You ever think it may be guilt that has - sm
Posted By: XXX on 2007-05-28
In Reply to: If he has not contacted you, it would seem - Daughter of divorced
kept him from contacting her? People tend to sweep under the rug what they feel bad about, so maybe he swept his former life and child under the rug and cannot go back because he feels guilty of how he treated them. It does happen. Granted there are those who feel nothing and want nothing to do with their past "indiscretions", and are just horrible people to begin with. If it were me I'd get in touch, but with no expectations of becoming one happy family; basically for curiousity. My mom was adopted and on and off I have searched for her birth parents. She is dead now, and unless they are very, very old, her parents are dead too, but I may have some aunts and uncles I know nothing about as well as some cousins that I am still curious about and hope to one day meet. It took me a while but I got her birth certificate released via the courts when my mom was still alive and at least she died knowing her birthday really was her birthday (we had our doubts as her "parents" lied about so much) and the names of her parents, assuming they told the truth on the birth certificate, one never knows. Yes, her contacting her dad will ruffle some feathers but she has a right to contact him and should not let others stop her if she really wants to contact him just because they don't like the idea.
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please don't take on any guilt that someone--sm
else is trying to lay on you. You have enough to worry about without feeling guilty about a human reaction. First off, it was not your husband's fault for not taking the quad off the trailer. It was all your BIL responsibility once he took the vehicles to his property, to make sure they were safe. period. If they are reacting out of anger towards you now, it is because they feel the guilt of responsibility and it may end up costing them something in the future. They do not want to have to pay the consequences for their mistake...so...they are trying to turn it around on you and make you feel guilty for blaming them for your loss. they can only do that if you allow them to. You are in the right. You are also within your rights to attempt to recover for you loss, whether it is family or not. Secondly, the disagreement you got into with your sister is on her shoulders. Heated emails or not, she came to your house, became confrontational with you, and ended up placing her hands on you in anger. Whether she hurt you or not, she aggressively assaulted you. If you let it go this time, just like in any abuse case, be it male or female, it just gives her an open door to do it again, maybe not to you, but to someone else. She feels she can get what she wants by physical means, and that is wrong. You say she and her husband have always been this way, by screwing people over, so they can get what they want, no matter what the consequences. They have apparently never been made to pay the consequences of their actions. They have never learned not to be selfish. Family or not, sister or not, you have the right and obligation to defend yourself, your person and your property, against a selfish onslaught. As I said previously, your sister and BIL would be knocking on your door wanting compensation for their property if it had been stolen from you. Situations are always different when the shoe is on the other foot. Thirdly, even though you love your nephew dearly, she is the parent. It is her responsibility to act in such a way *maturely* so that her *business* is not in jeopardy and she will not lose her job or her home because of it. It is her actions that caused any consequences that come from this. Not yours. She seems to be very good at turning anything she does wrong onto someone else, making it their fault. Do not let her guilt you into thinking you did this, because you did not.
As you said. The damage is done. You cannot undo it. You cannot change it. You did the right thing in protecting yourself from her physical assault. Whatever happens now is a result of her actions, not yours. If per chance this ever calms down, and it will in time, perhaps an amicable solution would be for them to pay HALF of the loss. That way both parties take responsibility. That is just a suggestion. But please, please, do not take on the guilt she is trying to get you to take. Stay strong. Family or not, she had no right to inflict anything on you physically. Just remember that. Abuse is abuse whether you are hurt or not. Trust me on that. I have been there. I wish you all the best!
Guilt
Guilt is a major side effect of depression. Believe me, I know! I didn’t realize the extent of my depression until after I started treatment for it. Now that I am on the “other” side of the coin, I am much more aware of the symptoms and triggers. I, too, wondered why everything made me feel guilty, especially when no one really even tried to make me feel that way; I brought it on myself. For years, I kept asking myself why I was feeling that way and never came to a solid conclusion. Now that I am on medication, there was no real reason for my guilt other than I was depressed. I can honestly say that any guilt I feel right now is a normal healthy level, enough to help me remain considerate to others, but it is no longer a major part of my life. I feel like a slave who has been set free from bondage. I’ve learned that it’s okay to pamper myself and take care of some my own needs. However, I don’t think I could have ever done it on my own without the help of medication.
I would never put you on guilt trip for that
That little beast is a nervy ho!!!! The worst part of having kids is dealing with other kids and their parents. How DARE she do that? Use your computer? But I will say, this will be an ongoing war for eternity now with the mother.
first, quit the guilt
If you have been burned by someone repeatedly, and they still want you around, they have to be open to your verification to gain your trust. He doesn't respect you enough to get help and stick with it, as he has proven repeatedly, so why should he be surprised if you want reassurance of his activities. If he doesn't want to change, then there is nothing you can do to make him. You have to decide if it is really worth hanging on. Is life apart from him really that much worse than with him? I would advise you to see if there is anyone you can talk to who is an expert on addiction and those who live with addicts (you didn't say whether you have a counselor available or maybe a support group). FWIW, I've been there, and I would never give a man as many chances as you have. It is your life. Reclaim it for yourself!
My point is that the e-mail check is not what you should worry about. How his problems affect your life/sanity/sense of self is what you should focus on.
Good luck!
Regardless, that doesn't take away his guilt sm
She didn't believe it then, but she does now. Better late than never. He is still guilty and people who are willing to do those types of things don't change. My point to Mrs. R is that we are not villifying men in general, this woman's husband is guilty of doing something very bad.
you're into guilt by association? s/m
As I know it, they broke up months ago..........so I have read...and anyway - you sound like my 87 year old mother!!! 
Guilt? I am much too old to think about such a superficial thing
I just wondered who makes you the guru of all things good or bad? I just happen to know that things mentioned here, not all, but some are absolutely good for you. My husband is a chef and I am a registered dietician. You need to go back on the other board where you always seem to stir things up.
Keep waking up at night - Guilt? Anxiety?
Okay - for months now I have been aking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and feeling hot. I have to sleep with a fan and keep fipping from one end of hte bed to ther other so the sheets will be cool. I guess that could just be that I'm hot, I don't know. Then I end up being awake for an hour or two while my mind wanders through everything that I am not happy with myself about and I end up making resolutions about how I am going to improve because I'm so bad, etc. I keep wondering if the heart racing is just physical and is maybe anxiety and I am trying to rationalize it as guilt so I start to try to think of what I might feel guilty about? Anyway, the next day I am fine, although I have started spending less money as a result of one of my late night attacks! Does anyone else do this or know what it is? I'm tired of it - and tired the next day!
either postpartum depression or embarrassed/guilt
I have known people to withdraw due to feeling like people are going to make fun of their child, blaming themselves or postpartum depression. Is this their first child? Could be that she is just simply overwhelmed. What does her mother-in-law/mother think? Is she also pulling away from them?
Just let her know that you are there for her even if that means sending her a card.
Confessional is for the purpose of relieving people's guilt of sin.
The law is written on mankind's heart. Confessional and or talking with your pastor is a helpful tool toward relieving guilt and for guidance. People who quote scripture like this should know it is fine to quote but also should be educated on the original purpose of confessional. No one ever said the Pastor is taking the place of Christ. Read up on Luther's papers, please.
I see where you are coming from because I would be nagged by guilt and feeling responsible
for the problem. I have those tendencies too. No way should you cash your IRA for a car.
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
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