You are soooo not alone! sm
Posted By: Mee2 on 2006-12-26
In Reply to: Need to Vent. - before I explode
I've lived through this, and this year was no great shakes, though not because of presents. We don't make a big deal out of presents at Christmas -- a few nice presents for the kids (teenagers), and DH and I don't actually exchange gifts, but we do go and spend time together one night during the holiday season, usually dinner at a local spot we like. I'm very happy with that arrangement. If I want something for myself, I can buy it when I want it, so it's the time together that I value the most.
Unfortunately, I had a horrible Christmas this year, but it was because I felt completely unappreciated. I spent weeks preparing things, all the usual traditions that we do in our house, decorating, cookies, entertaining, all that sort of thing. I like doing it, but it's a lot of work. Christmas Eve came, and we went to church. After church, I asked to go for a drive to look at lights. DH made a fuss over it, and I made a fuss back, saying that it was one thing that I enjoy, and given all that I do, it sure would be nice if he'd kick in and do something *I* like to do just this one night. He then insisted that the boys had to go, too, because, "If I have to do it, then they have to do it, too." You'd think I had asked him to clean toilets or something! I didn't really care if the boys came. they are 16, 17 and 18 years old. I didn't expect that to be their idea of fun. But they were forced to go and we piled into the van. We started down the street, and they were all heckling and making rude comments. We only drove for 15 minutes when I told DH to go home. I had enough. It was no fun, and DH was goading the boys on. It certainly wasn't any fun for me. They stopped laughing and talking at that point. When we got home, I lined them all up and recounted everything I do for them, told them that they were ungrateful little so-and-so's for not at least trying to tolerate something that interests me, and since I was the one who shops for all of them, and I'm the one who knows where their presents are hidden, they were stuck for Christmas until I darn well felt in the Christmas spirit again. I went up to my room, stuck my iPod in my ears and went to sleep. By 10:30 the next morning, still no present opening. I didn't feel like it. I had another conversation with them about how unappreciated I felt, that they don't even bother to say "Thanks, mom. Dinner was delicious," when I make them dinners every night. "Ever wonder where your clean underwear comes from? There's no maid in this house!"
It wasn't a pleasant Christmas morning, but men never seem to understand what we want -- to be appreciated. And most of us aren't brought up to bang our own drum, but you know what? I'm no saint. I can't give and give and give just for the sake of being a "good" wife and mother. I'm not a doormat. Men have to be told that once in a while, just once in a while, they need to say thank you, make the females in their lives the center of attention, and not be so stinking selfish. It took a while, because they thought I was mad because they made a fuss about going to see Christmas lights. I really had to work at getting them to see that I was mad because they couldn't do this ONE little thing that I like to do, and that they get a darn lot of good things in life because I orchestrate it for them. They need to realize that all of that doesn't come from fairy dust and wishing. MOM does it. Once in a while, be nice.
OK, so how the story ended . . . I didn't make them dinner on Christmas. (Luckily, no company for us.) They made themselves bacon and eggs. I wasn't hungry and I told them I was going to take care of myself. Today, 12/26, is my birthday. One son made me breakfast this a.m. They all said they were sorry, and DH told me this morning that he was sorry for setting a bad example for them on Christmas Eve and making the boys go. He also gave me a very nice birthday present.
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- Need to Vent. - before I explode
- You are soooo not alone! sm - Mee2
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