controversial: friend beating his child with a stick
Posted By: XanaX on 2009-02-24
In Reply to:
I already know what I must do. I know I'm going to have to call CPS. Here's the thing: Dan and I both drop off our boys (8 years old) at school every morning. Sometimes after school he and I and the boys go to a local diner for coffee and cocoa. We've been those drop the kids off kind of friends, both single, but nothing more. (We could never get along because our parenting styles vary so differently.) He is VERY strict with his son. I raise my child with love and respect. His child lies and steals, mine does not.
This morning, after the kids were inside, he stated to me: "Tonight he gets the stick. I told him to choose between losing hockey or the stick, and he chose the stick." Apparently, the child does not move quickly enough in the morning and the reason they are often late is because he tricks his father, like turning on the water and pretending to brush his teeth, then climbing back in bed. (Which was today's offense.) I have made it very clear to him he is way too strict, that the outcome will not be as he expects. "That's the way I was raised," he states.
I don't know his address. I do know the address of the school. So, apparently, what I have to do is tell him that I will be calling CPS and reporting him, which might be the only obvious way to avoid this evenings' "stick." Sure, I guess this will cost me our friendship, but the child's safety is the only thing involved. However, the child's mother is even worse than the father. He obtained her as a mail-order bride, they are now divorced, she is on her fifth American husband, and is even more abusive to the child. Have I already answered my own question?
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Had a friend whose child took it
It took a few weeks for the level to build up in her system (or to build up toleranace to it), 4 to 6 weeks, but it did wonders for her.
I'm sure you know to continuously monitor the dose because as they grow, their needs change.
Best of luck to the little guy and to you.
Is this your friend's first child?...sm
Send her an unusual postcard and say something like "I miss your smiling face, my friend. I know how hectic it can be with a newborn baby and new routine. Gimme a call when you feel up to it. p.s.- I'll bring you a pastrami on rye with a cream soda (Chinese, pizza or whatever her favorite snacks are).
I'm sure she and baby will be fine. Just hang in there, be supportive and continue to send postcards from the edge to make her smile. If you're that close, she knows you're thinking of her and that you'll be there through thick and thin.
My other thought is that her hubby may be the one freakin' out bkz of the baby's condition and making her feel like crap. It's not uncommon...Some men are just very thoughtless before they speak.  Cat
Stop beating yourself up....
I have been following since your first post. You asked for opinions, which you got, and you also got a lot more. I wish mothers were more supportive of each other. We truely have the hardest job in the world and I think we have all made choices that we have second guessed or I know other mothers would not have made.
When I was 13 (I am now 40) and in junior high I was "paddeled" while wearing a cheerleading skirt. I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and was gathered up with several other students (who really weren't doing anything wrong) and we were all paddeled. I said something to my parents about the fact that I had a couple of welts on my thighs and they told me that was my fault since I obviously did something wrong in order to get paddeled. I got an apology from the vice principal so evidentally my parents realized they needed to stand up for me. My parents now sing a totally different tune. I have wonderful parents (father and step-moter)now, they just made some, in my opinion, wrong decisions when I was younger. They now talk about how they wish they had parented me differently. I am not saying you made the wrong decision...we don't have paddeling in our school system so I don't know whatI would do. Now just move on, it is over with, can't change it, and I can honestly say the paddeling had no lasting affect on me.
spanking, not beating.
Teens this day and age have no fear, of anything, it seems. Back in my days of growing up, just the thought of my parents finding out I did something I wasn't suppose to, was enough for me to keep myself in line.
And NO, we were never beaten, but did get a few pats with the belt, which were far and few inbetween.
getting the belt is beating - check with your
A few suggestions on beating depression.
In the same boat gave good suggestions for the medical care part. I strongly urge you to consider an anti-depressant and/or an anti-anxiety medication. They are not addictive, do not turn you into a zombie and will help you tremendously in every arena, especially work. You could try OTC St John's wort. This did not help my depression (it seems to run in my family and I think mine is hereditary) but I have friends who say it has helped them. It is possible your depression is being aggravated by SAD (seasonal affective disorder).
Make sure you are getting plenty of sleep. If you have trouble with insomnia, another really good natural remedy for that is melatonin. You find it in the vitamin section of the drug store. It is inexpensive and is not habit-forming. There is no set dosage. They come in 1 mg and 3 mg tablets that can be split. Start with the 1 mg and increase by 0.5 mg until you reach your ideal without hangover effect in the a.m. 3 mg is what I typically take, but have taken as much as 4.5. Again, insomnia runs in my family and it is likely your dosage would be less.
Exercise helps with depression A LOT. This does not have to be strenuous or extreme. A 20 to 45 minute walk 3 times a week or more will do WONDERS for you. Biking is great also and in the summer, swimming.
Here's something else I strongly suggest. I know it's a hard one, because I am a mom too. Stop trying to take care of everybody else for the time being and put focus on helping yourself. Find things you enjoy doing that do not cost money and then DO THEM. This can be difficult at first. Take baby steps at first. Make a modest plan for a day off, wake up and PRETEND you are not depressed, then put one foot in front of the other. Read books, watch favorite TV shows, surf the net, window shop, light candles and incense and soak in a hot water tub with soothing bath salts, listen to music, pot plants using cuttings, cook a delicious meal, change your hairstyle, experiment with make-up and new clothing styles (go to stores and try them on), start a journal or do a little research on a new hobby. Sometimes even housework can be therapeutic. Whatever you do, be very kind to yourself and do not beat yourself up if you don't get as much done as you would like. The road back takes time and practice.
Get proactive about your job. Look for work at home with a company with insurance. Make up your mind that you are going to kick this depression, not the other way around.
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
Getting the stick and then you said
beating with a stick. I would think you are probably overstepping your boundaries. He could change his mind between today and tonight and this "beating" or "getting" the stick might not materalize. Have you actually seen any signs, etc. of abuse?
OK. I have to stick up for Wal Mart and here is why: sm
Wal Mart is NO different than any other department store or retail store on the market today. Why do people think that you CAN raise a family while working as a cashier at Wal Mart? Or a greeter? You can't. Just as you couldn't if you were a cashier at your local grocers. These people are there to ring up our products, take our money, etc, just like any other cashier's job. You can't raise a family on a salary like that ANYWHERE so why is everyone blaming Wal Mart for low wages? The last I looked our local grocer was hiring for 7.00 an hour and that is 1.50 less than what our local Wal Mart pays.
Second. Health insurance. A company that is privately owned DOES NOT have to offer insurance for it's employees. Hence, again, go look for a company that does offer it if you need it. Don't blame Wal Mart. The employee has choices. They can work somewhere else. It is expensive!! If they offered its employees ALL of these benefits people keep crying about then guess what? They wouldn't be Wal-Mart anymore. They would be called Wal-Mall because that's what would happen to their prices. They would go WAY up! And then I wouldn't be able to get a loaf of bread for 87 cents. You get the picture. Wal-Mart does a lot of families very GOOD. They dont' have unions because unions cost a TON of money. Once again, they would have to raise prices enormously if they were to form a union. I don't want that. I don't need a Wal-Mall, I need a Wal-Mart.
So, to drive my point in further, let me sum it all up for you: 1. You aren't supposed to earn a living working at Wal-Mart. If you have to raise a family, get an education or a better paying job and don't blame Wal Mart for paying wages that your local grocer or department store pays just because you think "they can afford it." 2. If Wal Mart starts offering insurance to all employees, form unions, etc., then Wal-Mart would be just like our competitor here in town, Publix, who drive up prices 40 to 50% so that they CAN pay their employees health insurance, etc., which is fine - that is their business. But I am smart. And given the choice of paying 2.50 for a loaf of bread or 87 cents, I think the latter is a much better choice for me and my family.
If your convictions stop you, then don't shop there. But Wal Mart is just too good a thing to pass up for millions of families.
I will say this in contrast, though. I don't always go to Wal Mart because I hate crowds. I do occasionally shop at our local Publix as I find them friendlier and more convenient. But, I always spend a lot of money and don't get nearly as much for my money except maybe peace of mind.
I agree! I'd rather stick with...
Weight Watchers and exercise.
The key is to find something you can stick with....
....for the rest of your life. I think lasting weight loss is about making lifestyle changes you can easily incorporate into your life and live with for the the long haul, including healthy food choices and exercising. I am not familiar with Calorie King or Kimkins, so I can't say what kind of programs they are, but fads are not the way to go, IMO.
Good luck to you, though. Losing weight is a big committment and really not a lot of fun. I've been on Weight Watchers and have lost 11 pounds so far. It's taken awhile, but I didn't gain all the weight overnight, either. Slow and steady.
Stick and stone...seriously! sm
My dad worked with a guy who named his boys stick and stone. Didn't believe him until one day I was working at a shoestore and was fitting some kids for their shoes and mom said, "stick and stone, get over here and sit down!" I about died! I had to run to the back room real quick to hide my laughter.
Sorry but what is stick? I do like how modulars look - don't know anything about them though (nm)
x
Stick Vs. Modular
I think stick means a house built completely on-site with 2x4 lumber from the ground up. A modular is a house built in sections in a building somewhere else and then the sections are moved to your site and put together there. All the modulars I have been inside seem to develops cracks in the walls and ceilings as the house settles over time. Just my opinion but I think stick will give better quality overall, thought probably cost more. But I have seen extremely nice modulars when they are new.
Okay, don't want to be a stick in the sand
We lived near the beach for many years and saw this one time too many. So, instead of being afraid of the ocean be more afraid of the sand. Please don't let your sons dig holes in the sand, at least not deep ones. We have seen children and teenagers have serious accidents or worse with this. The sand collapses into the holes and consequences can be fatal, so just heads up on that. It was also just on the news so I hope a lot of parents watched it. What seems like fun can turn quickly into a serious situation. It was just a known fact in our home..... no deep holes at the beach.
Sorry to be a downer....just want to make sure the boys AND parents enjoy themselves. Do have a good time though!!!
Sounds like you are trying to stick to
something similar to the SouthBeach diet. Pistachios are a good snack but carrotts are full of sugar and supposed to be a no-no. Not flaming you, in my opinion carotts are certainly better than say doughnuts or chips.
I have a few things that stick in my mind but - sm
these were special circumstances. We were there on a Make-A-Wish trip last year (12-2005) and my daughter wore a special pin that identified her as a "Give the Kid's the World" recipient. We had a special pass so we did not have to wait in any ride lines (she still tired easily at that point 3 months out from when chemo had finished), so that was great of course. But one day when we were leaving the park at the entrance of main street, Chip and Dale were there getting their pics taken with kids, there was a line of about 20 or so kids and they stopped us and pulled us over and asked if we wanted to have my kids picture taken with them w/o waiting-- sure the kids did, so they did, that was pretty cool (though I am sure the people waiting were not too thrilled though they did explain it to the people at the front of the line); then during the electric night parade we got a spot on the route up in front by the rope so the kids could see well, and 3 different characters spotted my daugter with her pin on, in her wheelchair, and came over and gave her a hug (Snow White, the Queen from Alice in Wonderland, and one of the 7 dwarves), made my daughter's day (mine too). She also got to meet Cinderella when she was walking about too. All of the staff were very helpful to us since at every ride they had to either take us to the front of the line, ususally through the handicap entrance/fastpass entrance or in through a back way into ride (that was interesting) to bypass the line. Nothing extrodinary but for me the parade was the best part since they generally did not stop to hug kids and say hi. Like I said a little biased but we did have a great time.
newer ones are built same as stick;
nm
good! that is the trick, now stick to it!
hold to your guns, girl. dont let him go along good for a while and then stop. you are taking the right way, its not easy, and it may not end up with ya'll together, but you will then be able to look everyone, including him, and say i left it all out there. be sure though that you find something for yourself that will build you up! that is key to this. will make you stronger to deal with him and also if the time comes that you have to go, you will KNOW you can do it on your own. God bless your home.
Oh really? Even if they say accummulation of 1-3 inches, that won't stick? sm
LOL! I have no idea! It has to stick. It just has to. I mean, then that won't really matter if it doesn't stick!! I'll post pics when it's all over! haha
Recently we did a non-stick linoleum and I
cannot believe how much it looks like tile. The installer put in down in 1 sheet and it looks great. Very easy to clean, although you can't see the dirt, and everyone thinks it's tile. I never would have picked this out in a million years but a few people told me to give it a try. I brought a piece home, placed it on my kitchen floor for a couple days and really liked it. We were going to put hardwood in our kitchen (as the rest of our house is hardwood), but I'm really happy with the non-stick linoleum. Good luck.
I'll stick with my antenna!
A lot of people think when TV changes over to digital, they will need to switch to cable or dish TV and I just wanted to point out that isn't true. You can get the converter box and stick with your antenna. That's what I'm doing. Plus I found with the converter box, I get over twice as many channels as I did before.
Best of all, it's free! (Well, the converter box isn't free, but at least I don't pay a monthly fee.)
The Stick is making a comeback
Them that don't believe don't receive!
you have got the ole stick it to the dentist syndrome
I paid that bill also and it is awful. Tell the dentist you want a different prize.
You could just get long stick matches or - sm
one of the long automatic ones (sounds like you have one that is just cheaply made). I remember my parents having long stick matches 8-10 inches long for the fireplace years ago, I am sure someone still makes them. Or try a fireplace store or like you said Home Depot, or Lowe's, I am sure one of them would have what you are looking for in terms of a nicer grill lighter.
As a Christian I have to stick up for Pat Roberts and television sm
evangelists. They work hard for their money. They earned their money. If you don't believe in what they are doing, then don't give any. Plain and simple.
After Katrina hit, Pat Roberts and his ministry set up camp down there and helped thousands of people (I saw it first-hand), which leads me to believe that the camps he leads in Africa and Asia, etc., must be real. He "take" other people's money and then distributes it where he feels led. What business is it of yours if that is what he is called to do? And why do you think he has to live in a shack because he is a t.v. evangelist. God is an excellent God and is not sloppy. He wants Christians to live in the Promised Land, full of riches and honey (it is clearly in the Bible). It is called God's blessings. You should read up on it.
I'm sick and tired of Christians and nonChristians who think that just because you live in a big house or drive a fancy car that you are not entitled to it because you are an evangelist. Pat makes money by writing BOOKS and speaking engagements, too, which earns you A LOT of money. Bill Clinton earned 38,000,000 in speaking engagements after his first year of leaving the oval office.
Our pastor who leads a very large congregation, lives in a gated community and drives a Mercedes. I love the guy! What an example! Hey, I'd be worried if he preached the Gospel and about living in the Promise Land and lived in a trailer behind on his auto payments. Please. He travels the country, has written several books and also sells real estate, ON TOP of his large ministry.
Soooo many people are totally misinformed about t.v. evangelists. Just because they are asking for money they think that all the money coming in goes to furnish their lavish lifestyle. I have done my research. That is NOT TRUE!! They make their money in a lot of other ways.
Pat is a rich guy, but he certainly does not make it through giving. Neither does Joel Osteen who pastors a church of 20,000 people. He has a median salary and lives in a mansion.
So, quit being so sick and tired of these t.v. evangelists and all that they have. Have you ever thought for a SECOND that God has blessed them IMMENSELY because they faithfully serve Him and obey His word? God blesses those HE chooses.
Peace to you.
It's snowing and starting to stick in Birmingham!
My 4 yo is in layers of clothes with socks over her little hands lol! I asked her to wipe off a leaf (over my waist high off the ground) to see what snow tasted like...she said it tasted like yellow! LOL! I told her not to get any more snow from that bush! This really beats Winter Storm of 1993 when we got snow, but had no electricity for 6 days! Like the OP, I have tried making trip plans for my little one to see snow and it has never worked out, so this is the first time for her :) She is having a blast...I like it too!
Hope you get your snow down south!
Hang in there and stick with it, be consistent, .just like children.....
xx
Try reaching for a stick of gum or a piece of hard candy.
The doctor I work for prescribes Chantix and it has been very successful for many patients.
Unfortunately, the schools stick their nose in many things that should be the parents job (sm)
my children have had teachers give one-sided views of politics, whether they should be democrats or republicants, who their parents should be voting for, etc. For some reason, some teachers don't know where fact ends and their opinion begins. We don't pay them to teach their opinion.
Anyone have recipe for chicken teriyaki on a stick in the oven? sm
I have the boneless chicken, the skewers, the teriyaki sauce, how can I do this in the oven without ruining everything or starting a fire? Kinda stuck in the snow here and making the best of preparing a menu. Also, if anyone still has the hashbrown casserole, I have all the ingredients (I think) but lost the recipe amts., etc.
Okay, my first thought was - stick a hose in the hole to flood them out! SM
HAHAHAH - Then I realized you meant Moles as in SKIN.... I need more coffee!
Oh speaking of which, I had a bunch taken off in my GP's office using frozen nitrogen and a quick snip. Painess and easy.
Getting the stick sounds pretty straight forward to me
You could talk to someone at the school, tell them what you know, what you plan on doing, and see what kind of support becuase they may suspect problems but don't have facts.
I admit sometimes it seems easier just to look the other way, but what if there was someone that could have helped Caylee Anthony and "looked the other way". Follow your instincts.
If your suspicious prove unfounded you are out nothing but a "friend". He doesn't seem like someone I would want to be friends with and if his child acts the way you say, I wouldn't encourage a friendship between the boys.
Thanks for the info. I'll stick with the Lidoderm patches as long as
.
stick to your guns and let the bride and groom decide who they would like at the wedding(sm)
Twenty years ago there were 150 people at my wedding. I knew MAYBE 20 of them. My parents INSISTED on inviting every single long-distance cousin and relative, most of whom I (and certainly my husband) did not know and had never met. Granted, MA and Dad were paying for the wedding but I've always felt like I missed out on having MY wedding because, in order to stay within their budget, I only invited about five or ten friends. And my husband and his parents felt like they COULDN'T invite anyone because of the budget restraints and my parents' guest list. We ended up with about 20 people on my husband's side of the church (basically his immediate family), three of his friends, five of mine, and the rest were mostly my distant, DISTANT unknown relatives (with a few close relatives scattered among the many distants). I look back now and wish that I had taken better charge of the situation. It certainly would have cost my parents less money because I wasn't going to invite that many people.
Basically stick to a schedule. Laundry is only "housework" while I"m working. Keep calls sh
s
I definitely wouldn't stick around! Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I'd be done with him. If he has done it once, he can definitely do it again.
Yes, with my second child.
He is now 13 and has never had any problems. Just pray, God will work it all out for you and I will keep you in my prayers also.
Tell me a little about your child, please
Thanks.
Thank God. Having your child taken would be the
.
As a child...
I never sucked my thumb and never had a pacifier. I had crowding of teeth as an adult because of wisdom teeth pushing on them. It really is the size/shape of your mouth/palate that determines crooked teeth, and that is determined by genetics.
More than one child
We were planning on only having one child, but 10 years later (she's almost 4 now) we did have a second one which I of course don't regret for a minute. The only thing I can say is don't listen to those that say you have to have a second child. That's all I heard for years. How can yo just have one, and on and on. It's nobody's business but you and your husband.
Yes, have gone since I was a child.
My kids also go, ages 20, 17 and 15. It fills my spiritual tank for the week and our pastor is so wonderful and uplifting and we have a fabulous congregation. I don't feel right if I miss a week.
No H is an only child LOL.
That is probably what the problem is too. No other children to dote on.
A dog is not a child and has different
needs from a child. But even a child is put in a bassinet to sleep in when they are small to control how much they roll around. Then later they are put in a crib. Is that a cage for you too? Or do you put the child on a full-size mattress and hope for the best? No, you carefully listen to all the rules about safe mattresses for infants and how soon pillows can be used and what position is safest for an infant.
For dogs, you need to get to know them before you give them free reign of the house. Otherwise they might get into something we didn't think of to put up and die. This dog is in the age range of 12-18 months. We can already tell he is inquisitive. We don't know how much time he has spent in a house because he was abandoned at the shelter. We will observe him and train him and grant him more freedoms as he proves himself ready.
Dogs in the wild use dens. You are misinformed, probably by PETA folks who would have you release your Yorkshire terrier to the wild to fend for itself if they had their druthers.
I was 29, he's my only child
before I had him I had two miscarriages in the same year (when I was 28). He is almost 13. I'm in downstate NY and at his school school (it's a Catholic school) many of his classmates' parents are at least as old as I am. Hope to get married soon but probably too late for another..
of course he is my child
I have his age wrong though. He is 31. How on earth can I or should I stop him from stating his own opinion? It is certainly not unusual for an 18-year-old male to use the word, even when talking about his evil GM. He was 18 when dear G'ma died. I'm telling you, the woman was evil, evil, evil!!!! Even my ex-DH (is there such a thing) didn't like her. The only reason my older son liked her was because he was the first grandchild and she worshipped him. When my SIL had 2 kids, they were okay for a while, then she didn't want to mess with them either. She liked dogs and cats more than people. And, by the way, I am really relating to all of you out there who go to your MIL's for all the holidays and not your mom's. I did that also, because I dearly loved my FIL and my SIL, BIL, etc. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have shared a little more. My mom is only 70, but no one is promised tomorrow. We do all holidays together now.
Right - I don't think they should take the child because (sm)
no matter what, children love their parents and would be traumatized to be taken away from them, so unless they are being terribly mistreated, I don't think they should ever be taken. Children who go thru life in foster homes are rarely ever happy. But Social Services could go in and help them get things cleaned up if that is why. It may not be, but in my case that was the problem. I eventually at about age 11 or 12 went out and bought bug spray and sprayed my hair and brushes and sprayed my PILLOW regularly to keep the bugs away. I am sure that was horrible for my health but I was desperate.
Because he's still YOUR CHILD, and he still needs to know he is welcome. nm
x
child with SVT. sm
Hi. My 16-year-old son is suspicious for SVT. Anyone else experience this? I had made an appointment for March, and now the doc is calling me and wants to see my son next week. He has already had an echo and an event monitor. Don't know if I should be freaked out or not.
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