can people say goodbye without a funeral?
Posted By: sm on 2009-03-17
In Reply to:
I think i will be faced with this predicament before too long. Husband says he does not want a funeral. Yet i wonder if his kids can say their farewells and be emotionally okay without one? anyone with experience or thoughts on this?
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Two words.....adios...goodbye.
I was there once too. It took me 2 years to wisen up. I thought I was going to die when I told him to hit the road, but I got over it and am a better person for it. If he won't say where the money is coming from, then I would run, not walk the other direction. Because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Good luck with any decision that you make.
I Will Survive, Donna Summer or Gloria Gaynor; Goodbye
Earl, Dixie Chicks; Hit Me With Your Best Shot, Pat Benatar. After she moves, take her out to dinner and a chick-flick or a night on the town.
funeral
I think the Harley guys are actually Vietnam war vets. We had the same thing happen here - the Kansas group is not making many converts to their way of thinking.
Funeral
I know they keep saying if you do not agree with a post...DO NOT RESPOND..... so they have to BLACK to grieve.....
Funeral
Not flaming you.....very good post.....
oh wow! why protest at someone's funeral?--sm
How about a little compassion for the family of the one who was killed? my goodness. this is not the place to hold an anti-war protest!!! Most of these soldiers probably had no choice in where they were sent while serving out country. I am against the war too, but as much as I am against it, I would leave the families of the departed to grieve in peace. how rude! How do the bikers get involved in keeping the peace??? sorry, I just really don't know about all of this.
Not worse than the funeral I went to
NM
Missing funeral
Male a donation in the girl's name to the Natinal Kidney Foundation or some other kidney charity with a nice note.
funeral protester
Is it that same woman with her 8 kids that were picketing the soldiers funerals. That woman is a disgusting disgrace and they should arrest her for disturbing the peace. That ugly SOB. All she wants is media coverage and she should be arrested for child abuse for making her kids learn all this nonsense she is spewing out. I would like to see the people take it upon theirselve to knock the crap out of this woman and have he police just stand by and let her get the crap beat out of that scumball.
There is a funeral in our area this weekend for ...
a soldier killed in Iraq and just found out those wonderful people from Kansas are planning to attend. 
Song not any worse than my at the funeral I went to
Cousin knew she was dying from cancer. My 90-year-old father there and unbelieve, she was always something else, started off with Ole Timey Rock and Roll and the end of the funeral was Somewhere Over the Rainbow. My father said, well I never. I had not either but her choices.
maybe the funeral home has an on-line
site to offer words or comfort to the family. I've seen a couple of these. What to say? just what is on your heart, "cannot find words to express..", that your heart hurts with them...you care...
I keep dreaming about going to a funeral and in the middle SM
of the service the deceased gets up and falls on ME! No kidding. Two nights ago TWO of them in one night! What the hay does that mean??? I need your wisdom and guidance!
the funeral thing could be entirely new thread
At times like that the kids are a good reminder that life goes on, and that we live on in our kids, grandkids, etc.
Pianists out there - I need music for a funeral
for a friend who is dying - the Irish tune, Danny Boy. He has asked that it be played at his funeral. Would anyone be willing to send me a copy? I will pay for postage. Thanks.
My mom ddnt want a viewing or funeral
I tried to uphold her wishes but her one sister did not have "closure" without some sort of pomp, so five months after mom died (was cremated), I held a small service at the cemetery (didn't want to, but wanted the aunt to have her "closure." She never showed up!
Both hubby and I are not going to have a viewing or funeral and the kids know it. I'm getting cremated, while he wants to be buried the regular way 'cuz he hates being hot. LOL
You can have closure without the above. In fact, in my case, it just brought all the sadness back to the surface and it took me another couple months to get back to normal again. Think of it this way, as mom used to say: "I want people to remember me as I was, not as I am."
Hope this helps.
A funeral is not the time or place for your friend to take a stance over something done 10 yrs ago.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but for your friend to even "think" about saying anything right now would be selfish and inconsiderate. He has had 10 years to deal with this issue. Why now??
I really tried to look at this issue from all angles and to be honest, just really don't "get it." I can't understand why anyone would feel the need to change a name they have had for at least 18 years. If my daughter changed her name, I would be absolutely devastated. Unless she was in the Witness Protection Program, I would continue to call her by the name she was given after 26 hours of labor and delivery. I'm not sure I could call her by another name even if I wanted to. It may not sound like much, but your friend is really asking a lot from people. Old habits DO die hard and this is so much more than just a habit.
If a friend of mine did this and it meant THAT much to her, I suppose I would try to make her happy. Without knowing all of the details, it's hard say for sure. One thing I do know is that if your friend is going to address this, he needs to wait for the appropriate opportunity. The timing he chooses could have a significant impact on the outcome.
Do you mind me asking why your friend did something this drastic?
I personally think the funeral is what makes you an emotional wreck.
Funerals compound the grief for me. The dark lighting, the sad music, the morbid displaying of a dead body in the casket! No way for me. I hope to God my parents don't want funerals.
Memorial service, no problem.
I think the traditional funeral service is antiquated and just makes things worse.
you can give the people the facts, but the decision making process should be left to the people
This is what our country is founded on FREEDOM OF CHOICE! I'm laughing already; you are just as mortal as the rest of us, and don' even attempt to that you've never done anything in your lifetime that was unsafe or unhealthy. NOT gonna buy it.
it is wonderful to see how many people have such strong opinions about people in debt.
I thought that the purpose of this board was to be able to post without being judged unfairly or have somebody tell you how wonderful their personal life is, and therefore you are causing their life to be less wonderful with your irresponsibility. Well, the saying "walk a mile in my shoes" is a good one in this case. Since you have no personal information about the person you are lambasting because they are looking for information on their debt, you can feel superior. Had you had personal information about them, you might act in a more human manner. Consider fighting cancer for 4 years, working and being debilitated while you do, suffering the effects of chemo, going into debt to maintain your home for your children and looking for a way out of debt SHOULD YOU EVEN LIVE THROUGH THIS!! Thank you for the kind comments. To the judgmental people I say please take a step back before you judge. You do not know who you are talking to and if you knew the personal information maybe your comments would be kinder.
I get frustrated by the double standard they use when judging people. They let certain people go sa
What do you think about the voting process?
People who go around calling other people "low class"
have their own issues in life. Ignore them. Nothing like a misplaced superiority complex to make a person feel good about themselves. Like they've never done anything gauche or made a faux pas. It must be nice for them to be so perfect and live in a glass house.
For that matter, you probably saved your piggy's life by popping that mondo zit! It could have gotten infected or something.... (yes, I have a zit popping fixation myself, but you were really descriptive on that pig zit. gag LOL)
Man, you would have appreciated the time one of my relative's popped a HUGE cyst on her face. I was standing right next to her at the time and leaned back because I knew it was going to blow. It did! Big time! All over the wall, mirror and light fixture. I'm still disgusted by the thought of it 10 years later. LOL In a revering kind of way...
some people did, some people didn't. It's their choice.
x
If this helps...I know people who know people (sm)
who can make people disappear. 
Not really--I'd be lyin' if I said I never thought such things though! ;-)
IME, people don't feel sorry for fat people either
They actually have less sympathy than they do for people who have substance abuse, IME.
At any rate, I do feel sorry for Britney but the safety of her children should be everyone's first priority, then her safety. It would seem to me that all these hangers-on she has are jeopardizing that safety. It's all just very sad.
Some people just look at me
like I am crazy. You should see the looks I get when she rides on my shoulder in the car. Most people associate rats with dirty animals, etc. They are just like a hamster, only very smart animals. Plus they don't bite like hamsters or try and get away from you. They want to be around you. They are very loyal and love attention. She's my baby.
Unfortunately, she has a cyst growing under her arm now though. She is getting old, and I know her time is coming. :(
OMG! You people are bad, bad, bad!!! I'm going to
!
For me, over 25 people to buy for......
including mine and my husband's immediate families we see separately Christmas eve and Christmas day. We also visit grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc. a week later. We don't have kids yet so still spend a few hundred on each other. It is probably closer to 1500 combined for us.
What about NJ? People here act like
they're the best beaches in the world and I can assure you they are NOT. LBI is the cute nickname now given to Long Beach Island which is a dump as are most NJ beaches and everyone acts like it's the Hamptons or something. Been to NC outer banks and loved it. No comparison.
I think there need to be more people...
in the world like you! You are doing a wonderful thing and are a shining example to your children!
Pet (Dog in particular) people -
I have a Lab/Pit mix, probably 8 or 9 years old, who has a terrible problem with itching and scratching all over. I am hoping someone on this site has a solution for us.
I will tell you what we have tried that has not worked.
Benadryl has not worked. Seemed to help initially but stopped it and she shows no change.
Changing her food has not worked. Have tried all kinds of food, wheat free, have not helped.
Adding oil to her food, 1-2 tablespoons of olive oil twice a day, has not helped. Seemed to help initially but she went back to scratching.
Getting her groomed with dry skin shampoo/conditioner has not helped.
What DID help was steroid injection and prednisone pills on a tapering dose. But once the dose was tapered down, she started scratching some. I dont want her on steroids indefinitely. PLUS, the steroids made her very very aggressive and being part pitbull, that was not a good thing.
When it gets to the point that she and I are both waking up multiple times during the night, I have to go back to steroids. Before I do that, I wonder if anyone reading this has another remedy we could try before going to steroid route.
We also have a cat and I am beginning to think she may be allergic to the cat. Do you think this is possible? My vet technician told me it is possible but it would involve costly allergy testing and injections if it proves positive. Would like opinions from others before I take her for allergy testing.
Any info anyone could provide would sure be appreciated, not only by me but by my best friend who is suffering with this.
Thank you!
um, a lot of people don't go to the, uh, gym.
nm
I know 5 people who have had this...sm
1 has kept the weight they lost off.
2 had major complications after the surgery and 1 almost died - he was healthy before surgery.
4 lost weight but have regained most if not all of it. You can restretch the stomach back out by eating too much.
I like those too - I know a lot of people don't :-)
x
Yes, but LL should have people to look out for her
be watched 24/7, but LL could be and should be. She should be protected and anyone with any interest in this girl, either for financial or other, such as her mother, should be helping her better than this.
IMO there is no excuse for this. Maybe I am being harsh, but give me a break already with these celebs.
Just like with people
Recovering from surgery (procedures done with anesthesia) when they're older is harder for them, and you have to be super careful that they don't have any conditions that could be worsened by the medications. Please try everything you can before getting them declawed. I'm lucky, my cats love their scratch posts, but they also love picking at the carpet. I just buy rugs and stick them all over the place!
Those people should have given you (sm)
thank you notes BUT, when you give you have to give with a free and willing heart and not expect anything in return - even a thank you - because you will only get bitter waiting. Only give when you really want to and feel the need to and you will feel better about it I think.
re: people
Just me,
The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9:
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?"
It is our sin nature to commit sin and we're all born with it. I don't know what the percentage of sexual sin is, but I do know that it is getting more and more prevalent and has been around since bible days because we are all born sinners and we all need Jesus to save us. That doesn't mean that after we accept Jesus we stop sinning, but are more likely to be faithful when we know the Lord.
God bless!
Jan
Pod people.
It's the only explanation. How can you not talk to people in an environment like that?!
This really is about the right age when most people do this (sm)
I was 18 and that was 20 years ago. You cannot make her not do it. I would strongly focus right now on teaching her all the possible STDs - I mean seriously teaching her - because I got herpes from oral sex when I was 21 and did not even know you could get it that way. Just sit down with her and say, "well you have decided to do this and I don't agree with it, BUT since you are, let's look up every possible bad thing that can happen" and make sure she is extremely well informed. Even find scary pictures of HPV and look up hep B and hep C and herpes and every STD you can think of. At least then she probably will not be promiscuous and will be choosy and careful about who she is with.
and once again, people come in here and can....n/m
Why do people have to
make reference to a person other than "did that nice woman smile at you?"??? If she had been obese instead, would they have said..."Did that fat lady smile at you?" Just annoys me how insensitive people can be and how they can be quick to label a person without even knowing anything about them.
I would have been offended myself in this situation. HOW RUDE!
i know this will ^&*()$% people off
I personally would never have an abortion, but think of all the people who were aborted instead of being born. Maybe there is another reason that they were aborted and that society is better off as a whole because of it.
Yep. People just don't think - nm
nm
I know some people that took their son's
room away. He was about 13 and they had only been living in their new house a few months. His bedroom was in the basement with the rest of the family on the second floor. He loved his room soooo much. This was not really a bad kid, just wouldn't do homework, chores, picked on his sister, really just immature. They made him move into his little brother's room. His LB was 4 so he obviously loved having big bro for a roommate. Straightened him out rather quickly.
IMO, most people won't say anything
so i would suggest you definitely keep your eyes and ears open. chances are, being it was brought to your attention, there may be something to it.
Depending upon the gravity of it all, you may want to do some snooping, and/or check financial records and such. Whatever you do, 'protect yourself at all times',ie, cover your bases. Trust is so important with a spouse, but not a blind trust.
Depending upon other factors, you may or may not confront your spouse, but likely not. There, you lose the element of surprise, and if something is up, the coverup will be more elaborate and harder to penetrate.
two people
if at all possible, but I don't have any help and rarely do I need to bathe them, only time has been when they had a brief flea outbreak. But if you have no help, just hold by the ruff of the back of the neck and since mine are adults, I let there back feet touch the ground so as not to hold them there by their full weight and do the best I can with washing them with one hand. I do it in the bathtub with a sprayer I have attached to my shower head.
For people our age I think
hair should not as long as Meredith's, just turned to see her because I really do not want her show that often. No matter how nice the color, the shine, etc. I think keeping any longer only ages a person. I try to keep mine ear length, any longer only bothers me.
I think too many people....
automatically think spanking is abuse because they have become brainwashed by society, government, etc. Adults CAN draw the line and I don't think there are too many that "beat" their kids. I was also spanked as a child, never beat, and raised my kids spanking them ONLY if needed. I NEVER smacked them across the face as that is humuliating to the child and my point was never to humuliate my kids but to instill what is accepted and not accepted.
My sister-in-law raised her kids on timeout and the never ending "talks". Five minutes later they were doing the exact same thing they were timed out for. Her kids are now teenagers. They are smart mouthed, have no respect for people, she is unable to control them which in turn she lets them do what they want, bribes them to "behave", etc. They come from a loving, good home but I see nothing but trouble in the future for them as they have no boundries of what and what is not accepted.
My kids were raised getting a spank or two on the behind with a firm no (never a beating or screaming at them). They have turned into respectful, caring, responsible adults with no side affects from the spanking. I ask them to do something and they do it without back talk. They call their elders Mr or Mrs. They turned out to be well adjusted, happy kids with many friends as it was instilled into them to respect people as they would like to be respected.
Unfortunately, society and the government, etc., has gotten involved with raising OUR kids. They need to step back and worry about their own kids. I for one do not worry when my kids are out at night, they are not driving and drinking, they are not stealing, not doing drugs, etc. They are not perfect and can be a pain in the a** at times, but I know I raised them right and I raised them as I see fit - not how society would want me to raise them.
I do not spank them anymore as there is no need to. That stopped at 8 or 9 years old - they knew what was right and wrong by that time. If they do something I do not like, I now talk with them. There are times that does not work and then I take away privileges such as driving, etc.
Too many people confuse beating and spanking - spanking is not beating!!
People have to eat, so it
is easy to get addicted to food. Smoking, on the other hand, is a ridiculous act of a person who wanted to rebel when they were young and got caught by addiction.
people don't get it...
The reason he probably has the bible on his desk it to have an "open" door for someone. Think about it. If someone is reading a book on say, giraffes, and your curious about giraffes, maybe after awhile you'll say "hey, can you tell me about giraffes?"
I understand now adays there are a lot of "pushy" Christians, and there are also people who are Sunday Christians, and there are Christians who don't practice what they preach. But there are also good, honest, caring Christians who really do want to help you find Jesus and save your soul from he-ll. yes, he-ll. It's real btw.
I'm not trying to start an arguement, but don't condemn this man that you have never met of "trying to make a statement" or "being a pushy Christian." Maybe that bible is on his desk so that one day a co-worker, student, friend, etc will say "what's that thing all about anyways?"
The worst thing this country ever did was take Christianity out of schools. Obviously when we have third graders plotting to kill teachers, we have done something very, very wrong.
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