You shouldn't feel guilty because (see message)
Posted By: deb on 2008-03-30
In Reply to: I am so sad and feel guilty about my cat - Losing my furgirl
you can't be really sure that is what she would have wanted. When my cat died, many years ago, she went away to be by herself when she died. We had to look for her to find her. Some animals just prefer to be alone. You spent time with her before she died, and then you made her comfortable. Perhaps it was easier for her to "leave" if you weren't there with her. I am so sorry for your loss.
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It shouldn't be about wearing a ring, but more...see message
the way he acted toward you. My husband doesn't wear his wedding ring, just cos he doesn't feel like it, and I don't wear mine either. No big deal, but sounds like this guy was flirting with you and that's what I think was wrong.
I feel so guilty!
I have 3 cats, 1 older and 2 younger and they have been out in the garage (the older one is brought in to spend the night in the washroom) since Monday and will have to stay there until next Monday because am having new tile put in my home. My heart just could break knowing those babies are so used to being in here with me and keeping me company. I am going to do something tonight that my DH would not agree with- but he is not here and I am. I am going to bring all 3 into the bedroom for awhile and put them on the bed and having a good loving session with them before it is out to the garage again. I hope they will understand.
I am so sad and feel guilty about my cat
My furgirl of 18 years died at my home about a couple of months ago. I do not know how to get over the feeling of guilt. She had a stroke several months ago, being blinded and deaf at that time but recovered from that. I tried all to help her , even spoon feeding to make sure she ate okay but was finally told by her doctor that her organs were failing. I knew the day before she died her end was coming because she only urinated 1 time. The next day I held her in my arms and she refused even water then and I knew her life was ending. What bothers me so much, even now, is that I did not hold her up until the time she died so she could die in my arms- I made her comfortable with a light blanket with her head supported on a little pillow but I am so guilty and sad. I don’t know how to get over this. What can I do? I loved her so much and now I feel like I let her down in her time of needing someone to be close. I held her for about 5 hours the first of that day but why did I not continue to hold her? I should have and now I am paying with loads of guilt.
Please don't feel guilty...
Your sweet furgirl knew how much you loved her, and you did everything possible to make her comfortable at the end. I believe that people sometimes wait until their loved ones leave the hospital before feeling free enough to let go. It may be possible that it was easier for her to pass on while she was not in your arms. Try to remember the good times and take solace in the fact that the two of you enjoyed years of love and companionship. My heart goes out to you!
Yes, you are right that we should not feel guilty sm
and that's the whole point of my original post. You have already gotten the point somewhere along the line and I am glad for you. For those of us who have not gotten the point yet, or are just now starting to get it, why can't you either be encouraging or not comment? As far as Oprah, I personally don't see her as being the same type of image as Martha Stewart or The View.
do not feel guilty
Do not feel guilty and do not second guess yourself. You know your daughter. And no, you are not over-reacting. If you feel there is a problem, there most likely is. I went through this same thing with one of my daughters. She had been a straight A student, triple-letter athlete, etc., etc., etc., and then bang....whole new kid. She couldn't wait to be out of our home. No one who hasn't been through this can fathom the gamut of emotion it involves. In the end, it was our responsibility as parents to do everything in our power to protect this child from herself. Yes, she hated us. She once went 3 full months without speaking to us (it was the most peaceful 3 months we had had in a long time!) but we started her in counseling and didn't back down. It took a very long time, longer than I care to think about, but finally started to see some changes in her. We discovered she suffers from a significant chemical imbalance that caused depression and once she agreed to start medications (she only agreed to prove us wrong), the change was amazing. We got our daughter back. She is now a successful professional with a family of her own. Point is, you need to seek professional help. She will resist but stick to your guns. If you do not seize every avenue available to you, you will continue to doubt yourself. My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult this is. I was lucky; for my family the counseling paid off. I now have a very close relationship with this daughter. I hope you find the same.
There is nothing to feel guilty about.
In a perfect world the child whose name was drawn would not already have a Wii, and perhaps it would even be on the top of his wish list. But we don't live in a perfect world. I'm sure the orthodontist who is awarding the prize would be just as happy to know that your child got something else that he really wanted in exchange for the Wii that he already had. A prize is a prize is a prize. I think you all are being silly for trying ot make her feel like she is doing something wrong.
Too bad they don't feel guilty ENOUGH to keep themselves from
going into Tiffany's, etc and buying that garbage - cripes!!
I hear you. I feel so guilty...sm
That I can't bring these cats inside. It's so much safer for cats to be indoors. I've read that the average lifespan of an outdoor cat is only 2 years, (because of cars, dogs, etc.) and I worry about them all the time.
I never planned to have cats, because I think they should be indoors, which I can't do because I'm so darn allergic to them, and because our dogs are indoors and are not at all cat friendly.
But then these 2 came along, and they're feral. So my choices were to either ignore them and let them continue to fend for themselves, call the shelter to come and trap them (but they wouldn't be put up for adoption because they're feral, they'd be put down right away)... or do what I did (trap, neuter, vaccinate, release) and take responsibility for their care. So that's what I did.
It's definitely not a perfect situation. We have considered making the cat house entirely enclosed so they stay in there. It is a pretty big area, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
Sorry for your loss,...don't feel guilty though (sm)
When I am sad about something, I have a tendency to blame myself - somehow I did something wrong, otherwise why would I feel so bad? I know logically that is not rational but in my pain I always find something I did "wrong." I sometimes think back to things I did in the past and I ask myself why I did what I did and why I did not do things differently. But occasionally when I have done that, I have gone back mentally and through through all of the circumstances and I realize that if given another chance, I would probably do things the same way again. I have a habit of second-guessing my past choices - as if today I am somehow a different person than I was yesterday. The truth is you were just as good a person during the time that your beloved pet's life was ending as you are now. There were probably reasons you did not hold her the entire time...you didn't know exactly when she would pass away, maybe you felt she would be more comfortable... you are good now and you were good then...as many other posters have said, you gave her a wonderful, loving life. Don't confuse your grief with guilt...you miss her, of course, but you did not do anything wrong. Take care
Kids have a way of making us feel guilty. SM
You could start a fund of giving your son money for doing things like helping with lawn work or cleaning or whatever. He could start a paper route, with you supplementing his income.
I'm just making suggestions. Again, don't feel badly. Agree with other poster about people using credit cards.
Please don't feel guilty! You sound like a loving fur mom!..I too
lost a cat this week, also about 18 years old. She was an outside cat who never came in but about 6 weeks ago she just walked in one day and never wanted to go back out, so I figured the end was near. I feel very guilty too, but I made her comfortable, stroked her, made sure she was comfortable. Hubby went out in the pouring rain/sleet to bury her under a cedar tree where our others are buried. When I told him how bad I felt about not being here when she died, he said she had a great life because of me and how much I cared for her. I am sure you were wonderful to her. Please don't feel so guilty! My gal, the day before she died, actually did go outside, it happended to be sunny for a bit, she laid down on the deck and enjoyed the warmth and caught the last bird of her life! For a cat, she went out on a good note!
I'd turn him in and not blink an eye or feel guilty.
We are the ones who pay for this. Just like the handicapped spaces everywhere that have people who don't seem to have a physical disability. And don't bother giving me the same old "you can't see my disability, but I have one" story. I know, bad back, bad knees, whatever. If you can drive to Wal-Mart and push the cart maybe you could walk a couple of more feet in the parking lot. You all know who you are out there.
You shouldn't feel responsible....
As mean as it sounds, you have put up with it and YOU have decided for yourself that enough is enough and if you tell him so and IF he bounces back to alcoholism, then basically he is a grown man and that is HIS choice, you cannot let it affect you or make you feel responsible.
My sister-in-law is in the same boat as far as her husband being an alcoholic. It has put so much stress on her and their children and it has been going on about 15 years. He won't seek help though and she won't leave him. She just says that she is hoping one day he wakes up and sees what a good wife she is. I feel bad for her that she has wasted so much time on someone like that.
Exactly - it's taking the time that makes me feel guilty too sm
Solution they are saying is to go to bestlife.com and sign a contract with yourself and then Oprah has a bestlife challenge with diet and exercise and other tips and an online journal, etc. In the past when I have exercised regularly, I found that I felt like I had more time, because I had more energy to get things done. So I am trying to get back to that again.
You shouldn't feel this way so early in your marriage (sm)
Take it from someone who stuck around way too long and now has a much more complicated situation (children and money involved) - cut your losses now and find someone you are a better match with. It has nothing to do with your weight. Your husband should be treating you with lots of love and attention right now in your marriage...if not, something is wrong. You can find someone else who would be a better match for you. Don't wait until there are children and finances and so many other complicating factors keeping you there!! However things are at the beginning of a marriage, they will only get worse as time goes on. I know it is hard, I know you love him, but it is not going to work. Again, cut your losses now, and move on to a better future!
I am feeling very depressed this Christmas season. I feel guilty because I
would rather it would be over. I have no money to shop, and things in general are bad in my life. I am trying very hard to focus on what matters this time of year and what it is about. Anyone else having difficulty now?
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
True, it is how you FEEL - see message
Sorry, maybe "wrong" was the wrong word to use, but you said in your message "cutting them up, this would be a waste". That is what I was referring to. That is wrong. It is not a waste to take clothes/material and make a beautiful quilt out of them.
Also the statement about her sister "obviously" wanting her to wear them is wrong because you don't know what her sisters intentions were.
Whatever choice the OP makes about what to do with her sisters clothes will be the right choice for her. Whether she chooses to wear them or make them into an heirloom quilt that can be passed on for generations will always bring her good memories of her sister.
the underlying read-between-the-lines message of the insurance lobbyist's message was (sm)
to, yes, appeal the denied claim. However, she lobbies for the insurance companies. She comes across sounding like she's on the patient's side but in reality she is on the side of the insurance company. The insurance company gets to deny whatever claims they want right off the bat. That leaves the SICK patient (who needs the coverage NOW when they are sick) to have to go through the appeals process. That could take quite a while. Imagine a cancer patient being denied some form of treatment that is going to help them. They now have to go through the appeals process (or pay out of pocket) in order for that treatment to be covered. In the MEANTIME their cancer is progressing. From the point of view of the insurance company, if they drag it out long enough they don't have to pay for it at all. That same insurance lobbyist was on 20/20 a little while back and basically came right out and said that the insurance companies COULDN'T AFFORD to pay for coverage for sick people. She's not on the patient's side.
Guilty Mom
Well, you've already said what my feelings are which is, I would snoop if I felt that I had a reason to and I've always told my children this. Privacy goes out the window if something is wrong. But, you admit you did it just out of nosiness - oh well, none of us are perfect and we get a little "crazy" sometimes when it comes to our children. Good for her (and you) that it just confirmed her maturity and that she's a good kid (with obviously good parents).
As far as her relationship with her dad, I would not talk to her about what you've read, but maybe try to finagle (spelling?) some time for them to be together to get a little closer. I can say at that age, I pretty much felt the same way about my father and couldn't wait also to get out of my house. Ended up getting married at 18 straight out of high school. BUT, as I've aged, I've become very close to my father and realize a lot of what I didn't like about him when I was younger was just him wanting us to behave and being worried about us kids. So, in other words, you may not be able to do anything now to enhance that relationship, but hopefully it will grow on its own. Can you talk to your husband about this?
Guilty pleasures
Mine too! I love Y&R and I have been watching since I was a teenager. I think Phyllis is great! I would like to see her back with Jack though.
I'm not sure Nick is dead either. I guess time will tell.
Guilty all the time - why?? (sm)
I constantly feel guilty. If I exercise, I feel guilty for taking the time to do that. If I don't I feel guilty because I didn't. If I diet, I feel guilty for thinking too much about what I am going to eat and taking too much time for myself. If I take a day off from work I feel guilty, but if I don't work and and spend the day with my family I feel guilty for that too. What the heck is wrong with me? I wake up in the middle of the night feeling guilty. What is wrong with me??
OJ Found Guilty
Simpson Found Guilty on All Charges
By LINDA DEUTSCH, AP
posted: 10 MINUTES AGOcomments: 1245filed under: Crime News, National NewsPrintShareText SizeAAALAS VEGAS (Oct. 3) --
Thirteen years to the day after being acquitted of killing his wife and her friend in Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson was found guilty of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.
The 61-year-old former football star was convicted of all 12 counts late Friday after jurors deliberated for more than 13 hours. He released a heavy sigh as the charges were read and was immediately taken into custody.
I agree his is guilty as well, I just wonder
why all of the sudden she believes her sisters now.
I have been guilty of the same thing
The best thing to do is just make a list and stick to it. Clothing used to be my biggest weakness so I try to avoid that area in the store since I have plenty of clothes. At craft fairs or anything extra I get to do (rare occasion anymore) I usually just take cash only. I went to an arts & craft fair 2 weeks ago and only took $50 cash. When it was gone, I just went home.
Maybe you shouldn't take any.
Curious as to why you listed biracial up there. What does that have to do with anything?
It doesn't sound like you really want any of them. Maybe foster care where someone wants to take of them would be a better place.
so therefore, i shouldn't have this cat and should get right of it
x
yes, i sure did andyou can't tell me he wasn't guilty. nm
;
sounds to me he is guilty. maybe he is having an affair and sm
wants you to divorce him and that is his way of trying to get you to do so. I would leave the SOB. No one deserves that sort of verbal abuse. Just my 2 cents.
Well, I'm guilty of giving neighbors' dog
he does come over our fence, literally climbs over, and comes into our yard and then our house. He goes straight to the kitchen, waits for a treat and then goes out the front door and to his yard. He gets ignored a lot so I feel sorry for him. He's so cute.
I'm feeling guilty and ashamed
I have a confession to make. Yesterday on an impulse I read my daughter's diary. She's sixteen, and she and I have always had a good relationship. I can't justify what I did by saying I suspected something. I was just curious, and knowing that she's in the beginnings of her first romance I was looking to see if there was anything - - romantic? Shame on me!
As it is, I'm happy to know that with a few exceptions that were rather minor (details of conversations, etc) she pretty much has already told me just about everything she wrote about. In a way, that makes me feel guiltier. What the heck was I thinking, betraying her privacy like that? It confirmed how much she cares about this boy - I knew that - said how much she hates her father and wants to get out of our house - knew that too, but not quite how much!
Now I'm going to have to monitor what I say to her so I don't let on I know these details. I want to talk to her about her relationship with her dad without letting on I know how bad she feels. At the same time, I'm really, really happy to find out that she's as good a kid as I have always felt she is, and so open and honest with me.
I guess I'll just have to chalk this up to experience and be glad I didn't come across anything I would have to act on like drugs or sexual activity or something.
Feedback, anybody?
They shouldn't be treated the same
A 15yo and an 8yo should not be treated equally anyway. If the 15yo wants what the 8yo wants, tell him/her they can have the same bedtime, curfew, privileges etc. if they want everything to be fair.
You're right. I shouldn't
tell him it will be a long time before I die. I was just trying to comfort him. We have also talked about how everybody will die when God decides it is their time. We are regular church members. He has been raised in church and knows all that, I guess it's just now really sinking in. My husband will take care of my kids if I die. As far as if we both die, we have that taken care of also. We were married 18 years before we had them. They are definitely God's little miracles to us! I'm sorry for your loss, but you're right; you will see him again someday and I'm sure he has never left your heart! God Bless you and thank you for your kind advice.
Shouldn't I have a better self-definition by now?? sm
I am up early, not sure if this will interest anyone, but want to sort of wonder "out loud" on here for a moment. I am 40 years old, yet I still am ambivalent about my religious beliefs, my political beliefs, etc. I find myself not being steadfast either way...I don't know if that means I don't yet know who I am (though by now you would think I should!) or if that means that I am just always going to be a flexible thinker? I sometimes read posts on the liberal board and the conservative board and I can always see both points of view and find ways that I feel they are both right and sometimes both wrong so I never lean to far to either side. I grew up going to a Christian church and I believe in the general overall beliefs of Christians, but then I don't discredit other religions that others grew up with either. And I don't necessarily agree with everything that most mainstream Christians believe. Does all of this mean I am ignorant? Or is it ignorant to be too closed-minded to believe that others also have valid points of view, that I don't always have to be right, and that there is more than one way to be "right"? So sometimes I feel "undefined" and wonder how I can ever define myself...then other times I think I have defined myself exactly as I want to be. Does anyone else feel "undefined"? and is it a good thing or a bad thing?
What amazes me, though it probably shouldn't
is the number of people on this thread bashing someone for doing things right, when anon up above just suggests the OP file bankruptcy. What's wrong with you people? You think it's okay to just turn your back on the mess you've created? Not one of you commented on that poster's suggestion, yet you waste your time bashing someone who does have their act together. I would rather have PhillyChick in my corner anyday over anyone who thinks it's okay to just rack up debt and walk away. You people need to get your heads checked.
Before you say it, this has nothing to do with whether the OP has extenuating circumstances or not. The OP wasn't even asking about bankruptcy. The OP was asking for suggestions on how to pay things back, and for that, I applaud her.
well it shouldn't be. She should at least get to get a second opinion (sm)
I think she is being diagnosed to easily with something that can stay on her medical record and that is so unfair.
Maybe because no one has said to them they SHOULDN'T wear it...
nothing uglier than muffin top under too tight shirts, fat thighs in too tight jeans, sucking down an soda and eating a burger. Some people need to look in a mirror, or better yet, shop at a real department store, spend some money on good quality clothing, stop trying to dress like a teenager, and bring along a friend who will tell you how you REALLY look in the clothes you try on.
OJ book and trial, innocent or guilty?
I saw the message about OJ and the book about whether or not he actually did the crime. What I would like to know from the MTers discussing this, did any of you watch the trial from start to finish? The newspapers, television shows, etc. most all the time fabricated parts leaning towards his part in this crime. I saw it all from start to finish, every single day and after that made my own decision regarding the guilt or innocence, not by what I read in the papers or heard on the news. The most important piece of "evidence" supposedly was the glove issue. The trial showed a receipt from a store from accessories. Never ever did they match a scanned number, price, date bought or whatever with the glove buying, but then again I guess most of you watched all the trial?
He's guilty as sin and I cannot read his obituary in the news
nm
Michael Vick pleds GUILTY to
dogfighting charges and will be sentenced December 10th. He is having a news conference at about 11:30 a.m. EST. There are people that are supporting him. How can anyone condone what he has done. There were supporters at the court house in Virginia who were clapping and singing and saying that they LOVED HIM. OMG. He better get time in jail or I have lost all faith in the court system for CELEBS. He did the crime now he must pay the time. I do not care what color he is. He did a horrible thing and should not get away with it.
Another country heard from...guilty mothers
who think only material things make their little one happy, have to get affirmation and praise for every decision they make...your poor husbands!
shouldn't this be on the WAHM board?
just wondering why pregnancy, potty training etc questions are not being re routed to the WAHM board? Otherwise, what is that board for? just a question, not a criticism.
Well, she shouldn't have married him...that never works.
x
It shouldn't matter. Of all the couples I know currently, (sm)
only ONE is same-race. The rest are white/black, black/Pacific Islander, Asian/white, etc. And the only same-race couple I know is gay. So no, it shouldn't matter in the slightest.
You shouldn't be so judgmental and nasty
without knowing all the facts. News flash: Life isn't always black and white, cut and dried. Try to put yourself in her shoes and not be so critical because you don't know any of the details of what's going on. Jeesh.
he shouldn't even ask-it's too obvious and classless
again, just my own *take* on the situation...betcha these people always get called by virtual strangers or acquaintenances to stay with them while the guests do Disney Parks.....living in Orlando and all that....
it reeks of using them.....just to stay there.....
Bad taste, to say the very least.
But, shouldn't this be on the RELIGION Board?? nm
x
Shouldn't teenagers at least have at home ....sm
a CLEAN environment?
Shouldn't this really be on the Politics board? sm
you are labeling global warming science as rotten, and basically making remarks about Obama that pretty much should be noted on the politics board, not GAB.
She's your mother. There shouldn't be "boundaries."
One day, your mother will be gone and you will look back on this vacation as time you missed and your children missed out on with her.
I'm very close with my mother. She's my rock. The one person I know I can always count on if ever I or my children need anything. My dad passed away at age 49 and both my parents instilled a strong sense of family on my brother and sister and I. Blood is blood. We should always "do" for family.
Yes, my mom gives me unsolicited advice, yes she has irritated me repeatedly over the years, yes we've had our spats and cold wars, and yes she has intruded in my home and turned her nose up at my housekeeping abilities. But in the end she's my mother. She's earned the right to give me unsolicited advice and she's always welcome in my home. And of course I don't do things as well as she did, she was a career housewife. I haven't had the luxury. But she does what most mothers do and what I will do someday, I'm sure.
Just tell you mom to bring her own spending money and let her know that maybe she and your dad she get their own hotel room because there are far too many people for just one room. You may even be able to have one or two of your kids sleep in their room. It might work nice for you. You and your hubbie maybe could leave the kids with your parents one night at the hotel with your parents at the pool or something and go out on a date.
Or maybe tell her you think it's great she go and she can help you with the kids and give you some alone time on your trip. She may decide she doesn't want to go afterall and then everything works out the way everyone wants.
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