Your're right about teens! - sm
Posted By: Guilty Mom on 2008-06-05
In Reply to: She's right....... a little behind the scenes coaching - couldn't hurt......sm
I try to tell him that he never would have married me if he's known me at 16 or 17. Talk about bratty! He is open to learning about communicating. He calls himself a "neanderthal" and readily admits he's too heavy-handed (figuratively) sometimes and that he needs the female perspective from me.
Thing is, he's got two grown daughters. But they didn't grow up with him and so this is completely new territory for both of us. We haven't seen his first kids more than a handful of times in the last several years, and I know he's terrified that our two (we also have a 19 yo son) will turn their backs on him too. So it's either over-indulge or get very strict, and very little in between. This parenting stuff really can be perplexing, can't it?
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Teens!! -- Difficult times for teens and parents. (sm)
You must feel as though you are at your wits' end -- just don't let your son know that. I encourage you to continue to practice assertiveness/"tough love." Do not argue with him; give him a couple of choices when situations arise. Don't allow him to be disrespectful.
It sounds as though your son needs attention. His negative drug test was a "positive"; praise him!!!
.Smile every time he walks into the room.
.Every day find something positive and praise him often for even the smallest thing.
.Everyone has talent(s); what's you son's interests. Show him you are interested.
.Consider Big Brother/Big Sister (maybe a retired teacher will be available)/the "Y."
.Chores/responsibilities -- mowing lawns (earning spending money), assisting at a local nursery, household chores. Keep him busy!!!
.Have him plan/prepare a meal and invite a friend for dinner/movie.
.Watch a movie together.
.Play a little basketball together (my favorite!).
.Attend church together!!
May God bless your home!!
Do you mean that your teens don't
know what marijuana is? Or did I misunderstand?
I'm sure this teen I'm wondering about knows what it is. She also has posted " I'm **** (name deleted) and addiction is my middle name."
Just wondering if I'm reading too much into it. Obviously it's not proof. I know kids try to be cool and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I was truly just wondering what you all would think if you read that.
My teens
They don't get squat from me. If they want a car, they can go earn the money for it. They can also earn the money for the insurance and cell phone as well.
As of yet they do without. I allow them to take the car on Wednesday evenings to church for youth group because I cannot take them, and to their Orthodontist appointment every 6 weeks because I cannot take them.
Otherwise, if I am not driving, my vehicle stays in the parking lot. My hubby drives his to work every day.
I believe just giving them these things makes them feel it is a right or entitlement. I had to earn my own because parents didn't want to give. I can't afford to give, but I think I would still make them earn it because they tend to care for the things they have to earn better than those that are just given. Know what I mean?
Universal is more for teens really.....
MGM is great for 3 and 7 year olds, as is the Magic Kingdom. Epcot is more for teens and adults. Haven't been to Animal Kingdom but it's for 3 and 7 year olds as well as adults and teens.
Someone I know just went back up to Universal and said much is closed inside - it's not doing as well as it did back in the early 90s. I loved Universal when I went, that was in 1997, and I'm adult (many times over *LOL*).
They'll have fun NO MATTER WHAT - this I can promise you!!!
Buena Vista is a very nice area to stay in and very close to all parks. The Disney parks have escalated in price and went up TWICE this past year....may be better to buy 3 (if they still offer 3), 4 or 5-day passes - unlimited visits and cheaper in the long run.
HAVE FUN!!! 
Yup, have 2 teens and it is kind....
of interesting as one does not have "all the time in the world for that anymore." We have got to get when we can. But also he works nights and obviously sleeps some during the day. Maybe that is what has kept the fire going all these years. LOL
Teens and preteens?
I was standing in the grocery line of a major store tonight and the F word not coming from one of them, but an older woman on a cell phone right behind me. Her complaint was that there were not enough lines opened up and that is when the word came in. I only had perhaps 5 items and my going thru took not but a few seconds. It is everywhere.
2 teens, but only 1 ticket (so far!)
My oldest DS got one his first year of college where was going to school. It was an expensive lesson for him, but one he learned well.
Teens recycling biz
Here's the thing. I have two teens and we live in a fairly rural area where job opportunities are limited enough as an adult, forget about being a teen looking for a job.
The kids came to me last night and have come up with a business idea for the two of them. Recycling.
Neither are quite old enough to drive yet. The eldest will be driving in about 8 months so any driving will have to be done by dear ol' mom of course.
My question is for anyone who regularly recycles. Is collecting for money even worth it? We already recycle but it is packaged separately and picked up with our other trash and WE pay them to pick it up.
Anyone?
Thanks
If my two teens ever talked to me like that.......sm
I would probably punch them in the mouth and knock their teeth out! But, then again, I do not talk to them that way either.
My son is 6Ɖ", 280 lbs, college football player, and I would have no problem knocking him out if he talked like that to me......ever!!!
Teens do try to get away with things, and sometimes forget who they are actually speaking to their parents and not their friends on the "street" - no excuse ever. With that type of behavior, they might find their bags out on the curb.
Would never tolerate it!!!
Do teens still get cars of their own
Do people still buy cars for their teens or do they share cars? Do you pay for insurance or do they have to get a job and pay for it? My parents gave me nada, but that seems extreme, so I would like to know what other people consider normal.
If I hear teens and 20-somethings...
using profanity it really peeves me. Mind you, I can talk like a sailor too, however, I find the "F" word is peppered in speech lately, even with the girls. How unattractive and anything but adult-like behavior.
Pre-teens and makeup question. sm
My DD just turned 13 and I have agreed to allow her to wear basic makeup now. However, she is not applying it appropriately to where I think it looks decent. I am not a big makeup person and all the teens are into this glitter stuff at that. I would like to take her somewhere to really teach her how to apply makeup, select her colors, etc. Does anyone know of a place that does this type of thing and any good recommendations that would help?
I have two teens of driving age who both have their own cars. sm
My older teen is 19. She pays for her own insurance, but is on my policy. I will pay for my 17 year old until he is 19. I got them both used cars, and now if they want to sell them and get another one, that's up to them.
not paying insurance for teens-I feel bad for you.SM..
Kids don't make enough today to do it all - including teen car insurance - and some parents LIKE TO HELP...again, to each his/her own. My children have been working full time for 10 years and I'm still wanting to help them with that car insurance because it's exhorbitant for young people even in their 20s....until 25 actually where I live -
oh well, one thing is we can all AGREE TO DISAGREE - LOL
car insurance quadruples for teens in florida
it's not *spoiling kids* what with Florida rates, that's a given.......quadruples for kids 25 and under.......check it out yourself....it's not spoiling. I also moved out at 18 and did it all myself but I didn't drive until I was 26 or 28 so car insurance was never an issue back in the days for me. Today, it's a different world and car insurance definitely depends on WHERE YOU LIVE.
If you live in very small-town America I suppose what you said is very correct......
Get Over It Already is an immature phrase, as are young teens who act this way
nm
actually they DO cast out their male children as teens
often times if they do not "comply" with the religious teachings. There is an entire group of "Lost boys" all over Utah and the surrounding areas where FDLS and other religious off-shoots have cast out their teen boys. Really really sad. I lived in Utah and have known quite a few current and former FDLS members and also know a couple of men who as teens were "cast out" by their families. I think also the older men don't particularly care for the younger teen boys being "competetion" for them as far as the young girls go...it's disgusting religous fanatacism at its worst.
Look at this headline "Michigan Teens Murder, Dismember Sex Offender (sm)
This man was ambushed, murdered, beheaded and burned. The headline says these teens murdered a sex offender. Way down in the article it says that this man 9 years ago at age 17 had sex with a 14 year old. That was his offense. It does not say he raped her. While I agree he should not have had sex with a 14 year old, I think it is very unfair that after he suffered such a horrible death the headline reads that a sex offender was murdered. The article also says that his being a "sex offender" had nothing to do with why the boys murdered him, they just did it to do it. How sad that after his death, that is what they post about him!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071113/ap_on_re_us/burned_torso
You're not 'low-class', you're FUNNY, & a good writer!
Which is often the case then someone is the first to cast stones!
You're surprised? I'm not. They're not going to stop voting....
as was mentioned in a prior post. Imagine if they succeed? They just may.
At least you wait until they're cooked! LOL...we're raw dough
s
Sounds like you're doing great! We're also making out...sm
daughter pay for gas and insurance when she starts driving. She hasn't started driving yet because she doesn't want to get a job to pay for that privilege. That's her choice. We're also making her pay 1/2 of the fees for the state required driver's education course.
Totally agree, get these from time to time since teens...sm
It's a neuro condition, it does not mean there is anything at all wrong with you, it is actually related to narcolepsy, hypnagogic (sp? I just got up!) hallucinations, etc. And I HATE when I get these, it is always freaky, my siblings get this too, at times. I can "go away" for years and years before you get another episodes, so don't worry! I heard that when you are under a lot of stress or are very busy with things that this happens more??? Take care!!
Things you're afraid of vs. things you're not
I didn't used to be afraid of spiders, but I seem to have developed a fear of those little beasties. I also can't stand boats, water deeper than my hot tub and bridges. I'm also fairly convinced that UFOs, if not aliens (well, isn't anything driving those things?) are real, so that kinda scares me, yet it is strangely fascinating. I'm also afraid of El Chupacabra, though I'm very certain that's not real. It's one of those "hahahahaha" fears.
Things other people fear that I do not include snakes (awwww, they so cute! they look like they're smiling!), rats, gangbangers (except Mara Salvatrucha, move them up to my "scary" list), poverty, death, traveling at high rates of speed with almost anyone sober, bats (CUTE!!!!!), homeless people, Sasquatch, most of my male friends, bears, mountain lions.
Fear is such an odd thing, don't you think? So much of it is relative to our own experiences in life, yet at the same time some of them are downright irrational.
So, how 'bout you? What will send you running screaming in the other direction, and what things can you take care of when someone else goes running screaming in the other direction?
you're welcome. nm
nm
I see what you're saying...but
heaven forbid, they break up and one of them dies, wouldn't you want the same thing. If she were to die, wouldn't she want her husband to have the same choice she is wanting??? I guess I'm just concerned with pushing this on the husband and he doesn't want to do it. I hope it all works out though. This is a hard decision to make.
You're welcome!
I hope you can come up with something, I've "been there and done that".
Should be you're not, not your not
and actually in the minority as I do work a full 8 hour day, no chasing after kids, walking the dogs, doing housework so you got it exactly right, in the minority as opposed to a lot I read about on here.
Aww, sorry you're going through that...sm
My husband can get into moods also, but I honestly won't allow him to talk to me like that. In every relationship I've ever been in, I wouldn't allow it. In the beginning when I was pregnant with our second child, I wrote him a long letter telling him I needed more help and would not accept anything less. I was so stressed out with working at home and taking care of a 2-year-old and being pregnant. That was it! Ever since then, I swear he does more than me! If he talks to me in a certain way, I demand an apology and I get it, not always right then, but a little later. He knows I won't take it. We've been together for 15 years now, and that is a big thing in keeping us strong. He doesn't take my crap, either:-) He's still my best friend so it's worth it to make it work. Stand up to him and make him respect you! I say that with much care.
Because you're mom, LOL.
Moms just know these things.
We're all in this together ...
I think. It's always reassuring for me to know that other people are dealing with the same stuff I am.
She was furious when she found out I had gone through her purse, but too bad. You live in my house, you live by my rules, sweetheart.
Another thing that gets me is where she was getting the stinkin' things anyway. She works in a restaurant where her coworkers smoke but I hope they would know better to get them for a minor. As far as I know, she hasn't started up again.
you're welcome--sm
a lot of physicians are almost insistent on someone taking the synthroid, and it makes me wonder how much stock they have purchased with the manufacturer. They always try to say we don't need the T3 that is included in the Armour, but I know I feel a whole lot better with taking it. I didn't even know I had a thyroid problem until I went to a doc with flu like symptoms and wanting to sleep 14 hours a day. I saw a doc from India in an urgent care clinic, who I had never seen before. I was hardly in the door yet and he said *how long have you had that goiter?* I was stunned. I had seen so many doc's in between and none of them ever picked up on this. I was on synthroid for five years, and never really felt much difference. I read up on thyroid problems from all sorts of web sites and decided to try the armour. Unfortunately my doc at that time would not prescribe it for me. HE did not believe it in. *hmmmm*. I had to go to an endocrinologist, as well, and still had to BEG to try it. He reluctantly gave it to me and it took a while to get it up to the level that would even out my TSH levels, but I am now at 120 mg and seem to be holding. I do feel better, but as I said earlier, I still battle with weight loss/gain. but every body is different. stick to your guns, get what you want, and check back in three months or so and let me know how you are feeling/doing. email me if you wish.
If that's what they're doing ...
it's fine with me. I thought it was interesting, but different that we suddenly focused on 2 characters I didn't remember. But there they were in scenes from the past that I did remember, LOL.
No, we're not out there saying come on
But by nature cats do roam. We have a big field in our back yard and he only goes out early in the morning and goes through the brush. He comes up on them when they fly up and he will jump straight up after them. I have gotten many away from him simply because the first thing he does is bring them to the back door, but when he meows to be let in, they fly away. My husband and I certainly aren't thrilled about it, especially during the springtime, but cats do go after birds and the big old hawks flying around our house could easily scoop up our tiny little female kitty, and I suppose that would make it even?
You're right
Trying to leave while he is there, especially in the middle of an argument, is a gesture, not a serious attempt at leaving. All it does is make him angry and more vigilant.
And you're right that even the best organization can't guarantee complete safety. But they can offer shelter, advice, compassion, and some safety. It's better than trying to do it on your own.
I'm sorry if you have been in this situation before. No one should have to go through that. But unfortunately, many, many women do, every day.
Maybe you're right about his
tummy hurting. You can give dogs Pepcid; ask if you can give something like that to your cat to try.
Are you aware of any weird low-cal foods your cats like? Like cooked vegetables? If so, maybe that would help. Or offer grass to chew in the house.
I'd go to one of those holistic places and see if they have suggestions. They might even have aromatherapy for cats, HA!
I agree it's hard to correct a cat's bratty behavior. Next time consider a dog, LOL.
Tell us what they're about, or if there's another
author you could compare them too. Are they romances, mysteries, stories about moms or what?
you're welcome............sm
there's a lot to them to explain and I will supply one of 1000s of links...but to me it's like a person is damned if they do, damned if they don't living with one of these types....
here's the link :)
http://www.ptypes.com/passive-aggpd.html
You're not alone in this
Hi,
I found out yesterday that my 15 year old kitty Dimas has bone cancer in the jaw. Last week the vet determined he had cancer according to the blood tests but couldn't find a tumor. Then over the past 5 days he developed a huge bony tumor on his jaw. He might only have a few days left and I have to decide when to put him down. I'm convinced that he will let me know when he's ready. Meanwhile, I'm a mess and am so terribly sad to be losing my buddy. Please know that I feel your pain and my prayers are with you and your kitty.
Lisa
You're not alone in this
Hi,
I found out yesterday that my 15 year old kitty Dimas has bone cancer in the jaw. Last week the vet determined he had cancer according to the blood tests but couldn't find a tumor. Then over the past 5 days he developed a huge bony tumor on his jaw. He might only have a few days left and I have to decide when to put him down. I'm convinced that he will let me know when he's ready. Meanwhile, I'm a mess and am so terribly sad to be losing my buddy. Please know that I feel your pain and my prayers are with you and your kitty.
Lisa
You're so not alone on this one!
I've been going through some extreme stress of late...I actually asked for a "mental health day" yesterday and was refused...and I don't ask for nuthin' unless I really need something. I was going to take that time to go for a hike in the woods--that always clears my head and relaxes me.
But right now I'm waiting on a delivery of firewood soon...I find that taking an hour or so to stack it or chop it works for me, but that's just because I'm a psycho. ;-)
I hope you find some relief soon--I totally know where you're coming from!
Can't really help, but you're not alone!
Unfortunately with mine I pretty much always ended up in the hospital on IV medication after days of vomiting. I got them every month with my cycle, so eventually the doctor put me on the Depo shot so I wouldn't have my cycle and that pretty much stopped the headaches. However, I just stopped taking the shot for other medical reasons and I definitely fear those headaches! I'm so sorry you have to deal with them!
You're welcome
Neither of my parents was alcoholic but our family was MAJORLY dysfunctional. So I can definitely relate. And I have a son who is 20 years old. Seems just yesterday he was in middle school....sigh.
OMG, I think you're right
Just call me stupid. LOL. I looked up GE Owens Illinois, and I think that did pop up, but I thought he said "in" and not "and". Thank you so much.
you're welcome *S*
For the entire month of Ramadan, the folks of the Muslim/Islamic faith fast all day (but go to work and all the stuff they normally do but cannot ingest anything during daylight hours) and then eat/party all night....
Maybe not what you're looking for, but
I just went upstairs for more coffee and one of my cats was playing soccer with a dead cricket on the kitchen floor. He seemed quite content , but I still had to throw it away.
I wish my cats were more sociable. My young male, Tripp, will come downstairs a couple of times a day, sniff everything and go back upstairs. I hardly see my female, Lucky, at all during the day. Not that I want them knocking stuff off my desk while I'm trying to work, but there must be a happy medium somewhere.
Ya know you're right....
time with your kids is the best thing no matter what you eat!
I think you're right
Hopefully the school will do something, or else the ex will decide to homeschool if he's really fanatic about this. I do plan on calling the school on Monday and see if they will discuss this with me.
You're welcome! (nm)
"nm" means no message...but since you are here,
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-SCARE-a
I've been working too long.
Cause you're there and cause they can!
I know exactly what you're going through!
I think I was in as much pain if not more when my child's heart was broken. I think it is very sweet your son is sharing this with you and all you can really do is offer comfort and understanding. Lots of kind words such as "this will get better" and "if it's meant to be, it will be". Obviously the situation you describe has gone on since the beginning of time (well ok not quite) but it is very common when one goes off to college. So sorry you both are going through this :(
|
