Yes, like I said, by all means go to Al-Anon. sm
Posted By: Ella (retired) on 2009-06-05
In Reply to: First, go to Alanon. Second, maybe speak to a counselor sm - ChiaPet
You work the Al-Anon program for yourself and not for the alcoholic. You'll be more than glad you did. Not to necessarily save your marriage, but to save YOURSELF.
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To ANON
Thank you.......
To another anon
OK....have a good night....
For anon...
Just for the record, I wasn't calling you names. You don't like my opinion, that's fine. I've read your previous posts though, and I don't think some of these other posters have. I was NOT calling you a weird lady, I was stating that to a 6-year-old boy you are some weird lady who is taking his daddy. You and the father were not together long enough for that child to feel any connection to you prior to the marriage, and you have shown nothing but hatred and jealousy toward the child on your weekly posts here. I would (and this is just a guess) imagine you're not all that bonding and loving with the child, so yes...he's not going to think well of you. And I still stand by my belief that a 6-year-old saying I got a slushie and you didn't isn't spiteful or in any way a malacious act. It's a 6-year-old being a 6-year-old.
I agree with anon
Just gradually let the friendship drop. When she wants to see you, tell her you're not available. If she calls to cry on your shoulder, listen for a couple of minutes and then tell her you need to get off the phone. She isn't going to change, so you have to.
BTW, someone below mentioned a friend using the fact that she is bipolar to excuse this kind of behavior. I am bipolar, and while there may be some things I don't handle as well as I would like, I have a steady job, I have been married to the same man for many years, I have a son in college, and my bills are always paid on time. But then, I always take my meds. I may not like the side effects, but I want as "normal" a life as I can have.
Anon - please get help today -
I really don't want to be an alarmist, however, we all read the news and every day there's a report of wife who disappears (or is killed by her husband.) If (and this is a big IF) he is getting worse and IF you feel threatened by his behavior - get help! Look in the white pages for social services and find a woman's help group. Only you can tell if he's getting angry and if you're frightened. If I were frightened in any way by my husband or his behavior I'd be out of there! We cannot give you any other advice than to seek advice in your community before it's too late. Again, to reiterate and make my point, it really sounds like he's into porn. There's many types of porn from the mild Playboy type to the really ugly violent porn! I hear that it becomes addicting to some people and, if that is the case here, I would seek help immediately!
So, Anon, be your own Best Friend...
and do what you know you need to do. We've all given you good advice here. There is free legal aid and counseling available all over the country, big towns and small. Act in your own best interests. Pretend that your best friend is being abused in this manner and look up the info for "her". For some reason you are reticent to do this. Are you afraid you cannot make it on your own? Are you afraid that he'll come after you? Do you think that the marriage can be saved? Do what Ann Landers always says "think about whether your life would be better or worse without him in it". If you think that it would be better without him in it then you need to make a decision to get the help you need. Don't tell him what you're thinking about doing. Don't let him find out you're making copies of necessary paperwork. This is about YOU and YOUR needs (necessities really). BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! (Sorry about yelling - just trying to get through to you!)
Do you have kids anon?
I agree spanking should be kept to a minimum, but sometimes with younger kids it is necessary imo. When my oldest was 3 or 4 I had my cart full of groceries and my hands full and told him to stay right by my side and hold onto the cart when we cross the parking lot. He ran right out into traffic! I spanked him right there in the parking lot because I wanted him to remember to NEVER do that again. I also talked with him about once we were in the car, but some situations call for spanking imo.
Some parents never spank their kids, and good for them, but if a parent wants to smack a kid on the butt sometimes that is their business. I don't like spanking too much though because it does send a message of violence and fear, but sometimes fear is the only thing that gets through their thick skulls! I think you should give a warning first normally and not hit out of your own need to vent, but to get a message across to the child. Plus, some kids are such spoiled brats that their parents should spank. Overindulgence is also a form of abuse and will only harm the child in the longrun. So I do have mixed feelings on it, but I don't think it's fair to say that parents should never spank their kids.
reply to Anon sm
I can see where you are coming from but there is a simple answer - change the channel. There is plenty out there for everyone. I get sick of the ugliness myself but it pays the bills for the stations and it amuses small minds. You have to have a bigger set of values and flip the channel, change the station, put on some nice music, read something positive, take a walk, etc. There is an old song with the lyrics, "You gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't mess with Mister In-between." It's all out there, you don't have to pay attention to it or you will be just like "them."
I agree with anon
He seems to just be content and getting too comfy, maybe mix it up a bit. Make sure you have eye contact with him when you are speaking to him. My hubby's personality is also kind of bully-ish and tends to come across that way, especially when he is grumpy after working all day, just like I am. I tend to take care of the house, 4 kids, the animals, etc. and work full time, so I am grumpy as well. I make sure that we get a hug in and an "I love you" daily and that seems to help. The more I have taken to doing this, the more relaxed things are in the house. Try to get an hour alone every week for just the two of you. My hubby and I make sure we get 15 minutes to talk about our day every day. Try not to take offense of what he is doing, just try something different. It sounds like your in a rut.
I did it - anon from yesterday (sm)
It's all reported and official. Now I don't feel so alone. I don't want to get into a big discussion on here in case he is checking to see if I posted anything...but it's all documented by the right people and they have my back. Starting my kids in counselling there as well. I feel my backbone growing back :-) If you have replies please reply to the orginal post below...don't want it to be right up top again, just in case. Thanks for all the words of wisdom and encouragement yesterday.
i care anon,
and i am sure many others do to, but don't know how to help. i never read your previous post below until now. difficult times cause us to grow personally and adds to our character. nothing was ever gained (or made easier) by giving up. you have to hang in there. i really don't have much to offer either, except to suggest that you go the emergency room for treatment. Worry about the cost later. there are so many sources of help available, social services, etc, pantries, shelters, help phone lines. Your true source of help is God above. Learn about him, pray, devote your life to him. call a minister. I would suggest to speak to someone at the church of Christ; ask for spiritual counseling. There are many who would love the opportunity to help. i wish you the best.
I care too, anon!
Please contact me by e-mail if you just need someone to talk to....or someone to listen to you. My heart goes out to you. We are all very concerned about you and care very much, but the anonymity of this board is frustrating. We can't reach out and hug you like we would like to! Please know that we do still care and think about you often!
Thank you for responding, sm and anon...
I didn't know about not having to pay those fees. This time I really did some homework as far as the dealer's list price versus MRSP, etc. The confidence thing needs work, though. My last 3 cars lasted 10 years, so I don't get a lot of practice with this.
Anon poster, do you have any idea...
HOW HILARIOUS THAT WAS?! Oh my god! That post is truly a hidden jewel and I hope others read it!
I'd prefer to stay mainly anon except to say
I recently relocated to Texas (I have a few co-workers/friends that visit these boards and I really don't want them to know about my daughter's situation, it's rather embarassing to me).
I'm very angered with the school system. Not just this situation but also the special ed stuff going on with my son. The district my kids are in seems too busy to really want to deal with the parent. That's why I know if I marched down there tomorrow about my daughter's punishment, I'd get nowhere but have a headache. It's just not worth it to me right now, as I'm so very busy and with the holidays, it all stinks, ya know.
Thanks for listening.
Hey anon - I posted above but will just say a line here
Not calling Animal Control because they really are not cruel to their dog. Actually I think the dog should say and Animal Control should take them away. HA HA. Dogs not tied up and every once in awhile (every other day) it gets loose and they go running down the road yelling after it. Why they even have a dog I don't understand. Anyway...they are not cruel to it, they feed it, pay attention to it and it goes in their house at night to sleep. They are just fools that don't have any consideration for their neighbors and giving their neigbors some peace and quiet, but thanks for your post. Bout a year ago at a different location we had to call animal control. Neighbors at another place took off for 2 weeks and left their dog alone. We had to have PD come to see if something didn't happen to them inside the house. Come to find out those flaming imbilci!es went on a vacation and didn't make any arrangements for their dog. They had a freind look in but the friend showed up twice in two weeks. We offered them free pet sitting if they were planning to go away again.
Anon said 'stupider' is NOT EVEN a word.
IT IS A WORD, BOTH can be used!
Can't you even read, go back and read her post!
Well, I am European and I use British English, where English originated.
There are a lot of people who say that American English is not even English!
Glad to burst your bubble!
You are the stupidest!
True Anon, but Christ is being removed out of everything and that isn't right either.
t
Calling AA will do you no good. You need to call Al-Anon.
nm
Attention: Anon....website for stepmoms
Anon,
I read your post about your stepson. I just wanted to let you know that I belong to a wonderful website that allows stepmoms to talk about their issues, give advice, share positives thoughts, vent, etc. I have learned a lot from the wonderful ladies on there. Here is the website if your are interested.
www.stepsforstepmothers.com
thank you, anon. And this, Philly, is why your posts are inappropriate.
nm
Nobody loves you when you're down - anon from a few days ago (sm)
So after telling my story and getting some really nice encouragement from some people and getting bashed by others, and having friends and church leaders encourage me to report all that was going on in my home, I have the sinking feeling that once I did what I was told to do it was like, "good luck with that." I can't get any guarantees or promises from anyone I have talked to yet. I am worse off than I was before and scared to death.
To anon..She was trying to explain to the rest of us in simple terms...sm
how mares foal, bkz most of us don't have the opportunity to see that. You don't even know how many horses and other animals Hayseed has and cares for every day!
I suggest you apologize immediately.  Cat
Are you the Anon who was worried abt possibly violence or hubby taking your kids? m
Best of luck to you for taking the steps to change your life. I wish you well.
It means...
I don't care for organized religion. I believe there are some truths in most religions - the Golden Rule, live a life of moderation, try to make the world a better place. I believe there are spiritual aspects to our existence, that we are not just bones and skin and blood, we are something more. As to exactly what that "more" consists of - I read, I study, I learn, I experience....maybe one day I'll figure it out. Or maybe not.
Don't know if this answers your question, but it's the best I can do.
perhaps? That means maybe...
.
So that means don't put his name in
the hat for gift exchange or expect him to help decorate or attend a party. I think the amount the company spends per employee on any parties (if they are the ones paying) could simply be given to him as a check. Other employees could be told they have this option also. Maybe there is somebody else who thinks it's a lot of nonsense but just kept their mouth shut, but now they have the option of getting a check.
That's what I'd do if I were the OM or giving ideas to the OM. I'd still decorate if the majority want to, but avoid using real greenery for a completely different reason - a lot of people are now extremely allergic to Christmas trees or boughs that have been treated with some chemical to extend their life.
what it means
When he calls you that name, it means he has contempt for you. When he projects everything to be your fault, he also holds you in contempt. This is verbal and emotional abuse. As far as punching the wall, the wall is the stand in for what he would like to do to you and he may eventually punch you. Take it from me, who was called every dirty name ever invented by my spouse and whose doors and walls had holes and dents.
I would put your well-being and that of your child first and seek therapy. It would be great if he went, but he sees you as the problem, and he may refuse to go. You can't fix him. He needs to fix himself.
As much as you may not want to hear this, leaving him may be the best thing for your own sanity and self-preservation and also so your child doesn't have to grow up in that environment.
If you can't afford therapy, there may be a battered woman's group in your area that can give you information and advice. I utilized my local group and found it very helpful.
The only regret that I have about my marriage is that I stayed in it far too long.
means.
x
I think she means
that with unstable dry sand, or even with sand of a wetter consistency, if a hole is too deep (over a child's head)it is possible for them to be in the hole and the sides collapse in on top of them. Just inform your kids that they cannot dig over a foot or so deep; make whatever limit you feel safe with. There's nothing to fear if they keep it shallow.
This happened to a man I knew years ago with dirt, not sand, but I agree it would be possible in sand and probably easier done. He was working in a ditch deeper than he was tall, and when it collapsed on top of him, it killed him. I do believe that is what 'SM' is warning against.
And that means?
Marriage is mostly a gamble. Some turn out alright, some don’t. I think it has nothing to do with the fact of the friend spilling her soul to a daughter.
thank you so much that means a lot to me
i'm in tears. I'm so glad you are happy.
No, I would not go. If that means he goes and you spend TG by yourself so be it.
After enduring 13 years of the "in-laws" I gave my husband an ultimatum - either them or me and I meant it. I was not putting up with them anymore. Fortunately, he chose me and his kids, and our lives have been so peaceful for the past 6 years without them in it! I just severed the ties.
Good luck with your situation. I really feel for you.
My mom always says "stay away from those who disrupt your inner peace." I listened to her advice.
I could be wrong but I think the OP means....sm
I read the OP's post as meaning if HEAVEN FORBID something happened either to their relationship (breaking up for example) or to her DH (heaven forbid but we don't know around the corner, eh?) - that she perhaps might want more children (with a 2nd husband is how I read this). I don't read it as selfish - I read it as WHAT IF HE DIES.......and she chooses to get remarried or WHAT IF THEY DIVORCE and she chooses to get remarried.
So, yeah, to the OP - the post made some *sense* to me as you were hoping it made to most of us. Best luck! 
I don't think he is spoiled by any means..sm
he just likes natural food. There is nothing wrong with that. If it was my kitty though, and this is not meant to be judgemental so please don't take it that way, I would probably delay the vacation until the kitty was a little older. But that's just me.
The word means to
water something down, not meaning neuter. IF you have a concetrated solution, you can put water in and that would so call neutralize it. Two completely different words.
I think a *record* means NOTHING if you have to - sm
CHEAT (i.e., steroids) in order to achieve it. He's still so OBVIOUSLY all 'roided up.... puffy face, oversized neck, etc. Heck, if I shot all that junk into my body, I could probably hit just as many homers out of the park, and I don't even play baseball!
I'm just SO thankful they didn't interrupt *Big Brother* to bring us the *news*.
yes, it means something to the Jewis and to
A little cultural education about others goes a long, long way!! You might want to check into it......
It means, that back then you were in the sm
midst of full living and happiness with important people in your life. To pay attention to now because now is here and you should be creating happiness at this moment so when you look back you can say, ahhh, that was all good. You deserve to be happy. So if your not, find a way. If you are, be aware of it and count your blessings!
I think it means sharp tap.
Kind of like a teacher might do on her desk to get the class' attention.
I think it means you are still willing to learn (sm)
Something I have noticed about being "defined" is that sometimes it gets in the way of learning something new or even correcting old cherished ideas that are really wrong.
I have come to have definite and convictions about things, but it took time and something I still do is draw contrasts with other ideas to see if I still am comfortable thinking the way I do. Some things I have become more sure of, some refined and others discarded.
If I was going to give advice, I would say to keep asking questions about things and when you get answers, analyze whether they really make sense. It sounds like that is already what you do. As you go, you will become more sure about some things you believe now and other things are yet to be discovered.
One more thing I would advise: Keep an open mind and don't discount anyone as possibly having the information you need to find what is right and true.
No, it means you had sex on the same night, 13
x
Thank you for caring. It means a lot.
ss
I think OP means she would use the terms
mentally handicapped or mentally challenged. At least those are the terms I usually hear now-a-days. Good luck to you and your family.
We always have it the night of. Which means
if they set the date for that weekend, it will "interfere" with the rehearsal, dinner, etc.
Let him join 4H by all means
My neice has participated in 4H going on her 5th year since she was 8. jShes' now 12 and she shows her horse, plus she does enters cooking projects, art, scrapbooking, and crafts. There are so many different interests and programs for any kid. Besides horses, there are rabbits and guinea pigs, plus all the assorted farm animals. There's archery and competetive shooting. Public speaking, woodworking, art projects, cooking, sewing, dog training, just about anything you can think of. Your son doesn't not have to have a horse to participate. Join a club that has a horse group. A lot of times the leaders have horses they'll loan a kid for the year or know someone who will. Don't let that stop you. If you're in a position to do it, you can lease a horse. That's what we did at first, we leased her horse for 6 months and then ended up buying him. 4H helps keep them out of trouble. Teaches them responsibility and gives them self-esteem. It's a family organization, so you and your husband can partiicipate if you like, they're always looking for adult volunteers. Check with the county extension office where you live or in another county, if you like. You should be able to find info online. There's no residency requirement. Tell them what you're looking for and they'll try to find a club that's a good fit for your son.
Your dad having a girlfriend means nothing really
Your dad is in love with your mom. I don't know who initiated the divorce, but it seems very obvious your dad is still in love with your mom. Having a girlfriend is just to keep him from feeling so alone, but she obviously doesn't fill that void he has, which is his family and wanting that life he had. YOU are his family, you and your mom were the life he had; divorce doesn't make those feelings go away. I'm sure he does come by to see what your mom is doing or if she is at home but no doubt he just misses that closeness with you as well.
He wants to still know he has a family..... his girlfriend certainly isn't filling that void.
By all means, keep the vet appointment sm
just to make sure of what's going on. She could have just about anything, from arthritis, tendinitis, Lyme, or even a blood clot. I'm glad the med is helping her. Is it Rimadyl? I would avoid using aspirin until you hear from the vet.
this usually means some atypical cells
were seen - usually nothing diagnostic - sometimes something treatable (in which case I would think they would give you a script) like yeast. They are not worried, just want to make sure that it is okay in 6 months or if it isn't then it may be something diagnostic. It happened to me once - think it may also have been after relatively recent birth. Shakes you up but it is probably okay.
at their age, they know what "at work" means, and-
nm
I don't either. If she loves your brother, that means she SM
should love you too, or, at the very least, respect the love you have for one other. She doesn't seem very loving.
My stepdaughter just got booted out of house by my stepson DH bought for the two of them by his new girlfriend. Doesn't exactly sound like love.
If you love man, you must love family or at least try to get along.
Sorry you had a bad time. Again, I don't understand this behavior. Life is easier when all get along and life is too darn short.
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