Your daughter was me 4 years ago...
Posted By: Ashley on 2008-07-17
In Reply to: She's only 16... - wow...sm
I am only 20 years ago and your daughter sounds exactly like me 4 years ago...
I agree with the above-mentioned posters that you need to get dad involved. I too knew that I could manipulate my mom but was very afraid of what my father would do. It's normal for her to say she is going to leave but she won't. She's just saying that to manipulate you.
AS FOR THE DRINKING: Do not allow this to be acceptable behavior. I drank as a 16-year-old and my parents tried to ground me, keep me home, etc. and I still went out and did it... guess what, I got a DUI because kids do not use smart judgement when drunk. I guarantee there is no "safe ride" because she is with other kids who are drinking, and she will never call you for a ride. My parents were very against teenage drinking and I got into big trouble, I can't imagine what your daughter will do if you let her think that is acceptable. JMO
The best thing that happened to me was the DUI because I stayed home for 3 months (had no license) and I learned that I did not have to go out every night, that I really wasn't missing anything. After that, I didn't want to go out except to see a movie or go get dinner. Maybe the best thing to do is have her stay home for month, only let her go out during day or for a short amount of time and then after that month allow her to go out once a week until she comes home drunk, past curfew or you found out that she was somewhere she was not suppose to be and then have her stay home for two months, then let her go out again until she abuses it, etc. Eventually, she will either get into trouble and she'll learn that way or she'll learn that she does not need to be out all the time.
Oh, as for her swearing she isn't sexually active, she probably is. My friend in high school was valedictorian, honor student, everyone thought she was so perfect and even she had sex in high school. My sister is younger than I am, her friends are your daughter's age, and they were almost all sexually active by 15, sad huh :(
Good luck to you. I promise it will get better. My father and I had the worst relationship when I was 16 and now we get along great… there is hope for you and your daughter!
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My daughter was 2 to 3 years old, and did not need braces, sm
We took a trip and told her it accidentally got left on the plane. She fussed a bit, but was okay after that. Also, as she grew up and did not need braces. Niece that sucked her fingers (no pacifier) needed braces because of the misalignment it caused to her teeth.
My daughter had done years earlier and
I noticed the other day she looks as though some have started to not be as aligned as they once were. I am hoping she will get a clear one to help realign hers.
My daughter in early school years
wore a size 10 and now grown wears a 12. She is in her 30s and years ago nearly impossible to find shoes that were not old lady types to fit her, at least now you have all kinds to choose from.
My sister lost her daughter to SIDS 7 years ago. (sm)
Of course the calls, cards, and visits were comforting to her but the biggest help was another couple from a surrounding town who had gone through the same thing came into their lives and were a tremendous help. They were strangers to her, but they were able to comfort her and help her through some of the grief process like none of us were able to.
In years later, my sister and her husband had likewise reached out to families that have had a loss to SIDS. Hopefully someone from that organization will reach out to her.
Allow me to celebrate with you. I conceived my daughter 9 years ago today too!
When is your son's birthday? Just curious if it's the same day as my daughter's.
My daughter is 35 years old and has been having pain in left lower abdomen for quite some time . . .
She had a CT with oral and IV contrast and it was normal, but showed she had an enlarged uterus. Dr. called the next day and said she needs to go for ultrasound.
There is lots of cancer in the family, so my daughter is very concerned. Can any of you who have experienced this help out here. Thanks.
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
My husband is 7.5 years younger. Been together almost 20 happy years...nm
nm
My feelings; people shacking up together for years and years
and then all of a sudden deciding to get married don't need a thing, obviously. A shower should not even be given. I lived with my now husband a while (nowadays who doesn't!) before we married and I also had been married before years ago but he was not....so of course HIS mom wanted a shower. I told her absolutely not unless it was just the immediate family, his mom, sisters, etc, more like a celebration/get together. And so that's what we did. Showers are tacky, period. Unless it's a couple of young kids getting married straight out of the house and that doesn't happen much anymore.
Been with a man 13 years older, now with a man 4 years younger.
Younger is better, at least in my case ;)
Sorry, meant 75 cents. Still, that was years and years ago.
xx
I studied to be a scopist years and years ago
Back in the early 1990s I took a course called Note reader Scopist. They read court reporter notes (those long skinny papers that looks like a cash receipt) and types them into documents. I had found the course through something called At Home Professions but just didn't finish it because it was too expensive for me. But I am familiar with them and even found my book from the first course I took. Looking back I think it would have been a blast if I had kept up with it.
It is definitely legitimate. A lot has changed since the early 90s, so I'm not too familiar with the industry now. I do remember what was really weird was it didn't take a lot for me to learn it. For instance I could look at a line of court notes and see something that looked like: NV p srn - and I seemed to know exactly what it said. Just weird. My DH used to say that I understood it because I was an alien and my ship crashed in Roswell. HA HA HA Anyway...that's what I know about it. But if you Google note reader scopist or at home professions i'm sure you could probably find a lot of info.
I have been vegetarian on/off for 35 years, was vegan for about 5 years sm
not that hard. Right now, I am having so many issues with food allergies and celiac disease, having to give up nightshade veggies...nothing left to eat. I am eating some meat now, but not when the gastroparesis sets in!
Being vegan is not hard...unless you are a celiac. This is how I figured out the celiac part because so many of the meat analogs and vegan packaged foods use gluten for the protein and I got really sick from it. I gave up all the premade things and the whole grains with gluten and I was fine.
There is vegan and then there is VE-GAN. By definition, vegans don't wear, use or consume anything that is derived of animals...no leather shoes, most shampoos and toothpastes are off the list, as are deodorants. No wool or silk. Anything with soap usually has animal byproducts. It is very involved and rather difficult to do.
Giving up meat, eggs and dairy is no big deal, except for cheese. You hear that ad about "comfort proteins" in a baby formula and there is such a thing. Mother's milk, be it human, cow, goat, whatever...contains a chemical that triggers the release of endorphins in the brain so that feeding feels good in more ways than one. The purpose of this is ensure that the nursed young want to nurse and thrive. Human milk has a lot of these, so does cow's milk and cow juice triggers the same reaction in the adult human brain. Cheese is concentrated milk and therefore these chemicals are also concentrated. As a result, cheese is an addictive substance. This is the hardest thing to give up when going vegan. Vegan cheese substitutes are nasty and they don't melt. If a dairy-free cheese melts, it contains casein, an animal protein and not vegan.
I studied this years and years and years ago
Most definitely is legitimate. In the late 1980s I studied to be a note reader scopist through a group called At Home Professions. I loved it, but unfortunately could not continue due to no funds. It was reading the court reporters notes which looked like a grocery receipt with a bunch of letters scattered on it. The weird thing was I found it extremely easy. For instance I would see a line that looked like: av e cr, and for some reason I would know what it said. My DH told me that's because I'm an alien and my ship landed in Roswell. HA HA. Well I know that a lot has changed, after all it's been over 20 years since I took the first course and know a lot of it is computerized now, but it is most definitely legitimate and I've heard people like to do it. I think I remember one of the courses was in medical terminology and another course was in legal terminology. Should be able to find a lot of it on google, or maybe go to your local college if they offer it and talk to an instructor.
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
This has happened for years and years, where have you been?
Frank Sinatra, Elvis, the Beatles, and on and on. This person is acting very normal like the age she is. You would have to have been under a rock to think differently, like this was an abnormal behavior....
Lost my mom 23 years ago and dad 18 years ago.
My son was not even 1 when my mom died....she was only 50. My dad died at age 59. So even though I feel your pain....I would have been very grateful to have them into their 80's. I guess we take what we get and be thankful. Sometimes it is hard though.
I was married for 13 years and 2 years
after my divorce I met the most incredible man. He was also divorced, we both have 2 kids, and though we are not married, we have been together for 9 years. They are still out there, you may have to go through a few marginal ones before you find him, but they are out there and available.
Yay for your daughter!
Glad to hear it!
My daughter did twice...sm
and everything did turn out okay. She was very concerned and upset of course but her doc was very positive with her, explaining that there are a lot of false-positives for some reason or another. Good luck to you and try not to worry. I know that is easier said than done though!
Yes, with my first daughter. sm
The test results were actually quite bad. I worked at a doctors office at the time and had the blood drawn there. When the results came in from the lab the four family docs I worked for called my OB and all five had a sit down, serious talk with me. I was extremely frightened, but knew I wouldnt do anything drastic if it was truely Downs. My daughter turned out 100% fine. No Downs. Nothing. With my next two daughters I skipped the test all together. I knew I would never terminate due to Downs, so I left it in Gods hands and skipped that part of testing. All three of mine are fine. That test has too many false results.
My daughter is trying to get me to try
Of course, she is a little thing, but she teaches at a high-stress school, and at the end of the day, she loves to go there. She has gained a lot of muscle which she likes and upper body strength, which she definitely needs. I need to give that a try.
I just went through this w/my daughter...
and yes what is attached is definitely alive. You need to get the small comb that comes with the lice kits and VERY THOROUGHLY comb through all the hair to get the remaining eggs out. If you leave even one egg it will hatch and start the process all over again. My daughter has long hair and I combed it daily, at least an hour at a time. After 10 days, use the lice shampoo again to be sure.
Get the same from my daughter-in-law
all the time, just delete them, just pro-war for nothing and not me.
My 12 YO daughter
I just had to brag about my 12 YO daughter. She and I moved into a new apartment a few months ago. A mentally retarded man, in his 50s, lives down the road. Most 12-13 YO kids won't be associated, or seen, with a retarded man....my daughter is different.
My daughter and I were outside playing catch last night when this man stopped over. She asked him to join us. He played with us for a couple of hours. She was patient, kind, compassionate and understanding.
I truly have an angel for a daughter.
P.S. On a side note, I did tell her I didn't want her to be with him when I wasn't around, etc....for safety reasons.
If that were my daughter.......
I would have marched up in that house and knocked him for a loop!!! I have three daughters and although they are still young I can't imagine anyone ever mistreating them!! As a mother, I can only imagine the heartache you feel for your child!! Thank God she is able to get out now b/c he sounds like a potentially violent person. If I were her, I would never look back and I would make his parents aware of his abusive and neglectful treatment even if they don't want to hear it!!!
My daughter has 1 and I
know she does not have this behavior out of hers- she has had hers for say about 2-3 years and he does little crazy things like snap at the air (nothing there), very loving pet.
daughter
My daughter works at a daycare and they are having an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease. Pretty contagious from what I gather. I'm not sure what kind of treatment, if any, is necessary. Unless she seems really ill, I think you can probably wait until tomorrow and call your pediatrician.
The daughter is 7. nm
!
what my daughter does
is 1) wait until they show readiness, 2) try to anticipate, and encourage a run to the potty,giggling all the way, and 3) makes it fun with lots of praise, and then when they are successful, she gives them 1 M&M. I know some will scream this is wrong to reward with food, but i doubt this will create big problems. My husband used to let the kids run around the house with no britches on and they were much more inclined to want to go to the potty -- but that really depends on their environment too...and personally, i don't think 2 is too soon for some kids, but it certainly is for others.
When my daughter was 13
she had her first period in August as well. (The day before school started....aahhhggg!) She did exactly what your daughter has done, nothing in Sept. and then every month since. She is now 14. Just a hint that you probably don't need, I keep a calender on my desk and put a "K" on it each month when she starts so I never have to wonder. Trust me, we all know in this house when it happens for her each month LOL!
daughter having sex
I understand where you are coming from to some degree. Kids nowadays are more worred about and active in sex than we were; however as a parent of a teenager and understanding that this can be an emotional time for you, I have to ask. Are you really this freaked out about her sex life because she is having sex, or because of who it is with? Yes, you may not like this guy but how long do you want her to stay with him? This hissy fit of yours will only cement her with him. Keeping quiet about him and making sure that your daughter realizes that BCPs are not enough protection for what is out there would be a really good place to start. I have discovered with my own kids that sometimes just letting them see people as they really are ends relationships that I disapprove a lot faster than nagging. None of us wants to realize that our children are growing up and making their own choices but they do and are. We have to hold on to the hope and knowledge that we raised them correctly. I think we all can say that we did things that we regret and that they were/are only made worse by over-reacting parents. BTW, that age old saying about if they want to have sex they will, really does apply and do you really want to lose your daughter over some guy?
I do have to agree also with the comment about you and your hubby raising a child...WHAT are you thinking? If you don't want her to "give up her life" because of a baby and she is on the pill, then I suggest you make sure that she is well aware of the other options. You will not be teaching her anything by allowing her have a baby and then raising it yourself. I know that I sat my child down and explained things in that we have "been there/done that."as well as the fact that we will not be paying child support for a child (I have two boys).
Yes, realizing that your "baby" is growing up is hard, but come on get a grip. She is 17 not 12 and you had to know this was coming especially if you have an older child. She is having sex, not as protected as you would want, not with someone you think is good enough, BUT she is not dead/ dying nor has she run away, right? There are way worse things out there to worry about then the fact that your daughter made a bad chose in who she wanted to have sex with. Help her with the proper protection, make sure the lines of communication are open and pray for her safety and your sanity!
Again, what really (other than your daughter)
gives you the right to insist?? I do not see where you have a leg to stand on. You are upset but not thinking things through- you only have control over your own self- not your daughter, not anyone in your family and really not this guy. I read your post yesterday and I understood when you talked about what you would like for him to do but insisting? He would have to be a wuss to go along with that and being as he has this criminal history behind him, does not sound like he would be pushed into much of anything. Why don’t you get some advice from a lawyer before letting anyone else know about the information you have gotten. Probably a good idea.
daughter
Good luck to you! As a mother of 4 I totally understand why you did this as I would probably do the same. I in a way understand why they consider this a weapon because if she ever got in a fight and decided to use it etc. I am sure your daughter is smarter than that but you know how they think. Maybe somehow you can work it out with the school that she can drop the keychain off to them in the office in the a.m. and be able to pick it back up before she leaves. That way she still has protection when she gets off the bus. WISH YOU LUCK!
My daughter has had 2 out of the 3
And she didn't have to have a Pap.
How old is your daughter and how
many children does she have? Does she work?
My daughter has ADD
She is not hyperactive, but has an extremely hard time staying on task. She will daydream, watch the butterflies out the window, count the number of times the girl sitting across from her breathes a minute, etc.
She is in third grade and has been on medication for 2 years now. She struggled all through first and second grade and at the end of second grade we had her evaluated. she has a cognitive processing disorder and ADD. Basically, she can see it in her head but it is hard to get on paper. If she can hold it or actually do it, then she can learn it. It is hard for her to read a story and take a test on it, because she has not actually done what the story says, therefore she has not "learned" it.
We noticed a huge difference once going on the medication, but the school also made some accommodations in the classroom. She gets some extra time to take a test if she needs it, she can take her test away from the rest of the class if she needs to, her teachers have been wonderful about giving her extra one-on-one support and giving us materials to study at home.
I certainly do not endorse medicating every child who is just very active and talkative, and this was a huge struggle for my husband and I to commit to putting our daughter on medications. We said we would try it for a few months and if it worked, great. if it didn't, then we would take her off the medication. It was literally like night and day. She can sit still longer, she is able to finish a problem without getting distracted, she can think clearer, etc.
She calls them her magic pills. She tells us they have helped her to think better and it is easier to listen.
You didn't say how old your son was. Is he in elementary school?
Hey.....my daughter
is in that show!
My daughter uses that a lot
I can't stand it either.
Me too, even though it's actually my daughter's
We got it for our 9 y/o for Christmas and we've all had so much fun with it! We're all actually hurting today because we've been playing it every night! I whooped my DH at baseball, bowling and tennis last night - WOOHOO! It's great though that we can spend all this quality time together on a video game system and we haven't sat down and watched tv in days either. I can't wait to get the Fit one either. I saw it's out in Japan (I think) but not here yet. Definitely the best Christmas present that we can all enjoy.
Get this - my daughter
 is 38 (only child) and the older she gets the more "name brand" stuff she wants. Would you believe a Hermes twilley ($150!) and perfume that cost $100! Is she spoiled or what?? But I love doing it!
My daughter wet the bed until she was 11
As she as she hit her 11th birthday it stopped just like that. It was very frustrating. She was a very heavy sleeper and when I tried to wake her up she wouldn't budge, and then when I did get her up she was so disoriented that she would think she was in the bathroom and try to go to the bathroom in the floor in her room. I took her to a urologist and she did have a problem with her urethra that corrected itself as she got older. She was even on medication for a while. Of course, from what I read of your situation it's a lot more complicated than when my daughter went through. I would try to see if I could have him checked out by a urologist to see if there's a medical problem that can be taken care of with medication. My pediatrician told me not to worry about it because it was something that would be outgrown. She was very embarrassing for her. She wore Good Nights for a very long time and we had an incident at a sleepover at our house where all her friends found out, but they were very supportive. Just try to not make it seem like he's doing something wrong.
what about your daughter's
was he involved? were you married?
that would be her daughter, right?
pretty sure that was, ****** or ***...A-something-y.
Edited: Names
My son is now 17 and daughter is 15
and I promise you it is not all bad. Some of the things my kids come home and tell still shock me, even in this day and age, but I am fortunate that my kids are involved in many activities, have wonderful Christian friends, and we are a very close family. There was a girl (a senior) recently telling everyone she pregnant and was keeping the baby. She has a very prominent father. About a week later she said she made it all up. I do understand no matter what kind of family life she has (a good one) girls do unexpectedly find themselves pregnant, but I tend to wander if something was done about the pregnancy and she was told to tell everyone she made it up. I also can't imagne telling the whole school which is basically what she did. Okay, I know I have gotten totally off topic, sorry. I just feel like as parents my DH and I are trying to do everything right (DH is coaching DS high school tennis team even as I type this) and it is possible my kids still might make "major" mistakes. I know mistakes are going to happen, how else will they learn, but I can't help but wonder if I am fooling myself sometimes. Sorry so long. I still hope you call the school.
When my daughter was 9 she had
her one and only cavity. When her dad asked her about the shot before they filled it she said she didn't get a shot. We all got a good laugh over that one. This reminds me of the third time I took her in to get her teeth cleaned. She was about 6 and had never had any trouble in the past. She actucally kind of liked going to the dentist. On this particular visit I had to sit on her legs to keep her still. She screamed and cried. I expected them to tell me to never bring her back, but the dentist was just wonderful. After it was all over another dentist jokingly said "Would you like a valium?" I said "How about 10" I still don't knowwhat the problem was but she has had her teeth cleaned twice a year since (she is now 15) and we never had another problem. Go figure. LOL! Don't sweat it, it really isn't that bad at all.
How exactly is your daughter going
What does your child need money for? You say it's for her, but I bet if you ask her, she'll tell you she really just wants to get "back to normal". Dragging her through court will not help her overcome her fear of dogs. Instead, you should be concentrating your efforts on having the dog impounded. Soon you will be known as the neighbor "quick to sue". You'll find other parents will not want to invite your daughter to their houses, etc, because they'll be afraid if something happens to her while she's there, you'll sue. I'm not saying that you would, that's just how some people might perceive you.
I got the impression from your original post. You said very little about the emotional details of the situation. You primarily discussed the money aspect of it. If I've gotten the wrong impression, I'm sorry. I just didn't get much else from your post. You even mentioned you watch People's Court and other court shows. These shows put ideas into people's heads that they constantly have to sue.
My kids play baseball. They get hit with baseballs all the time when they're up to bat. Do I have the right to sue the parents of that child who hit them? How would that help them?
Daughter sm
We don't discuss this in front of our daughter. We have contacted animal control, but they have done nothing about this dog, absolutely nothing!
daughter
do you have younger children; how you handle this is a learning curve for them. Your first loyalty is to your husband, agree with all the other posters to tell him. don't let her wiggle herself between the two of you or hold you an emotional hostage. You may have to deal with her leaving so be prepared for that. and yes, I have gone through it. My daughter that I spent so much time with hid very successfully she had been drinking for 2 years before I found out and I lost that battle. At 30 she had untreated hypertension and developed a severe headache and walked into an ER. That was the last time she walked 3 years ago. MRI did not show the pontine infarct until too late to treat it. She is now a prisoner in her own body fully cognizant, in a nursing home. She who do swim, dive beautifully, ride and show horses, dance like a champ. your job as a parent is just as everyone else said, not to be her buddy, but teach her whatever hard lessons she needs to learn so that she will grow up to be a self-sufficient person who can take care of herself. I wish you all the luck in the world. It is far from easy.
Daughter
First and foremost you must tell your husband and the two of you have to deal with this together as a team. Use him for the strength you lack. Also, ALL of her privileges should be revoked immediately. If she threatens to leave, let her go but let her know you will have her declared a runaway and she could be put in juvenile hall. Check the laws in your state. It's called tough love and it's for her own good. Please believe me when I tell you that you do not know everything. Not by a long shot and you certainly can't believe anything she tells you. I would have her tested for STD's then put on birth control. I know that sounds drastic but your situation calls for drastic measures. Get a plan with your husband and stick to it. I wish you all the best. Pray, pray, pray.
Daughter
Obviously none of us here know your resources, but you might could hire a PI.
I have to agree with other posts, that she's doing more than you know. We here might be "old," but we didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
It's good to see how quickly the picky stuff falls by the wayside in a big hurry when one of us is really having serious things happening. For a company this size, we should be thankful. As for the work stuff, eh! Work is work. This is far more important.
Please keep communicating with us. You are not alone.
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