You sound very selfish.
Posted By: You only get one mother. on 2008-05-28
In Reply to:
You wouldn't be where you are today without her, so deal with it. It's your own guilt you're dealing with. My mother had two hips and two knees done and I helped her every time all while working on-site part-time and at home part-time with two little ones. Well, she died 2 years ago, and I miss her so. My kids miss her more. I only wish I could have her interrupt me one more time so I could thank you for all she's done.
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Yes, he's being selfish. When
my Toyota was 15 years old, still running well, but my DH had had 3 new cars in the meantime, when I complained, he quickly switched cars with me and let me drive his newer one. Then a deer hit him in it and totalled it, but he probably drove it for a year. I didn't even have a child to consider. Sounds like your DH is hung up on his image or something, but if you want his conscience to kick in, you might want to avoid yelling about it. If he "forgets," just quietly ask again, gently reminding him he wouldn't want the car to break down, leaving his wife and child stranded.
Selfish
How is it selfish to want to make sure he does not have anymore children? She said that he does not want more children, no matter what happens.
Are you being selfish? The only one being selfish in this sm
is HIM! I am sooooo sorry about this. I wish you were close to me (Columbus, GA area), because we have a very strong support group-system in our church (a very large church with overe 7,000 members) and I know some women going through what you are going through right now.
Your husband doesn't seem to understand that love is not a feeling but a committment. I don't "feel" love for my husband every day - in fact, he does 1 or 2 things that repulse me; BUT, I would never just leave him because I just didn't love him anymore.
Another point is this: Flames and love can be rekindled, no matter what people think. It truly can. I saw a couple get re-married and this woman wanted absolutely nothing to do with her ex anymore. I just saw them recently at a pizza place and they were very happily in love.
Your husband needs help. He has a family and a wife.
But if there is absolutely no way for reconciliation and your closest relative is 20 miles away, then too bad for him. He will make an effort to see those precious kids - remember, this is his doing and not yours. If this is where your family is and they will welcome you and your children, then you must go there. email me if you need anything!
I think this is his selfish way
of trying to keep your daughter from having friends over. It makes me think he wants to do his own thing on the weekends, and is upset that his weekend is taken over by other plans.
If he won't be generous and nice in front of company, then it seems like he needs to go off and do stuff with his buddies when your daughter wants to do something with friends over. He doesn't seem to care about anybody's feelings but his own, so he's not making an effort to make everybody comfortable.
So start by talking to him and asking questions about why he acted that way, and discuss your expectations for offering hospitality to guests. Maybe he's never had any training and has no common sense in the area?
Am I being selfish?
I'm having to undergo some medical testing and my husband has offered to come with me. Now, when he's having medical problems he wants me there and I'm always happy to accompany him. But when I'm getting testing or in the hospital I don't want anybody around. I want to concentrate on what I have to do and not feel like I need to entertain anyone or make conversation, etc. Does anybody else feel this way? I feel like I must be abnormal or something. I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings if I ask him not to come.
Not selfish at all
I think whatever makes you feel more comfortable is what you should do. I think that if you explain it to him the way you just explained it to us he should understand. I'm sure he wants to go to be supportive of you because you are for him, but probably would be happy to do whatever you want. I wish my husband would come for things like that with me but he will not.
IVF is selfish....
With the over-population in the world, I really do not see why in-vitro and any kind of fertility enhancement is necessary. Why is it when someone cannot conceive naturally but wants a baby soooo badly, everyone bends over backwards to accommdate. There are people who would love to have a liver transplant, heart transplant, reconstructive surgery, but I don't see anyone being catered to for those reasons. I really am hesitant to say this, but I will, and that is that anyone who would go through IVF procedures and spend that much time and money (or insurance money) to satisfy their need to bring a human being into the world for their sheer pleasure, in my opinon, would not be ideal parents anyway. It sounds simply selfish and narcissistic. And I would not want to be a child conceived in vitro. Just my opinion. Attempts to convince me otherwise are welcomed. Maybe I'm missing something. And the fact that insurance is paying for IVF is just wrong, totally wrong.
I don't think IVF is selfish for those that truly need it - sm
my sister-in-law and brother were fertility challenged. It took her two years to get pregnant the regular way. My brother having a low sperm count did not help the situation either. She then had a myriad of family issues come up with her parents and put off trying to have another child for 5 years or so. Again, she just could not get pregnant. They finally went to a fertility clinic and they tried everything possible but IVF as their insurance would not pay for it. They still ended up putting out tons of money for what insurance would not cover. (so not everyone's insurance will pay for IVF) She still never conceived after drugs, daily injections, ovulation kits, etc. They tried for 2-3 years again with no luck. At this point she was 47/48 (My brother is 5 years younger) or so and they gave up. She really wanted another child but will obviously have to content herself with the one she has. I am sure it does not help her to hear that, well at least you had the one baby, many don't even have that....which is true of course, but she was very depressed for a long time while she came to terms with it. I just wish she had started trying again sooner, as I think she would have had a better chance then, since she had age and fertility issues against her as it was. But thankfully my newphew is a great kid with a good head on his shoulders and they are my kid's legal guardians as well if my DH and I are ever killed/die together, so I know they have a good family to go to if ever necessary.
Why are men so selfish?
I get so sick and tired of my husband never listening to what I want to do. It is always his way or the highway. Last April, we lost our home and were foreclosed on. Our credit is ruined. The place we are living at now is in my MIL's name. The lease is up next month. My husband wants to move again. He says he doesn't like it here. (He does not like anywhere we live.) Our 2 year anniversary is next month and we have already lived in 3 different places. I am so sick and tired of moving. He cannot be satisfied. I told him last night that I think we should stay here for another year so that it will give me time to rebuild our credit up some and save up money for us to move. He still wants to move. I told him we are not going to have enough money to pay for a deposit and the 1st month's rent. (I can never save any money with him because he spends soooo much) He said well i guess we will just have to go without for a while. Or he always wants to rely on his mom. I told him that I don't want to depend on her. So then he told me, "Well, I AM moving." So that is that i guess. I have to do whatever he wants even though my plan is a lot safer and makes more sense. His mom does not want to help us this time. Can we rent a place when we both have terrible terrible credit? Have any of you had to deal with this? I just want to strangle my husband. He is so spoiled and selfish and never ever listens to me.
you are selfish
you are offended because you are selfish. Stop taking your own emotional temperature so often, turn off the computer and go talk to your son.
How is she selfish?
I think what she did was so unselfish...her husband beat her, that situation in itself is not good for children to be around ever...her husband clearly has other things to "DO" and has not called the children since she left...like I said you obviously have no children or you would have a tad bit of sympathy...
Unless the husband is a very selfish - sm
SOB, he will understand that the child comes first. Yes, I agree you should not neglect your husband by giving all your time and attention to the child, but at the same time he must understand that when you do have free time, you won't be using it to massage his ego (or wherever else) as you will probably be too tired. Taking care of a baby is very tiring though it is not hard unless you have a colicky baby. What little time you do get to yourself (when they nap) you will probably nap yourself (I did sometimes) as you will be beat. Yes, your relationship will change with your husband, and some get weirded out by seeing their child be born and won't get near you for a while; Freud could explain it. Mine got a bit weird but it only lasted a couple months; he was much better the second time around (plus he did not see #2 be born so I think that helped); he was home taking care of #1; mom was with me. Both my husband and I put the kids first, though lately (finally) we have been trying to get out more on our own now that they are older (7 & 9); so we have the occasional date now (once every 3 months or so) which is crucial to maintaining your relationship though I'd recommend more often if possible (i.e. once or twice a month would be nice). I would not overly worry about that aspect of things, just keep your common sense and you will be fine.
He is selfish, that's why, and will not change! nm
/
Selfish parents
People are selfish these days...no one wants to be bothered with their own kids...and before you think I am TOO old, I am only 49 with 18 and 24 year old sons. I've been involved in all their things all their lives...that is why I had children. A DD too sounds like she resents having to help her children with homework and extracurricular activities. That is the price you pay for the joy of raising your children...get over it. My dh and I have been active in our kids sports and school all their lives and it just shocks me at how many people give their 8-10 year olds $20 and tell them go play somewhere while they are out at a hockey rink, or school gym and these are the kids causing trouble or running around like banchees. Someone could snatch them up at any time and then they'd be wringing their hands and crying. Also I'm shocked that kids cannot make change without a calculor or don't know how to spell or read very well. Before my kids started kindergarten they knew their numbers, colors, letters, could print their name and could read some words, because my husband and I spent the time with them to teach them, spent time WITH them. that is what you do when you're a parent...sorry but this is my biggest pet peeve about parents today.
You are not selfish at all, but I would say to wait (sm)
Wait until you know if you want children or not. You really should not get married, no matter how much you love this guy, until you know the answer to that. Because it is a very important factor. If he wants children and later you realize you do not, that will be a big, big, big stumbling block in your marriage and one that neither one can honestly give in on. For me, I was late 20s and suddenly every time I saw a Pampers commercial I would cry because I wanted a child so badly. LOL! I don't think that happens to everyone who wants to be a parent though! :) Just picture yourself 10 years from now...do you want to be pursuing your career heavily? Do you want the responsibility of children? Do you see them as a job or a gift? If you can visualize yourself 5 or 10 years from now, you can see what you want. Meanwhile...go to a nursery at church or to a friend's house who has babies and spend some time with them, hold them and play with them and see if you feel the urge to have some of your own. If not, it is not selfish at all, it is just how you feel and what you want. But to marry him knowing that he wants children when you are not sure if you do would be definitely a selfish thing to do. Try to figure that out before you tie the knot. Best wishes to you :-)
I hate that selfish
crap
Why is it selfish to have a child and not be making
at least 100,000 a year? Are you serious?!
We have 2 children and do not make quite that on combined salaries, but are very blessed in what we do have. Our children are happy and participate in activities outside the home, are well taken care of and have all the things they need and most of what they want. Last time I checked, having a kid and keeping them happy wasn't about keeping up with the Joneses. That is a warped sense of belonging that too many people have nowadays. Parents too who then pass it on to their kids. It's quite sad, really.
My first thought is that it is kind of selfish
that you would not do it just in case something happens with the two of you and you want more children. What if something happens and his next wife wants more children, even though he says now HE doesn't? Just my observation :)
That is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. nm
nm
I agree...not selfish at all..we have all felt like that at one time or another..
although some of us probably don't want to admit that...glad she vented to us and not her mother...
Her mother is a selfish woman who wants nothing but her deceased daughter's money....
she was booed at her daugther's funeral because she tried to stop the whole thing, once again, while they were in the procession of going to the chapel...she is a horrid woman as far as i am concerned...i feel bad that she lost her daugther and grandson but other than that she can crawl back under the rock that she came out of...
I'm having a hard time understanding having a baby for selfish reasons...
My older sister feels the same way and doesn't want kids.
As I pointed out above, I'm being selfish by wanting my alone time and doing my own thing and not having to care for someone else.
but watching my little sister be a mother, it is one of the most SELFLESS acts I've ever seen.
So I guess I'm confused at how come you point out that it is selfish... just because you love babies doesn't make you selfish to have them. and of course it's "necessary" or we as a human race would be over ;)
I just feel like being a mother is the toughest job in the world... so I don't know how to combine selfish with that. I do see your point in a way that we want something to love, but I just look at it as being a family... I want a family. I know there are people who are content on their own... but I guess your point would be "WHY" do i want that family? I can't answer that in specific terms.
I guess it's to share the love that me and him have with a child or children some day... to expand our happiness. well i guess that is selfish. ha.
I'm glad you are such a good mom. I don't know what I'd do without mine.
Wow, you sound like
someone with real compassion for animals - NOT.
I personally would rather have my tax money go for this cause as opposed to going to cover welfare and disability incomes of people who are perfectly capable of working and just choose not to because they can. But that's just my opinion.
You know what? If it were me, and I know this may sound sm
way off to some people, but I would treat this young boy with love! Invite him over, talk to him, show him that someone truly loves him. I would invite him to church and pray for him. I know, totally unconventional. He acts that way because of his parents. He needs good, godly role models in his life. I would try my best to be that person.
I think too many people try to throw away bad kids. It's such a shame. They can be rehabilitated. 11 isn't that old. And I am not saying that is your responsibility because it's not! I understand that. But if I lived there, that is what I would do and see how that works. That saying, "love makes the world go round," is because love can turn a bad situation around. Bad always reaps bad.
I know because just this past Wed. I kept 5 kids at my house (I have 3 of my own!) and we stayed outside and played until 9 at night. I live out in the country and have a lot of land, animals, a pool, etc. The kids I had over has a dad serving in Iraq and I just wanted to give their mom a break. They don't have a yard where they live. They played until they collapsed. I ordered pizza and just loved on them. I see their mom struggling with them and I just wanted them to have a place where they could let loose and have a great time. One of them was a little ornery, but I would talk to her and be sweet and I really think I brought the best out in her. They brought their collie with them to play too and he ended up staying! So, we also have a new dog and we love him!
Good luck to you. I know this probably hasn't helped you much at all, but try not to be mad at him.
You sound
like a real taker and nasty, changing dirty diapers on a conference table?? I would have been finished with you then also. Gross. I have been at time share meetings before but a good answer is NO! Did not have to resort to a free this or that and I know how to get a point across without being offensive.
you sound like me
I have read people use timers to get themselves away from the computer when reading email on their working days. For me, I keep talking to myself and saying "just do it" especially when I feel the urge I want to begin and don't want to delay getting started any longer. I was more energetic when I was a SE.
Here's the sound for ya ...sm
 Cat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hBUO_1BPWU
How do you know who I am? You sound
xxx
That does sound a lot like us
I'm one of those tweeners size-wise; I'm not fat and not thin, wearing somewhere around a 10-12 jean, a 16 shirt, 5Ǝ", 170 pounds. But three children and breast-feeding have taken a toll, not to mention the varicose veins and a few randomly scattered keratoses. Like yours, mine claims (and acts) interested until it's actually bedtime, but then finds reasons not to come to bed. Like you also, the supposedly wanted advances have frequently been rejected (not outright, but more a 'not now' thing), so I've kinda quit putting myself out there, too. Fortunately, there are things that still say everything else is okay so I'm sticking it out, but with the price of batteries going up, we may have to find a better solution!
you sound like the big sis I need
Thanks for your note. I could be making more of this than what is really necessary. It is a horrible way to live (always planning for the worse and worrying about what's going on for things we can't control). I think he realized today that all the negative news and me having to work was really getting me down. I just feel myself getting heavier and heavier and I'm so exhausted right now I feel like I'm about to fall asleep and I have got to finish the rest of my work (about another 4 hours). The reason we don't celebrate holidays is actually an agreement we both have. We used to celebrate holidays but every year I found myself so depressed because I've been away from home for close to 30 years and it is still hard, and I cant just go home every year. And he does not like family rituals or whatever those things are called (can't think of the word), as in it's Thanksigiving so we eat Turkey because it's thanksgiving (family traditions - that's it). So over the years I found it easier to deal with the holidays by not celebrating them. If I do cook a turkey on Thanksgiving its because I feel like having turkey that day.
When I say I can't throw too much at him, he doesn't have health problems, but he just can't handle too much. We take one situation at a time. I learned that years and years ago. Me, I'll do 10 things at once, but I keep it simple for him otherwise, so he doesn't get too overwhelmed. Yes I know he's a big boy, but not all men act like it.
I may not be expressing myself too good at this point. I'm so exhausted and need to go lay down.
Thanks for listening. I liked your last line bout thinking his down and out feelings are more important than my well being. I will be thinking on that one more.
Thanks again.
you sound like me -
for the past couple of years, I have said, let's forget the gifts and just spend the day together at my mom's house -- but oh no, that would be horrible if we did not buy presents. This year, my sister's husband lost his job and now it's automatic, we are not going to be buying gifts.
I always wonder, why is it that one person in the family always seems to make the decisions for everybody else?
This is going to sound very mean, s/m
but I have three full grown cats and two of them won't leave the tree alone. We go through this every year. For the first two days, I do not plug the lights in but sit waiting with my squirt gun. Once they are in the tree, I shoot. They run. Normally after the first two days, they won't climb it again, but they will sit underneath it and bat at the balls on the lower part of the tree, which I make sure are plastic just for them. So far this has worked for me. Now if anyone can find a way to keep them off the counter, let me know! I have tried pepper, hot sauce, two sided tape and the squirt gun.
You sound like the
Geez!
I'd rather live next to the cows and pine trees any day!
You sound like me. ...sm
We seem to get the strays. I don't have the heart not to try to take care of them. I am a succer for dogs.
If he has pit in him you definitely do not want to call animal control. I would just feed him and show him love and try to find him a home. I would just tell my husband look he has nowhere to go. Until I find his owner or a new owner I will be taking care of him. My husband gets annoyed with me too, but he won't deny a dog food and care.
LOL, you sound like me
Except not only would I start fights, if my BF was even 5 minutes late coming home I'd have his clothes and stuff on the front porch and him locked out. I'd make him beg and apologize for about 30 minutes before letting him in (but make him wait 30 more minutes before allowing him to bring his stuff back in so I could 'think about it'). Finally I realized why I was doing it and, once I did, I worked really hard on thinking before I did anything.
It takes a long time to drag yourself out of that craving for chaos. Now when I want thrills, I suggest he and I go do something crazy together instead of me throwing his belongings onto the front porch and it's been smooth sailing ever since, lol!
I would still like to know if the OP had the same type of upbringing we did. Hopefully she'll post again soon.
This may sound dumb...
but it's driving me crazy. Does anyone remember a Jewish actress, around 60-ish now, with very short dark red hair, very prominent features, large nose. I think she played in a sitcom maybe as someone's mom. We saw her tonight in New York and all recognized her but none of us can remember what show she was on! Just wondering if anyone might be able to help us figure this out.
This may sound a bit weird., but /sm
I read your post and got to thinking about when I lived in a really large house and kept missing the knocks at the front door. I got myself one of those wireless doorbells, and would take the "bell" part from room to room with me when I was expecting a delivery... I wonder if you could take the part that usually screws onto the door frame and put it on a necklace or something for you mother to wear and "ring the doorbell" when she needs help, and then take the "bell" part from room to room. Actually mine was loud enough I didn't need to pick it up and move it unless I was going upstairs. They might even sell them with 2 or more receivers (what I call "bells") so you could hear it ring on whatever floor you are on.
Good luck. I took care of my uncle when he had lung cancer and we rigged up a baby monitor for him, but he was in a 1-story house and I could hear him except at night time, so I can empathize.
do any of these sound like you this year?
CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
What do you think? I know this may sound crazy, but here goes. sm
I am in my mid 30s and currently having orthodontic treatment done. The doctor is so sweet (great looking too!). I find him staring at me whenever I come in there, unusually so. He's very, very attentive to me when he sees me. Fast forward to yesterday. I paid all of treatment within 3 months using insurance and cash (close to 5,000) and I received a letter today. He told me that he was so impressed with the way I set goals to pay my treatment in such a short time. Then he went on to say he was "looking forward to getting to know me better."
Okay. I was a little shocked. Is this normal? I've never had this happen before. It was a personal, hand written note.
Anyways, just wondering what your thoughts would be on this. He is the kindest, gentlest doctor I've ever been around. But, that's besides the point.
Just wanted to share this with you all. Not really looking for advice. Just thought it was weird.
Okay - this is going to sound crazy
But if you are an MT and this is MT business - you might consider contacting the AAMT - which is stationed in Modesto, Calif - even if you are not a member you'd think they could be halfway helpful. I'm familiar with the Sacramento area and could tell you places to stay away from there in Stockton and Sacramento but not familiar with Modesto. Sorry and best of luck!!
Doesn't sound right
under those circumstances. Then whenever someone wanted new wall-to-wall they could just crap it up themselves and submit a claim and get a new rug.
At any rate, even if this is somehow true, the insurance company will only jack up your rate or drop you all together, so you're going to pay either way. And then you'll have a claim history and no other company will want you either.
We tried the sound machine...
and he didn't like that. I think he likes the air flow even if it's not directed at him. I hadn't ever thought about the cost that fan is running constantly.
I'm not clear about the white board (drywall?, white boards that you write on?) but certainly is a consideration. I could make that easily removeable and yes cover with fabric. Thanks for the ideas too.
Never will be another Motown sound
or anything close to it. Gosh there was no one who wasn’t the best there, was there? Kids off the street (as in Idol) getting the chance of their lifetime and giving us all that wonderful music. I can sing along with so many of the songs from back them. Such fond memories.
You have to be honest with him, but you do sound a bit. SM
codependent on him. Something to think about. I've been married twice (once for 10 years and to my current husband for 4 years) and you cannot change people. You have to work on things together and try to change things together. I man will never read your mind and do what you want. You have to be very blunt with the male species and tell them what you want and need, but be careful about being too needy as that could be a turn off.
You must love him for who he is.
Good luck! I wish someone would have told me some of this stuff 15 years ago, but I'm in my mid 30s and still learning.
You sound so much like my daughter.
She did it all, no wedding planner. I did not see her dress until the day of the wedding. She asked to see what I would be wearing as she thought (being as I am known for liking flash, sequins and the like) I might try to be over the hill according to her. It met with her approval but I know her and know what she would not like. She had a beautiful wedding and she, like you, a control freak, some are, some arent but that is what makes people interesting. She is a highly independent person so we talk often, I do not get into their business and think things are good like they are. If she needs me she knows the number.
You sound like one of the monitors here.
a
It does sound good, but (sm)
DH refuses to live in a community where they can tell him to mow his grass. Now mind you, our community is pretty secluded, and most of the people here do keep it up, but he is of the old school where if it is your house and the grass gets a little too high, it's your own business. We don't like it trashy either.
You sound like hyperthyroid
with hypothyroidism your metabolish slows to a snail and you can actually gain weight. I have the one with the weight gain but never had the feeling of a lump in my throat and no throat pain. Dry skin, hair loss also goes with mine and the tiredness- hey I also have fibromyalgia and tiredness goes with that so I get a double whammy there. I do get really tired sometimes, just bone tired. I have not had some of the symptoms you talk about.
This is going to sound terrible
but my dad used to tell us if he caught us flipping the bird at anyone he would chop our middle fingers off. Of course he wasn't serious and I was the only one gullible enough to believe it.
Also I remember my grandma telling me when I was really young that kids that bite have to have all their teeth pulled out. God, it sounds like I had a horribly sadistic family but they really werent! LOL
I also remember being told if we swallowed watermelon seeds they could grow in our stomachs.
First sound of thunder I am off and see msg
One lady in my state using the commode got killed when lightning went in on the plumbing and 1 lady got knocked off her computer to the floor when lighting struck. This lady quits at first sound of thunder.
You sound as though you are speaking from
Would you honestly want to be stalked by a man you thought you got rid of 19 years prior??? If the answer is yes, then I will gladly introduce you two.
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