Your choices are to either be proactive and do something...

Posted By: mtc on 2007-07-30
In Reply to: If your husband had a problem with your weight and (sm) - Butter and clutter

positive about your situation, which IMHO is to leave this mess or continue to live this sorry life and whine about it..in that case you are not a victim but an enabler and a contributor. Would you want your daughter to live like this? Would you want your son to treat his wife like this?

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If your husband had a problem with your weight and (sm) - Butter and clutter
- Hate to say it but he sounds like a clone - sm -
- he sounds like a jerk to me - a happy MT
- If they fell in love with us, as we were...sm - PammyB
- ""Love Must Be Tough" -- written by (sm) - No Name
- Sounds very much like he is unhappy with HIMSELF! - mandy
- 1/2 the equity is not enough - mammamt
- See a divorce attorney - Malia
- ask yourself this question . . . sm - maam1
- Wow. - Misha
  - good post Misha!!! And to OP, know you're a better - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
    - Very silly question - I know but have to ask (sm) - Butter and clutter
      - No experience at all with this, just what I saw on a Dr. Phil one time - - mlt
      - not a silly question at all....sm - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
        Thank you so much - it's gone on so long (sm) - Butter and clutter
        Did I mention he's a horrible person? - Misha
        Good post again Misha.......no msg - LorenaBobbitt
        you're welcome............sm - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
  - That's good Misha - thanks :-) (nm) - Butter and clutter
- Your weight problem may be due to your - bad marriage. Seek some psychiatric help.
  - In your shoes - siren
    - Pretty sure he's done that too - no proof (sm) - Butter and clutter
- I'd tell him to hit the bricks sm - mlstoo
- Sounds like he is a negative weight pulling you - down (sm)
- Sounds like he's blaming everything that's wrong in HIS life - on you.
- Your choices are to either be proactive and do something... - mtc
- blatant emotional abuse - put him out
- I think I would stay put if I were you. He knows where the - Wannie
  - bad marriage. don't live that way! - just me
  - I agree totally this this post, though I have never been married, - I do have a child. They should come first-sm
    - He refuses to do that. He says no way is he leaving (sm) - Butter and clutter
      - Not only is he treating you badly, - trose
      - I was not suggesting you live in the situation at all. I just was thinking - about the kids "leaving" their home-sm
      - You're right! You and your kids will do better w/o him - in a happier home where you all are loved. nm
      - Does he treat you badly in front of your children or is it - Wannie
        occasionally blatantly in front of them - usually (sm) - Butter and clutter
        Out of the mouths of babes - Listen to your son
        The only reason I asked if it was in front of your children or - Wannie
- Are you unhappy enough to leave? Your life is too short... - mtmetoo
- I'd tell him to take half the equity and get out - sm - XXX
- Why stay if there's no love there?!! You deserve a much nicer life partner, girl. - Get out and go for it! nm He's a creep!!
- Take your share of the equity and go (sm) - nm
  - Take your share and go?? - Why doesnt he take his - share and go? - What about the kids.
    - He has agreed the kids should go with me (sm) - Butter and clutter
      - He doesnt want the kids cause they would mess up his - single lifestyle. nm
    - I tried hard for years - never good enough (sm) - Butter and clutter
      - you don't need therapy-you JUST SUMMED IT UP!! - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
- Now he just came in and asked me to start over (sm) - Butter and clutter
  - ok he sounds like he has a sense of humor..LOL. - better Mom than his was not, probably!!..sm
    - But we go through this routinely (sm) - Butter and clutter
  - It would just be more of the same. - nm
  - This sounds just like me and my husband! - Hayseed
    - Hayseed I usually love your posts but (sm) - Butter and clutter
      - Hey, no need to apologize to me! - Hayseed
        You're not like him - different motivations (sm) - Butter and clutter
        hubby - ortho mt
- I think... - you know the answer...sm

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I am all for being proactive...

My 3 kids have had their immunizations from the time they were little and they are now 19, 17 and 14. But most of the vaccines they got when they were small in the 80s and 90s had been around a long time and the doctors were familiar with side effects. Until they know for certain what effects Gardasil has, it's not going to fly at my house.

anybody try Proactive?

wanted more opinions before I shell out for it. TIA

proactive

I've tried just about everything throughout my adult life, and I finally found what works for me! Clean & Clear cooling toner with glycolic acid. I use it at night after I cleanse. It's a lot cheaper than Proactiv but it did the trick for me.

Proactive
Love it.

Proactive
Doesn't work like they said on TV, not by a long shot. Not to mention I was dumb enough to buy it while out of town at a mall kiosk who SAID i could return after 30 days no questions asked even in my out of state residence...well when 30 days was up I found out you have to return it at the place you purchased it so $80 down the tubes. I bet I could have received a very nice facial/spa day for that price!

Oh, I really like Proactive. nm
x

CHOICES
If you stay together what will it be like when the kids are gone? Will you be happy with him then? How old will you be then? Will there be a reason to stay with him then? Make two lists, one of all the reasons you should stay, one of all the reasons you should go. Make two more lists, one of all his good qualities, one of all his bad qualities. Put them in a drawer and get them out in a week and see if you feel the same about what you wrote. One other thing, did he have a girlfriend this time? Does he this time? Major cheater? If those last three are true then go home where there are people you can trust who are there for you no matter what. Work, take care of your children and enjoy them. Go to church, go to movies. Have a life. You could go to Marriage Encounter and I recommend it, but if he is a cheater and makes no solid committment to stopping then you need to consider this. What your children see you do now will stay with them and they will live their lives accordingly. I will pray for you. Save your money too because you never know when you may need to move your teepee to a new village.

You have a few choices -
Either learn to deal with it, meaning shut up or put up, or move. I think I would vote for the latter. There has got to be a better place to live than that drama factory. Life is too short!!!

some may prefer to be more proactive.
x

Get the dentures, but be proactive about the fit and look.
My MIL had horrible teeth and refused to address the problem. She was in constant pain, her gums were bleeding, her lips swollen, and her breath was unbearable. When she finally called me one day, she was weeping from the pain. I was able to bet an immediate appointment with our dentist, who happens to be a family member. He had seen her for years at family events and watched her suffer through meals, etc. When I brought her in, he was almost afraid to touch her. He said he had never seen such a bad state of a mouth before in anyone living or dead. (He works for the health department from time to time identifying bodies from dental records.) She was truly a wreck. The infection she had had in her mouth could easily have spread to her organs, and she has known valve issues.

After quite a long process of extraction, healing, and fitting, she now has new dentures. She used to smile and show black teeth through swollen lips. Her face is completely different now that the swelling is gone. She no longer has bad breath, and she can eat anything she wants. She did have a very difficult time with fitting her dentures because of the damage done to her jaws by the infection. As that healed and bone grew back, she needed to have the dentures adjusted, and I believe completely replaced at one point. At first, she didn't want to return when the fit was not perfect, but we all pushed her to do so, and now she is glad we did.

You're teeth will not get better on their own. It sounds as if you have a complicated dental history, so it may take some time to get dentures that fit well. Give yourself some time and communicate with your dentist.

Good luck! I know you must feel miserable. I hope this improves for you soon.

Good choices
Some of the higher-paying career courses that may be available to many people in a 2-year or less course are:

Dental hygiene
Occupational therapist assistant
Physical therapist assistant
Surgical technologist
Lab tech
Coding (not the right choice for me, but for only about $4000 you could get job that pays very well and be in high demand).

Those tend to pay more than these below, and therefore a better investment than:

Medical assistant (may be a 9-month course or 2-year)
phlebotomist (but may be a 3-month course)

matter of choices
It's not just about protecting our children from being taught something that is wrong, something that goes against our moral fiber, something that this great country was founded on, our belief in God. It is also about standing up for our beliefs and not condoning something that is clearly sinful. You may not believe there is a God yet. That is your opinion. What makes you think that you were right in letting your child watch anything she wanted? So she turned out good. So did my children and they were raised to believe in God and his son Jesus Christ. The only difference is, when the time comes for Jesus to come back to this earth, your daughter will find that she has been cheated by being taught there is no God and perhaps will find herself in some serious trouble.

The kids may like those choices
but I don't think they're all that healthy. The salads and baked potatoes are good and probably the spaghetti, but everything else I would worry about. The Chic-Fila delivery is nice but probably should only be once a month. It's not just what these kids are eating in school; it's that most of them don't get a nutritional meal at home.

Fashion choices........ sm

My cousin and I were in a discussion this weekend and the topic came up about how so many younger people today are wearing their clothes way too tight and about 2-3 sizes too small. You know the tight tops, cut WAY too low, the too tight jeans, tops to short. On top of that, most of the offenders are way overweight!

Anyone have any comments about this? I see it all the time even in some in my own extended family. Jeans too tight, shirts too low, top nearly hanging out. They all look like clones. Not to mention the short tops wtih the "muffin top" hanging over the blue jeans! When did this get to be the fashion and the way to dress? It seems the style these days. I don't care what size a person is, big, little, in between, I think it looks terrible. Don't know how people breathe in these too tight clothes!

Any dialogue/comments out there?

I know if SHE doesnt get proactive and take charge
x

Just adopt the dog or MOVE. Seriously. What other choices do you have!!?????
nm

current and past choices

Current: NCIS, Mad Men, Damages
Past: West Wing, Will & Grace, M*A*S*H, Shark, Golden Girls

I'm glad you reminded me of Proactive. I'll never buy that again, either.
It did absolutely nothing for my son's acne. The only thing that actually did help was a very good dermatologist, and she had nothing nice to say about Proactiv. It's overpriced and just doesn't work for most people who use it.

Thanks for some good choices - I've seen some of these mentioned but
will definitely check out the others. Thank you!

Fair question. I have made choices in my life that sm
afford me to stay at home and work. When I say refuse, yes, I refuse to put my children in childcare because I can do so. I can choose to take them to a daycare provider, but i want to be their sole providers and protector always. I can do that. It is a luxury.

Now, do I look down upon moms and dads who use childcare? Absolutely not. My heart breaks for those moms who want to be at home with their children but for unforeseen circumstances they just can't. I understand that if I was in another situation where I couldn't work from home then they would be somewhere else, but then if that was the way it was I would not have had kids. My kids are 5 and 2. I've been doing MT for 9 years from home. So, you can do the math there.

We all have a free will and have to make choices every single day. Christian or not. sm
I am a devout Christian, believe in God 100%, but I must make good decisions every single day with regard to my health, family, finances, self, etc. You can't place blame on anyone (including God or others) when you continually make bad choices and bad things happen. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. That rule works for non Christians too!

God is there to help us when we mess up. He's always there. An ever-present help in trouble. That's a comforting thought. God didn't want their water to be turned off. He doesn't wish for anything bad to happen to us, but just as if we have adult grown children we will allow them to go through certain things so that they might learn and grow. God does that with us, too!

You reap whatever you sow. I think most of the time it is our own choices and bad decisions that get us into hot water. Too many people cry foul when things go bad and not take responsibility. It's time for people to start growing up and taking responsibility for their lives and decisions. I was homeless at one time and have had a very hard life, so this isn't coming from someone who was given a silver spoon.