You'll be okay

Deep breath.  In.  Out.  Okay.  You'll be okay.  Be as calm as you can to the investigator.  Explain it like you did here and they'll definitely see the truth.  Cleaning the house sucks, I know, but you'll get that done, too.  If the crap your husband has left around is too much to fit in the trash dumpster, see if you can sneak it into a store's dumpster at night.  Or an office building who doesn't lock theirs.  I used to take stuff to the dumpster at the office where I worked and even after I left, I took stuff there a couple of times.

Frankly, everything that was his would be in the trash.  If it hasn't been touched in the last 6 months, it has to go.  Get the kids involved, too - especially if they're on board with you and hubby splitting up, which if I remember correctly, they are. 

Good luck.  You'll be okay and you'll come through this onto the other side.

Keep us posted as to how things go, okay?

• I just found out that social services will be paying me a visit and I am - AnonMT
  • myself at one point (sm) - I had a Social Service visit
  • Heads Up - Dinosaur
  • When I was little my parents were visited by one - TAB
  • Also - MT211
    • Several of your suggestions require that - NightOwl
  • You are not required by law to let them in. sm - LMT
    • You don't offer to feed someone you have a restraining - order against. nm
    • Why should she offer to feed the twit? - sm - XXX
  • You'll be okay - Happy MT Robin
    • Sneak it to the stores' dumpster sm - What?????
  • Encouraging Thoughts Here - NightOwl
  • I agree that it will be okay and they'll - sm
  • Social Services Visiting - Donna
    • your MTSO made accusations?? sm - MT
      • MTSO made false accusations - Donna
        • That's like something out of a Lifetime movie - Mortified!

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

Thank you everyone!  It has been great reading all of your responses!  Goodnight!!  "See" you all tomorrow!

Hugs,

Chickadee

I moved here with 9 cats, and I've got 18 now. Long story, but two of the ladies were outdoor cats (one was a feral) and they were "in the mood for love."

Now there's Lil Rust, Baby Face, Tuxedo, BC (stands for black cat), Dusty (resumbles a cotton puff with legs and a face), Gypsy, Willow, and Gizmo. Scooter found a home.

Anyone get the impression that I love cats?

What you see is what you get. That is what they told me in ground training for my private pilot; of course, they were referring to the weather, but it holds true for a lot of other things and situations.

One thing about long-relationships that I have learned is that the only person you can "change" is yourself. So, if your significant other has any kind of habit or personality quirk that "bothers" you before entering into marriage, that same issue will be there after you've married no matter what the other person "promises" to do or don't do.

My boss once called me into his office (I thought I was in trouble again!) and asked my opinion about his marrying his girlfriend. He said he wanted to marry her, "take care of her," but that he could not "stand" the fact that she smoked. He also said that she promised to quit smoking after they got married. I told him basically the same thing, what you see is what you get. I also told him that to expect her to change, even with the promise of doing so, was unrealistic and that he would have to accept her as she is...smoking and all, even after the marriage. No matter what quirks the other person has before the marriage, they'll still have the same quirks after the marriage. She did try to give up the smoking; however, she eventually failed and resumed the smoking. Apparently, it was more than he could stand, and they ultimately divorced. Of note, he was a control-type freak whose idea of socialization was snuggling up to the TV set and eating pizza, and she was a free-spirited social being who liked to be around a lot of people. He did do some socializing, going out dancing, going out to eat, etc. to placate her, which was really totally against his nature. He knew beforehand what the issues were but chose to go ahead with the marriage, thinking that he could get her to change. She did'nt. What he saw before the marriage was what he got after the marriage.

The issue then becomes not what the other person will do to compromise but what you will accept, knowing full well what the other person's habits and quirks are and how far you are willing to go to accept that fact and be comfortable with those issues. If you are uncomfortable now and feel this is a significant issue for you, this will be the same after the marriage. Don't expect him to change. The only person you can change is yourself.

You can either accept him as he is and you, yourself, do the compromising, or you can move on to find yourself a more compatible life partner. If you choose to continue the relationship, however, do not feel guilty about "dragging" him along to any social events or worry about his socializing with the others. If he truly did not want to go, he wouldn't have gone in the first place. Maybe that would be his way of compromising for your issues.

Walking away from somebody you really think you love is tough. I've done it, and it does hurt for a while, but it is a whole lot less hurtful than divorcing. As I look back upon that decision, I know that it was the right thing to do. There will always be a "soft spot" in my heart for him, but I know that I could never really stand "to stomach" some of his quirks on a regular, life-long basis.

You need to do a lot of soul-searching about this. I wish you peace and happiness no matter what your decision is.

Margo

I'm no expert only having this done on Tuesday, but I am not sorry one bit. I put mine off for 2 years before I got the guts to do it. I had only 1 molar left and couldn't eat much of anything. I think I will feel a whole lot healthier when I can go back to raw vegetables for snacks like I used to eat many moons ago.

I had 3 teeth pulled about 6 weeks ago simply because I was having extreme night pain and had no other choice, one pulled one week and the other two the following week. That solved that problem. The rest (all 15 with 12 shots of novacaine) were done all at once. That's how I wanted it done. I can't stand getting teeth pulled. Had a bad experience with an oral surgeon in my teens that left me with such a fear of dentists that I didn't go to another dentist for 5 years. My dentist now was fresh out of school and opened up his practice here in town with all of his new ideas and we have been with him for 25 years. Don't let anyone kid you that new grads are worthless. He was great. He calmed me down when I was shaking like a leaf with my teeth chattering in fear.

Lastly, I do like how they look. I like how my face looks with them, too. I've never been told I had nice teeth but I had 4 compliments on them just since Tuesday. I think once I get used to eating with them and keeping them in place, things will be much better. I do have to get used to NOT having them in, and that's what I hate. I guess I have to keep them out for about 8 hours a day to heal this sore spot. I don't like how I look or speak without them. My face feels caved in and my lips kind of flop around and I talk funny without them. I guess since I won't be going anywhere without them that it shouldn't be a big deal, but I'm real self conscious about that. I do have to get that sore spot healed, so I better listen to the boss.

The only thing I hate is the cost, around 4500.00. Half that was just the extractions. I could have gone to the dental school, but they are 2 hours away and I don't have the time nor the patience to drive that far for dental work. You can get it done real reasonable going that route from what I understand. 

1. How did you feel about your parent(s) being alcoholic? Were you embarrassed?

2.  Did you ever try alcohol yourself when you were a kid?

3.  (If there were arguments or other disturbances) What did you do when your parents argued? Were you scared?

4.  Did you ever have any friends over to your house or were you afraid your parent(s) would embarrass you?

5. Do you drink at all now? If so, are you afraid of becoming an alcoholic?

These are all probably things you have already thought of. I really applaud your willingness to put yourself out there and open yourself up to help these young people. That is a wonderful thing to do!