a bad relationship with a grown daughter or son?
Posted By: oldie on 2007-06-26
In Reply to:
with one of your grown-up kids, or is it only me? My oldest daughter and I do not get along, never did. I love her, but am not sure if I like her. She is very selfish and self centered and it's all about her. Everyone else see's it but her. Of course, there's a lot more to it, but last night she sent me a letter saying basically she's done with me.....not sure at all where this is coming from. I really, really don't need this right now. So, is anyone else in any kind of a similar situation with an adult child? She's 38.
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re the relationship with your daughter...
My sister-in-law, a wonderful woman, has a 30-something daughter, and she is struggling with their relationship. She has recently decided to let things go for a while - for her own sanity. She tells me that there have been problems with their relationship since her daughter was just a child. It pains her to think that she may never have a good relationship with her. My sister-in-law has 2 other children that she has a wonderful relationship with. I think, sadly enough, that sometimes it just works out that way. We have discussed the possibility of her daughter having psychiatric/emotional issues that could be hindering the relationship process - I don't know whether or not that could be an issue with your daughter. The bottom line is, in my opinion, you can only do what you can do. I don't think a parent should EVER give up on their children, but there may come a time when you have to realize that it is what it is, and you just have to accept that and worry about taking care of yourself. Good luck to you.
How is your relationship with God? If not God, do you have sm
any spirituality in your life at all? I was exactly where you were....then I found Jesus. Late in life. He has given me purpose and pure contentment.
Nothing satisfies like Jesus and I've done it all: Alcoholism, rx drugs, bad relationships, etc.
Now I'm teaching a Bible study class, have a thriving marriage (after a horrible divorce) and am just very, very peaceful and happy.
Whenever someone like you comes to me with thoughts just like yours, I tell them about God and His saving grace. Will pray for you that you find the contentment you are so searching for.
relationship help
My fiance and I live together - been together 4 years - living together 3 months - supposed to get married this year. . Most of the time, everything is great. He gets stressed out about finances, makes a rude remark to me about my lack of house cleaning ability, I get mad and go off by myself for a few hours - he gets even madder and starts saying our relationship is over, etc. . He leaves for several hours, comes home and we make up. . I am having a hard time with this. . I feel like I have to react a certain way or this whole blow up is going to happen. . I love him and know he loves me - I just don't understand how something so small can turn into something so big. . Anyone with any advice?
MIL-SIL relationship has nothing to do with
SIL's feelings for the daughter, just like MIL's feelings for him have nothing to do with her feelings for her daughter.
relationship
Is this how you want your life to be because he will not change even if he decides he is "ready" to marry you. Everything he does now he will continue to do. You definitely deserve better. Good luck.
she was in control of that relationship
x
Yes, your relationship will change sm
The first three months or so you will both be so tired you won't know how you can possibly make it, but you will. If you have family close by to help, that is great (I was an Air Force wife, so we were far from both our families). Hopefully, though, you will start to see your husband in a whole new light. I know I did. He had never had much use for children before, although I knew he loved animals, so that's always a good sign. He would spend hours playing with our cats, and he loved to sit and watch TV with one or both of the cats in his lap. To me, that showed a loving heart.
He had a lot of learning to do, but he became a wonderful father. Seeing that, I fell in love with him all over again. He became much more open emotionally, primarily with our son, but some of that spilled over into our relationship as well. And having a child together bonds a couple together like nothing else. Here is this wonderful being who is a part of BOTH of you, and who you both love like you never thought you could love another human being.
Sure, there will be difficulties. There will be times when he wants sex and you are so exhausted all you want to do is sleep for a week. There will be times when you are so focused on the baby you won't realize you are neglecting him. But if you are aware of all these possibilities, you are less likely to let the situation go on so long that it becomes a problem.
Good luck to you, whatever happens. 
The whole relationship should have been a no-brainer
Frankly, I thought he should have been given more punishment myself, but I don't think the DA/ADA really put a lot of effort into it. As I mentioned, they were going to accept the SIS until I pointed out that I didn't approve on the basis that it's not like another conviction would be destroying a lily-white record, at which point the ADA flipped through the file and said, "Wow, this guy belongs in jail." Going into it, the 'scoop' on the judge were that the 3 things he hated most were drunks, deadbeat dads, and woman-hitters, and the ex was the trifecta (he's about $1100 behind in his child support), but somehow he got to skate away. I do have mixed feelings about the sentence; I wasn't really injured, but on the other hand that was only because I called before it got worse.
I have my own share of self-esteem issues, which is why I stuck it out as long as I did. The only thing Dr. Phil ever said that made sense to me was, "We generate the reality we think we deserve." So I'm spending some quality time channeling Stuart Smalley and doing my self-affirmations, have blocked his phone, and am generating my new reality.
Dont know where your relationship has gone wrong but
my husband and I have been married now for 7 years and he is feely, smoochy, kind, considerate, loving, can have a grab each and any time he wants it. I thank my lucky stars to have found him at my late age. I dont know what has turned the love to disgust for you but I do not feel normally this would be a turnoff for most women, certainly not me. My love just deepens every minute we are together. I will say that I have an ole high school friend (this is her second marriage) that says identical things as you are saying. She and the fellow have no children together but frankly, I would not stay because of the children, never. Your children will suffer in a situation like this. My children grown when I met the present husband but I was divorced, raised the children and would not subject them to more unpleasantness. I think my friend and her husband will come to divorce eventually. Just do not believe you can overcome the disgust when it should be pure heaven by his touch.
a believer in God, personal relationship with God
My spirituality comes from many places...
Mother Teresa said:
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. BE KIND ANYWAY.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. BE HONEST ANYWAY.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. BE HAPPY ANYWAY.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. DO GOOD ANYWAY.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. IT NEVER WAS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY.
-----------
And that, my fellow MTs/MEs, is something we all should contemplate!
Have a GREAT week!!!
I agree - no kids, why do they have to have a relationship?
nm
I'm so glad you have that type of relationship! That's how it should be. (sm)
She has every opportunity to come here and let them get to know her and then they would probably be happier going to her house. She is always so busy every time they see her. I would love for them to want to go to her house. It is so ridiculous for people to say it is me influencing them.
Death of someone you have a close relationship
even if they are not related by blood.
In 1990, my husband and I decided for the first time since we had been married to spend Thanksgiving with his family instead of with my family (we always did a Sunday Thanksgiving with his family before because my family was so large and his family was smaller).
My father died that Thanksgiving night. It took me 10 years to forgive myself for not being there that day. I have empathy for anyone who suffers a loss around a holiday, but hey, that's just me.
I'm glad they have a good relationship, too, but it's NOT
superficial to know your spouse's past history including his education. Why be so secretive about something so mundane? Is she going to love him any less (or more) whether he did or didn't finish high school - probably not. Is it going to change how he treats her now if she knows - probably not. Even if it changed everything about their relationship, she's still his wife, and to not know his education level after 30+ years of knowing each other is just a wee bit strange to me. Once again, in my opinion, he's supposed to be her best friend, her confidante, the one person in the world she can trust anything to. Why the evasiveness? JMO 
I feel so sorry for you. Please rethink your relationship with this man.
.
Long Distance relationship
I think you answered your own question without realizing it. You still want to see new places, experience something new. To move back would mean you would probably never get to do those things...they are dreams you have, don't live your life wishing you had done what you wanted to do. Great relationships are easy to have when there are so many miles between you, when you are living together everyday it will be a whole different situation. Right now you have so little time together you make sure those few hours are perfect or as close to it as they can be. If you stay in this LD relationship you can still move someplace else and see exciting things, you will just find a way to see each other from another location.
What would you do if you got a fantastic, once in a lifetime, can't turn it down opportunity for something tomorrow, would you take it or would you throw that chance away to move back home where you don't really want to be? When you answer that question you will have your answer.
Are you considering a long-term relationship
with this gentleman? If so, you might want to give some serious thought to his money issues as they could very well become your money issues.
His joke was probably just an attempt to be funny, though rather clumsy and thoughtless. Since it bothers you, you could discuss it with him and tell him why it made you angry and base your next move on his response.
It would be his actual money issues that would be of greatest concern to me.
I mean:..'not a very close relationship....nm
nm
once the trust is gone, so is the love, and the relationship..sm
be completely honest with him..now, before he gets out of rehab. If he is doing it only for you or to get you back, it is never going to work and it is just a matter of time before HE feels comfortable enough to start drinking again. You sound pretty sure that you want it to be over, so see a lawyer and start divorce proceedings now. don't wait for him to get out and start things all over again. You have to be up front about YOUR feelings, as well. Do not lead him on thinking there is hope. If telling him how you feel puts him back into drinking again, that is his problem and not yours. It would only serve to prove that he was not serious about stopping drinking anyway, and helping himself, but only a means to get back into your life. Do not take on the guilt. He is responsible for his ownself, and you are responsible for you. But do not let his expectations of coming back go on any longer. He has a right to know how you feel now, before it is too late. You already know in your heart that things will go back to the way they were before, if you let him come back. Show him how serious you are, be honest, and start the actions you need to extricate yourself from the situation. He will not change.. trust me on that one. I have been there too.
This man's ego has grown so much it is
getting ready to bust and then he will realize his show has had its run and it is time to go away. I do think that for Ivanka to be so young she carried herself very well and had very intelligent things to say.
Grown and
several years ago.
if they are so grown then maybe they could
get out on their own?? Just a thought. It is the mothers home, not theirs and she pays to be the boss and therefore is. If kids so grown, let them have at it.
He's a grown-up man and obviously sm
sees a lot in you. I can understand your apprehension (BTDT), but you could possibly miss out on the best friend you could ever have. Enjoy his company, and enjoy a good life. Life is too short!
all grown up
If you work you can find a nice apartment even if your credit is poor. Everyone's credit is poor. Find yourself somewhere great to live and then tell him he is welcome to come if he wants. Then, go live your life!! It's hard to do, but, NO, not all men are selfish.
when they are grown and won't sm
follow the rules of the house then you have to make them get out on there own. I have two sons. We had to make both of them leave. The only rules we had were if you are not coming home, let us know. I always told them to give me a "ballpark" time when they would be home and if they were not going to come home then, just call me. I didn't really ask where they were at, kind of silly for 20 year old boys and they can tell you anything. But, for their own safety I told them always let someone know when you are NOT coming home. They didn't want to go by those rules and threw fits and we had to put them both out (not at the same time of course, they are different ages). The youngest is now a firefighter (32 years old), married, has his own business on the side. The oldest has his own business, lives out of state. They both did very well.
I see too many 40 year old kids living at home sponging off mom and dad and will never get anywhere doing that. It is a pattern they just keep doing over and over again.
Now if they are in school and doing well, working or not working depending on the school situation, I would not put them out UNLESS they didn't follow my rule and then I would not care if school was involved or not. I think this is why we have so many kids who will not grow up because we enable them to be this way. Just my opinion though. I didn't say it was easy, but it is necessary.
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
y huby and have pretty much the same kind of relationship as you mg
We have both learned where our strengths and weaknesses are. When our children were toddlers and it was bedtime I began losing my patience. Their constant getting up and fighting sleep didn't seem to bother him, so he handled bedtime. We share homework duties, I do the laundry and most of the cooking, he and the children clean up after dinner. He likes to cook on Sundays. It has been working great for 19 years.
Well, any healthy relationship should be close to equal
My husband works FT and still helps out a lot around the house. I only work PT, so I usually do the cooking, helping our daughter with homework and most of the cleaning. My husband always cleans the kitchen after I cook (and vice versa) though and he cleans the bathrooms. We also alternate doing the laundry. So, I'd say everything evens out to be pretty close to 50/50 in our relationship. We are truly best friends and we treat each other as such, and I would never dream of "serving" my man - that's just a ridiculous statement! I even had that part taken out of our wedding vows! If it becomes a problem where you feel like you're being taken advantage of, then you need to sit down with your husband and let him know that he needs to pull his own weight or you won't be happy. Good luck!
Anyone had a relationship with a person in jailr or prison?
Is it someone you knew or have you gotten to know them since they went to prison? Do you write them or visit?
I have a love/hate relationship with the thing.
Keeps me roasty toasty...In that picture there the wind chill put the temperature to -25, the kind of cold where your eyes steam and then that steam frosts your lashes up. It's very dangerous.
HOWEVER, these coverall things are designed for dudes with no curves, so the crotch winds up going down to your knees and you wind up walking like a penguin. I have wiped out in it and I feel like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka where they have to roll her away.
No way, no day would you find me in California or anywhere outside of New England. It's best I don't venture too far away from my mental health care providers, know what I'm sayin?
I just some at Tractor Supply I've got my eye on (Man, I'm such a hick!) that are actually specifically tailored for women, so a set of those are on my wish list along with that split keyboard.
Can you close the door on your relationship and not look back? sm
Of course, you will need to be in touch for the sake of the children, but you as a person need to be able to look back and have no *what ifs* to ponder about. You need to know in your head you have turned over every stone and mustered every bit of strength in your possession and tried everything you possibly could before you end this. Otherwise, it will forever sit like a huge weight on your back and make it hard on in life. You also need to be able to speak about your husband in an objective manner for the sake of the children. I agree with the other poster who suggested counseling for the children. Please consider that no matter what else you decide for yourself. Oh, how I do wish my parents had done the same for me as a child. Their relationship has left me with wounds so easily reinjured and made some things in life very tough for me. Best wishes to you.
relationship question, pls need confirmation/advice
A younger (like 20 years younger) has fallen for me. He knows what he wants in life; tired of the young girls who play the mind games, etc. What are our chances of having a good relationship together. I am definitely attracted to younger men always.
Thanks for any advice or any experience you may have.
long distance relationship - dead end?
I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. About 1000 miles apart....we see each other once a month and it's great for the most part. We miss each other a lot, talk everyday, and almost never fight. We get along great and truly prioritize and look forward to our meetings.
Our only problem is....the long distance thing has no end in site. Neither of us are planning (or willing) to relocate to the other's location just yet. He feels that I should 'come home' back to where our friends and family are, where we both grew up.....I feel he should get out and experience new things while we are young.
I still want to see new places, maybe move again, experience something new again, and am simply not ready (if ever) to move back. So what should I do? Bite the bullet and move back? Does this mean we have reached an impasse that will not work? Sometimes I worry that we are on a dead end road, but I could not imagine splitting because we have such a great relationship.
My son is NOT being childish. He is more grown up
And, since you mentioned it, both of my brothers are felons. One is already in the pen and the brother that my son does not want at the wedding will soon be going to the pen for what else - 3 counts second degree sexual assault. So, do you still think our son is childish?????? Not sure how you got the childish portion out of the original post to begin with!!!
As you said, you are grown as is he. Let it be. Is he questioning her sm
or her motives? It is not your place at all to say anything to your father about his impending wedding, honeymoon, etc. Now, if she was taking his money, squandering, etc., and not marrying him then that's another story. She obviously loves him and he loves her, so wish them well, be sweet and happy for him and move on with your own life.
I can sense your bitterness and you need to cut that out of your life. It's counter productive to be bitter and resentful. And, the Bible says it clearly: Bitterness rots your bones.
MAKING??? Isn't he a grown man? (nm)
x
Grown Children
True, not all families are the Cleavers. However, your tone comes accross very unloving towards your children. I find that sad. My oldest son (29) died in an accident. Open up and let your children get to know you before it is too late. Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is simply too short.
Lilly
I have always grown veggies - sm
And this year it looks like doing so will really pay off! I mean, for a few dollars I can get enough plants to cover my 100 sq feet of raised beds and really make a dent in the cost of produce, which we eat a lot of. Happy gardening! 
She is a grown woman and all you
can do is invite her and leave it at that.
my dear grown up former
Dear Son,
Remember when I carried you on my hip everywhere we went until you weighed 50 pounds? I still have a lopsided left arm and body. People would say to me, "when are you going to let him walk?" and I would say, "If I put him down, he will run off!"
Remember when I could not carry you anymore and you would take off in Sam's Club running and laughing just to see the look of horror on my face running after you, abandoning my cart?"
Remember how I had to buy an extra large pet harness at Pet Smart in bright purple and I put you in that leash whenever we were out in public?
Look at you now! All grown up and handsome and not one little trace of a leash! I love you, I would have taken 12 more just like you, I miss playing with you, and I am lucky to be your mom. You taught me all I ever wanted to know about glass replacement, first aid, and laughing until I peed my pants.
Love, Mom
ANY relationship based on lies is doomed to failure
No, my children are both grown and I am not particularly fond
of home schooling. I think it deprives the children of much-needed social interaction and learning to get along in the real world.
Just wait until those roots have grown out
nm
You are talking about grown-a.. folks
By goodness, you do not even see where you are going wrong, do you? What happens if you die suddenly? Do you think they would starve, I doubt it. They would get off their lazy behinds and make do. Why don’t you just let them move in on you and make it 1 big happy home? I do not just dole out money without a person trying to help themselves. You are making them both invalids but wait, you still have the grandkids to go. Lucky you. Don’t gripe when you are to blame for their not working and trying to live on their own. Look in the mirror.
"Romance novels" are all grown up now
Nora Roberts and Debbie Macomber are current faves of mine. Nora's books are a little more intense for the most part, Debbie's more funny and lighthearted. Yeah, they've got the requisite happy endings, but they're good fun reads for the most part, particularly Debbie's books.
My kids are grown, and I do NOT miss it!
I love my children, but bringing them up was the longest, hardest work that I ever did. The sheer exhaustion from never getting enough sleep made everything seem more difficult. But, we all came through it, and the payoff is the amazingly wonder relationships my children, husband and I have with each other as adults. We enjoy each other's company, and I'm so full of pride whenever I see my boys out in the world doing things on their own. After all, that was our goal all along... to raise up fine, responsible adults.
So I don't miss it, but I'm glad I did it. It was worth it. And my husband and I did a great job, if I do say so myself!
Our children are grown, our only grandchild is due to be
born tomorrow and we all talked about it and this year we are only going to buy 1 gift per person (except for the new grandson). So, our budget will be very small this year and, for once, I am actually not stressing about Christmas.
Yeah, well if he was grown up enough to take care
of your 5-year-old daughter, maybe you should have sent him to work. The nerve, a 13-year-old boy making his mommie work two jobs to support him.
Isn't that depending on welfare, too?
You are a joke. If I were a doctor, I would make sure you had a rubber room. By the way, making your son stay home and take care of your daughter was wrong. If you are as old as you say, it was wrong back then, as I am 37 and it was a big no no.
Nowadays, it is child neglect in a lot of places as 13 is expected to take care of no one but themselves for a long period of time.
For a grown woman you seem very dependent on
xx
Absolutely. I've known from age 9 (having grown up in --
a large family and the pandemonium that can be), that I wanted a quieter life than that. I like KIDS, but have never much cared for infants. They make me way too nervous. All that screaming they do overrides my Prozac level, and brings on homicidal thoughts. ;D
What would you do if your grown child told you
she felt like she had to walk on egg shells to be around you? Would you a) not be around her very much or at all or b) try to change who you are to fit in with what shethinks you should be like or c) just forget what she said? We are talking a 36 year old and I, her mother, on the other side of 65.
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